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#561914 11/17/05 12:55 PM
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Quote:

Hi LL,
I have been following along and will have some questions about what I see as certain opportunities to do something different. But I wanted to comment on Walkingback's post and your reply.
Quote:

I do appreciate the attempt at looking through h's eyes at the sit but it's far from reality...



Hmmm, I see you've got the market covered on what H. is thinking and doing? ? ? ?

I never said such a thing...I don't believe anywhere in my reply I stated what he was THINKING...I simply stated his ACTIONS.

Walkingback's version, is of course fiction, it's just another possible viewpoint, as she doesn't really know H. nor has talked to him.

Nor as is apparent from her version has she read or payed attention to much of what I say here.

However, even though you DO know your H., I'll remind you that NO ONE can read anyone else's mind. And though you probably have a good handle on what H. could be thinking, I am somewhat shocked at how quickly the Frustration/Defensive reaction comes out in your response. Can you entertain any other interpretation to H.'s thoughts & behaviors than disinterest, lazy or self-absorbed? Do you hold any good thoughts about H.?

For a long long time pre knowledge of A and seperation I viewed h as a hard worker who was providing for our family...I could often be heard defending him when his own family would make statements to me like "I couldn't live like this, you guys don't do anything together" by saying "well h works hard so we can have what we have to share with you (they used to show up alot during the summer for cookouts weekly emptyhanded back then)" I don't claim to know H or what H is thinking that's part of my frustration. I don't mind the idea of looking at things from a different perspective but when they are completely out of the park and presented in a manner that makes me the bad guy I'm left with no choice but to defend myself.

LL, if you have already decided what H. thinks and what his intentions are and what his choices are, then I'm sure you'll find what you are looking for.

I don't claim to know what h thinks or what his inentions or choices are...I simply go with the flow. I'd like to know what h is thinking but all he has to offer is "that's just the way I am"

What room is there in your mind to search for something to help turnaround this situation?

I'll admit I'm at my wits end here and have little desire to make another attempt...I'd rather it come from him. I've been trying here and there...the past two fridays I've asked him to rent us a video to watch after the kids are in bed...though he says they look good he falls asleep within the first 5 min.

Throughout your last post you confidently determine H's thoughts, motives and 'wrong' choices or behaviors.

No I certainly DO NOT. I simply explain why what walkingback implies are H's thoughts don't make sense and give examples of his actions..I don't anywhere imply what h is thinking.

It seems as if you have a prescribed set of things that should happen when H. comes home - and when he doesn't do these things, you give up. Giving up quickly helps you avoid your fear of rejection.

If I gave up quicly I'd have been gone already.

I'm curious - did you ask H. to sit down and join the family at the table? Or did you just assume he didn't want to because he hadn't?

I didn't assume anything...he didn't sit with us means he didn't sit with us nothing more...the invitation was there to sit with us he looked at me and said "I'm going to get cleaned up and then I'll eat"

Didn't he tell you that he would be home earlier that day - couldn't you have held dinner for a 1/2 hour?

The kids are hungry at 5 waiting for dinner

I know you said this is a NEW phenomenon, but aren't you virtually ignoring the NEW arrival time by respsonding in exactly the same old way? What incentive is there for H. to come home earlier when he gets no appreciation for coming home earlier, or feeling welcomed when he does get home?

it's all I can do to get the kids to finish their dinner and not run to the door to greet h. I wait my turn to greet h when we've all greeted him at once he seems overwhelmed.


Quote:

I got over giving hints a long time ago..I've told h directly I'd like him to set some time asside for us to connect (even suggested one night a week for a date night..don't even have to leave the house...) that I'd like for him to actually kiss me during our infrequent sexual encounters (even placed some listerine strips in his nightstand) oh and to have them be less infrequent.




At first I thought that maybe we should put "asking directly for what I want" in the "NOT working category". But there is still some doubt in my mind as to HOW you communicate directly what it is you want . . . Perhaps your straight shootin' requests come out as complaints, or criticisms? I really don't know, which is why I ask you to post the actual conversations you have - what you said, what he said, etc. It's the only way to attempt breaking down where things might be going awry.

