Just reflecting on our past. Lots of things I'm realizing weren't good. BD one year anniversary coming up has gotten me thinking about where are now versus BD. I'm starting to question what it is I'm really fighting for. A marriage that wasn't what I thought it was. I was probably as unhappy as W for many years and just kept my head down, doing what I thought was right. I do remember always thinking things would get better if I just stick it out. She will realize I love her and eventually come around. Maybe we should throw in the towel and move on. We both spent a lot of years making the other unhappy. I see how she treats her biological family versus how she always treated me. There's a difference and that difference is stark. Don't take that as she was terrible to me. I just never felt like she was on my team, for lack of a better way to put it. Without a lot of work on both our parts nothing will change and she shows no interest in putting in the work. Maybe she's smarter or more realistic than I am. Not looking for sympathy, not really feeling down. Just thinking about a lot of new things that I've possibly been avoiding.
MikeP I swear you read my mind and wrote this about me. They are the reasons why we are now working on ourselves to become better people. To stop sleep walking, wake up, and get a life. with or without them in the end, they gave us a gift.
M:51 W:43 T:17 M:15 S:13 D11 10/2022 BD/IHS 03/2023 W moves out
It's like I'm being friend zoned. Lots of "love you", no intimacy initiation like before. Happy despite the stress from her parents. Just a feeling that she's happy hanging out at the end of the day for an hour or so and then off to bed. Maybe it's just me. Not dwelling on it, just posting how I feel. I remember LH19 talking about them sliding back into the old R. I don't want her to do that. I need us to eventually talk about some unresolved issues and work on our problems. Not today or tomorrow but at some point. I have been GALing better. Also spending time with d13 working on softball now that bball is over and we're into sb season.
Any thoughts on doing a R temperature check when BD 1 year anniversary gets here in a little over a week? For awhile I had set that day as an unofficial deadline, time to move on if nothing had changed. Not sure that’s the right move now. Is it a mistake to start a conversation about R status at least?
Hey Mike, I have no idea but I really hope for the best for you.I think it makes sense to gain perspectives from this group. Can’t remember, are you also getting IC? I’m thinking for me a temp check would not be the play at this stage but rather me continuing on in the other direction, moving forward, really GAL, detaching, no pursuit and zero expectations of W.
Any thoughts on doing a R temperature check when BD 1 year anniversary gets here in a little over a week? For awhile I had set that day as an unofficial deadline, time to move on if nothing had changed. Not sure that’s the right move now. Is it a mistake to start a conversation about R status at least?
Let’s play out a likely scenario if you temp check her. MP: W it’s been x amount of time since you have returned home and I do not feel we have the same goals moving forward in our marriage. W: what do you mean I’m home aren’t I. MP: yes but I don’t feel like you are all in trying to repair our marriage. W: I am trying but I can’t help they way I feel.
This is likely how it will play out. What would be your final response? If it’s nothing then no sense bring it up. If it’s something then I would like to hear what your response would be.
Any thoughts on doing a R temperature check when BD 1 year anniversary gets here in a little over a week? For awhile I had set that day as an unofficial deadline, time to move on if nothing had changed. Not sure that’s the right move now. Is it a mistake to start a conversation about R status at least?
Let’s play out a likely scenario if you temp check her. MP: W it’s been x amount of time since you have returned home and I do not feel we have the same goals moving forward in our marriage. W: what do you mean I’m home aren’t I. MP: yes but I don’t feel like you are all in trying to repair our marriage. W: I am trying but I can’t help they way I feel.
This is likely how it will play out. What would be your final response? If it’s nothing then no sense bring it up. If it’s something then I would like to hear what your response would be.
Yeah, you’re right. In the beginning I set 1 year as a “deadline” for myself. I was very angry then and not thinking correctly. I suppose I’m being impatient. Like I mentioned before, I don’t want her to just ease back into our old R and sweep everything under the rug so to speak. Patience is difficult. Thanks.
Hey Mike, I have no idea but I really hope for the best for you.I think it makes sense to gain perspectives from this group. Can’t remember, are you also getting IC? I’m thinking for me a temp check would not be the play at this stage but rather me continuing on in the other direction, moving forward, really GAL, detaching, no pursuit and zero expectations of W.
Haven’t been to IC since I retired in January. Money is a little tighter. I’ve been thinking I need to start back. Thanks.
