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#2941664 01/05/23 10:13 PM
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LH19,
Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by BL42
Can't say I understand the debate here on grad degrees vs employment...is that really a factor you want to filter out, Mach40? Are you going to "swipe left" on a woman because she went farther in her education than a bachelors degree? Or because she enjoys boating or sports for that matter? Seems bizarre to me, but hey...you're life.
Mach said most people with grad degrees can’t find jobs. I questioned the validity of the statement. Seems like lately people post things that have zero evidence to back it up.
There is plenty of evidence. Just get past google, and see some search engines that might post factual data. Not a dig on Google, but I feel they are a tad compromised on truth lately.


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BL42, "Can't say I understand the debate here on grad degrees vs employment...is that really a factor you want to filter out, Mach40? Are you going to "swipe left" on a woman because she went farther in her education than a bachelors degree? Or because she enjoys boating or sports for that matter? Seems bizarre to me, but hey...you're life."

Its a life I cant afford, and I know that sounds superficial. But I cant afford a boat right now. If she can, the less than 8% in the USA, than great. And, I have done my fair share of sailing, 24 years total time on and below the surface. Salt Life.
As far as a degree, I am sorry it has turned into such a debate. I have nothing against a degree of that status. I have a slight self esteem issue when people talk and flaunt their degrees. All I have is an AA in Engineer Tech, and 6 years of various other schools, that dont add up to anything... Most were military schools, technical.
So if they have a Degree and a boat, great, but the two together are rare. Its not a deal breaker, like smoking, drugs etc.


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Originally Posted by bttrfly
Just post a photo of your big pick up truck. We ladies know how to calculate the inverse correlation.


not Mach40, that was in response to the suggestion off penis size being part of a dating profile.


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Originally Posted by bttrfly
Originally Posted by bttrfly
Just post a photo of your big pick up truck. We ladies know how to calculate the inverse correlation.


not Mach40, that was in response to the suggestion off penis size being part of a dating profile.
Cool, no need to post a pic of a '19 4runner limited. Its comfy and practical.


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Mach

What’s going on with the neighbor? Did you set up an evening date?

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Yes, we had a date Saturday. Simple dinner, had a good time.
Tonight, I went to her house, killed two bottles of wine. Lots of discovery. She has been a teacher to some incredible peoples children we watch in movies and tv for several years. Very smart, very fun person to be with. Italian, NY/and Boston, loves to cook.. So much personality, a joy to be around.
Loves traveling, wine and family. Divorced 4 years ago, no kids due to medical issues.. Self sufficient, no boat though, lol.
Money is not the issue, she is just great company right now, and I think we will have more dates to come.


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Mach40,
Originally Posted by Mach40
Yes, we had a date Saturday. Simple dinner, had a good time.
Tonight, I went to her house
Uh oh, two dates in 3 nights? Wait for the LH 2x4!

Originally Posted by Mach40
killed two bottles of wine.
At least she lives your neighborhood and you don't have to drive home...or maybe you stayed over?

Originally Posted by Mach40
Lots of discovery.
Hmmm...

Originally Posted by Mach40
She has been a teacher to some incredible peoples children we watch in movies and tv for several years. Very smart, very fun person to be with. Italian, NY/and Boston, loves to cook.. So much personality, a joy to be around.
Loves traveling, wine and family. Divorced 4 years ago, no kids due to medical issues.. Self sufficient,
This sounds good.

Originally Posted by Mach40
no boat though, lol.
Thank goodness! Hopefully she didn't have an education either...major deal breaker ;-)

Originally Posted by Mach40
Money is not the issue, she is just great company right now, and I think we will have more dates to come.
Good stuff Mach40. Enjoy yourself...just don't move too quickly to soon.


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BL42. It was just refreshing and a good time to spend sometime with her... And her education is a bit more than mine. Not graduate, but Bachelors, lol.. Her education is a bit perplex, but she is an educator now. Her clients children do very well..
One thing I really like about her , besides physical looks, is her love of traveling, conversation and such. Its just a good feeling to hang out with her.. Solid.


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Sooooooooooooo did you kiss her?

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No kisses. Sorry to disappoint.. No rush..


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See this is why I don’t get why people here we’ll one less hate 3% man. It gives a complete roadmap i how to handle dating.

I let G handle this one.

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It’s a roadmap of how YOU handle dating. I guess you are the only one successful at it?

When do you kiss? When it feels right. When do you have sex? When it feels right. How many dates to have per week per amount of days? Whatever feels right.

Mach also isn’t doing the OLD thing. It’s a neighbor, he knows her already, and they are kind of hanging out getting to know eachother . Why put “rules” on that?

The more rules we put on things, the more pressure.

But if the big stud muffins play book is the only
One that works, according to him, you might want to follow it

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Originally Posted by Ginger1
It’s a roadmap of how YOU handle dating. I guess you are the only one successful at it?

When do you kiss? When it feels right. When do you have sex? When it feels right. How many dates to have per week per amount of days? Whatever feels right.

Mach also isn’t doing the OLD thing. It’s a neighbor, he knows her already, and they are kind of hanging out getting to know eachother . Why put “rules” on that?

The more rules we put on things, the more pressure.

But if the big stud muffins play book is the only
One that works, according to him, you might want to follow it
I guess I should have expected that because it fits your agenda.

