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#2942315 01/17/23 12:56 AM
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Of course, yet again debated starting a thread, but I wanted to address those who took the time out to give feedback.

1st, physical appearance is NOT my kryptonite. A bonus, sure, but good looks has never been what has caused me to overlook things. My kryptonite is someone who actually does spend time with me. If you make time for me, I tend to give more of a chance.

Yes, he kind of stinks at communication. I am currently deciding if this works for me. It’s early on, I’m learning him and vice versa. I could kick him to the curb right this moment for sure. But why? No need. Still getting to know each other.

Yes, he texted me this morning saying “I guess you are taking this the ball is in my court for communication seriously?” I told him on Friday I would no longer initiate texting. I told him I absolutely am taking it seriously. He wanted to have lunch together today. He thought I was off, which I am not, I literally had one holiday off this year, lol. I’m a nurse . Anyways he said “I know you may not believe this, but I miss you” we are keeping our date we had made for Wednesday.

He is into me. I do know this. And he’s not an avoidant either. But I do think he has some level of ADD. Not an alcoholic, no other women as far as I know.

Time will tell. That’s all I know. I don’t need to tell him to take a walk yet. So, let’s see what happens Wednesday night



Previous thread:

https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2941538

Last edited by DnJ; 01/17/23 01:32 AM. Reason: Added link to previous thread.
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…. And on a ME note, my right hip has been in excruciating pain. Both always are sore and stiff unless I’m really moving, but I can’t even sleep my right hip hurts so bad. I decided to make an orthopedic appt and I had to get X-rays before hand. Apparently I have mild bilateral degenerative joint disease of the hip.

I feel soooooo old. Still won’t stop me from my hard hard workouts. It’s probably the only time they aren’t in that much pain. But after? OMG, it hurts so bad. I just can’t stop my exercise. It keeps me sane.

I’m fortunate to have smooth skin. No, wrinkles and look young. ( humble vain brag). I look strong and healthy from the outside, but lord help me, I hurt on the inside !!!!

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Quote
Still won’t stop me from my hard hard workouts.

Should cause you to rethink your exercise program to something lower impact though.

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Originally Posted by Ginger1
physical appearance is NOT my kryptonite… My kryptonite is someone who actually does spend time with me.

I could kick him to the curb right this moment for sure. But why? No need. Still getting to know each other.

Time will tell. That’s all I know. I don’t need to tell him to take a walk yet.

I can’t disagree with any of this. I might add your Kryptonite is also someone you pays you attention. But I also agree there is no reason to stop now. I just wish you could be not so focused on it all. Really, truly honestly be like, “started dating someone, way too early to tell, I see some red flags but who knows. I’ll know in a month or two.” That’s where I’d be. Heck that’s where I’ve been several times in the second half of last year. But that’s just not you.

I see many write “it’s a marathon not a sprint”. Problem is you want to run the sprints. It’s no sin but it tends to complicate things. It’s okay not to know where things are headed, especially in the first few months.


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Originally Posted by Ginger1
…. And on a ME note, my right hip has been in excruciating pain. Both always are sore and stiff unless I’m really moving, but I can’t even sleep my right hip hurts so bad. I decided to make an orthopedic appt and I had to get X-rays before hand. Apparently I have mild bilateral degenerative joint disease of the hip.
First step was get a softer mattress. Learn to sleep on back, if you can..
The pain will not go away unless addressed medically. Trust me..
I say this, because if you are already strong due to work outs, and your muscles are holding the skeletal up well, than the injury is the soft tissue, and it doesnt rebuild that well as you get older.
But, seek Medical attention, as I am not a nurse or doctor, just a patient..


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DonH #2942344 01/17/23 06:26 PM
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Originally Posted by DonH
Originally Posted by Ginger1
physical appearance is NOT my kryptonite… My kryptonite is someone who actually does spend time with me.

I could kick him to the curb right this moment for sure. But why? No need. Still getting to know each other.

Time will tell. That’s all I know. I don’t need to tell him to take a walk yet.

I can’t disagree with any of this. I might add your Kryptonite is also someone you pays you attention. But I also agree there is no reason to stop now. I just wish you could be not so focused on it all. Really, truly honestly be like, “started dating someone, way too early to tell, I see some red flags but who knows. I’ll know in a month or two.” That’s where I’d be. Heck that’s where I’ve been several times in the second half of last year. But that’s just not you.

I see many write “it’s a marathon not a sprint”. Problem is you want to run the sprints. It’s no sin but it tends to complicate things. It’s okay not to know where things are headed, especially in the first few months.
and this is where I differ from both of you - life's too short to waste time on people who throw up red flags this early in the game. it's like a bus, next...


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I’m definitely not trying to sprint. What for? I don’t have a biological clock anymore, lol. It’s broken.


I could run away at the first sight of “red” flags, but to me they are yellow when I factor them in to other things. I’m also not inventing tons of time and energy. Tomorrow night we are doing bar trivia at one of my favorite spots. So, if it doesn’t work out, it’s not wasted time to me. I actually got to go to trivia and drink $5 beers. I don’t consider that time wasted.

It’s not the biggest thing going on in my life now.
I’m just living. Working, parenting, trying to fit some fun in when I can .
I definitely stopped doing all high impact exercise for a while. With bad feet, one bad knee and these achy hips, jumping and running is NOT for me anymore. Functional strength training is where it’s at. Building muscle and getting my cardio all in one. And I do my exercise bike, because that’s easy on the joints. I’m going to look into some real CBD I hear it helps with the arthritis pain a lot.

Also, I think I might actually be getting sick ( haven’t been sick in years) achy, tired, feeling feverish. I thought it was exhaustion, but I still feel that way today. So i guess I may not have a date tomorrow.

I’m a big ole baby when I get sick

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to me it's not running away. to me a red flag is just that, a signal to stop, pay attention and act accordingly. i'm not wasting time on red flags.


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That this too, was a gift."
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Originally Posted by bttrfly
to me it's not running away. to me a red flag is just that, a signal to stop, pay attention and act accordingly. i'm not wasting time on red flags.

Makes sense. That’s why I don’t classify all flags as red or green. There is a yellow category for me. Sometimes I need to understand or know the person a little better to throw a flag into the red or green zone.

I have been super quick at calling at red flags red or green flags green when they were actually the opposite.

Now, there are glaringly red flags I will walk away from immediately.

And for me, of course I have a bigger picture than what has been written here, it’s yellow flags for me. His green flags are more than his yellow right now. And nothing is red to me.

We all have different views of what is red, green, or yellow for us

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you know best in your situation.

what you've described here I would classify as red flags.

I have low tolerance for people who make dates and don't keep them. They don't get a chance to do so twice with me.

Flaking on a phone call --- I might give a second chance, depending on circumstance, but not a third.

