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#2945718 05/23/23 08:42 PM
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Hi all:

Well, this week I started on the journey every married person hopes they never have to take.

The basics: I am 58, wife 47, married 23 years next month. We have two sons, 17 and 13. No affairs, substance abuse, or domestic violence have ever occurred.

The story: In the last six weeks to two months or so, I noticed changes in my wife. I noticed less ease and comfort around me. We had a discussion, and she mentioned a couple of things that happened in February that bothered her.

One was her birthday. We went out to dinner, and she said she felt the evening was awkward and that our conversation was superficial. She feels that communication has been on a downslide for a while. Another was Valentine’s Day. We got over the Valentine’s Day “gestures” years ago. My wife doesn’t require cards, flowers, or gifts and I don’t either. But this year, I did the unthinkable: I forgot it was Valentine’s Day and didn’t wish her happiness on the day. I told her it was an honest mistake and nothing hurtful was meant by it. She has brought both things up again since.

She says that these are examples of a long-term pattern of deteriorating communication in our relationship (“more roommates than married,”), and our lack of going out on dates has gotten to her. (“We don’t do anything anymore.”) She also grieves that I don’t spend enough time with the boys.

I will admit guilt in this. I had fallen into a pattern of worrying about work, then worrying about what our boys might need when I get home (I often get home from work earlier than my wife), then eating dinner and then seeing what else I might have to do. And yes, she has been slighted as a result. She and her brother also started a business two years ago that takes her time in the evenings a couple of days a week.

Another factor in the landscape is the surgery she has looming next month. She’s a bariatric patient and lost about 125 pounds. Now she is going in for cosmetic surgery to remove the excess skin on her abdomen and repair weakened abdominal muscles. I praised her when she told me how much weight she’d lost, but she says I don’t compliment her on this, and she feels hurt. Asks me if I still find her attractive. I honestly told her yes, but I am not sure she believes that I am sincere.

Sex: last time was either late January or early February, which she disputes. Trust me, I have a VERY good memory when it comes to this LOL. She seems to think it was six months? A year? I don’t know.

Flash forward to Mother’s Day weekend, and the day before she calls me upstairs for another conversation during which she brings up the previously described issues and again calls out the birthday/Valentine’s Day unpleasantries. I ask her after listening to her, “Where do we go from here?” Her response: “I don’t know.” I have heard “I don’t know” or “I don’t know what I want” at least twice.

Then bombshell #1 hits. Her brother hosts a Mother’s Day brunch every year. She tells me that she wants to take the boys and she wants me to stay home. (“I hope you’ll understand I need this time with them.”) This is the first time in 23 years that she expressly uninvited me to a family gathering. I was very hurt but respected her wishes. She told her family I wasn’t feeling well.

I bought her a Mother's Day card earlier in the week (not because we were at odds; just thought it would be nice). I was going to write a little poem in it; I did that last year and she loved it. Instead, I wrote a letter where I poured out my heart to her. I thought it would break the dam, so to speak, Oblivious to what was coming my way, she read it and said she appreciated it, but it was obvious that it didn’t move her as I had hoped.

I followed up with another conversation a day or two later. When I described us as “troubled,” she responded that we were more than troubled and that she didn’t think our relationship could be repaired. In an apparent reference to the Mother’s Day letter, she said I was a master of the written word, but she feels I use that as a substitute for talking to her.

I pointed out the irony that if communication was a major issue, and the problems were long-term, why did she not bring this up six months, or a year, or however long ago this started so that we could have had a discussion before things got to this point. She admitted I had a point but said “you missed the signs.”

I have the Divorce Remedy book. I read the opening chapter online, and it is as if the author read my mind regarding how I feel about this situation. I am well into it and am implementing some of the techniques, most notably Last Resort. I don’t see this situation as irreparable at all, but my wife does, and I think divorce is the least desirable option. And I think trying to fix it deserves a shot.