BTW they are guidelines.

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You called your roadmap.

Fits my agenda? I don’t even know what that even means.

I really don’t even care. If your way is the right way, I am not even going to debate it. Like I tell everyone, ignore me, follow LH. He’s the guru.

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Originally Posted by Mach40
No kisses. Sorry to disappoint.. No rush..
No rush, but two bottles of wine alone at her place...make a move at some point or get friend zoned.


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OMG it's not about being a guru. Tell me one woman who doesn't want a man to go for the kiss when she's feeling it. When he doesn't she feels rejected.

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Originally Posted by LH19
OMG it's not about being a guru. Tell me one woman who doesn't want a man to go for the kiss when she's feeling it. When he doesn't she feels rejected.

Maybe he didn’t know if she was feeling it?

He’s been out of the dating game for quite some time

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Or maybe neither of them were feeling it since they’ve known each other in a neighbor capacity so this is a new role to explore. Maybe they were both feeling it and too shy to move. Who knows? Mach, good for you for putting yourself out there. Everyone has to move at the pace they feel good about and not everyone wants to rush to the lightning round. Sounds like you did fine and enjoyed yourself and if so and you are interested, see her again. Odds are, assuming she’s a mature and rational grown woman, she’ll give you plenty of signals when she is ready. You should just be enjoying the experience at this time and not feeling pressure for anything more. Your timeline is your timeline so don’t compare it to anyone else’s.


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Originally Posted by Ginger1
He’s been out of the dating game for quite some time
That's why guidelines are helpful.

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Originally Posted by Dawn70
Everyone has to move at the pace they feel good about and not everyone wants to rush to the lightning round.
So a kiss after 3 dates is considered lightning round?

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Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by Dawn70
Everyone has to move at the pace they feel good about and not everyone wants to rush to the lightning round.
So a kiss after 3 dates is considered lightning round?

Maybe, maybe not….depends on the individuals involved, which was my overall point. Everyone has their own pace and you can’t gauge your own pace against someone else’s. All these “rules” about kissing by 2nd date, sex after 3rd, are just guidelines but not necessarily hard and fast rules that one has to live by. I don’t care at what speed people choose to move because that is their personal choice, but people need to examine themselves and make those choices for themselves, not based on rules or books or how society says it should be or whatever. I’m a big advocate of do your own thing on your own time. If that is sex on the first, so be it. If it is no kiss til date 6, more power to you.

And to specifically respond, lest someone say I skirted the question, for me personally, I wouldn’t be terribly interested in kissing for several dates. I’m a hugger so I would not necessarily pass up a hug on the first date (and yes I find it sweet if they actually ask first before just grabbing and squeezing). My first kiss with Sparky was date 3, which happened to be my birthday. Everyone is different. I also wouldn’t friend zone someone if I did want a kiss but they didn’t go for it. As a grown a$$ woman, if I want a kiss and he’s not moving, I’ll either give the green light or ask and then if he’s not feeling it, hopefully he’d say that.


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Interesting - this thread has me trying to remember when first kisses happened with my dates - and honestly, it's kinda hard to remember!

Obviously, with the couple of guys that I slept with on a first date (after a relatively long prologue of communication by phone calls and messaging, mind you) the kissing happened on the first date. With CMM, we met first for a coffee date, no kissing etc there, but I believe he did kiss me at the end of our second encounter, which was a real dinner date. I got to wondering whether I ever kissed a guy first, but I think it has always been just mutual or at the guy's initiating. (I have asked guys out first though). Being from the boomer generation, I would start to think it was kinda weird if a guy hadn't kissed me by the third date. However, I think I'm good at showing that I'm interested and available for that kiss. YMMV

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(And I don't ever remember it being awkward unless I was on a date with someone I really didn't like - a situation I generally manage to avoid.)

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So is there a poll going as to when I will do something with this lady?
When she or I initiate anything, well, thats when it will happen. But, I am pretty sure this weekend will be good, as we are doing dinner at her house, and an old movie ( we were getting nostalgic on movies the other day).


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just enjoy your time together and let it evolve naturally


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Originally Posted by bttrfly
just enjoy your time together and let it evolve naturally

Exactly!


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So Mach I will ask the question. Do you want to kiss her? If the answer is no than ok. If the answer is yes than the question becomes why have you not tried? Didn't feel right? Wasn't sure if she was open to one? Didn't feel safe? If it is number one ok. If it is number two and can give you some signs she is interested in being kissed. If it is number three ask CW lol.

Personally I go into a date looking for attraction, good conversation and a good kiss. Unless of course I am in Canada then it's go time lol.

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"Well East coast girls are hip
I really dig those styles they wear
And the Southern girls with the way they talk
They knock me out when I'm down there

The Mid-West farmer's daughters really make you feel alright
And the Northern girls with the way they kiss
They keep their boyfriends warm at night"


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Originally Posted by bttrfly
"Well East coast girls are hip
I really dig those styles they wear
And the Southern girls with the way they talk
They knock me out when I'm down there

The Mid-West farmer's daughters really make you feel alright
And the Northern girls with the way they kiss
They keep their boyfriends warm at night"

On a semi-related yet totally unrelated note, I realized during my ESL class Monday night that I’m teaching people to speak English with a southern drawl. Lol For the record, a good southern drawl gets my attention every time and I live in the south so I hear them all the time. Can’t beat a good southern accent!