But, that's just me.


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So I can see both sides of this depending on the type of person you are. If you are someone like Don or myself you can see where it goes and no harm no foul. Someone like BF doesn’t want to waster her time with someone who disrespects her time or needs. Neither is right or wrong because we all know people are different.

It would be nice G to see you walk the walk one time. You want connection, you want someone exited to see you, you need deep conversations etc.. which is all great by the way. Just once with a guy you really like (not some boob) I would like you to say “this isn’t working for me”. I promise you if he’s really into you he will get his $hit together.

To do this you have to believe you are with it.

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I have said “this isn’t working for me” with multiple men. Multiple times, even when they tried to come back a second or third time.

I have walked the walk. When this isn’t working for me, he will know and I will move on. Even hockey guy I told him when it wasn’t working for me and I walked away.

I think the difference is what makes me walk away. I know what it is and when it’s right for me. That differs for everyone.

I walk the walk all the time

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Originally Posted by Ginger1
I think the difference is what makes me walk away. I know what it is and when it’s right for me. That differs for everyone.
For sure G everyone is different and that what makes the world an interesting place.

Yeah you walked away from hockey guy after twice being used for several months which is growth for sure. Interesting you found him of having a great soul but yeah I guess everyone's different.

Now is time for more growth. You're late, cancel dates, and ignore the questions I ask you. That doesn't work for me. Then you walk and never look back unless he is willing to correct those behaviors. This is the tough and scary part. My last GF did it and I respect the $hit out of her for doing it. I know easier said then done but that is when you will finally get what you want from a guy. If not we will continue down this road.

Does keeping dates, being on time and answering questions sound like an unreasonable request? I won't even get into the whole texting thing. If it does then we are all f'd in this world.

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Just to clarify, he never actually cancelled on me. One time he had to pick up his son and was going to be late and I chose to cancel because it was too late for me. Second time he had to cancel the actual plans we had because he forgot he had his sons high school meet and greet night. We still saw eachother, but yup, he missed the actual thing we had planned. I would feel like a real jerkoff for not cutting him slack for his kids stuff. I’ve been guilty of forgetting things like that until the last minute, and I have grace for what I hope someone would give me the same grace for.

Now, if he were to do it again tonight, I would tell him it doesn’t work for me. The reasons why make a difference. But a 3 rd time for the same reason in a short period of time I will not fly. Doesn’t work for me.

And just an FYI, hockey guy ended it with me first, I ended it with him second time. I decided when it wasn’t working for me anymore and put the nail in the coffin

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Enough of me did Sir Flakealot show up/ on time yesterday?

LH19 #2942553 01/19/23 08:11 PM
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Incidentally, I had a cocktail with lemon honey ginger syrup this weekend. Couldn't help but think of you and LH. They went surprisingly well together.

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LH is the lemon, right?
wink


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"Someone I loved once gave me
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That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Originally Posted by LH19
Enough of me did Sir Flakealot show up/ on time yesterday?


I’ve decided to keep my love life private, sorry

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Originally Posted by Ginger1
I’ve decided to keep my love life private, sorry
You are getting wiser G money lol.

My bet is he showed but late. Did I ever tell you that was a major point of contention in my marriage? We were always late for everything.

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You can bet, but you’ll never know !!!!

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Originally Posted by LH19
Did I ever tell you that was a major point of contention in my marriage? We were always late for everything.

Mine too! My XH was late to EVERYTHING! It got to the point that I’d flat out lie to him and tell him stuff started earlier than it really did in hopes of getting there on time.


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Originally Posted by Ginger1
I’ve decided to keep my love life private, sorry

Oh yeah, makes total sense, on a DISCUSSION board about dating and relationships after divorce. Makes total sense. We’ll just talk about the weather and stuff. Oh and hockey scores. smile

Of course if he showed up on time and it was a great date…

Partly cloudy and 35 here right now. But give me about 24 hours and it should be sunny and near 80 - unless Southwest or our new woke FAA let’s me down.


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Light fluffy snow here. It's quite pretty!


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So spill it. What happened that you are single again?

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All we have seen is rain. No snow . It’s been a weird winter

DonH #2942649 01/21/23 12:46 PM
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Originally Posted by DonH
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I’ve decided to keep my love life private, sorry

Oh yeah, makes total sense, on a DISCUSSION board about dating and relationships after divorce. Makes total sense. We’ll just talk about the weather and stuff. Oh and hockey scores. smile

Of course if he showed up on time and it was a great date…

Partly cloudy and 35 here right now. But give me about 24 hours and it should be sunny and near 80 - unless Southwest or our new woke FAA let’s me down.

I plan on not discussing it anymore. Whether it’s good or bad. I won’t discuss anything else either. Not even hockey or my hots for BL.

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Well sorry it didn’t work out. No harm done.

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Thanks. And exactly, no harm done

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That sux, expereince and talk story, (Hawaiian) teaches us.
But, if you want to keep things private, then much respect.
Good luck Ginger. Stay true to yourself.


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Originally Posted by Ginger1
All we have seen is rain. No snow . It’s been a weird winter
i've had the heat off quite often.

not that i'm complaining about that.

I'm sorry it didn't work out.


M 20+ T25+
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Not in the topic of weather or dating or sports……

D was with her father this weekend. I did have plans for Saturday night, which were cancelled for obvious reasons. D came home from school on Friday and said her stomach has been hurting since that morning. Not a GI issue she says. She had a babysitting job soon and it was too late to cancel and she said she would go. I dropped her off and her dad picked her up. I checked in like every half hour . She was in pain, but she said she was fine.

I asked again yesterday morning and she said it’s still there. No GI issue, able to eat, but position changes and heating pads were the only relief.

Now, yes it was hers dads weekend, but he was going to Long Island at 3 pm and staying to watch the game. Of course I have this strong feeling his mistress was there as well, but whatever. D was home with her grandmother and stepmother.

She texts me at 4:30 and says the pain is still really bad. At this point I tell her I am coming to get her and brining her to the ER. She’s fine thank god, but the 2 concerns for were for ovarian cyst or appendicitis.which I knew and that’s why I brought her. After 6 hours and US and a a CT scan it is an ovarian cyst. Thank god it wasn’t appendicitis.

She says to me in the car on the way home “ is it sad that dad didn’t come?” I explained that he was drinking so it wouldn’t be a good idea to drive and I’m sure if I told him he needed to come he would. I hate that she has to think that way.

I hate that she questions if he could rely on him. She knows no matter where I was I would be there. Never a question in that. It is sad that she craves more time with him and when it is his time, he makes other plans. It’s not a big deal when I do it , because she sees me all the time . But I think when he does it , it makes her sad.

Good news is she’s not in as much pain as yesterday, the IV toradol helped and she left to see her cousins cheer competition which were her plans today she didn’t want to miss. Her dad didn’t “want to go” so she went with her grandma.