Behavior wise, based on what I have read so far, I have been handling it as well as could be expected. I had one breakdown. Other than that, needy behavior, bringing up issues, and raising my temper are not happening. We are civil to each other, still sleeping in the same bed (but only sleeping). Holding my tongue is hard sometimes, and it is painful not to be able to hug or even touch her. Her love is only for the boys now. They deserve it, but it does not make the hurt less.


Me 59 W 47
T 26 M 23
S18, S14
BD May 2023
D filed June 2023
OM1 confirmed: December 2023
OM2 confirmed: October 2023
Sunflyer #2945719 05/23/23 11:55 PM
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Hello Sunflyer

Welcome to the boards. I am sorry your situation has lead you onto the journey no married person wishes to undertake.

I am glad you have a copy of Divorce Remedy. Lots of good advice in there. Do keep that book and what you learn to yourself. Do not share with W. Any attempt to do so will come across as manipulation to her, which will not be beneficial.

This forum has many kind compassionate folks with much hard-earned wisdom. Divorce Busting is quite counterintuitive at first, like the Last Resort Technique you spoke of. It will feel wrong to give space and time, focus on self, get and live a life; yet it is the best path of moving forward. Realize moving forward is different than moving on.

I am pasting a copy of Cadet’s welcoming thread for your reference. Do read the links, there is a trove of useful information.

I look forward to speaking with you.

DnJ

- - - -

Welcome to the board.

Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice.

The first thing you should do is be sure to read the Divorce Remedy (DR) book by Michele Weiner-Davis. The following link is the first chapter:

https://www.divorcebusting.com/sb_the_divorce_remedy.htm


A few other books by MWD:

http://divorcebusting.com/sample_book_chapters.htm


And Michele's articles.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/articles.htm


Once your registration to the site has been completed you can post and start a thread. Please have only one thread active at a time (per forum); it keeps your situation organized and is easier for those following along and posting to you. There are a few forums which help categorize posters’ situations.

When your thread reaches 100 posts, it will be time for you to start a new thread. It is a good idea to link your old thread to your new one, and even link the new one back to the previous one. That makes it easier for the folks following your story. (There is a help thread on linking in the sticky threads at the top section of the forum’s display.) A moderator will “close” your full thread which prevents further posting to it. It is still available to read.

Post in small frequent replies on your thread. Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity can be very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down.

Post on other people’s thread to give support.

Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!

Get out and Get a Life (GAL).

DETACH.

Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.

Have NO EXPECTATIONS.

Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.

Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.

Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:

I would start with Sandi's Rules
A list of dos and don'ts for the LBS (left behind spouse)
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2553072#Post2553072

Going Dark
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=50956#Post5095

Detachment thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2538414#Post2538414

Validation Cheat Sheet: Techniques and tips on how to validate (showing your walk away spouse (WAS) that you recognize and accept his or her opinions as valid, even if you do not agree with them)
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2457566#Post2457566

Boundaries Cheat Sheet
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2536096#Post2536096

Abbreviations
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2553153#Post2553153

For Newcomer LBH with a Wayward Wife by sandi2
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2545554#Post2545554

Resource thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...ain=57819&Number=2578224#Post2578224

Stages of the LBS
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1964990&page=1

Validation
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=191764#Post191764

Pursuit and Distance
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2483574#Post2483574

The Lighthouse Story
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2484619#Post2484619

Your H or W is giving you a GIFT.
THE GIFT OF TIME.
USE it wisely.

Knowledge is Power - Sir Francis Bacon


Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.
Sunflyer #2945720 05/24/23 12:44 AM
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Hi. I'm certainly not an expert, and going through a D as we speak. But yours is a tale as old as time. Out of apparent nowhere, the poor neglected wife finds the courage to say 'enough!', and wants a D. 90% of the time, she's having an affair.

All I can tell you is this. Take care of yourself. Don't push her whatsoever. Focus all of your time and energy on your kids and yourself. God only knows what's going through her head. You'll literally drive yourself insane trying to figure it out.