When there's a conversation between us that's more than one phrase each and isn't about what are you doing today I'll let you know.

Quote:

WB: I don’t think she wants to be near me.

LL: how could he get that message from me when I've asked him to make time for us?





There are MANY ways he could get that message from you, LL. What do you do or say when he gets home? Do you welcome him home, give him a kiss, tell him you're glad he's home in time for dinner? Do you keep to your attention on what you & the kids were doing? Do you ask him about his day? Does your body language & facial expressions reflect your firm belief that you already know everything he's thinking and what he's going to do?

depends very much on the day and how we are getting along or whether or not I've got the stomach to attempt play the act as if game or not.

LL, I'm not there - I can't see what's going on, but I do sense from your posts that you are so convinced that what you think about H. is true - that he chooses this rather mundane and affection-starved existence. If this belief is so deeply held, then there is no room for change - your mind is set on proving what you believe.

Thing is I don't believe it at all...but h seems to...when I ask about it he replies "that's just the way I am" and he's been that way for so long that I almost do believe him.

Walkingback's post is just a way of allowing your mind to consider a different POV. It's accuracy isn't so important, as it's ability to remind you that you CANNOT read someone's mind.

as I said, I've tried to see things from h's point of view...it no longer helps

Quote:

WB: thinking maybe she’ll come in and we can talk and have a cuddle – but no – she’s in the basement for the rest of the night watching CSI or some other thing.

I said good night didn't I? he could have asked me to come in and I would have...if he's in bed he's going to sleep..I've fallen for the "well maybe he'll want to talk or cuddle" trap before it doesn't get me anywhere so I occupy myself until I'm tired enough to fall asleep without feeling rejected by him next to me.



C'mon LL - "I said good night, didn't I?" You're here because you said you'd like to turn things around - is this all the effort you're willing to put into this? You seem so angry at H. - seemingly so unwilling to really try something different. Oh, I know you're going to tell me that you HAVE tried - and I know you've done plenty. But to say that you said good night and that's supposed to magically give him an opening to say "aw, come here LL, let's cuddle" is just crock! IMHO, you're going to have lay down your anger & resentment for a little while in search of ways to put in a decent effort here....

I didn't have to say goodnight I could have just walked by as he does to me...it's not a grand gesture it's a baby step. What would you have me do? go in there and start talking to him? or worse yet not talk to him but lay there not tired (after all it was only 8pm) getting frustrated at him for hoggin up the bed.

I've got get ready for work, so I'll have to come around later. But I want to say that I was surprised to hear that he calls during the day to say hi and check in with you. I didn't get that from your earlier, less descriptive posts.

Because it's also a new phenominon...for the past 9 months or so he wasn't calling during the day was only calling @ 6:30pm when on his way home.

In my mind, there ARE opportunities to respond differently during those calls, and when he gets home. That is, IF you are willing to let go of your deeply held beliefs of what H. is thinking & his intentions.

You must realize that I'm screwed either way I look at it...
I can accept h for who he is or what he presents...the hard worker who's happy to come home and have a meal cooked for him a nice couch and tv to sit on, kids to say goodnight to and a wife who cares for the home...the "that's just the way I am guy" well that leaves me empty.

OR

this isn't just the way h is and he's been lying to me for the past 15 years and actually is a person full of life and has the ability to have an intimate affectionate relationship but has hidden it from me for all this time.

That'd be great but how frustrating would that be and also how scary...to have it come to this (me shutting down and feeling like giving up) before he wakes up?

LL


I'll be back,
-H2H



#561915 11/17/05 05:56 PM
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Hi, LL.
I haven't posted much in ages, but occasionally I take a few moments and look around through some threads. I happened upon yours in another forum, and I was struck by your comment that you are mainly spending your time in the infidelity forum, "getting beat up." (forgive me if I got that wrong, but that was the main idea anyway).

So, I hopped over here, curious as to why anyone would be beating you up. I hope now, that you were just kidding. I hope that you do not feel beaten up at all. You may not realize it, but H2H is giving you a great gift here. She is not coddling you- she is prodding you along and calling you out on things.