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Girls, girls, girls I lovem!

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that's hilarious, Dawn!


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"I love 'em I need 'em Can't live without 'em no... "
come on, you sang that as you read it. You know you did !


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I actually like the David Lee Roth version better.

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Originally Posted by LH19
See this is why I don’t get why people here we’ll one less hate 3% man. It gives a complete roadmap i how to handle dating.

I let G handle this one.

I'll add my thoughts on the book.

Unfortunately the book is written by a complete a**hole. Anyone who refers to women as cumdumpsters is a fkwit of the highest order. His opinions on guns I don't agree with (but then I'm not American), and he is never wrong and just an all round sh!t bloke.

That said, what the book teaches does work. And I agree with LH that they aren't rules, they are guidelines/mindset. The book basically says have a life (GAL), don't make one women your everything when you don't really know her, have an abundance mentality, do no waste your time on anyone who does not show you interest in return, don't be needy, be confident and fun and cheeky.

I don't see any of that mindset being a bad thing, unfortunately it is good material presented by a horrible person.


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So OB I guess it's a case of focus on the message, not the messenger?

Problem is, one also has to consider the source.


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Originally Posted by OnlyBent
That said, what the book teaches does work.
This is all the matters. I would bet 50% of the authors of you favorite books are a-holes. Like MWD says “do what works”.

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I don’t disagree with you LH, I’ve had a hell of a 2 years and now I’m dating a 10/10 amazing woman, and a lot of it can be credited to what I learnt from that book.

But I can understand why some on here hate the book…because if it’s author


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Truthfully Bent I get that. I’m talking about the people don’t like it because it comes off as gamey. Sure it would be great if everyone was born with game. I would argue that as difficult as it is to date now your game better be tight.

Good for you man! Go back some day and read what I use to post to you.

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Originally Posted by LH19
Truthfully Bent I get that. I’m talking about the people don’t like it because it comes off as gamey. Sure it would be great if everyone was born with game. I would argue that as difficult as it is to date now your game better be tight.

Good for you man! Go back some day and read what I use to post to you.

Yeah I can vouch that it’s not gamey, it genuinely is mindset, and to put it succinctly it’s about valuing yourself. Man or woman.

You’ll no doubt remember that I have a good memory and I remember everything you said to me and it was all true and helpful, hard to see at the time, but my life is amazing now.

One thing you got wrong, that is was very unlikely the OM would get to stepdad status, that’s looking pretty certain, but out of my control, so meh.


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I feel like his message is pretty basic and can be found in fewer words and in a less misogynistic way.

Sadly, there are many men who can’t just take the useful points from the book and run with it. I imagine that book produces a bunch of douches.

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Mach40,
Originally Posted by Mach40
So is there a poll going as to when I will do something with this lady?
When she or I initiate anything, well, thats when it will happen. But, I am pretty sure this weekend will be good, as we are doing dinner at her house, and an old movie ( we were getting nostalgic on movies the other day).
There's no prescribed absolute timeline, so sure don't rush things if you're not ready, but the overall point is don't sit back and be timid for too long either. Else risk getting friend-zoned. If you've been on a few dates and you're going to each others houses for dinner and a bottle or two of wine, that certainly sounds like a "kiss the girl" situation.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
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OM1 affair ends: May '20
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Originally Posted by OnlyBent
One thing you got wrong, that is was very unlikely the OM would get to stepdad status, that’s looking pretty certain, but out of my control, so meh.
Yeah the statistics I have read don't seem to lineup with what happens on the board.

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Originally Posted by Ginger1
Sadly, there are many men who can’t just take the useful points from the book and run with it. I imagine that book produces a bunch of douches.
My guess is a true d-bag wouldn't read the book. I bet more are like Bent and bring smiles the ladies faces. Finally a man who gets it.

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Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Sadly, there are many men who can’t just take the useful points from the book and run with it. I imagine that book produces a bunch of douches.
My guess is a true d-bag wouldn't read the book. I bet more are like Bent and bring smiles the ladies faces. Finally a man who gets it.
Right...don't know whether or not jerks also read the book, but completely agree there are nice quality guys out there who genuinely want to improve themselves to help find a loving relationship.

Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by OnlyBent
One thing you got wrong, that is was very unlikely the OM would get to stepdad status, that’s looking pretty certain, but out of my control, so meh.
Yeah the statistics I have read don't seem to lineup with what happens on the board.
Agreed. Every LBS' hope at least initially is that the WAS/WS and the AP relationship fails. Doesn't seem to play out like that very often around here. Not so sure about those affair stats out there...


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Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Sadly, there are many men who can’t just take the useful points from the book and run with it. I imagine that book produces a bunch of douches.
My guess is a true d-bag wouldn't read the book. I bet more are like Bent and bring smiles the ladies faces. Finally a man who gets it.
Is this the 3% book?.


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Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by OnlyBent
One thing you got wrong, that is was very unlikely the OM would get to stepdad status, that’s looking pretty certain, but out of my control, so meh.
Yeah the statistics I have read don't seem to lineup with what happens on the board.


You get a whole lot of statistics. Do you read the sources and studies?