I’m so happy her grandmother got well and moved back to NJ. They have a really special bond. D actually did her makeup and hair yesterday and made her look 20 years younger. She looked fantastic! She does look good for her age. She loves spending time with her and I’m happy she got to have that.

Anyways, how about them giants? We watched from the hospital room. Yikes, that was awful

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Ugh - your ex is such a creep, I hope incidents like this help remind you how much better off you are without him.

Sorry things didn’t work out with the last guy but glad you know you deserve better.

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i was thinking appendicitis, and am relieved it is not that!


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Originally Posted by Ginger1
I plan on not discussing it anymore. Whether it’s good or bad. I won’t discuss anything else either. Not even hockey or my hots for BL.
You just ruined my weekend...


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Ginger1,
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Now, yes it was hers dads weekend, but he was going to Long Island at 3 pm and staying to watch the game. Of course I have this strong feeling his mistress was there as well, but whatever. D was home with her grandmother and stepmother.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
She says to me in the car on the way home “ is it sad that dad didn’t come?” I explained that he was drinking so it wouldn’t be a good idea to drive and I’m sure if I told him he needed to come he would. I hate that she has to think that way.
Your daughter deserves better. So did you btw.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
She texts me at 4:30 and says the pain is still really bad. At this point I tell her I am coming to get her and brining her to the ER.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
She knows no matter where I was I would be there. Never a question in that.
You're a wonderful mother. For all he's done wrong, your Ex picked the right woman to be the mother of his child.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
She’s fine thank god
Glad to hear she's OK

Originally Posted by Ginger1
It is sad that she craves more time with him and when it is his time, he makes other plans.
It's mostly sad for her, but really it's sad for both of them.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
Anyways, how about them giants? We watched from the hospital room. Yikes, that was awful
Was it? :-)


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Glad to hear little G is doing well. Sad about her dad and how he puts her down the priority list. My ex did that with his D23 one too many times when she was a teen and is paying the price as she no longer wants him in her life. Thankfully he wasn’t doing that to our twins at a time when they would have been aware enough to understand that he was choosing to be away from them. It breaks my heart that D23 was old enough as despite her “I don’t care” attitude, I know that isn’t really the case. It’s just her way of convincing herself that it doesn’t hurt. I know it did and I know it still does. Anyway…I hope your ex has some kind of epiphany about what an ass he is being and takes steps to change things. I have certainly seen this in XH with our kids and am grateful they feel solid in their relationship with him.

Just curious… do you know for sure that your XH is cheating on his wife? Do you think she already knows and is just choosing to maintain the status quo? Or do you think she doesn’t know?

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Checking in on lil G. How's she feeling today Ginger?


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

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She’s definitely feeling better, thank you very much. She was able to do a tik tok dance last night. I knew when she couldn’t stand up straight and tik tok something was wrong, lol. She was a great patient, I’m proud of her.

VU- this past summer D went on a vacation with her dad and her stepmothers parents. They rented a house in Puerto Rico. D was not having a good time and her dad lost his wallet or something, so they came home a day early together . They were sitting on the plane and the ex was in IG messenger with his wife’s best best friend. D, saw the text exchange. “I miss you’s, I can’t want to see you “ and kissy faces. Then when they got home, her dad left the house and said he was going to NY and don’t tell His wife. D noticed he was wearing the shirt that this woman bought him ( apparently she gets him a Harley t shirt when she travels) and a second souvenir, one that D noticed he bought 2 of. D was very very very upset. She told me what she saw that night. I’m the end she decided she didn’t want to tell her father what she knew. It’s me and D who know. She’s pretty much put it out of her mind. 2 weeks prior Ex took a solo trip to the island of St Maarten. He left his wife behind and took himself to a tropical island. I had suspected something then, and this kind of confirmed it. I do think his wife knows he is cheating and is turning a blind eye, however, I don’t think she knows that he is cheating with her married best friend.

On another note, I think my filter is coming off sometimes around my D now that she is older about her father and it probably isn’t good. Super Bowl Sunday is his weekend. Every year they go to his sisters party and he starts at 2pm with a poker game. D informed me yesterday that she and her friend will be babysitting 9 of the kids of the guests at someone else’s house. She then informed me I have to bring them. I said “it’s your dads weekend and you are babysittting for the party, he can take you” she says, oh, well he’s going to be in the middle of his poker game. I said “ maybe I had plans?” Her “you never have plans on Super Bowl Sunday!” ( this is true, but still)
I’m just more vocal now. I know I am the one D can rely on and I certainly don’t want to put her in the middle. But this man is just living his best life over there with no real responsibility. I mean, I guess I “allowed it” but it’s my kid and I’m going to do for her.

It’s just frustrating

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glad she's feeling better.
yeah - shields up on the filter, G... he's still her dad (I know you know that) ... I have to watch myself too ...


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

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Little G check in from earlier this week - she still doing well?


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D 12/23/16

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She’s doing much better , thanks for asking. Dave and busters with her friend tonight instead of the ER!

BL, you are welcome to join me, since I’ll be sitting at the bar alone .

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great news!


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D 12/23/16

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Dave and busters was a bust, we went too early and it was all little kids so they wanted to leave. It’s attached to the mall so that’s what they did. Apparently some kid asked my daughter for her snap. She was online for a pretzel and didn’t even realize what happened. Apparently, that is the equivalent of asking for the digits. Props to the boy who went for it! My daughter will be 15 this year, never had a boyfriend, no first kiss, none of that. The pickins are definitely slim in her school .she is not boy crazy at all, I do encourage her to talk to the opposite sex. The boy that is her friend is transgender, lol. He’s such a nice smart kid and helps my D all the time with honors geometry. He also steals her phone and texts me .

It turns out her sweet 16 is practically a party for ex’s side of the family. He’s inviting like 20 people ! She’s inviting 17. I’m inviting maybe 7. And of course we are splitting it down the middle . Whatever. Sometimes I get down that it’s another event I don’t have “my person” by my side and I fly solo. I’m used to it for sure, considering I have never had a significant other for such events. But it would be nice to have my support person.

Work was really tough last week. It’s my first time doing performance evals and it’s for 27 people. I was cramming them. It was a nice opportunity to meet with them 1 on 1. But I was literally working 10 hour days and working even when I got home. I got my performance evaluation, which was as expected because I’m new to the position. It’s raise worthy yes, but in 4 months, naturally I have room to improve. She did tell me I’m doing great, gave me positive feedback and areas she would like to see me grow. Fair enough.