To some that may seem harsh. Heck, I got accused of being too harsh all of the time in my postings! But, I wanted to take a moment to tell you this:

The posts that irritate you the most, or make you angry are usually the ones that you really need to read and read again. The ones that strike a nerve are often the most helpful- IF you are ready to move outside of your comfort zone and really listen to another point of view.

I know that there is lots of advice to be had here- some good, some bad. I do think, though, that people have the best of intentions. No one comes here to be cruel or to hurt anyone (I hope not, anyway!)

So, I hope you really don't feel beat up, and I hope that you and H2H continue this dialogue. I really think that it will open your eyes to something new. Others may not always have it exactly right- but with their great ideas added on to your own--well, you just might come up with the recipe for success.

If you find yourself with anger towards a post, really examine this reaction. I had to do that a lot in my posting days, and usually I came to see that I was too rigid in my thinking and I needed to explore other possibilities.

Best of luck to you, LL. You seem so sad, and I hope for better days ahead for you. As we all know (sigh), only WE can make that happen.

#561916 11/17/05 07:08 PM
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Thanks PamelaC - you did capture my intentions perfectly. For the record, LL, I AM on your side and I think I do understand just how frustrated you are. But if I sit on the curb w/ you in a pity party, it won't help the situation a lick. So I'll stick around some more in hopes that we can see something together.
Quote:

I don't mind the idea of looking at things from a different perspective but when they are completely out of the park and presented in a manner that makes me the bad guy I'm left with no choice but to defend myself.



LL, here's what I see. You took Walkingback's post and made it all about YOU - you took it personally, reading in it that you were being made out to be the bad guy. But step back a second . . . that post was ABOUT HIM, not you. It was about opening up to the possibility of what could be running through HIS mind. I'm pretty sure it was not meant to paint you as the bad guy. We really are on your side, LL - and yes, I'll call you out when I think you're out of line, but I can tell you that I am NOT judging you from a good or bad standpoint. I am interested in finding ways to help you change the dynamic in your M.

And I think PamelaC has a very excellent point for you. It is precisely the posts that you feel zinged by that you need to step back, take a breath, and re-read.
Quote:

I'll admit I'm at my wits end here and have little desire to make another attempt...I'd rather it come from him. I've been trying here and there



I know you're tired, LL - I often feel the same way in my own sitch. And I do understand the statement "I'd rather it come from him" but it's not likely to happen and you KNOW that. So the "trying here and there" is just NOT going to cut it. It's like pulling out a bandaid when the patient needs a tourniquet. Not terribly helpful...
Quote:

If I gave up quickly I'd have been gone already.



I was talking about giving up quickly in the moment. H. doesn't sit down, you don't do anything differently. H. changes his habits by calling you & coming home earlier, you don't change your habits. I know you are hanging in there, that you're back here on the boards. What I see is that if H. doesn't step up to the plate, which at this point I'm not sure he will (first), then you just let it be. To me this is about fear of rejection - it's easier to say "he'll never change" than to risk trying & trying and not sure you'll get results. And hey, I'm not blaming you here - I'm just saying you've got a choice to make and love your choice. Either you commit to "what IS" and decide you're going to try to find some new ways to move this lackluster situation around. Or you don't - you get to hold on to the "I'd rather he do something about it" line. It's up to you, LL. I've got no stake in it.
Quote:

The kids are hungry at 5 waiting for dinner. It's all I can do to get the kids to finish their dinner and not run to the door to greet h. I wait my turn to greet h when we've all greeted him at once he seems overwhelmed.



I don't have kids, LL. But I still don't buy it . . . I have been around plenty of families and there are things you can do to CHANGE the usual response to something different. Off the top of my head: feed the kids a small snack at 4pm; feed the kids and WAIT to have your dinner w/ H.(Letting him know as he comes in that YOU waited for him); change their lunch hour so dinner can be at 5:30pm. etc. Yes, I know it's a "new" behavior for H. - but girl, we have to seize opportunities as they come, not when we feel like it, when we're good & ready or when we're sure this pattern of behavior is gonna stay.
Quote:

I didn't have to say goodnight I could have just walked by as he does to me...it's not a grand gesture it's a baby step. What would you have me do? go in there and start talking to him? or worse yet not talk to him but lay there not tired (after all it was only 8pm) getting frustrated at him for hoggin up the bed.