Read the book. It certainly helped me bust the first time my W wanted a D. It's your best chance


Married: 15yrs
Ages: Me 49, W 44
Kids: S12
BD: around 4/14

Sunflyer #2945724 05/24/23 01:11 AM
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Originally Posted by Sunflyer
I am 58, wife 47, married 23 years next month.

Welcome to a great place for support. I am 57. I arrived here in 2008. Divorced in 2009 ended my 18 years with my X. Single for a bit. Been living with my lady for 12+ years. 50/50 custody of my 3 kids. Empty nester now.

Originally Posted by Sunflyer
We have two sons, 17 and 13. She also grieves that I don’t spend enough time with the boys.
I will admit guilt in this.
First 180 is to focus on being Dad. Give W space. 17yo may want space from you as well. Friends are more important at this age for most. 13yo might be willing for dad time.

Originally Posted by Sunflyer
No affairs have occurred.
Most of us arrive here with that belief. Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. Even if she has been faithful up to this point, odds are she is ready.

Originally Posted by Sunflyer
I noticed less ease and comfort around me.
Red flag #1

Originally Posted by Sunflyer
We had a discussion
From this point forward, it is critical that you change the way you have discussions. You are now in STFU mode and listen intently when she speaks. Memorize every word. Read the validation thread. Most get validation wrong. It is observing the Emotional response she has to whatever her sitch is....your behavior...people atwork...The kids....traffic..whatever.

Originally Posted by Sunflyer
she felt the evening was awkward and that our conversation was superficial.
YUP...us men suck at having deep conversations with women. This is where the STFU and validate her emotional state comes in.

Originally Posted by Sunflyer
She has brought both things up again since.
Some canned responses if she brings things up again:

"I wish I could change the past"
"I bet you were (Sad,disapointed,frustrated,angery....) Is that how you felt? (You better be really paying attention to how she is responding emotionally when she is telling you "HER STORY".

Also don't be a broken record. During this process of personal growth, come up with your own list.

Do not be boring:
Originally Posted by Sunflyer
and our lack of going out on dates has gotten to her. (“We don’t do anything anymore.”)
Right now, DO NOT TRY AND DATE HER. You need to do exciting things without her.

Originally Posted by Sunflyer
She and her brother also started a business two years ago that takes her time in the evenings a couple of days a week.
Red Flag. Possibilities that she gets attention from other men. Not bad when the relationship is in good shape, but we are in triage right now.

Originally Posted by Sunflyer
Asks me if I still find her attractive. I honestly told her yes, but I am not sure she believes that I am sincere.
Your words are not in alignment with your behavior. From now on, when she is speaking, you study her face and pay attention to everything you find attractive about her. Mentally think about sexual things. Only three things on your mind. How you find her attractive, memorizing her story, and the most important is "getting her" by understanding how she FELT EMOTIONALLY.


Originally Posted by Sunflyer
Sex: last time was either late January
Put your needs on hold. Focus on your attraction and your seduction. There is a big difference between these two. Understand the difference. Do some reading (or other means of research) and learn some "new moves" for bedroom time. Do not be boring.

Originally Posted by Sunflyer
Trust me, I have a VERY good memory when it comes to this LOL. She seems to think it was six months? A year? I don’t know.
I assume you would like it to be more frequent. I know she does. Learning to turn a woman on is a good skill to have. Your listening skills I mentioned above is a big part of it. The problem you have is her resentment. Another is your past behavior. Most guys do not know how to talk to a woman so that she gets turned on. Again a place for some research.

Originally Posted by Sunflyer
I ask her after listening to her, “Where do we go from here?” Her response: “I don’t know.” I have heard “I don’t know” or “I don’t know what I want” at least twice.
So now is the time to reinvent yourself. Do not discuss your changes with her. Just live them.

Originally Posted by Sunflyer
she wants me to stay home... This is the first time in 23 years that she expressly uninvited me to a family gathering.
Big red flag. I relate...I was not invited to my X's sisters wedding.