I am actually struggling a little bit there. It has to do with my counterpart and probably my own insecurities. We get along just fine, but her personality grates me . She has followed my boss everywhere for years. They know eachother well. I got the first position she got the second one when it became available. She always has something to prove. She loud, she’s very extra, she talks over everyone, she needs to have her story heard ALL THE TIME. If you say something about someone else or something else, it becomes about her every single time. Even when we discuss patients! I have personality for sure, but I am a listener. I’m very chill as well. Certain employees have gravitated towards her because of how extra over the top she is and she is a personality in your face. Others have gravitated towards me because she is too much, probably.
She gets stressed easily though, I do not.

I feel like I have to be more like her because she is just so in your face. It’s pretty fake to me, because I can see through that. But yes, it’s the first time I feel kind of “threatened” and I don’t like it.

I also miss my former office mate so much. I trusted her so much, I loved spending time with her. We listened to eachother, we felt comfortable with eachother. This one, I just don’t even want to share with her. One time I did and one sentence in, it became a story about her . I’m done with that.

That’s my journal for the week. I’m feeling a little off. Maybe disconnected from people. I took next Tuesday off to have a spa day with my bestie. . I feel like myself around her. Truth is, I don’t feel safe being myself around many people.

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Good Morning Ginger

Originally Posted by Ginger1
…in 4 months, naturally I have room to improve. She did tell me I’m doing great, gave me positive feedback and areas she would like to see me grow. Fair enough.

I am actually struggling a little bit there. It has to do with my counterpart and probably my own insecurities. We get along just fine, but her personality grates me . She has followed my boss everywhere for years. They know eachother well. I got the first position she got the second one when it became available. She always has something to prove. She loud, she’s very extra, she talks over everyone, she needs to have her story heard ALL THE TIME. If you say something about someone else or something else, it becomes about her every single time. Even when we discuss patients!.

Your counterpart will not be the cause of your struggles or your successes. You succeed because of you.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
I also miss my former office mate so much. I trusted her so much, I loved spending time with her.

I believe you had a promotion to a more supervisory/authority role. With that, comes a different relationship with your coworkers and staff.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
Certain employees have gravitated towards her because of how extra over the top she is and she is a personality in your face. Others have gravitated towards me because she is too much, probably.

Guesswork on why and what motivates your staff.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
I feel like I have to be more like her because she is just so in your face. … I feel kind of “threatened” and I don’t like it.

A response to feeling threatened.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
It’s my first time doing performance evals and it’s for 27 people.

Wow, that is a lot of evaluations! Long hours indeed.


Some advice/encouragement.

G, being in charge is not about being the boss. It’s about caring for those in your charge.

Why do some folks gravitate towards your counter part? Why some towards you? Why do you feel threatened?

When doing evaluations of my staff, after the competencies and skills assessment part and we were into the final discussion/dialog, I always asked them “What can I do, more of or less of, to help you be more successful?”.

The first time around they were shocked. A boss actually wanting feedback. Actually willing to listen. That first time, of course, very few answers. The next round, everyone had a thoughtful answer ready. And every subsequent evaluation we discuss how “we”, them and I, can become more successful.

Following through with those discussed and agreed upon actions will most assuredly have folks gravitate towards you. I had such a loyal bunch of coworkers and staff. And that doesn’t come from being “so in your face”. It also transforms one from “boss” into “leader”.

The formal 1 on 1 evaluation is one thing. Everyday you live/display that caring about those in your charge. Team leader. And leading happens from the back. The rear, where those that are lagging behind and struggling are. It’s less “follow me”; and more “that’s where we need to be” and inspiring/motivating the entire team to get there.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
I am a listener. I’m very chill as well.

Excellent traits for a leader.

You’re not an imposter. Just experiencing the steepness of the learning curve. You totally belong in the role. Embrace it and make it your’s.

D


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Thanks for the feedback, Dnj. Yes, any failures or successes I have will be because of me and no one else. This I know. And she is not responsible for how I feel. I am.

I am in a management position now, yes. At a different hospital in my system. Some days I ask myself if I made the right choice. My 8 hours a day at work are very important to me. It’s a big part of my life. And I had it good sharing my space with someone I just really got along with, not to even mention how friendly I was with the rest of the staff, especially on the unit and in other departments. It made my day that much better. Leaving my job that I actually really liked and felt like home was not an easy decision to come by. That being I said, I do like my new job. I am growing in it. I’m learning how to be a good leader. I am trusted.

The honest truth is we are very different personalities, me and the other manager. And can easily share space with most people. But 40 hours a week with her literally drains me. I stay quiet, because I can’t stand getting spoken over every time I say something. She’s too much for me, quite honestly. we had a coworker like that at my other job. Very nice woman, but it literally drains you to be in an office with her all day. She floated so it didn’t happen that often, but everyone talks about it. It’s ALOT.

I’ll just really have to find ways to deal with it. I hope now that these performance reviews will be done tomorrow and we are right -staffed for a bit, I can take more times to see my peeps on their units rather than being in my office. It’s also an adjustment being in the office all day for me. I had one on my unit at my other job, but I was in patient rooms, at the nurses station, etc. I do miss it. And this upcoming weekend after a months break, I will be at my old job Sunday. And I like going there and just being one of the staff case managers. Not the boss. It’s a welcomed break, quite honestly

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Originally Posted by Ginger1
I’m learning how to be a good leader. I am trusted.

The honest truth is we are very different personalities, me and the other manager. And can easily share space with most people. But 40 hours a week with her literally drains me. I stay quiet, because I can’t stand getting spoken over every time I say something. She’s too much for me, quite honestly. we had a coworker like that at my other job. Very nice woman, but it literally drains you to be in an office with her all day. She floated so it didn’t happen that often, but everyone talks about it. It’s ALOT.

I’ll just really have to find ways to deal with it. I hope now that these performance reviews will be done tomorrow and we are right -staffed for a bit, I can take more times to see my peeps on their units rather than being in my office. It’s also an adjustment being in the office all day for me. I had one on my unit at my other job, but I was in patient rooms, at the nurses station, etc. I do miss it. And this upcoming weekend after a months break, I will be at my old job Sunday. And I like going there and just being one of the staff case managers. Not the boss. It’s a welcomed break, quite honestly
She sounds like a control freak that has zero respect for people. Anytime someone finishes your sentence or doesnt allow you to finish what you have to say, is a person with no respect. Zero.


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My big news:

I finally hit the bullet and asked my ex to revisit child support. He wasn’t too shocked , but he did cry poverty. He’s really sucked dry every month paying for that stupid hotel timeshare they bought. Which has brought them to Italy, San Diego, Hawaii, and myrtle beach every year. 🙄 feel so bad. And she came into the marriage with student loan debt she is still laying off. Boooooohooooooo

But I was nice. I told him we can either work something out between us, or we can formally go through the courts. He said he is going to think on it.