No, you didn't have to say goodnight - but what good would that solution be? Why not decide what YOUR values are and live up to them? If you're like me, I have to say hello, goodbye, goodnight, etc. I find it very rude not too, even if I am feeling angry. So, whether or not the other person responds, I can at the very least feel good about living in accordance to MY values.

Can you tell me what would be so terrible about going in there and talking to him? If he's tired (which you say he's ALWAYS tired), is it too much effort to poke your head in, or sit on the bed and say SOMETHING . . . How about "I'm glad you've been able to make it home earlier this week. I like it." Or "You seem tired, are you okay? I'd like to tell you about the C. session, but if right now is not good, how about tomorrow?" Yes, LL, I DO expect you do go in there and DO something different. And I don't mean go in there w/ a bad attitude, but to go in with the hopes that one or two phrases can convey to H. that you are happy to see him (even if he's a tired slug...). Remember you were game to stick around and try . . . ?
Quote:

You must realize that I'm screwed either way I look at it...



No, LL, I don't. I think you're screwed either way because you CHOSE to be. Because you are so tired, frustrated, sad and angry that you prefer to hang on to being a victim. But who are you hurting with that? That's right, YOU. You hurt yourself every time you don't reach a little more for what you want and deserve. YOU don't live up to the marriage YOU want. You don't give because you don't receive. And in my humble opinion, it just doesn't work that way.

I go back to my thought that you could probably do some work on what YOU communicate both verbally and non-verbally. I keep saying this, but your anger & resentment comes through loud & clear through the screen. I'm pretty sure it's got to be showing at home too.

LL, no one here is making you out to the bad guy. But I'm also not going to join you in the "woe is me" chant either. You're smart, straight, funny and a wonderful mom - and probably a whole mess of things more that I don't yet know about you. Get up, LL - let go of the tired victim routine and let's keep working on capturing the interactions and looking for some new twist to try, OK?

Hugs,
-H2H

#561917 11/18/05 04:31 AM
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Hi LL,

I just found your thread.I'm sorry your still hurting.I hope I can help.

Remember I have five kids.So I understand the getting dinner on the table for hungry little ones.

My stbx was in the navy so I was always trying to juggle dinner time so that H could have dinner with us.How I handled that was I kept cut fruit and veggies in the fridge for when the kids were hungry.After all hungry whiney kids are just about the most annoying thing on earth.(said with love a affection towards my kids.)

It doesn't matter if they ate at the dinner table if they filled up on the fruit and veggies.After all they still were eating something good for them.

I usually had dinner on the table at about 7:00.After dinner we had quiet time for a while.Then baths and bed.When the kids got a bit older I had them take their baths before dinner.That way dinner was family time.And not a chore to be finished at the end of the day.If H was late for dinner I put it in the fridge.He would make a plate and go watch tv.I joined him.Sometimes he would tell me about his day.Sometimes he would just shovel the food in his mouth and go to sleep.

I dont know if this will help or not.But what have you got to lose.Sometimes a little change is good.If what your doing now isn't working then change it.

Honey I know this is hard.When you feel like you have given all you can and get nothing in return it can be so draining.

Take a step back.Reexamine what is working.See where you can apply what is working to what is not working.

I hope this helped.

Later Friend
Briget


The grass is always greener over the septic tank... Erma Bombeck Treat hate with Love... DR. Martin Luther King
#561918 11/18/05 01:58 PM
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Hey Pamela,

I was half kidding when I said I was being beaten up (be honest did that statement play a role in getting you to read and post on this thread or not?) I'll admit I do feel frustrated when I don't feel like I'm being heard or when it feels to me like h is being excused for his actions/inactions by pointing out where I could do things differently but I know it's all meant to be productive. I don't want coddlers I don't want people to just gang up on H with me (you may note that the last two posts to my thread in piecing had h as "the bad guy" and I didn't respond) I just want to feel that I'm understood.