Originally Posted by Sunflyer
Instead, I wrote a letter where I poured out my heart to her. I thought it would break the dam, so to speak, Oblivious to what was coming my way, she read it and said she appreciated it, but it was obvious that it didn’t move her as I had hoped.
Again, we all have been there in one for or the other. No more mushy things. There may be a time way way in the future, but not anytime soon. Strong, calm and confident are your friends now.

Originally Posted by Sunflyer
I followed up with another conversation a day or two later.
The rules have now changed. No more R talks. This is now poker. Do not reveal your cards. You only have the three reasons above and parenting for discussions with her.

More canned statements to have until you get your own list:
"I am not sure"
"I have not thought about that"
"I will let you know when I have decided"
"I need more time to think about that"
"Yes"
"No"
Use the least amount of words needed to get your point across.

You will not talk your way out of this. Changes in your behavior have the best chance of turning this around.



Originally Posted by Sunflyer
When I described us as “troubled,” she responded that we were more than troubled and that she didn’t think our relationship could be repaired.
See what I mean. Do not try to talk logically. Do not argue.

Originally Posted by Sunflyer
In an apparent reference to the Mother’s Day letter, she said I was a master of the written word, but she feels I use that as a substitute for talking to her.
Whatever you said in that letter is better to say after she is turned on. Learn the art of dirty talk as well. Might be awhile before you can use it, but get it in your new set of tools.

Originally Posted by Sunflyer
why did she not bring this up six months, or a year, or however long ago this started so that we could have had a discussion before things got to this point. She admitted I had a point but said “you missed the signs.”
I was going to say the same thing. She did, but you didn't "hear" her. Going to be much harder now, but again, do everything you can during this critical phase. You will make mistakes, but with our help, hopefully you will make less of them.

Originally Posted by Sunflyer
I have the Divorce Remedy book....most notably Last Resort..
Most posters get this wrong as well....The last resort is to be done after you have tried all the other techniques.

Originally Posted by Sunflyer
Other than that, needy behavior, bringing up issues, and raising my temper are not happening.
Perfect. Keep this up.



Originally Posted by Sunflyer
but it does not make the hurt less.
It is very important for you to find a safe place to release your emotions. Do not let her see them. The best thing you can project is a calm, content, but not quite happy, guy when you are in her presence. Go to the gym and pump your anger out. Go to an empty parking lot and cry out the sadness. Go for long walks alone. I crank the stereo while drive and express every emotion that comes out of the singer. Rage against the machine to sappy 70's love songs....

Express all those repressed emotions in safe places so they do not come out at the wrong time.

IC is another great place to help with repressed emotions.

Read as many of these as you can. So much wisdom from past posters:
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2943653#Post2943653


I wish you well....and don't be boring. She wants excitement in her life and you should be the one to give it to her.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
DnJ #2945726 05/24/23 01:50 AM
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Thank you DnJ.

I have started to check out those links. Looks like a lot of good information in there.


Me 59 W 47
T 26 M 23
S18, S14
BD May 2023
D filed June 2023
OM1 confirmed: December 2023
OM2 confirmed: October 2023
Sunflyer #2945727 05/24/23 02:05 AM
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"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Ready2Change #2945728 05/24/23 02:36 AM
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Hi Ready2Change and thank you for the input!

A few quick follow ups.

Originally Posted by Ready2Change
First 180 is to focus on being Dad. Give W space. 17yo may want space from you as well. Friends are more important at this age for most. 13yo might be willing for dad time.

Yup. The 17 year old's world is his friends right now. I didn't mention that he is going away to college in the fall, and I know that is weighing on my wife's mind. How much it impacts her feelings about our relationship I don't know.

Originally Posted by Ready2Change
Most of us arrive here with that belief. Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. Even if she has been faithful up to this point, odds are she is ready.

She is one of those people who has said (multiple times), "If you ever cheat on me, I will kill you." Considering how long she has known me, I figure she should know that cheating is not in my vocabulary. I will admit it has started to cross my mind that perhaps she who proclaims the loudest is trying to compensate for something.

