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#79163 02/14/01 01:41 AM
Joined: Jan 1999
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Michele Offline OP
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From Jilly- good news
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Hello friends-
I was not a frequent poster here but I sure looked at many of the postings daily. I followed many of your stories for encouragment and advice. My WAH left 4/00.
I found the book and this website around 9/00

Up until 2 weeks ago- our marriage was over.
At Christmas I looked back over the course of our separation and realized that even with all my DBing and many prayers- we were farther apart than ever.
We were in negotitations over support and visitation. We each had lawyers- tho finances had delayed the actual filing.

After Christmas I did go to an extreme measure to uncover his affair-which he had denied all along. But at that point I needed to confront him and not go away quietly. H wanted an amicable divorce.

Well within a month and over the course of 2 days-I watched and listened as he came out of the tunnel. IT WAS AMAZING. Days earlier he was still blaming and talking the same hostile and disrespectful way. No indication of any baby steps in there-except
very tiny scattered ones throughout the 9 month separation.
He went from apologetic for the whole situation to confusion to inability to commit to being a husband over the course of 3 conversations in one day. I recognized at once there was a big chance that he could turn the corner. But I was so afraid I would blow it. He took the kids overnite. I went out with friends for the evening. At the last minute he suggested I stop by with my friends for a drink on the way home. I said I would call but I wasnt sure what our plans were and I wasnt driving.
I didnt call-we were out too late but I called him back the next AM after returning home to find 5 messages from him.
He wanted to talk after dropping off the kids.

Long story short- we had a 5 hour conversation-complete with repentence,remorse,desire to change,hoping for another chance....in short I had my husband back. He had become someone I didnt recognize or know at all. Classic MLC.
What was so shocking was how rapidly this all occured.
That is why I am posting. To offer encouragement in your low points. I had many of those and I almost stopped even coming to this BB. I had detached and was facing reality.
Besides uncovering the ow- For my situation-I think the biggest influence in LRT was demonstrating I had truly moved on and was having fun. He would say things to provoke me to see if he could get me to cry. The 'as if' me didnt take the bait. On New Years Eve- when he dropped off the kids-he knew I had last minute plans and gotten a sitter..BUT..I was all dressed up in a ball
gown and had spent the day primping...waiting for that moment when he brought them in. He told me later he was so jealous even tho he was going out with ow that night. He didnt show much interest at the time- only disdain that the kids were home with a sitter. But I recognized that was a good sign and there remained a flicker of hope. I had no idea that the wall would come down so fast and hard. We are on the right track-with a good therapist and we are signing up for Retrouvaille in March. H is willing to do anything. We have had some missteps in these 2 weeks but are committed to getting it right..We both want to pinch ourselves to make sure its not a dream. Me-because 'he was not in love with me' and H because 'he couldnt imagine wanting me as a romantic partner again'
SO-DONT GIVE UP!!!!!Things are not always as they appear. Thank you all for your stories and sharing your lives. It was a means of helping me and I may not have seen this happen. Jilly



The Divorce Buster
#79164 03/25/01 11:45 PM
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Michele Offline OP
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#79165 11/12/04 06:40 PM
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