I don’t think it’s a good idea to believe all the “simple google search” statistics that you read. The internet is filled with a bunch of bogus information. Don’t just believe it because the internet said so

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Originally Posted by Mach40
Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Sadly, there are many men who can’t just take the useful points from the book and run with it. I imagine that book produces a bunch of douches.
My guess is a true d-bag wouldn't read the book. I bet more are like Bent and bring smiles the ladies faces. Finally a man who gets it.
Is this the 3% book?.


It is that book. And if you take a totally clueless man and he reads that and takes it to bible, he will act like a douche

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Originally Posted by BL42
Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Sadly, there are many men who can’t just take the useful points from the book and run with it. I imagine that book produces a bunch of douches.
My guess is a true d-bag wouldn't read the book. I bet more are like Bent and bring smiles the ladies faces. Finally a man who gets it.
Right...don't know whether or not jerks also read the book, but completely agree there are nice quality guys out there who genuinely want to improve themselves to help find a loving relationship.

Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by OnlyBent
One thing you got wrong, that is was very unlikely the OM would get to stepdad status, that’s looking pretty certain, but out of my control, so meh.
Yeah the statistics I have read don't seem to lineup with what happens on the board.
Agreed. Every LBS' hope at least initially is that the WAS/WS and the AP relationship fails. Doesn't seem to play out like that very often around here. Not so sure about those affair stats out there...
I was that LBS guy


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Originally Posted by Ginger1
Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by OnlyBent
One thing you got wrong, that is was very unlikely the OM would get to stepdad status, that’s looking pretty certain, but out of my control, so meh.
Yeah the statistics I have read don't seem to lineup with what happens on the board.


You get a whole lot of statistics. Do you read the sources and studies?

I don’t think it’s a good idea to believe all the “simple google search” statistics that you read. The internet is filled with a bunch of bogus information. Don’t just believe it because the internet said so
My statistics are always from a credible source.

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Originally Posted by Ginger1
Originally Posted by Mach40
Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Sadly, there are many men who can’t just take the useful points from the book and run with it. I imagine that book produces a bunch of douches.
My guess is a true d-bag wouldn't read the book. I bet more are like Bent and bring smiles the ladies faces. Finally a man who gets it.
Is this the 3% book?.


It is that book. And if you take a totally clueless man and he reads that and takes it to bible, he will act like a douche
Well he certainly won't ask for a hug.

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I like when guys ask for a hug. It’s sweet. Certainly didn’t friend zone me.

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Originally Posted by Ginger1
I like when guys ask for a hug. It’s sweet. Certainly didn’t friend zone me.
You are so full of sh.......

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Mach40,
Originally Posted by Mach40
Originally Posted by BL42
Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by OnlyBent
One thing you got wrong, that is was very unlikely the OM would get to stepdad status, that’s looking pretty certain, but out of my control, so meh.
Yeah the statistics I have read don't seem to lineup with what happens on the board.
Agreed. Every LBS' hope at least initially is that the WAS/WS and the AP relationship fails. Doesn't seem to play out like that very often around here. Not so sure about those affair stats out there...
I was that LBS guy
Maybe I'm confused, but my understanding is you were separated for years and legally divorced before your ExW started dating another man. That's quite a bit different situation than an AP. Granted, I understand there are still associated feelings.


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Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by OnlyBent
One thing you got wrong, that is was very unlikely the OM would get to stepdad status, that’s looking pretty certain, but out of my control, so meh.
Yeah the statistics I have read don't seem to lineup with what happens on the board.


You get a whole lot of statistics. Do you read the sources and studies?

I don’t think it’s a good idea to believe all the “simple google search” statistics that you read. The internet is filled with a bunch of bogus information. Don’t just believe it because the internet said so
My statistics are always from a credible source.
Source?


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Originally Posted by Ginger1
I feel like his message is pretty basic and can be found in fewer words and in a less misogynistic way.

It’s been multiple years already since I read this book - solely so I could comment with first hand knowledge. One thing I remember clearly is he kept writing the same things over and over and over and over again with little variation. So he absolutely could have written it using fewer words just by not repeating himself addnausium.

So I wonder… is the coach married by now or at least in a many year R? Or is that not the point?


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Originally Posted by BL42
Mach40,
Originally Posted by Mach40
I was that LBS guy
Maybe I'm confused, but my understanding is you were separated for years and legally divorced before your ExW started dating another man. That's quite a bit different situation than an AP. Granted, I understand there are still associated feelings.
Yes, but being divorced does not mean all feelings, emotions etc are just turned off, especially after 32 years knowing her and 18 years of marriage..
Oh well, moving forward, moving forward every day, one step at a time.


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How did last night go? Did you steal a smooch?

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Yes I did.. We had some Port wine , probably helped.
Tonight, dinner at her place with friends..


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Originally Posted by DonH
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I feel like his message is pretty basic and can be found in fewer words and in a less misogynistic way.

It’s been multiple years already since I read this book - solely so I could comment with first hand knowledge. One thing I remember clearly is he kept writing the same things over and over and over and over again with little variation. So he absolutely could have written it using fewer words just by not repeating himself addnausium.

So I wonder… is the coach married by now or at least in a many year R? Or is that not the point?
Don you seem to base everything including OLD on relationships and marriage. Is that why you tend to be negative because you’re not in either? My guess is Coach is a Spiral and is quite HAPPY doing what he’s doing.