I really only want money for the what my D needs. I explained that we don’t shop at children’s place anymore. Sneakers cost $100 she has a little
But if a social life. I told him she never asks you for this stuff and only me, and I want to be able to stop saying “ask your father” I say no to her often. But there are basic needs that I always fulfill that are just so expensive now.

I’m proud I finally did it. Trust me, I hate asking. I feel inadequate. I work a career and some extra, but being the only contributor to the house hold kills me. 2 of my incomes? That would be a whole different story .

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Originally Posted by Ginger1
My big news:

I finally hit the bullet and asked my ex to revisit child support.
YES!!! Well done. So glad to hear it. Reading this literally put a smile on my face.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
He wasn’t too shocked , but he did cry poverty. He’s really sucked dry every month paying for that stupid hotel timeshare they bought. Which has brought them to Italy, San Diego, Hawaii, and myrtle beach every year. 🙄 feel so bad.
Yeah...life's tough. Poor guy.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
And she came into the marriage with student loan debt she is still laying off. Boooooohooooooo
His AFFAIR PARTNER had student loan debt. Too bad so sad. I'm sure you know this, but it has ZERO legal impact on his child support obligations.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
I told him we can either work something out between us, or we can formally go through the courts. He said he is going to think on it.
I strongly advise you to A) run the numbers yourself an online calculator (inputs: your income, his income, your custody arrangement) and B) consult a L...or two! It's so important to have a firm understanding of what he should paying in support so that when he almost assuredly comes back to you with a low ball offer you can counter with something realistic. And trust me, a court magistrate or judge is NOT going to be sympathetic to him. You almost certainly have leverage.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
I’m proud I finally did it.
You should be proud of yourself! I could tell something was holding you back...way to take a stand.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
Trust me, I hate asking. I feel inadequate. I work a career and some extra, but being the only contributor to the house hold kills me.
Remember, this is not for you...it's for your daughter. You just did her a favor.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
2 of my incomes? That would be a whole different story.
Right...like the deal you signed up for...which he bailed on.

Well done Ginger! Way to stand up for yourself and your daughter!


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
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I’m glad I made you smile, BL!

There was a lot of eye rolling from me in that conversation. I validated, but I’m not feeling his pain. These were decisions HE made. He did say to me “you know if we do this through the courts, you have to disclose your salary?”

well, no sh!t Sherlock ! I’m looking to rob him. And my salary also includes my second job, which hurts me a bit, but I don’t have much of a choice:

I just want what is fair and current. NJ is a simple formula. I just want what’s fair and for our kid .

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I am very proud of you. The ball is in his court and if he doesn't respond back to you within a reasonable time, then I would move forward and take this issue to court.

I do not feel sorry for him. Even though he is paying for a timeshare, he is still able to fly off to these places and do all of those fun things and they do cost money. As for his current wife's student loans, that is on her and she brought that into the marriage. I'm sure he was well aware of that.

This is all about your daughter and her needs. Time for him to cough up additional funds. She is no longer 2 and you can buy her off going to Walmart for her necessities. She's older and requires more expensive clothes, etc.

I do not feel sorry for him one bit and to toss out that comment about you having to disclose your salary. Next time he says that, tell the man that you have no problem sharing your information with the magistrate.

Good for you! Don't let this slide...time for him to grow up and face his parental responsibilities.


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The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Good Morning Ginger

Originally Posted by Ginger1
But I was nice. I told him we can either work something out between us, or we can formally go through the courts. He said he is going to think on it.

I really only want money for the what my D needs.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
I just want what is fair and current. NJ is a simple formula.

It would be nice if you two could resolve this outside of a courtroom.

Do you have a number in mind?

I figure you have performed the calculation yourself and have an idea of the likely new amount. If you are considering negotiating and settling, it is good to know the likely imposed terms. Do remember upcoming education costs for university, college, trade schools, or whatever. The current fiscal pressure is going to increase a bit more for the next few years.

Hoping things proceed smoothly for you.

D


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Originally Posted by Ginger1
well, no sh!t Sherlock ! I’m looking to rob him. And my salary also includes my second job, which hurts me a bit, but I don’t have much of a choice:

Did you mean “I’m *not* looking to rob him.”?

If so, I’ll edit your post.

Pretty sure it’s just a typo. I’m sure you don’t feel or think you are robbing him.


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Well, I just got off the phone with him and now I actually do want to rob him. He did start crunching the numbers. Apparently, I would $12/week according to his calculations. And he will give me a one time payment of an extra $100.

He makes 81k per year. I made 123k last year. Because I work 2 jobs. When we were engaged, we both made big career changes. He left a well paying job he hated to do what he does not which started at 32k/year. I finished nursing school and back then I made 60k a year. We came to the decision and his job was going to be the one that set us up after retirement and mine was obviously the one that makes the money. I had to support just me and my daughter so I went back to school, furthered my degree, and worked my way up further . And for that I actually get screwed. He will retire by 55 with a full pension, healthcare paid for …… and I’ll work until I’m dead, likely 2 jobs.

It’s such a joke. I read all of these stories where women are making out like bandits on child support.

I couldn’t have gotten more screwed in this divorce financially. I’m certainly not going to town on my child support . Under $50 more a month. This is why I didn’t even want to bother . It was just going to make me angrier.

I know it’s been 15 years. But this is what I still get angry about. His decision has affected me lifelong. I can’t get ahead of the game even though I work my butt off. I have been stuck in this miserable state for 18 years because of his decisions.

Yeah, I’m feeling pretty angry and defeated right now. As I sit here at my second job.

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does your state have an online formula?

here it includes who's carrying insurance, and real time spent with each parent.

i'm proud of you for addressing this with him. don't let this slide. and don't take his word for it. do a consult with a lawyer to know what you're really entitled to. there will be additional expenses, like driver's ed, which was $1k back 5 or 6 years ago, prom, etc.


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I would look at the formula for your state. I would then speak to a lawyer about it. For one thing, would you need to work two jobs if you were getting a proper amount for child support?

Questions: Does he pay her health insurance? Does he pay for all or at least half of her dental and medical bills? Did he help pay for her braces? Does he pay half of anything else that your daughter needs? Your child support payment doesn't cover 1/3 of what you need for your daughter. Let's not forget driver's ed will be coming up and that means car insurance. College is around the bend too. Sports activities require uniforms, etc.

I would do a spreadsheet laying out what expenditures you are paying for and have it ready to present to a lawyer.

I wouldn't believe a thing he's telling you. Of course, he's going to say what he did because he's hoping that you'll back down. Do not back down.

In my state, my cousin has 3 kids. The wife had an affair and they are divorced. He pays her child support, but he pays in full all dental and medical bills, carries them on his health insurance, paid for their driver's ed and insurance. He has paid more than his fair share and his exw pays for nothing except for when the kids come and stay with her. She got off easy.


