I figured the first holiday weekend since BD would be rough, and it kinda was. Mutual friends and family had parties saturday and sunday. W and I went our separate ways, but spent yesterday with son at a friends cookout. It was a bit awkward. I really think W believes we can continue to hang out at parties and stuff after D. That isn't going to happen. But she kept saying yesterday how none of her friends are 'taking sides', talking bad about me, etc.
I still haven't been served yet. She gave her L paperwork last Monday. Not sure how long it takes
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
Nothing new to report. Again, we both went to a mutual friends party on Monday (drove separately). We didn't speak much, but did chat about our son (who was also there). She also mentioned that her student loan ($170,000) is going to be forgiven in 2 years (she works for a non profit, community based company). In a moment of weakness (or 'buzzness' after a few), I said something along the lines of 'that's great. I also heard that we'd get over $80 grand profit for our house. As tough as it's been for us financially, if we would have stayed together in 2 years we'd be like the Rockefellers'. She just said something like 'yeah true, but there's more problems than just money'.
We haven't talked much the last 2 days. I've said nothing unless it involves our son. I still haven't been served papers yet.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
W and I both worked from home today. Son had 1/2 day of school. He just went to the neighbors. W told me she told him when he gets back, if we want, we can go out to dinner. Or if we don't, she can go pick something up. I just said 'ok'.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
Another pretty good weekend I guess. Our best friends daughter had a bridal shower yesterday. W went to hang out with them friday night, then spent all day saturday helping to set up. Then went to the shower yesterday. So son and I hung out all weekend. W then called yesterday and said everyone from the party was going to dinner and invited son and I. We went for an hour or so. A lot of my friends and relatives were there.
Son has a doctors appt this afternoon, and I told W that I would meet them there. Last night she said they would probably go to lunch before the appt and asked me to come. I just said 'I probably won't have time, but I"ll meet you at the appt'.
This is just getting on my nerves at this point. Honestly think W thinks that despite a pending D, everything is just fine and dandy, and we'll be able to hang together in the same circle of friends even after the D. Is that normal? Today will be 2 weeks since she met with her L to start the filing process, but I haven't received anything yet.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
It’s very normal and sometimes actually happens until one or both enter another relationship. Unfortunately you will most likely lose friends and family members. It’s all part of the collateral damage. Divorce affects many people.
I just said 'I probably won't have time [for lunch], but I"ll meet you at the appt'.
Just my 2cents, but drop confusing words from your communication.
Well it's moot anyway. I met them at the appt, and son wanted to stop for dinner on the way back so we did. It was ok, but I'm noticing a change in myself. Seeing her, and being around her the last few days, maybe even week or two, I'm really having no thoughts or feelings about her whatsoever. Like Sunday when I met her and the bridal shower party at the bar/restaurant, we were sitting next to each other, and (of course she was drunk) I just kept saying to myself 'why would I even want to be with her?' I'm sure I'll have good and bad days, but is this what detachment is? Just a total indifference towards her and what happens?
So I guess my only question now is, since I haven't been served yet (she claims L was filing over 2 weeks ago), should I ask her wtf the hold up is??
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
…I just kept saying to myself 'why would I even want to be with her?' I'm sure I'll have good and bad days, but is this what detachment is? Just a total indifference towards her and what happens?
So I guess my only question now is, since I haven't been served yet (she claims L was filing over 2 weeks ago), should I ask her wtf the hold up is??
No, I’d not ask her.
Detachment, indifference, and such are emotional states. Decisions made and actions taken based upon emotions usually lead to regret.
Stick to the path. You thought about things. Decided things. Before this moment. Before your temporary reprieve from your feelings. Follow that. Follow your reason.
With the emptiness and silence of W and her behaviour, look inside yourself. Find you. Your values. Your motivations. Know thy self.
This void is temporary, and I suspect will unwind and reassert itself a few times. Do not fritter away your opportunity in all this. It’s still a gruelling road to truly find peace and acceptance.
Originally Posted by Terapin
I'm really having no thoughts or feelings about her whatsoever.
Nature abhors a vacuum and other feelings will loom larger in the void. Stay the course. Continue moving forward.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
I’m curious why you want to ask her? We see typically when paperwork gets held up the LBS holds on to the last string of hope the WW has changed their mind or is having second thoughts.
This is a very slow process and unfortunately these things can drag on for years.