Originally Posted by Ready2Change
Put your needs on hold. Focus on your attraction and your seduction. There is a big difference between these two. Understand the difference. Do some reading (or other means of research) and learn some "new moves" for bedroom time. Do not be boring.

I did try a "new move" that she told me in advance that she liked. She enjoyed it a lot but seemed to lose interest pretty quickly. I will take your advice, while hoping that there is actually "bedroom time" again at some future point.

Originally Posted by Ready2Change
The rules have now changed. No more R talks. This is now poker. Do not reveal your cards. You only have the three reasons above and parenting for discussions with her.

There hasn't been anything on the topic for over a week at this point, from either me or her. Conversations on the other topics seem to be returning to normal.

Originally Posted by Ready2Change
Learn the art of dirty talk as well. Might be awhile before you can use it, but get it in your new set of tools.

This is in both of our toolboxes already.

Originally Posted by Ready2Change
Perfect. Keep this up.

I will, and I'm moving forward doing activities that I like to make MYSELF happy, although at this stage it still feels a bit "artificial." After all, she complained that I wasn't paying her enough attention. Now I have to back off and give her room. But I know that clinging and smothering are the worst things I could do right now.


Me 59 W 47
T 26 M 23
S18, S14
BD May 2023
D filed June 2023
OM1 confirmed: December 2023
OM2 confirmed: October 2023
Sunflyer #2945735 05/24/23 02:47 PM
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Good Morning SF

Congratulations to son. How far away is the college? Can he still live at home, or is he wanting to or needing to move out?

When my first son moved out to attend university, it stirred up such a storm of feelings within XW (W back then). She completely went off the rails and left the kids before they could leave her. I know, it really makes no sense. And five years later, she is still out there. Lost.

Originally Posted by Sunflyer
She is one of those people who has said (multiple times), "If you ever cheat on me, I will kill you." Considering how long she has known me, I figure she should know that cheating is not in my vocabulary. I will admit it has started to cross my mind that perhaps she who proclaims the loudest is trying to compensate for something.

My W detested cheaters and affairs. She ended up having an affair herself. The self loathing and hatred such a person feels. All the blaming of others, projecting, justifying, crafting of narratives are short term futile efforts to ward off the pain of their deeds and their past.

The best you can currently do, is to give W time and space, and keep pressure to a minimum. Any pushing and/or demanding of answers regarding affairs, her feelings, how the relationship is, etc, needs to be strictly off limits. Anything she says you would not be able to take as gospel anyhow.

Believe nothing they say, and only half of what they do.

Her path will be long and convoluted, with many twists and turns. You need to let her walk it. In time, consistent demonstrated behaviours will illustrate more of where she is at than her ever changing emotionally driven words. Realize, her present trajectory is emotionally driven. And feelings change fast and often. Keeping close watch will confuse you and hurt your neck smile as she ping-pongs about.

Give the Lighthouse Story a read. It’s one of the links in the welcoming post. Become a stanchion, an anchor, a strength, a beacon, in life’s storms.

Originally Posted by Sunflyer
I'm moving forward doing activities that I like to make MYSELF happy, although at this stage it still feels a bit "artificial." After all, she complained that I wasn't paying her enough attention. Now I have to back off and give her room. But I know that clinging and smothering are the worst things I could do right now.

Yes, it will feel artificial for a while. The act-as-if part of this. Focus upon you and the boys. At 17 and 13 they will know something is amiss. Be Dad. Not Disneyland Dad, just a good solid Dad. Their rock!

Originally Posted by Sunflyer
I pointed out the irony that if communication was a major issue, and the problems were long-term, why did she not bring this up six months, or a year, or however long ago this started so that we could have had a discussion before things got to this point. She admitted I had a point but said “you missed the signs.”

This is an excellent example of how logic and reason will not sway one who is driven by their emotions. You are correct, rational, and yet… no. You are still wrong in her view.

Funny thing in long term relationships, folks get so comfortable, finish each other’s sentences and such, that when stuff comes up they figure the other should know it. All without speaking a word. How? You can’t read minds!