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Originally Posted by Mach40
Yes I did.. We had some Port wine , probably helped.
Tonight, dinner at her place with friends..
Nice! Moving kind of fast for my taste but enjoy yourself!

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A kiss is too fast for
Your pace , LH?

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Seriously? No back to back dates.

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What is the reasoning behind that? I never understood if 2 people have availability and enjoy eachothers company, why wouldn’t they ?

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Originally Posted by LH19
Don you seem to base everything including OLD on relationships and marriage. Is that why you tend to be negative because you’re not in either?

Very much to the contrary. I can’t ever see myself getting married again. But if the point of coaches book is to successfully win over a high quality woman why would you not want to keep that high quality woman? It would be like someone writing a book on how to become a ten percenter (defined as assets of a million dollars or more) if you learned the writer of that book achieved that but is now bankrupt, would you follow his advice? To me finding and dating the type of woman the coach advocates is only the first part - keeping her interested and engaged and as your GF over the long-term is the next challenge. That doesn’t mean it has to be forever but the guy who keeps the R going for many years might be the true 3 percent man versus the guy who uses her for a few months to maybe a year at most and has a dozen failed Rs in his wake. That’s success? Perhaps at age 25 it is, not so much at age 55. Just my belief. So if three percent dude has had the same lady for 5 years I’d look at him very differently than if 15 women figured him out over those five years and dumped his butt.

My beef with OLD is it’s filled with so many misfit, rejects along with the rinse and repeat daters. My best dates and Rs have come offline, by far, not even close. I still maintain the best ones are off the market and have been for many years. There’s a reason they are.

Hope that clears it up.


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I’m well aware you never understood it.

Part of attraction is missing someone, wondering what they are doing, wondering if they are thinking about you etc. Doesn’t happen when you’re in their face all the time. I’m sure you’ll refute it based on your agenda so I shouldn’t bother but we are here to help people.

Let’s not forget Machs number one problem is he made his exw and family his entire existence, he’s not over his exw and you want him jumping back in at 100 miles an hour.

Sigh…..

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Originally Posted by DonH
Originally Posted by LH19
Don you seem to base everything including OLD on relationships and marriage. Is that why you tend to be negative because you’re not in either?

Very much to the contrary. I can’t ever see myself getting married again. But if the point of coaches book is to successfully win over a high quality woman why would you not want to keep that high quality woman? It would be like someone writing a book on how to become a ten percenter (defined as assets of a million dollars or more) if you learned the writer of that book achieved that but is now bankrupt, would you follow his advice? To me finding and dating the type of woman the coach advocates is only the first part - keeping her interested and engaged and as your GF over the long-term is the next challenge. That doesn’t mean it has to be forever but the guy who keeps the R going for many years might be the true 3 percent man versus the guy who uses her for a few months to maybe a year at most and has a dozen failed Rs in his wake. That’s success? Perhaps at age 25 it is, not so much at age 55. Just my belief. So if three percent dude has had the same lady for 5 years I’d look at him very differently than if 15 women figured him out over those five years and dumped his butt.

My beef with OLD is it’s filled with so many misfit, rejects along with the rinse and repeat daters. My best dates and Rs have come offline, by far, not even close. I still maintain the best ones are off the market and have been for many years. There’s a reason they are.

Hope that clears it up.
I’d give it another read Don. There’s a chapter or two on how to keep your w/gf happy long term. Not everyone is cut out for LTRs and maybe he’s one of him. Book a $1,000 coaching session and ask him.

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It’s definitely never been something that’s hurt me dating. I rarely do it , but I have done it. Can’t say it ever caused any harm, but maybe for some people it does .

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Originally Posted by Ginger1
It’s definitely never been something that’s hurt me dating. I rarely do it , but I have done it. Can’t say it ever caused any harm, but maybe for some people it does .
I’m not sure that statement is measurable. I would argue if someone had a problem with it then I would wonder why.

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What exactly is my “agenda”?

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A gathering tonight is not going to be a follow up date. Its just a dinner with her, friends etc. Not alone time like yesterday..
I met this lady by chance, as she lives down the street and walks her dogs by the house, as our neighborhood is a big circle effectively. We struck up conversations, and just get along real well.
I am not rushing this. I do like her company though, just a great conversationalist, and attractive, which doesnt hurt.
So, let fate take us through our journey, if there is to be one.
When I am with her, I dont think of the ex, or compare her. I am focused.


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When I say your agenda I mean what you’re experiencing right now. I believe you did date 3-4 back to back so of course you’re pro rushing it because it fits your agenda. You like guys asking for hug’s because yours does so it fits your agenda. It’s sweet. That’s what I mean.

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Still doesn’t make sense. And no we didn’t do it back to back. I don’t know why 2 dates in a row is rushing”

No, I like what I like. I don’t like it, because it happened to me so I have to say I like it.

I like guys asking for hugs. It’s sweet and wasn’t a turn off. I don’t like guys saying “ I’m not going to ask for a kiss because it would be awkward” I would say I liked that if I was looking to make things “fit my agenda”

People are different LH. What might turn you turn others off and vice versa. That’s all. I don’t say I prefer something simply because it happened to me already.

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Ok. Take you at your word. Thought you liked a direct and decisive man but I guess I’m wrong. I apologize.

