There is still one question that bothers me a bit. Was there another person involved or not? She is stating that she does not have anyone. I tend to trust her words, but everyone is saying that I am naive.
How often do women come out and admit to actual affair if there is one?
For example, even last week she was stating that she never felt appreciated, this relationship did not bring the best out of her or that I only cared/loved when I knew I will lose her/once she lost hope. I then asked if there is someone else who gives this to her and she replied: "I don't know" instead of yes or no.
She stated that we were not spending enough quality time together, but when I reminded that I begged to go on trips and attend some hobbies, I received: "but we were busy".
"It will be easier if you blame me for being coldhearted" - she said. It felt as if she is hurting and she admitted that time has to pass for her wounds to heal.
Would you say that these are the words that an unhappy spouse would typically say or a person who might be having an affair?
And another question, is amicable D even possible? What does is say about each spouse (dumper/dumpee) if they don't want amicable ending?
So I’ll ask the question. What changes if there is an affair? What happened to validating her feelings instead of being argumentative? Was this a common theme in your short marriage? Why can’t it be amicable? Would making it not amicable bring you closer to your goal or further away?
So I’ll ask the question. What changes if there is an affair? What happened to validating her feelings instead of being argumentative? Was this a common theme in your short marriage? Why can’t it be amicable? Would making it not amicable bring you closer to your goal or further away?
It would allow me to detach further if there was an affair. It helps to stop idealizing the person. I can not justify cheating, ever.
There was no common theme as there was no good amount of time in marriage.
Whenever I try to show empathy towards her or try to maintain warm communication on D or other topics, I get negative responses. Especially if there is something I can not fully agree with. I want it to be amicable. It would definitely help with my goal of trying to be a decent human being and (ex-)husband.
It would be nice if all those years were remembered as good memories rather than hurtful ending/times.
Assume she’s cheating if it makes it easier to detach.
She’s going to remain cold until you back off. She doesn’t want to give you false hope.
In time she will remember more good than bad.
I trust your words. Back to full no contact.
If you followed my thread, my 'as if' attitude actually made W happy because she thought I was completely on board with the D. Now, I assume she is cheating, and I talk to her as I would the clerk at the local convience store.
Married: 15yrs Ages: Me 49, W 44 Kids: S12 BD: around 4/14