Only own your part in all this. If, and you likely were to some degree, if you were inattentive make changes. For you.

However, W is a grown women and she should have spoke up about things that were bothering her. A common defence mechanism is projection. One blames, projects, “their” fault upon their spouse or others. Interestingly, folks do this because they cannot handle nor accept their part of it. Not yet anyhow; W will need to find her way. Any pressure or rational argument to sway her will likely set her back and be further justification and reasons of why to leave you. STFU is so very necessary.

You didn’t break her, therefore you cannot fix her.

There are no magic words that will wake her up. Let time and space work upon her. While you live and move forward. Be kind and cordial. Even supportive where appropriate. All sans smothering and clinging.

D


Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.
DnJ #2945739 05/24/23 06:52 PM
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Originally Posted by DnJ
Good Morning SF

Congratulations to son. How far away is the college? Can he still live at home, or is he wanting to or needing to move out?

When my first son moved out to attend university, it stirred up such a storm of feelings within XW (W back then). She completely went off the rails and left the kids before they could leave her. I know, it really makes no sense. And five years later, she is still out there. Lost.

Hello DnJ.

Our son will be living on campus. The college is about 4 1/2 hours drive away. Not unreasonable. A number of his friends from high school will be attending there as well, so hopefully he should assimilate easily.

I won't say that I can comprehend what your XW leaving the way she did must have done to the kids, or to you. So I will just say that I'm sorry that happened.

Originally Posted by DnJ
The best you can currently do, is to give W time and space, and keep pressure to a minimum. Any pushing and/or demanding of answers regarding affairs, her feelings, how the relationship is, etc, needs to be strictly off limits. Anything she says you would not be able to take as gospel anyhow.

Give the Lighthouse Story a read. It’s one of the links in the welcoming post. Become a stanchion, an anchor, a strength, a beacon, in life’s storms.

This is exactly what I am doing. Incidentally, the Lighthouse Story was one of the first things I clicked on among those links. It makes perfect sense and that is how I am going to model myself going forward.

Originally Posted by DnJ
However, W is a grown women and she should have spoke up about things that were bothering her. A common defence mechanism is projection. One blames, projects, “their” fault upon their spouse or others. Interestingly, folks do this because they cannot handle nor accept their part of it. Not yet anyhow; W will need to find her way. Any pressure or rational argument to sway her will likely set her back and be further justification and reasons of why to leave you. STFU is so very necessary.

You didn’t break her, therefore you cannot fix her.

There are no magic words that will wake her up. Let time and space work upon her. While you live and move forward. Be kind and cordial. Even supportive where appropriate. All sans smothering and clinging.

This is what sticks out like a sore thumb in this whole situation. I know there are people who suffer in silence for a long time, so I am not saying it is uncommon. However, it is uncommon for her. This is not a woman who typically keeps quiet when something is wrong. She lets one know in no uncertain terms. She is also not one who just rolls over and waves the white flag when the going gets rough. It is definitely out of character.

I am trying to be kinder. Not overly kind but kinder. And I will support when needed.

I thank you for the words to live by and hope that we will talk again at some point.


Me 59 W 47
T 26 M 23
S18, S14
BD May 2023
D filed June 2023
OM1 confirmed: December 2023
OM2 confirmed: October 2023
Sunflyer #2945740 05/24/23 07:00 PM
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Joined: May 2023
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This is possibly a silly question, but I welcome opinions from anyone.

W is not wearing her wedding ring. I continued to wear mine for a few days after she expressed her anger and dissatisfaction.

Then I started thinking: could my wearing it be taken as some kind of nonverbal, passive aggressive signal? She thinks our relationship is broken; I think it is fixable. Wearing my ring would remind her of that difference.

The last couple of days, I have put the ring in my pocket and put it on after leaving for work. I wear it when she is not around. It comforts me and is a symbol that I am not ready to give up on us.


Me 59 W 47
T 26 M 23
S18, S14
BD May 2023
D filed June 2023
OM1 confirmed: December 2023
OM2 confirmed: October 2023
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