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I saw on another thread people talking of coaches guidelines for dating? Is that available on here, or am I missing the obvious?


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Been a while. Sunday, grand daughters B Day party
Ex will be there. I really dont want to see or talk to her.
Seems kinda self centered, but I am doing well daily not thinking of her.
This will be a minor mental set back, I will pull through.


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Why do you think it's self centered?

What's going on with your neighbor lady friend?


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Originally Posted by BL42
Why do you think it's self centered?

What's going on with your neighbor lady friend?
Our divorce was amicable.
I think it is self centered because she doesnt deserve a cold shoulder, attitude due to me not wanting to see her. I say that, because I wont be the guy I was, which was full of banter, laughing with her and carrying on normal conversations. I will be distant.
Lady and I are doing well.. Going to nice steak house tomorrow, Halls Chop house.. She is almost 100% on cough. Her students were the sick ones, probably got their flu symptoms from some exotic land their parents took them too, lol.


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So do you think she rethink her decision if she sees cold and distant guy or funny laughter happy banter guy?

This thing with the neighbor, is it a friendship or the building of a relationship?

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Originally Posted by LH19
So do you think she rethink her decision if she sees cold and distant guy or funny laughter happy banter guy?

This thing with the neighbor, is it a friendship or the building of a relationship?
Hey, No, I dont think that she will rethink the decision. Not the point. I dont want her back. But, I dont want to be a jerk to her. I still have a relationship with the girls, her daughters. Over time, life events will always bring us back in the same arena. Cant hold a grudge, act like I never knew her. Eventually I have to be comfortable around her and accept her/our decision to move forward without faking it. If that makes sense.
Lady and I are doing well. I cant afford to get sick, do to my career.. So, we are just doing non physical stuff for now. We are flirting, touching etc, and building up. I think once this cold is completely gone, we will go further faster....
We are both foodies and travelers, so we have been talking about doing things together that involves both. Really liking her.
Oh, and she has a Masters in business, and a forensic degree ( hard field to get into, she tried, didnt work out).


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Mach40,
Originally Posted by Mach40
Originally Posted by BL42
Why do you think it's self centered?
Our divorce was amicable.
I think it is self centered because she doesnt deserve a cold shoulder, attitude due to me not wanting to see her. I say that, because I wont be the guy I was, which was full of banter, laughing with her and carrying on normal conversations. I will be distant.
Even if the D was amicable there are still going to be hurt feelings, jealously, doubts...etc. If you have to protect yourself emotionally a bit at first that's completely understandable. My guess is it'll get easier over time.

Originally Posted by LH19
This thing with the neighbor, is it a friendship or the building of a relationship?
Originally Posted by Mach40
Lady and I are doing well. I cant afford to get sick, do to my career.. So, we are just doing non physical stuff for now. We are flirting, touching etc, and building up. I think once this cold is completely gone, we will go further faster....
Have you kissed yet? Passionately? I share LH's question (and maybe concern) that this is starting to seem platonic. Make sure to escalate and be direct if you're looking for more.

Originally Posted by Mach40
We are both foodies and travelers, so we have been talking about doing things together that involves both. Really liking her.
Shared interests are good.

Originally Posted by Mach40
Oh, and she has a Masters in business, and a forensic degree ( hard field to get into, she tried, didnt work out).
Uh oh, Masters degree? Red flag Mach40! ;-)


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Originally Posted by Mach40
Hey, No, I dont think that she will rethink the decision. Not the point. I dont want her back. But, I dont want to be a jerk to her.
Who said you had to be a jerk to her? I just asked why you can't go have fun?
Originally Posted by Mach40
I still have a relationship with the girls, her daughters. Over time, life events will always bring us back in the same arena.
For sure.
Originally Posted by Mach40
Cant hold a grudge, act like I never knew her.
Who said you had to?
Originally Posted by Mach40
Eventually I have to be comfortable around her and accept her/our decision to move forward without faking it. If that makes sense.
Do you think she is faking it too?
Originally Posted by Mach40
Lady and I are doing well. I cant afford to get sick, do to my career.. So, we are just doing non physical stuff for now. We are flirting, touching etc, and building up. I think once this cold is completely gone, we will go further faster....
We are both foodies and travelers, so we have been talking about doing things together that involves both.
Interesting. Travel plans and you have yet to kiss. Maybe I have it all wrong?

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Originally Posted by BL42
Originally Posted by Mach40
Oh, and she has a Masters in business, and a forensic degree ( hard field to get into, she tried, didnt work out).
Uh oh, Masters degree? Red flag Mach40! ;-)
was going to say the same thing, BL


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Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by Mach40
Lady and I are doing well. I cant afford to get sick, do to my career.. So, we are just doing non physical stuff for now. We are flirting, touching etc, and building up. I think once this cold is completely gone, we will go further faster....
We are both foodies and travelers, so we have been talking about doing things together that involves both.
Interesting. Travel plans and you have yet to kiss. Maybe I have it all wrong?

I dunno LH I share your concern on this. This has travel buddy written all over it. Women and some men need to have some PT to spark the flame. If things go too far without it they get in the friend vibe and it’s hard to get out. This cough thing is just a convenient excuse to not take the risk. She may already be thinking you just see her as a buddy. There is no need to rush but after multiple “dates” and even plans for the future, not even an actual kiss may be giving her the wrong signal and is doing nothing to get her motor running or juices flowing for a romantic relationship. A romantic kiss at this point is in no way taking things too fast. I can’t see any reason not to and only concerns to wait - unless you are thinking she’s not interested. Just what I see and have experienced.


