I was the one who left the house. I collected all the kitchen items I wanted and set them on the dinning room table for her "blessing". She took back the kitchen aid mixer. I bought a new one. No need to quibble, especially if you both have to pay lawyers to do it.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Wife supposed to be coming back to town tomorrow to take things. Trying to prepare myself mentally. Appears she finally got a new cell phone plan after I reminded her of the need to do this. I'm glad she did but for some reason it still feels like a gut punch.
I see pictures of her occasionally on social media. She looks so happy. I don't wish her misery by any means but it is paradoxically disheartening to see her doing well. I understand that these photos are just a snapshot in time and that I don't know what is going on under the surface - could be the turmoil that I expect. Not necessarily looking for answers/solution to this phenomenon. Just wanted to put the words down and get it off my chest.
URSO, have you given any thought to shutting down social media, at least temporarily? I find that so many LBSs are tripped up by it. And even use it as a form of snooping.
Better to not see it.
Also when she comes to get things, I'd make myself scarce of possible. Little good can come out of interacting with her so be out GAL!
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
I remember when my W got her own cell phone plan too. Yes, it was gut punch.
I agree with Steve. Social media usually drags one around.
Those pictures are like you said, a snapshot, a moment in time, the outer facade. Realize your W is running. To her everything is shinny and new. There is a bubbling cauldron of emotions and confusion within her, and she is going to keep herself busy so to not have to dig into that.
Do be scarce when she is picking up those items. Less interaction will likely be better.
Hang in there man.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Everyone talks about validating. I would think there is a fine line between that and making it seem that you think their actions/behavior is acceptable. I have been treated terribly for the past months. She asks that this all be ‘amicable’ but has done nothing in the form of communication or otherwise to make it so. I don’t want to teach her a lesson in some sort of lesson but I also don’t want to give the impression that I agree with the path she is choosing or her actions in doing so.
General pattern: Identify and acknowledge the emotion and Acknowledge the source.
From the internet: For example, imagine that your loved one is behaving angrily toward you. If they have already communicated that they are feeling angry, simply demonstrate that you've heard them: "I understand you are angry." If they haven’t communicated their feelings, you might say, "You seem really angry. Is that what’s going on?"
What Is Emotional Validation Emotional validation is the act of tuning in, acknowledging, and accepting another person’s feelings, even if they’re negativescarry. It involves listening to others express their emotions without ignoring, dismissing, belittling, rejecting, or judging them even if you do not agree with their emotional response.
Originally Posted by URS0
I would think there is a fine line between that and making it seem that you think their actions/behavior is acceptable.
Can't control other people. What you can do is control how you respond to them.
Originally Posted by URS0
I have been treated terribly for the past months.
Sounds like you need to set and enforce boundaries.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
She asks that this all be ‘amicable’ but has done nothing
I just search "amicable divorce". You can clarify what your definition is by doing the same. IF she brings this topic up again, you can ask her what she means by amicable, and get clarification of her definition.
IF she get frustrated (or what ever emotion), then "emotional validate".
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Validation is acknowledging that her feelings are valid. She has a right to feel how she feels. This is not condoning nor agreeing with her course or choices.
Actions she takes is where boundaries would come in. You need not tolerate disrespectful behaviour and/or language and such directly aimed at you.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Went relatively poorly. I was very calm coming into it but she had things all over the house and wasn’t really prepared to discuss/iron out details as I had discussed. Poor communication on her part has driven this rollercoaster for the past months so I shouldn’t have been surprised. Not happy about it but I guess at least it’s over. At least when she asked for a hug I told her that wasn’t appropriate and that I didn’t want to see her tomorrow when she gets the last of her things.