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I crunched the numbers on the state calculator and they appear to be correct taking into account even his wife’s contribution to the house hold bills. Our disparity in income is roughly 40k per year.

He pays half her activities. She is insured under him, but that is $15 extra every 2 weeks. Her braces were free because of his coverage. She’s just with me most of the time so anything she needs, she asks me. she doesn’t get everything she wants, but it adds up. We will be splitting her behind the wheel school we need to pay for. In the beginning, because I made more as well, I had to lay 57% of daycare, which literally slaughtered me.


It’s just really sad and disappointing. Part of me wishes k had the opportunity to remarry to have a second income, sadly.

It just stinks. I’ve never had a chance to save in my life. I was paying my own rent and living expenses since 19. My own education. Lost money on our home in the divorce. There was just never a chance to save. I would live in a cheap studio for a while if it wasn’t for putting a decent roof over my daughters head in a decent school system.

Paying my own way since 18-19 years old, and paying me and my daughters own way since 27.

I’m tapped out. And yes, I’m feeling bad for myself today. I’m allowing it .

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By the way, I appreciate your support job. You have known me since my kiddo was a baby and all I have dealt with. I wish this was just more fair, but hey, life isn’t fair

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Don't give up. I would research every avenue to see if there is a way for him to provide more support, especially with her school activities and the "extras" that your daughter needs.

I know you feel bad about things, but there has to be some light at the end of the tunnel for you. You've worked so hard and have made every effort to have a good home for your daughter. Please, please still look into what, if anything, can help you out.

Don't give up. There has to be an answer out there that can help you.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Ginger1,

I really think you should consult an L or two. While I'm no L, there are a couple things you mention which don't sound right to me, and it's incredibly important you fully understand your rights for support before negotiating with him outside the courts. And to be honest, I kind of think you SHOULD go through the courts/legal process. Let the court rule on what's fair under the law. I would be shocked if it doesn't go in your favor. You working two jobs with a majority of the custody and him crying poverty all the time is not going to go over well with the judge/magistrate. You're grossly undercompensated right now for support. Who knows, maybe your jurisdiction would even have the judge allowed to award you back payments.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
And my salary also includes my second job, which hurts me a bit
I'm not sure you working a 2nd job would count against you under the law. I believe they'd factor in what you and your husband could make in a regular salary/or 40hour basis. Don't think you'll get penalized for busting your butt to scrape up more money for your daughter. Again, consult a L!

Originally Posted by job
I am very proud of you.
As am I! Way to stand up for you and your daughter!

Originally Posted by job
The ball is in his court and if he doesn't respond back to you within a reasonable time, then I would move forward and take this issue to court.
Agreed. He benefits by a delay...don't let him run out the clock.

Originally Posted by job
I do not feel sorry for him one bit and to toss out that comment about you having to disclose your salary. Next time he says that, tell the man that you have no problem sharing your information with the magistrate.
Yep. He's trying to bully you there. Say "OK! Let's go to the courts". Wait to see how quickly his story changes.

Originally Posted by job
Good for you! Don't let this slide...time for him to grow up and face his parental responsibilities.
Agreed! Don't let it slide.

Originally Posted by DnJ
If you are considering negotiating and settling, it is good to know the likely imposed terms. Do remember upcoming education costs for university, college, trade schools, or whatever. The current fiscal pressure is going to increase a bit more for the next few years.
Good point by DnJ on upcoming expenses. Factor that in.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
Well, I just got off the phone with him and now I actually do want to rob him. He did start crunching the numbers. Apparently, I would $12/week according to his calculations. And he will give me a one time payment of an extra $100.
DO NOT trust his calculations. It's in his interest to deceive. Consult a L! That's the only way you can be sure of what the courts would grant you.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
He makes 81k per year. I made 123k last year. Because I work 2 jobs.
Again, I don't think the courts count a 2nd or 3rd job against you when it comes to child support...but consult an L!

Originally Posted by bttrfly
i'm proud of you for addressing this with him. don't let this slide. and don't take his word for it. do a consult with a lawyer to know what you're really entitled to.
^YES

Originally Posted by job
I would look at the formula for your state. I would then speak to a lawyer about it.
^YES

Originally Posted by job
For one thing, would you need to work two jobs if you were getting a proper amount for child support?
^Right!!!

Originally Posted by job
I would do a spreadsheet laying out what expenditures you are paying for and have it ready to present to a lawyer.
The more documentation the better.

Originally Posted by job
I wouldn't believe a thing he's telling you. Of course, he's going to say what he did because he's hoping that you'll back down. Do not back down.
^YES, RIGHT! He has every incentive reason to lie and deceive and try to get you to back down. He is NOT going to like the result if you take him to court. Consult a L.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
I crunched the numbers on the state calculator and they appear to be correct
Maybe. But you're running it on your total income of two jobs?

Originally Posted by Ginger1
taking into account even his wife’s contribution to the house hold bills.
Does his W's income factor in? Usually not.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
It’s just really sad and disappointing. Part of me wishes I had the opportunity to remarry to have a second income, sadly.
Yeah...dual income household would make it much easier. That's what you signed up for...

Originally Posted by job
Don't give up. I would research every avenue to see if there is a way for him to provide more support, especially with her school activities and the "extras" that your daughter needs.

I know you feel bad about things, but there has to be some light at the end of the tunnel for you. You've worked so hard and have made every effort to have a good home for your daughter. Please, please still look into what, if anything, can help you out.

Don't give up. There has to be an answer out there that can help you.
^What job said


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Ginger1,

It's great you broached the subject of increase child support with ExH, but don't let his "calculations" or reasoning dissuade you...consult with an L, lay out all the facts, and see what they say you are owed. That's the only way you'll truly know what a court would likely rule. With that knowledge you can negotiate a fair deal.

If you're feeling really devious leverage his affair with his W's best friends against him. A little subtle poke there might persuade him to be more reasonable ;-) But seriously...at least consult the L. What do you have to lose, an hour of your time and $100-200?


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I’m so proud of you for standing up for yourself and little G, but do NOT let this weasel dissuade you from pursuing this. I agree with everyone else who said consult a lawyer. G, I know you are trying to keep any backlash to little G at a minimum here and you don’t want to rock the boat, but sister, it is far beyond time to rock the sh!t out of his happy little boat. He’s tiptoeing through life going on fancy vacations and working a job that affords him plenty of fun things while you work 2 to scrape by and provide for yourself and little G. I don’t know how things work in the land of Yankees, but down here in the south, the “new” wife’s income has NO bearing on anything. I know this from experience because when my XH and I were dealing with his girls’ mother on some things, she specifically asked that her child support be raised to include my income and we were very explicitly explained how my income was completely ignored in all aspects because I had no legal obligation to support the girls. I’m NOT siding with your XH’s w, mind you…just saying her income shouldn’t factor in any which way so he can’t use that.

