Last year my husband shocked me by saying he was unhappy with our marriage. The truth is, I wasn't thrilled with it either, and I felt we had been growing apart for years. Neither one of us ever mentioned divorcing, but I know it was in the back of my mind. I didn't know about your book or your website then, but I knew I didn't want to end up divorced, so I began making changes in myself at that time. Even though he would say things like, "I love you, but it's just not the same.", I never gave up. After a while, it seemed he had snapped out of it. Then after his 40th birthday in March, he started acting differently toward me again. At first I didn't think anything of it, but by May it was to the point of him withdrawing away from me when I kissed him, or touched him, and he never said I love you, unless I said it to him, then it was more of a going through the motions kind of thing, I didn't feel that he really meant it. One day in May, while running a check on our oldest son's Internet activities, I found out my husband had been getting into adult chat rooms with younger women, whose ages ranged from 19-25. I was devastated. At first I tried to not let it bother me, but after three weeks, I just couldn't take it anymore. I confronted my husband and all hell broke loose. He said some pretty mean and hurtful things to me. He tried to turn it all around on me and make me look like the bad guy, it even got to the point of him actually saying I should just leave. I pulled myself together, and decided he was having a MLC. I began researching MLC on the Internet and on one of the sites someone left a post suggesting your 'divorce busting' website. I didn't hesitate, because everyone on the MLC website was so doom and gloom about what men do when they are going through MLC.
It was a life saving site! I read through your materials and some of the posts, joined the site, and went to the library and rented "The Divorce Remedy." I read your book cover to cover that day and started on your DB techniques immediately that evening. I know you say not to expect immediate results, so I didn't, but I must be one of the lucky ones, because my husband responded immediately to the things that I was doing. I had to go back to rewrite my goals, because he was responding so quickly! Even though he was responding, I still felt like I was losing him and I was on a emotional roller coaster. I decided I was tired of the way I was feeling, and made a mental deadline as to when things should be better. I figured, if it wasn't better by then, I'd give him an ultimatum, and be done with it. This must have empowered me, because immediately my husband noticed a change in me. He would ask me what was up, if I was okay, etc. I would only respond with everything is fine.
I had been planning a all girls rafting trip with my sister for a weekend, so I focused on that, and I decided I would try something you mentioned in your book for wives/husbands dealing with Internet infidelity. I decided to write him a seductive adult email. I spent a week writing the email, making it as sexy as possible, trying to make it as close to something you'd find on a porn Internet site as I could. I felt really stupid doing it, but after a while it got to be a lot of fun writing it.
My husband said that he was going out of town the Sunday I was to return from my trip, for work, and that he wouldn't be home until Monday night. So, the Friday of my trip, when he left for work, I told him I'd see him on Monday. He was hesitant about it, and said, maybe Sunday, he didn't know for sure. (This was another change in his attitude following my sudden change of mind.) When he left for work, I sent him the email. I figured that way he would read it Friday night, and have three nights and days without me to think about it, since he would be gone on Sunday when I returned.
When I returned home late Sunday afternoon, I was shocked to find that my husband was at home waiting for me! He said that he didn't need to go to work after all, and that he was taking the day off! He never spoke of the email, but he didn't have to, he couldn't keep his hands off of me! He was very attentive to me all night, and he told me he loved me twice that night. He hasn't said I love you first in months! Since then, he's been a totally different person! When he comes home from work he kisses me hello, he pays attention to me, even if he's exhausted, he still makes the effort to talk with me and be near me. I was also shocked to discover he had deleted all of his Internet adult chat sites from the computer! (He left them in the trash can, & when I cleaned it the files came up to ask me if I was sure I wanted to delete. I think he may have left them in there on purpose so I could see that he had deleted them!) This was such an amazing and fast turn around, that I had to write to you about it! I truly must be one of the lucky people who gets almost immediate results. (It's been 6 weeks using DB techniques.) I know that it probably doesn't happen like this normally, but I wanted to take the time to let you know, so you could share this with people going through similar situations. I plan to continue with the DB techniques, knowing at any moment I could slide back. However, I feel confident that if I stay focused, I will be able to continue getting the results I am getting.
I just want to say to your readers, even if you haven't heard divorce come out of your partners mouth, that doesn't mean you don't have room to grow and make your marriage better. I know how frustrating it is reading other peoples posts and thinking to yourself, 'we haven't gotten that bad yet', or 'why am I here?' But, if you put these techniques into action now, when things are shaky, but not too bad yet, you can stave off something more devastating later on down the road. It works! Try it. You'll be amazed at how the changes you make in yourself, will change your partner too. I think the secret to my success was I didn't wait for him to say 'divorce' before I started this program. If you find yourself in a similar situation, take action now. You'll be glad you did.
Thanks for putting these techniques out there, it's truly a blessing for many of us! Susan