LL

#561919 11/18/05 02:10 PM
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Hey H2H,

Quote:

Thanks PamelaC - you did capture my intentions perfectly. For the record, LL, I AM on your side and I think I do understand just how frustrated you are. But if I sit on the curb w/ you in a pity party, it won't help the situation a lick. So I'll stick around some more in hopes that we can see something together.





I don't think you're beating me up...I think your forcing me to do some thinking rather than helping me pile up the negatives.

Quote:

And I think PamelaC has a very excellent point for you. It is precisely the posts that you feel zinged by that you need to step back, take a breath, and re-read.





I know this all too well

Quote:

I know you're tired, LL - I often feel the same way in my own sitch. And I do understand the statement "I'd rather it come from him" but it's not likely to happen and you KNOW that. So the "trying here and there" is just NOT going to cut it. It's like pulling out a bandaid when the patient needs a tourniquet. Not terribly helpful...





No, not terribly helpful but what I mean is I feel like I'm always the one trying to keep or put the r together...after a while that gets tiring...it should be a two way street...take a friendship for example...if you are the one that calls and suggsets plans and s/he accepts occassionally but never calls you or makes suggestions how long are you going to keep calling?

Quote:

H. changes his habits by calling you & coming home earlier, you don't change your habits.




I know you don't want to hear it but in the past I did change my life for h..worked things around his schedule where did it get me? hungry waiting for him, grouchy kids, a grouchy h who snaps at them and then a grouchy me feeling like it would have been better not to plan around him...I can't always plan around h because there have been plenty of times when he's said he'll be home at x time and doesn't arive until an hour later. H hasn't really changed his behaviour either...this new schedule will only last a couple of months and then it'll be back to him not being home until 7 or 8pm. Changing my and the kids dinner time is not an option...we are hungry...I cook a meal and that's what we eat...If I have to wait for h to get home to eat then I'll snack and since I cooked the meal I'll eat that too...I'm already trying too lose weight and that wont help.

Quote:

No, you didn't have to say goodnight - but what good would that solution be? Why not decide what YOUR values are and live up to them? If you're like me, I have to say hello, goodbye, goodnight, etc. I find it very rude not too, even if I am feeling angry. So, whether or not the other person responds, I can at the very least feel good about living in accordance to MY values.




Yes I could have gone in and talked to him but the man was going to sleep...while a man is sleeping in his bed is not a good time to mention C or other touchy subjects...He knew I went to the C, he mentioned talking about it, He went to sleep.

Quote:

no one here is making you out to the bad guy. But I'm also not going to join you in the "woe is me" chant either. You're smart, straight, funny and a wonderful mom - and probably a whole mess of things more that I don't yet know about you. Get up, LL - let go of the tired victim routine and let's keep working on capturing the interactions and looking for some new twist to try, OK?




Thank You, and yes I'll keep looking.

LL

#561920 11/18/05 02:15 PM
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Thanks for the visit Bridget and the ideas...

the kids already snack on apples etc while I'm cooking dinner and are ready and waiting...DD goes to bed at 7 and son at 8 so there's not a whole lot of room for movement on dinner.

More importantly dinner time isn't something as important to h as it is to me...I grew up in a home where dinner was at 5pm everynight and we all sat as a family eating and talking...H didn't have that.

It's not about him getting home from work and us not having waited for him to eat with us...I used to cook a big breakfast on Sunday mornings...h would usually pass on it prefereing to do what he wanted to do and then eating after...or when he's home around lunch time I make lunch for everyone and he'll choose to eat somewhere else while the kids and I sit at the table together.