Hang in there, G, and see a lawyer. Pursue what little G is entitled to!


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
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Marriage #2 12/31/2019
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Sadly, a lawyer would be a waste of money. It’s pretty simple here in NJ. A lawyer might get me an $50 tops per month: it’s just not worth the lawyer, the headache, the friction.

Her salary doesn’t go towards child support. Living expenses are calculated. So his contribution to his household is split and his bills are hall mine. And with the numbers he gave me, his mortgage is the same as mine, only he pays half.

I simply just got the short end of the stick. I had a bad night last night. I was really upset. Sometimes it just hits me 15 years later how much this has affected my life.

The good thing about today is I have my office to myself. My comanager is off for her birthday and I am thankful I don’t have to hear her talk about herself and recount every story word for word. I was going nuts last Friday. My other office mate, she sweet, I like her as a person, but she is totally burnt out and hates her job, and she complains ALOT lately. She’s off too.

Tomorrow I am off for a spa day with my BFF. I need this so much. I’m not in the best space mentally lately. I think maybe I need some warmth and sunshine in my life

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are you sure he's not lying about the numbers he's giving you?


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Ginger,

Two questions:

1) What is his percentage of time/custody?

2) What does he currently pay you in child support?


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He’s not lying about how much he makes. He is a state employee so his salary is public.

1) he has 29% custody

2)he currently pays me $88/ week in CS.

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I am going to ask a question and you do not have to answer it here if you don't want to. Is the current CS payment of $88 per week one that was agreed upon when your daughter was a baby? Have you ever gone back and requested additional CS since G was born?

The reason that I am asking this is because the times have changed and so has inflation. The cost of everything has gone up since G was born. $88 per week is pittance in today's world.

In MHO, this man has gotten off easy on CS payments. I shudder to think what he would be paying in my state.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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My
Originally Posted by job
I am going to ask a question and you do not have to answer it here if you don't want to. Is the current CS payment of $88 per week one that was agreed upon when your daughter was a baby? Have you ever gone back and requested additional CS since G was born?

The reason that I am asking this is because the times have changed and so has inflation. The cost of everything has gone up since G was born. $88 per week is pittance in today's world.

In MHO, this man has gotten off easy on CS payments. I shudder to think what he would be paying in my state.


Yes, this is the original support payment. I never bothered going back because I knew our income disparity was growing and it wouldn’t make as much of a difference. And I was correct.

This man has gotten off easy in many areas, lol. He’s lucky to have me as his ex-wife and his child’s mother. He made out pretty well.

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Hello Ginger

I agree with you. NJ’s calculator is pretty straightforward. Just like my locale.

I know you are hard working and busting it with two jobs. However, the wage differential and custody percentage is all the formula looks at. The legal system is frighteningly efficient and emotional-less when it come to divorce proceedings and support payments. Given your hard work ethic, you could have owed him, if he were a deadbeat.

And, I totally get the feeling of unfairness in all this.

So, do you believe his reported income? You certainly don’t need to take his word for it. However, you and he do have a pretty amicable relationship (more or less). Do you believe he’d purposefully mislead you about his income?

The $42K wage disparity is the biggest factor here. Even if you had 100% sole custody the child support calculation $170/week. And if H’s income were equal to your’s, CS would only amount to $150/week. You and I both know how little that is.

Just some questioning / reasoning to work through before you blow the lid off things. Risk vs reward.

A positive in all of this, you and XH are talking about child support. Personally, I’d probably not worry about the calculated $12/week increase. Even though he and you are willingly to find agreement outside of a courtroom. What I would discuss is future expenses. Unvisersity, driving, prom, etc. This whole conversation opens up where he stands on sharing those upcoming costs.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
I couldn’t have gotten more screwed in this divorce financially.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
Yeah, I’m feeling pretty angry and defeated right now. As I sit here at my second job.

Money. Yes, it’s important. And XH is meeting the legal requirements. Such as they are.

However, little G is more important.

Consider her and you. Your relationship. As you say, you were screwed financially. And only financially. Realize that. What you have, is worth more than money, and cannot be bought.

Feeling defeated. Yep. And that will flit. A temporary state.

Deep down, you have a wellspring of uplifting joy and pride and fulfilment with such a daughter in your life. And, truth be told, the hardships you’ve had to live through, make that even more golden.

Little G will never ever forget all you’ve sacrificed and provided for her. She currently doesn’t express nor understand the depth of all that. In time she will.

D


Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.
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on a happier note - by my calculation today is spa day??!!!! i vote for the hot stone massage xoxo enjoy the pampering!


M 20+ T25+
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Originally Posted by bttrfly
on a happier note - by my calculation today is spa day??!!!! i vote for the hot stone massage xoxo enjoy the pampering!

It was the best day ever! Started with breakfast and mimosas . Went to the spa with hot tubs, sauna and massages. Then for margs and dinner. I went with friend to her dR appt( it’s our doctor friend) she was the last spot, so the 3 of us went for margs and dinner after.

I really needed today. I felt genuinely happy. We have decided we are going to do the spa day every 3 months.

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Originally Posted by DnJ
Money. Yes, it’s important. And XH is meeting the legal requirements. Such as they are.

However, little G is more important.

Consider her and you. Your relationship. As you say, you were screwed financially. And only financially. Realize that. What you have, is worth more than money, and cannot be bought.

Feeling defeated. Yep. And that will flit. A temporary state.

Deep down, you have a wellspring of uplifting joy and pride and fulfilment with such a daughter in your life. And, truth be told, the hardships you’ve had to live through, make that even more golden.

Little G will never ever forget all you’ve sacrificed and provided for her. She currently doesn’t express nor understand the depth of all that. In time she will.

D
Well said, D! Couldn't agree more.

Ginger your ExH may enjoy his financial situation living in a two income household all these years, but you'll have a deeper relationship with your daughter. His loss.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
Originally Posted by bttrfly
on a happier note - by my calculation today is spa day??!!!! i vote for the hot stone massage xoxo enjoy the pampering!

It was the best day ever! Started with breakfast and mimosas . Went to the spa with hot tubs, sauna and massages. Then for margs and dinner. I went with friend to her dR appt( it’s our doctor friend) she was the last spot, so the 3 of us went for margs and dinner after.

I really needed today. I felt genuinely happy. We have decided we are going to do the spa day every 3 months.
Sounds perfect. Glad you got a much deserved you day.


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Thanks BL. Back to the normal stress and grind today. I will always have memories of yesterday.

I will always be thankful for the great relationship me and my D have. Although lately she’s been a bit relentless. “Mom, you need to do this, mom fix this, mom I need that, mom when are you going to…..” she thinks I’m some sort of machine. I guess it’s a compliment.

