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This…

Originally Posted by “Gerda”
In this last TEN years, slowly slowly I gained wisdom and worked hard through my faith and through the wisdom I got from all of you to hold on to what was best in me, to keep knowing beauty and truth and love and light. For all of you reading -- Just keep loving however you can without bitterness and protecting yourself and your kids (and your finances!) wherever you can with the whatever clarity you can muster, and allow yourself to have hope that watered by the faith and love you didn't let die, one day something good will finally have the chance to grow.

And this…

Walk in the light…

Good things do come and will grow.

Hugs to you! Hang in there…the light is starting to shine on what your XH is doing!

El


Me 52, H 56
T10 M7, 2nd MR for both
2 Step Sons (19 and 21)
BD: Fall 2020
D finalized: July 2022
XH Married AP soon after D day.



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Dear dear Gerda,

I am truly shocked after reading all this. shocked
What on earth is going on with that man?
You must be a really bad person to do this to the persons who loved you unconditionally for years...

I am really relieved that your children are in no contact with him today. It can only hurt them more, and this after everything that has happened already.

10 years you say? I just can't imagine it. You really are a strong woman Gerda.

I so sincerely hope for you that it will end soon. No one deserves this.

Lot's of strength my dear friend xxx

Last edited by Eagle3; 06/27/23 08:02 PM.

Me(45)EXH(44)
M:15 T:18, S19, S16 & S16
04/19-02/20 ILYB & OW1
12/20-08/22 OW2 (+pregnant-his child)
03/22-Divorce official
06/22-08/23 Reconnecting
09/23-possible back with OW2
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Gerda,

Hello friend! I have to say, despite what you have still been going through, you sound stronger than ever! I know it must not feel like it, but from the cheap seats it sounds like you are handling the hardest of hard situations with grace. I think handling yourself with grace has a lot more to do with how you navigate your choices from an outwardly perspective, regardless of how you may feel while doing it. The stress of what you have been traversing must be immense and would be crippling to anyone, but you have persevered through it all. You are a shining example of strength to all of us. You are a lighthouse!

You H sounds like he is just as bad as ever. I am sorry to hear that he hasn't improved 1 inch. Actually, it sounds like he is worse. You do not deserve this and I admire the way you have handled yourself. Your children are so lucky to have you in their corner. And your efforts are paying off! They sound really good for all that H has put you guys through. You guys have all been through a lot, and it hasn't been easy. But to hear how well they are seeing things and holding up, that's all because of your efforts! You are an amazing person! I don't know how well anyone else would stand up in dealing with what you have endured. You deserve a medal for courage and bravery in the face of evil.

All the court proceedings sound like a mess. It's good that you have someone mediating for you so that you don't have to be part of every back and forth. You would think that at some point H would realize that the money he thinks he is holding out for is going to be smaller than what he actually owes. I just can't wrap my head around him not realizing that. The situation may be complex, but that is just simple math. Does H have any history of mental illness in his family? His actions are bizarre.

I hope that you are doing well, despite all of his antics. I hope you have been able to take some trips and do things that are gratifying to your soul. And I also hope the children were able to get back into school without any major disruptions.

-Don’t Quit-
When times are hard, you might stop for a bit,
But it’s not over until the moment you quit.
On a river’s bridge, failures are the planks;
Take one step at a time until you reach its banks.

Don’t give up on your dreams; chase them instead;
You will find, one morning, as you wake up from bed,
That you are the person about whom you dreamed,
And you can reach great heights, impossible though it seemed.

When things go wrong and your back is to the wall,
Try to stand up; no more can you fall.
Life is full of ups and downs; take them in your stride.
You will discover your little star hidden inside.

By M. Tarun Prasad


Me: 45 yrs
W: 43 yrs
Together: 20 yrs
Married: 15 yrs
Son: 19 yrs
Daughter: 18 yrs
BD: Jan 2017
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Gerda Offline OP
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Oh gosh wow, just saw you posted here. So sweet! You were always the best cheerleader. I will update soon. But in short, yes, The Once-Upon-an-H is bonkers and wants to see me flattened or burned at the stake.


I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
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I had court today. It was supposed to be the end of the 120 days the bad judge gave H to market the property. I had my loan preapprovals and the bank appraisal, just as the judge had ordered. It was HER order that said that after the 120 days, I had the right to buy him out at the bank appraised value as long as I had my preapprovals. I HAD IT ALL READY. My lawyer had told me he would be filing a motion to get the listing down so I could refinance but he just never got it done before the status conference. (He is not very good but that's all I got for now.) And two days ago, H's lawyer filed ANOTHER MOTION to put me in jail, evict me, appoint a receiver to run my business and the sale of the house, etc., because of his claim that I blocked the broker. I spent the 120 days bending over backwards and hired an agent to be there every time specifically so I would never be accused of blocking it. But he twisted everything, redacted emails to make it look like we didn't cooperate, and even -- and this makes me want to cry -- included a photo of my son half naked asleep in bed as proof that I had planted my son there during a showing to block a sale. It was the kind of photo that parents would look at and say, "Oh, our beautiful sleeping boy," and he turned it in for everyone to look at in that disgusting way.

My L told me that the judge hadn't signed the motion and we only had to focus on the fact that we were ready to fulfill the order. Instead the whole thing opened with her saying to H's lawyer, "Well, Mr. L, I'm about to find you in contempt for filing another contempt motion, but explain to me why I should grant your requests for emergency relief." They lied and lied and the judge listened. Then my L spoke and she listened but she said she thought it was very strange that my bank appraisal was 2/3 of the asking price H had, and that she thought appointing a receiver was a great idea since the parties couldn't agree and there must be some truth to the accusations. My L said that the bank appraisal was the same as the previous ones and that the house hadn't sold because it was so overpriced by H but she just kept saying she didn't know if he would really be getting his full equity this way even though IT WAS HER ORDER. No one asked about the kids, about me paying for college for our son, nothing. H's evil broker was even sitting in the courtroom and my lawyer didn't object! My L did get a little more vehement than usual when it was his turn, saying that we can refute all the accusations but that we needed to focus on the order already in place, we had endured the abuse and insults and troubles of the 120 days, and it was over, and I was ready to the buyout, we just needed her to make them take the listing down.