LL

#561921 11/18/05 02:35 PM
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OK so back to journaling for a week

Thursday

h had a crew working locally so didn't have to leave until a bit later and drove son to school.
h called shortly after dropping son off to tell me something funny about the drop off (I laughed about it with him)
DD had plans to make cookies with mil so I dropped her off there on the way noticed yet another vanity plate (last week I mentioned the over abundance of vanity plates to h) YODA so called h and said "vanity plates...now I'm behind YODA" h laughed and said I should find out how much they cost and get one for myself...I said "I have no idea what I would even get..I just think they're funny and wonder why people get what they do"
had a hair appointment (figured I'd take advantage of the free time)
mil wanted us to all go over for dinner so I called h to let him know he said OK.
picked up son from school and cut up some apples and dip to bring to mil's (as I said the kids get hungry) on the way back to mils found myself once again behind a vanity plated vehicle...called h to tell him this one but got no answer on any phone...a few min later he called back...had another convo about vanity plates he let me know when he'd be at mils and that was that
h held baby niece while eating so wasn't really doing much eating...I finnished and so took her so he could eat.
sat at the table with fil,sil's h and H while mil and sil chatted in other room and the kids watched tv. Once they all retired to the couches I did the dishes and packed up the kids...because we came in seperate vehicles h took son which left dd upset (she wanted to go with him) but he was already gone..I let her call his cell I then suggested that occassionally it would be nice to take her instead of son. H said sometimes he will.
On the way I call h and ask him if I can give him a hair cut...h said he was going to ask for one soon but maybe not tonight he's tired.
OK
DD and I get home but son and H aren't there yet though they left several mins before us. I call his cell and ask him if they got lost? no they just drove around the long way cause h likes that road better. OK see you in a bit and let him know the garage will be closed not because we don't like them but because dd doesn't want to get out of the car in the dark without it closed.
Bring DD in and let her know it's time for bed she of course isn't pleased wants more minutes or for daddy to come home...I let her know he's right down the street and will be home before we're done with teethbrushing etc. h and son arive I let son know it's time for him to go up too...begrudginly he comes up..they're finding their pjs etc son scuttles of to the bathroom which sets dd off cause she suddenly needs to go...I tell her to use my bathroom but she doesn't want to..prefers to sit on the floor and scream (I myself have to go to the bathroom but want to wait til they are tucken in so I don't get interupted) h comes up...I convince her to use my bathroom since daddy is there...of course she suddenly starts giggling and all is well...since h is upstairs now and I really have to go to the br I ask him to get them settled so I can go. I'm not even finnished going and he's calling me back out to them as he's on his way down the stairs.
So I go in and read them their stories..give them their kisses etc.
go down stairs to find h in the basement..I say "I thought you were tired and going to bed"
h: "I am, I just wanted to watch tv for a min and then I'm going up"
LL: "oh, OK"
I check my emails since I've been out all day stumble across a football quiz...since h is so into football I ask him some of the questions...
h: "I'm trying to watch this"
LL: "oh I'm sorry just wanted to see how fabulous we are"
we get them all right...
h goes up to bed
I watch tv for a bit and then go to bed myself.



#561922 11/19/05 04:37 PM
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Friday

