I've wondered if you are a fake poster myself. You wouldn't be the first. You just can't seem to get out of your own way even though you know exactly what you need to do.
Me too, for a long time. And I swore to not get sucked back in and somehow I do. He is good. None of my advice has been acknowledged and it is now my goal to not respond unless I see improvements. Rockon I’m detaching myself from you. This is my 180 from you.
M:51 W:43 T:17 M:15 S:13 D11 10/2022 BD/IHS 03/2023 W moves out
What is stopping me from giving them as much space as I can?
S’s needs are significant and occupy a lot of my mind and also my interactions with W. I work at giving him lots of space to have a life outside of me with friends and quality of life and I also work at having realistic expectations of his treatment team. It is really my collaborating with W to support his needs that keeps me interacting with her more than I want to right now. I want to give her more space than she is asking for and I have been successful with that in some respects. She has gotten upset at me saying, so what we aren’t talking on the phone now? With that though, I check myself first: is this necessary, is it urgent, can I email it, can I express it with less words.
Having said that, S has moved home with me this week. So this is an additional stressor. It’s going well. I am providing a great home for him and he has a great quality of life. And D is doing well. She is a fine young woman with great friends. I am giving her lots of space.
I really see overlap with DB and trusting and following God. Good points you raise. And this is a lifelong journey for me. And I see learning and consistent effort and discipline in the same focused direction as being consistent with both.
I’ll give some thought of there is a #3 and 4 to add as I pay attention to what I need and look for continued growth.
Last edited by DnJ; 05/15/2308:28 PM. Reason: Corrected typo.
Joseph, this may surprise you and others but even with the 2x4’s and my ongoing sich, I don’t actually know exactly what to do often.
I have made some changes. I am not apologizing nearly as often. I am just not engaging W like I used to. And I am STFU when she does talk. And I’m validating instead of rushing to process with her.
So after thinking a little, I’m gonna say this and head on out. If this is real, you do know what to do, you just refuse to do it. I believe you are using your kids as an excuse to keep maximum contact. You’re updates are always focused around your STBXW and adult children. I still sometimes have to go back and check because your situation would make most think your kids are very little.
You’ve given advice to others on here and have tried to be supportive. Thats why I believe you know what to do, and it why I’m hopeful this is real and you are just paralyzed by fear.
You’ve done nothing but stand still and hoped she’d come to her “senses”, but it won’t happen with the action you take and you know that.
It’s time for you to read your threads over again because there’s a wealth of information in there and it shows you don’t take to heart what we post to you.
I’ll leave you with this, your wife fired you. Would you continue to do this to your boss if they fired you?
Me: 40 EX:37 Together 17 years Married 16 years 5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11
Ok so to spell it out because I have been having a hard time understanding what you’re suggesting I know to do is to virtually break off contact, go dark, avoid her. In the case of such a boss, get another job, learn from the failure and move on.
I think I posted this to you before but I will try again. Your number one goal right now is to be able to go one day without relying on a therapist, priest, kids, friends, therapeutic garden to get you through the day. If we as posters can feel your neediness then your W can feel it 1,000 times more. Until you can function on your own without constant support you have zero chance of attracting you w and any healthy women into a romantic relationship.
What’s keeping you from working again? This would be a step in the right direction.
Thanks Boat. Yes I am very ready and excited to get back to work. My treatment is complete and I am following my maintenance plan. I believe that returning to work will be significant progress and I anticipate it starting soon.
