You asked if DBing has ever worked for anyone. I can relate to that question. Back when I first posted (around 1999) I asked the very same question and I received a response from Michele herself. Her response was "...Not everyone rides off into the sunset," but many do.... or something similar to that. I remember that response to this very day. It let me know that, although there is no guaruntee, there is a good chance if you allow for it. After that I read here like crazy. I read books (I think I purchased around 10-15). My wife was awalk-away. from my point of view (and every one elses) we were perfect. It hit me like a bomb. After 2-3 monthes she moved out to her own place. We were then seperated for about 11 monthes. It ended up that she had an affair with her supervisor.
With that said, I still hoped & DB'd like crazy. I realized I had to do it for me. In the end, no matter the outcome, I would know I left no stone unturned.

I must say I was about to give up towards the end for real (and many small moments in between). I read somewhere that you will know when you are ready. For me, I decided that if she renewed the lease to the place she was renting, I had waited long enough. I then wrote her a letter letting her know that I would not wait forever. (I posted the letter on this site under my name - you can do a search) I never got to deliver that letter because the next day she stopped in and told me that she wanted to schedule a time to go to Retrouville. It was still a long road from there but things slooowly kept getting better.

We then had 2 kids. We now have 3 and there is talk of another someday. We are now building a new house which started construction this year and we should be able to move in by mid-May.

My wife looks back and regretts what we went through. However, the one thing that she says made the biggest difference is the changes that she saw in me. You may not think she is watching, but she is. My goal became one of luring her back, not pulling her back. I did what I needed to do to make myself a man a woman would want to be proud of having for a husband. I had no idea if it would pay off or not. I continued to hope for the best, but prepared myself for whatever the outcome came to be. For right or for wrong, I guess I wanted her to look at me and realize I was a good man afterall, and wonder why she ever left me go. I guess it worked, in the end she decided that she didn't want to lose me after all.

I will say though, there was a 4 month period when I "Let go" and left her to her own. I left the door opened and kept warming the fire so to speak. I had to leave it up to her to come in from the cold. However, I kept making the fire look more and more inviting.

It's sort of like getting a wild animal trained to eat from your hand. It takes patience, patience, patience, and the food sent to lure them closer each time. If you try to approach the animal to MAKE it eat, it will run away from you and it will be more cautious of you in future attempts. If you keep repeating what made the animal run away, it will eventually give up and walk away for good, realizing that you keep repeating what it doesn't care for. You need to built the trust, figure out what works, what doesn't and keep trying till you are satisfied that you've done all you can.

I must say that we are very happy together once again going on 4 yrs now. We celebrated our 10 yr wedding anniversary back in August. The things that I found that worked, I strive to continue to do. When she left, I had no idea she was so angry & depressed. I was as happy as could be. We were at 2 totally ends of the spectrum. I now LISTEN and respond better, I think we both do. Each year it keeps getting better. I will say that for about the 1st year after we got together I thought about everything at least once every day. I now hardly think of it unless something reminds me.

I wish you the best and if things work out, the hard work will all be worth it. I became the success story that I had hoped for. It can happen, but you must work and work hard and give it the chance and beleive. No gold, silver or bronze medalist never got there because they didn't believe and strive. However, there are still those that did beleive, but still never got a medal. I still doubt that they regret not trying, for if they didn't, there existed not even the remotest chance of success. So if you want to acheive, you need to get a game plan and take baby-steps. One of the simplist goals I set was to simlpy make my bed every day. Sounds kind of goofy, but there were days when even that seemed to be a challange. It was a simple thing but it was a start. Something amazing happens when you do that. I began to MAKE myself make the bed whether I felt like it or not. That then lead to other things which caused me to progress from there.

I wish you luck. If you want to read my posts do a search for "Nathan" and select all because they are back in 1999-2001. I also read a lot of David's posts. His posts are very uplifting and inspiring. He was always about 4 monthes ahead of me in my journey. Also remember that Honey attracts bees quicker than vinegar!

Good luck!


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