h leaves late for work again due to a dentist appointment (apparently someones finally realized he grinds his teeth in his sleep..I've noted for some time now that he does it when he's awake...it's subtle but you can see his jaw move just enough...the new dentist was fitting him for a mouth gaurd)
I drove the kids to school and returned home to do some much needed scrubbing of the master bath shower
picked up dd from school returned home to have lunch with her and work on some more cleaning she helped me make some beds and clean up her toys etc.
h called (or I called him not sure) asked if I could take son to cub scouts tonight instead of him (so far it's been me each time)
two weeks ago on a fri night I asked him to rent me a movie and stay in the same room with me so I wouldn't be scared...they're week long rentals so I've managed to turn it into a weekly thing (well three weeks anyway) I let h know I didn't know what I wanted this time so for him to pick something that may keep him awake (the last two weeks he's fallen asleep within 5 min of starting the movie) doesn't need to be scary but I do like phsychological thrillers.
I let h know what was for dinner
Picked up son from school who was standing in the pick up line holding his spelling test in one had with a thumb up on the other (he got them all right) so it was off to the dollar store for a suction cup gun he wanted.
I called h while on the way there to let him know son passed!! even got the sentance right on the back too.
got home to make dinner while the kids played
h arived said hello and went to the basement
dinner was ready so I had the kids call him up (of course the argued over who was going to call him up)
we ate together
h retreated to the basement while the kids and I cleaned up but not before saying "that was excellent" and putting his plate in the sink.
I did the dishes and had son get his uniform on
h rented the recent Amytiville horror movie..it said on the box based on a true story so I looked on line and found an article about it (I never saw any of the others so didn't know the story...only knew "Get Out") read a bit of it and then showed it to h...who read it while we were gone
cubscout meeting was fun as usual...son earned his totem so can now start earning beads toward his patch! (we joined about a month in so have some catching up to do)
arived home to find h on his way down from putting dd to bed told me she wanted me so I went up to find her sitting in bed with the light on...gave her her kisses and returned to son who wanted a few more min. I gave him a 1/2 hr I went and took a shower then put son to bed.
joined h in the basement to watch the movie...
he actually stayed awake (may have had something to do with his reading about it generating an interest? who knows) the movie was not scary...h saw the original one way back when and said it was nothing like it..the other WAS scary.
H started to fall asleep but I wanted to watch a little more goofy tv to get the edge off (ok so it was a little scary) I asked him to stay with me...he fell asleep but when I was done (less than a 1/2 hr later) woke him up and we went up to bed together...
I was hoping for some interaction but h was already softly snoring when I got in bed.
I cuddled up against him and tried to accept that as enough. (it has been over two months now)

Saturday AM

h off to work
I wake with dd and son make some french toast and bacon then get dressed and head out to pick up the scouting for food bags that h and son dropped of the week before. 9 out of 19 houses had filled them and left them out for us...son was cute counting each house that left something and saying "guess they forgot" when there was nothing there.
brought the bags to the school and stayed for a bit helping them sort...someone actually donated a can of soup that expired in 1991...eeeew! I sorted a bag that had 8 soup cans expired in 2003...some bags were full of brand new stuff even still had the reciept.
returned home...cleanup the kitchen.
son went out to play dd played in the kitchen.
h called to let me know he was on his way to last appointment and would be home soon...he's got the bobcat (small tractor) home to do some work in the driveway (spreading two big piles of stone that were delivered for the extension to the drive he's making)
I asked if he'd want to eat lunch when he got home or should I feed the kids beforehand...he said to feed them because he'll just want to get to work when he gets home.
so I made lunch and called son in...
after lunch I cleaned up while son and dd found their coats and sneakers to go out and wait for daddy (they take turns riding on his lap in the bobcat)
h arives home...the kids are watching him in the bobcat...

LL

#561923 11/20/05 02:21 PM
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 6,447
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Posts: 6,447
rest of Saturday

I look over sons cubscout handbook to see how we can start earning beads.
I go out and let h know that if son helps him he'll earn a bead...also ask him if he has a map of our town (for another bead for son to earn)
dd comes in and out
son goes from helping dad to playing with neighbors and back again.
at one point son comes in a says he wants to go to x place for dinner but daddy doesn't want to...daddy wants to go to y.
I go out and ask h w'sup...suggest place z..h agrees to says he'll be in a little bit and we'll go.
neighbor girl comes to play with dd.
h arives in the house (son has been in a for a while waiting to go)
I'm still looking over cubscout book and show h how he jsut helped son earn a bead and some of the other things we need to to as a family for him to earn more.
h disapears.
about an hour later I find h in the bedroom...ask him if we're still going.
let neighbor know she's got to go home
pack the kids up and off we go.
h gets a little frustrated with kids at dinner but we all get over it.
get home and I take dd up for bath and bed time.
come downstairs to find son watching batman and h in basement half asleep (at this point it's 7:30)
I go up and watch the movie with son
h is sound asleep
at 9:30 Put son to sleep and go to sleep myself...

Sun am I'm accused of leaving h on the couch? since when am I his mommy?

So that's a week in my life...not terrible but where are the kisses, where's the time spent with h laughing, where's the if I may be so bold sex.

LL

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