Dead silence from both sides continues. I see her constantly checking my social media photos. I assume that she just wants to keep tabs on me, if she wanted she would reach it.
It's a bit strange to have this silence, but I am slowly getting used to it.
Which one of the DBing rules were you following? Who did you invite after that? Did they accept? If no one, did you go anyway?
I am sure I know the answers. None. No one. No.
Flip the script. Make a decision to do something. The more exciting the better. Plan on doing it alone. Be excited about it. Be mysterious is one of the DBing tools. Do not be boring. She thinks she knows you. She left that guy. Prove her wrong, she does not know you at all. The new you should be a shinny new penny. Enjoy the ride.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Which one of the DBing rules were you following? Who did you invite after that? Did they accept? If no one, did you go anyway?
I am sure I know the answers. None. No one. No.
Flip the script. Make a decision to do something. The more exciting the better. Plan on doing it alone. Be excited about it. Be mysterious is one of the DBing tools. Do not be boring. She thinks she knows you. She left that guy. Prove her wrong, she does not know you at all. The new you should be a shinny new penny. Enjoy the ride.
Actually I went for a walk myself. I am walking 7-10km these days to relax and unwind after work. Planning to go on walk with one friend tomorrow and then another walk with a friend on Thursday. Probably one of the reasons of divorce is not that I am just sitting around doing nothing, but I am actually too busy in life. I am reading a book and I've read that the average person watches around 4 hours of TV/Netflix a day. I can not actually remember the last time I watched something after BD. We used to watch things together before BD, but I am busy living these days.
One thing I keep seeing is people stating that you have to be mysterious and change during no contact period. How will she know if you are the shinny new penny or the old guy if it's complete silence? Even if she is checking my socials, they are quite vague and mostly other people are in my pictures, not me.
I get comments from everyone that I look better, that I am improving mentally and emotionally. My dad had a lot of criticism on me at BD, but now he is proud of where I am heading. I hope to continue my journey for improvement.
Please do not get me wrong, I am not actively trying to save the marriage, but I think it is worth keeping some hope. Please guide me if I am wrong. I am a slow learner, but I learn.
How will she know if you are the shinny new penny or the old guy if it's complete silence?
Lets flip that. Lets say you were with a woman and you rate her at a 5. A year later of her working out, eating healthy, seeing an IC, she has more stylish clothes, acts much happier etc...you now find her much more attractive..a solid 8.
You just know.
For us guys, you can work on looks maxing, but in my opinion, improving your behaviors is more important.
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
I get comments from everyone that I look better, that I am improving mentally and emotionally. My dad had a lot of criticism on me at BD, but now he is proud of where I am heading. I hope to continue my journey for improvement.
YUP, just focus on you and your personal growth. Dig deep into attraction and seduction. Know the difference. Each has its time and place.
Originally Posted by TellMeSo
Please do not get me wrong, I am not actively trying to save the marriage, but I think it is worth keeping some hope. Please guide me if I am wrong. I am a slow learner, but I learn.
Saving the marriage is an indirect action. You save it my not trying to save it. You give it your best shot by addressing all of YOUR issues. The issues that YOU identify as needing change. Have faith and hope. Keep moving forward. Don't be boring.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
One thing I keep seeing is people stating that you have to be mysterious and change during no contact period. How will she know if you are the shinny new penny or the old guy if it's complete silence? Even if she is checking my socials, they are quite vague and mostly other people are in my pictures, not me.
I get comments from everyone that I look better, that I am improving mentally and emotionally. My dad had a lot of criticism on me at BD, but now he is proud of where I am heading. I hope to continue my journey for improvement.
Please do not get me wrong, I am not actively trying to save the marriage, but I think it is worth keeping some hope. Please guide me if I am wrong. I am a slow learner, but I learn.
Thank you.
TMS, if the last paragraph is true, then who cares if she knows? It's her loss. Go out and live your best life like you're doing. If she somehow knows that (and trust me, she probably knows more than you think), and gets curious, great. If not, great too since the new TMS is out crushing life without her!
DBing is about saving yourself. Sometimes the marriage comes along for the ride. Sometimes it doesn't. Either way you'll be just fine. Even better than fine, you'll be awesome.
Last edited by SteveLW; 05/10/2312:30 PM.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
R2C and Steve have given EXCELLENT advice on this page (page 8).
Study it carefully.
You may THINK you're detached, but the simple fact that you asked her to walk, she said no and you came here about it - suggests you are a long way off.
That’s not a criticism… just an observation. It takes a LONG time to achieve detachment, it’s a grind that you need to remain committed to.