Judge said something about her order and then laughed and said, "But I'm the judge, so I can change my order anytime."

She said we had to prove to her why a receiver wasn't a good idea, since I could just go through the receiver to buy my house, and the receiver could ensure the agent was above board since he had picked his girlfriend's boss, etc. She said we had to file all our papers by October, and that H could continue this marketing nightmare in the meantime, and she understood I couldn't get the financing but that was my problem.

I can't even explain all the details without throwing up, but basically she refused to allow me to follow her own order!

I can't get my loans without the listing coming down, and I can't get out of this mess without the loans. I can't even abandon ship and run away from it all and let H have everything because only my name is on the mortgage, and I have no way to pay it except with the rentals.

He literally has me trapped.

I feel like I have come so far, have moved on, am hopeful about my life, myself, etc. And I can't get free.


I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
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Originally Posted by Gerda
I feel like I have come so far, have moved on, am hopeful about my life, myself, etc. And I can't get free.

Ugh.
Hugs.
I will share what I ask myself when I'm feeling that way - what am I supposed to learn from this that I haven't yet learned? My rationale is that maybe if I figure that out I'll be free. I never said it was logical, only that I ask myself that question and it often makes me feel less trapped.
xo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Gerda,

I do not mean to make light of any of this as it is absolutely a tragedy, but...parts of your story seem too bizarre to be true. It sounds like a sitcom where the most absurd things can and will happen. I keep expecting Kramer to buzz in to the courtroom in your story.

I am so sorry to hear that you are STILL going through all of this and that it sounds like H is getting crazier and crazier. I've said it before and I will say it again, your strength and perseverance is inspiring. I know that you just feel like you don't have any choice and are just doing what you have to, but it is way more than that. It is hard to imagine, but one day all of this will be over. The court case settled, one way or another. The kids will be situated into their lives. And you will be starting on the journey of the rest of your life. To live it in whatever fashion you like, answering only to yourself. Won't that be amazing? Considering everything that will happen over the course of your life, you are actually almost there. It may seem like this will never end, but it will!

To the tic tack UFOs, lol. You know me well! I have studied the UFO phenomenon for decades. I've read so many books, met so many people, been to so many conferences. So, to the recent congressional stuff, I say...meh. None of it is new to me. There have been Washington press conferences before where they tried to present information that should have changed things. Of course now we have social media and that could cause it to spread faster. But to now, people seem more interested in who the next Bachelor cast will be than the idea that we might be being visited by beings from another planet. As interesting as that congressional event was, I am not sure that it is going to change anything. But, it would be neat if eventually the public learned whatever it is that they are keeping secret. Because it is definitely something!


Me: 45 yrs
W: 43 yrs
Together: 20 yrs
Married: 15 yrs
Son: 19 yrs
Daughter: 18 yrs
BD: Jan 2017
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Good Morning Gerda

Oh my goodness, those goal posts keep getting moved back further and further. (((Hugs)))

A MLCer will use, and in the ugliest form of use, the legal system to foster their own misguided ends. They will threaten and/or take legal action, submit frivolous law suits, involve police, get restraining orders, and so on. Obviously each person is different and their perversion and twisting of the legal system will vary. My XW merely threaten me with calling the police, on New Year’s Day no less, if I did not immediately provide her with the last year Child Care income tax information from what was once our computer. Lol. The very first day of the new year. And income taxes aren’t due until April 30th, and forms aren’t even out at January 1.

However, your H is the epitome of this. He has threaten you, and twisted the legal system into so many knots, which you keep having to unravel. And he is on what, his third or fourth lawyer. Finally finding one that is willing to do and see things his way.

Overall, none of it has stuck. All these years and effort by H. And nothing. He is still racking up more on an already enormous legal bill, the house is still not sold, and he still hasn’t got equity from you or any sale. His motivations are deeply weird. An angry dog with a bone, he just won’t let go of his grudge or whatever is driving him.

Dust off my dear. See the new goal post placement. And keep moving forward.

This is only business, and your life is so much more than these wasteful efforts of H and his crew (GF, broker friend, etc.). Let your L deal with it, as much as you can. You continue to focus and live on more important things.

D


Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.
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Gerda,

I am so sorry that you are still having to go through this ugly ordeal. No matter what you and your lawyer come up with, he will never be satisfied. It's time that someone find out just what his issue is with you and move on. Someone needs to ask him if he really wants to end the marriage or what his personal grudge is against you. I would like to know just what is going through his head.

It would cost you too much to just walk away, but I would be sorely tempted to walk away and just let him have the place....but at a fair price.

You and your daughter need to feel safe and secure in your home and I don't see this happening with all of the tension this man has and is continuing to create. Too bad you can't request a psych evaluation on him.

I think of you often and continue to pray for you and your family.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Dear Gerda,

Too crazy for words what is going on there. I pray for you that this nightmare may soon be over.
How are your children doing at the moment?

xxx


Me(45)EXH(44)
M:15 T:18, S19, S16 & S16
04/19-02/20 ILYB & OW1
12/20-08/22 OW2 (+pregnant-his child)
03/22-Divorce official
06/22-08/23 Reconnecting
09/23-possible back with OW2
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