Hey BL, I’m not going to pursue you anymore, but I was wondering if you have been to the “sea hear now” music fest?

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Wow, G, that is so weird!!! My FB feed just showed me an ad for that festival, and I was looking at it to see where it was (why FB thinks I would fly across the country for it I have no idea, although - the Breeders, Weezer, Tegan and Sara.....).

And then I open up my computer and here you are mentioning it! I think it's a sign you should go!

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Originally Posted by Ginger1
I will always be thankful for the great relationship me and my D have. Although lately she’s been a bit relentless. “Mom, you need to do this, mom fix this, mom I need that, mom when are you going to…..” she thinks I’m some sort of machine. I guess it’s a compliment.
Sounds like my kids! Hoped that would change as they got older, but you're not reassuring me lol

Originally Posted by Ginger1
Hey BL, I’m not going to pursue you anymore, but I was wondering if you have been to the “sea hear now” music fest?
Never have, but interestingly enough just yesterday a friend posted about it on SM. Lineup looks great: Foo Fighters, Weezer, The Killers...etc. How old are The Beach Boys at this point? lol


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Originally Posted by Ginger1
Hey BL, I’m not going to pursue you anymore, but I was wondering if you have been to the “sea hear now” music fest?
Does BL need a restraining order if he is going to attend? lol

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Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Hey BL, I’m not going to pursue you anymore, but I was wondering if you have been to the “sea hear now” music fest?

Does BL need a restraining order if he is going to attend? lol

Nah, he’s safe. I respect boundaries.

BL- it’s a great lineup this year! I was invited last year but couldn’t go, but I wasn’t thrilled with the line up.

You should go! I promise not to stalk you !

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The Breeders song Cannonball was one of my favorites to play in my old band.

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Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Hey BL, I’m not going to pursue you anymore, but I was wondering if you have been to the “sea hear now” music fest?
Does BL need a restraining order if he is going to attend? lol
Stirring up trouble as usual LH? No protective order needed, I'm sure.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
You should go! I promise not to stalk you !
"Are you stalking me? Because that would be super."

Who knows...maybe we'll all meet up in person someday. For now I'll remain anonymous.


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BL, I respect your anonymity.

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Originally Posted by BL42
Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Hey BL, I’m not going to pursue you anymore, but I was wondering if you have been to the “sea hear now” music fest?
Does BL need a restraining order if he is going to attend? lol
Stirring up trouble as usual LH? No protective order needed, I'm sure.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
You should go! I promise not to stalk you !
"Are you stalking me? Because that would be super."

Who knows...maybe we'll all meet up in person someday. For now I'll remain anonymous.
Thanks for being honest BL and hopefully putting an end to it.

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What does that mean LH? “HOPEFULLY putting an end to it “?

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I don't know what he means, but I can say I felt a tad uncomfortable reading the pursuit ... but, you know me, i'm stuck in the Victorian era.


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Originally Posted by bttrfly
I don't know what he means, but I can say I felt a tad uncomfortable reading the pursuit ... but, you know me, i'm stuck in the Victorian era.

Yikes! I thought we were all having some joking fun.

Sorry if I made anyone uncomfortable , especially BL! It was all in good anonymous fun, seriously.

Well, I’ll slink away quietly now…….

This is a safe Place BL, and I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable !

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It's all good. Maybe next time throw in a few lols so we know you are joking. BL is a little skittish.

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Ginger, you did not make me uncomfortable; there's no need to "slink away".

Others speak for themselves, not me. I'm absolutely fine.

Not sure the word "skittish" is fair LH, but as others have noted once you connect with anyone it's easy to find everyone - just don't know yet whether I want to transition from anonymous to real life, that's all.


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Originally Posted by BL42
Not sure the word "skittish" is fair LH, but as others have noted once you connect with anyone it's easy to find everyone - just don't know yet whether I want to transition from anonymous to real life, that's all.
It's cool BL. As the late CW would say "you do you" lol.

BTW I have only connected with 4 people.

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Speak for yourself BL. I'm ready to connect with LH and take a road trip to the Downer.

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Originally Posted by Spiral
Speak for yourself BL. I'm ready to connect with LH and take a road trip to the Downer.

I mean if I get kidnapped what can I do? ;-)

Originally Posted by BL42
Originally Posted by bttrfly
so since y'all went dark i am assuming OB is either still scrolling through Super G's friends' list trying to find folks

OR

He found LH and they're plotting a kidnapping of BL to drag him to the Sundowner ...

And where is BL ???
No! Please! Don't force me! You two will have to take me kicking and screaming ;-)


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
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Spiral #2943359 02/09/23 07:16 PM
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Originally Posted by Spiral
Speak for yourself BL. I'm ready to connect with LH and take a road trip to the Downer.
Yeah man! I think Andy P is in that neck of the woods so we can shake him out.

LH19 #2943362 02/09/23 09:55 PM
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Originally Posted by LH19
BTW I have only connected with 4 people.

Does CW and Traveller count as 1 or 2?


Me: 41 W:42
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"What happened happened, and couldn't have happened any other way...because it didn't"
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CW is dead to me.

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I always speak for myself, and only myself. Thought I'd made that clear.


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S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

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spiral, I think you might be my next victim

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Be careful G. I won't run away. I'm down for singing, dancing, and making beautiful mistakes. You ever been to the St. Regis in New York?

Spiral #2943379 02/10/23 10:21 AM
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Originally Posted by Spiral
Be careful G. I won't run away. I'm down for singing, dancing, and making beautiful mistakes. You ever been to the St. Regis in New York?

I have vast experience in being other people’s mistakes 😂

No, I have not been to the st. Regis. I live close, but miles away from a place like that, if you know what I mean

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Oh boy here we go again lol. Spiral if you find G you will find me and your buddy Don H.

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Wait, I forgot to add an LOL.

But I will say, BL will always be my number one.

On a serious note, BL. I think you are a really cool stand up dude. This Sunday is a pretty big deal for your area .

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I guess that makes Spiral sloppy seconds lol.

I agree BL I think you are a straight up dude and see good things for you in the future.

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^^^^ just not this weekend.


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I'm sure the St Regis is nice, but I'm more of a Ritz Carlton kind of guy. In fact, look for me there this Sunday evening. On top of the awning. Dancing in celebration. Hope it doesn't collapse again!


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
BL42 #2943387 02/10/23 02:08 PM
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Originally Posted by BL42
I'm sure the St Regis is nice, but I'm more of a Ritz Carlton kind of guy. In fact, look for me there this Sunday evening. On top of the awning. Dancing in celebration. Hope it doesn't collapse again!
didn't know you were a Chiefs fan, BL


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

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~ Mary Oliver
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Last edited by DnJ; 02/16/23 05:35 AM. Reason: Linked threads.

Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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