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I thought he did kiss her?

I understand not swapping spit if she’s sick though

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Originally Posted by Ginger1
I thought he did kiss her?

I understand not swapping spit if she’s sick though
I did.
I think the problem here is people, men mostly, feel I need to be having sexual relations with her already.
Thats fine.. I get it.
And, as an excuse, the cough/cold/flu issue is being cast as an excuse. I work in a career field where, if I am sick, I dont work. I dont get paid.. Last time this happened, I could not go to Australia, and it cost me 12,500 in one month.. Thats important to me.
Her career, is private tutoring. Neither one of us can afford to be sick.
Once we get better, I will get busy with her, and explain in detail how things went.. I feel it, and I know she feels it. The sexual banter is fun.
So, not aimed at you Ginger, flame on.
You all have to understand, this site has truly turned me around. I have read so much. It is great to have someone post here and there.
But the similarities among other people throughout the years is incredible. People seem to be creatures of habit..


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Nothing wrong with a little delayed gratification. When I first started talking to CMM online, he had to wait a few weeks before we could meet because I was super busy and traveling out of town for a medical conference. I think the delay really ratcheted up his interest even though I wasn’t trying to play hard to get. I just wasn’t available at that moment.

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Mach40,
Originally Posted by Mach40
I think the problem here is people, men mostly, feel I need to be having sexual relations with her already.
No one's saying there's a a firm requirement to have had sex already. What we are saying is that if you continue to stay platonic over time there will reach a point where the relationship is establish as a friendship and not romantic. So be aware of that.

Originally Posted by Mach40
Once we get better, I will get busy with her, and explain in detail how things went.. I feel it, and I know she feels it. The sexual banter is fun.
If you're feeling the romantic / sexual dynamic than you know better than us - you're living it, not us.

Originally Posted by Mach40
But the similarities among other people throughout the years is incredible. People seem to be creatures of habit..
Not sure what you're referring to here?


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Originally Posted by BL42
Mach40,
Originally Posted by Mach40
But the similarities among other people throughout the years is incredible. People seem to be creatures of habit..
Not sure what you're referring to here?
I was referring to general relationships, and how there are patterns on how people go through their relationships.


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Originally Posted by Mach40
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I thought he did kiss her?

I understand not swapping spit if she’s sick though
I did.

ON THE CHEEK!!!!!!!
If I remember correctly.

Originally Posted by BL42
No one's saying there's a a firm requirement to have had sex already. What we are saying is that if you continue to stay platonic over time there will reach a point where the relationship is establish as a friendship and not romantic. So be aware of that.

EXACTLY!!!!!!!

As for the germs the only way to totally avoid getting sick and missing work is by living in a bubble. Sick or not your risk of catching anything goes up with physical contact. There is a bug going around with a lingering cough for weeks past the contagious period. The woman I took on the cruise has been coughing all week. Will see if I catch anything or not. Everyone gets sick now and then. It’s called life.


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Honestly, I’m not a germaphobe. I’m believe we need a level of exposure, which is why I have a solid immune system and don’t even get a cold. However, I do know from my profession that another way to avoid not getting sick is to not swap droplets directly with someone who is actively sick. That’s just some basic science. Looks like he spends time with her while she is sick, there isn’t any mouth on mouth contact. Which is smart.

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Originally Posted by DonH
Originally Posted by Mach40
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I thought he did kiss her?

I understand not swapping spit if she’s sick though
I did.

ON THE CHEEK!!!!!!!
If I remember correctly.

Originally Posted by BL42
No one's saying there's a a firm requirement to have had sex already. What we are saying is that if you continue to stay platonic over time there will reach a point where the relationship is establish as a friendship and not romantic. So be aware of that.

EXACTLY!!!!!!!

As for the germs the only way to totally avoid getting sick and missing work is by living in a bubble. Sick or not your risk of catching anything goes up with physical contact. There is a bug going around with a lingering cough for weeks past the contagious period. The woman I took on the cruise has been coughing all week. Will see if I catch anything or not. Everyone gets sick now and then. It’s called life.
I was never a germaphobe. Still am not. But when I was told I had to sit out a trip, due to the scamdemic covid testing, it set me up to be extra careful. I took 16 tests after testing postive to try and get on that flight. Nope, Airline said, even after 5 days no symptoms, Australias guidance, doctor letter stating I wont get a negative for some time. Airline said nope, you are not flying.
So, I am a little timid about getting sick.
Last time I was sick was last year during Alaska trip. Only thing that kept me there was we were not around military personnel at all and in a remote site.
Today we walked the dogs together.. Progress, and good things come to those who wait.
I am being slow, deliberately.. Sure, she has been divorced for sometime, but I havent..
We are doing fine. Soon, I hope to have a positive report for you all.


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B Day party went well. It was fast paced due to venue giving us an hour and 15 minutes to set up, feed 20 kids, and open presents. Didnt make it. Had to open my presents to grand daughter at my house later. Just me and her with her Momma.
Ex and I talked, were very cordial.. Spoke a little about real estate. I showed her the property I was dreaming of, and went to look at.. She spoke of her 5 year plan to get property near a beach, near it.
When I first arrived, it was raining, so I pulled up to door of venue. Once ex saw me, she asked if I was going in. I said, its raining, and I am waiting for our daughter/and baby daddy to come out and help get my car load of stuff/cake inside. I said it was packed, and Meghan was in line also, getting ready to assist me too. She said Meghan? Had a very worried face, and I said yes, your niece.... LOL. I guess she thought I brought someone.
Anyways, all went without me stressing, so I was overthinking it.
Before I left she texted me to say goodbye to grand daughter as I was leaving to pack and go home. I said, I will and it was good seeing you..
Today she texted and said I looked good and it was nice to see me happy and smiling. She then said, I want to see you smile more. I am not reading into it. It was her being a nice person.


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Mach sounds like it went well. Never as bad as you anticipate. I think your ex is genuinely happy for you. That’s a sign she has moved on. You should too. Take the compliment and keep moving forward.

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Now to work on lady down the street..
I have tendency to overthink, and not just accept things for face value.
She isnt sick anymore.
I think I am missing something and there is more going on I dont know of. Something tells me she is having issues with ex.
Long story short, she was given alimony, and it was all based off of his business she started with him. A lucrative business in North East. I think there is a financial issue as she made mention her lawyers were telling her to stop spending, etc.. I am not going to ask her personal business, but, I think it is causing her allot of stress. Just Spidey senses.
I am going to back off and see how she responds. I am not texting every day, at night, acting needy etc. When we see each other we talk, laugh, and talk about random stuff. Now she is focused on something. Very difficult to describe.. I am not a wordsmith, so bear with me.
On a lighter note, I did go out with a friend Sat evening, had drinks and dinner downtown at a nice Jewish restaurant.. Caught up on life in general.
Today I took the day off and me and my daughter are going to hang out, probably go to gun range.


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Mach40,

Glad the birthday party went off without any drama and you were able to celebrate with your granddaughter.

On the neighbor lady trust your gut. If you sense her pulling away it's probably real. Keep it light and cool and don't pressure. Just my $0.02.


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OM1 affair ends: May '20
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Not much excitement here. Went to a PBR, Pro Bull Riding , event last night.. I enjoyed it, till I bought drinks. 2 Mixed drinks, with tip 55 bucks. I went with my daughter, as she is into this pretty heavy. She texted and said, Put Your Boots on, and two hours later Cowboys were being flung off of the bulls.
As far as lady friend down the street.. No progress.. So, I am backing off, not 100%, just enough to play this game of chase/be chased?. It honestly is about 50/50 contacting each other... But, I do know her previous marriage was an abusive one, very abusive and alcohol. I am not a drinker, but will down a couple drinks. I have drank with her a couple times, and was a perfect gentlemen.
Maybe she is just overly cautious. No idea..
I do have two other women I have met up with.. One I saw, casually for late lunch. She is more friend, but we have similar likes. She is the one I may have mentioned moved from VA down here, and I assisted helping find an area. Prior Military, LEO on the same forum as me.
The other is from out of town and is wanting to meet up when she gets back late February. Works for bank, but caters to Indian customers ( from India), as she is Indian. Met her at tire shop, lol. I was getting tires rotated and balanced, and she was getting one fixed. I guess I have a gift for gab. Weird. Nice lady, not sure of her age, she seems mid to late 40s..
So, all is not a lost hope.
I am not giving up on neighbor lady, something about her intrigues me. And maybe she sees that I do like her, and she is a bit nervous.
Yep, I am all over the place lately..


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Mach40,

We warned you about your neighbor lady...creating more of a "friends vibe" not enough "making moves" and too much frequent contact so soon. You're right to back off a bit and see if she pursues.

Smart you're keeping you're open to meeting up with other women - your not dating let alone exclusive with neighbor lady, so see what comes. You'll most likely hear from her again, and if you do don't get caught in a platonic relationship.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
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BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
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Well, I will be leaving for 4 weeks, leaving next weekend. So, if I see her I will tell her.. No expectations, just letting her know.. I guess her reaction may or may not tell me what is on her mind about us, if there is an us...


And Yes, I was warned, and I didnt listen as well as I should have.
Sometimes, regardless of your life situation, you meet someone. And no matter what happens, some positive comes out of it. Its a immediate boost to self esteem, confidence that all is not lost. God works in mysterious ways. Dont like the games we play sometimes, but I understand you need to have your guard up.
Today, I was walking the dog, and someone was getting ready for garage sale. I stopped and we ended up talking.. Husband and wife. Eventually they asked where I lived, and I said over yonder, and they are like "oh, your that guy, neighbor lady likes you, and spoke highly of you when we went to dinner to restaurant where your daughter is a Chef at" That made me feel good.


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Well, neighbor went by house walking one of her pups, later than normal and I said hey, she was on the phone and waived back..
I sometimes feel like a stalker, as I am in my garage allot working on the two cars I own, that always need assistance.
Anyways, something feels awry. Is there a way to ask? Or just suck it up buttercup.. I swear I think I overthink things.


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leave it alone.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Originally Posted by bttrfly
leave it alone.
Will do.
I am going ax throwing tomorrow. That will help keep mind off of things.


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Please start a new thread Mach.


Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.
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