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#2941409 01/01/23 07:35 PM
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Last thread: Korean Drama Binge

https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2936348&page=1

Happy New Year! After a year of mournnng, and a month of resting/slacking after having Covid, I’m ready to set goals and move forward into a better year with a better me.

I’ll revive a tradition I used to have, of writing my goals in a pretty notebook, including steps to get there.

While I don’t hit all or even most goals, it often surprises me how many things manifest in my life after doing this exercise.

Last year I lost weight and got fitter - I’m not done yet with this journey and plan to reach my goal weight this year, with a toned and fit body. The exercise bike has been working for me; I also have a great free weight workout video that I will start doing again.

This does present a dilemma - I’d rather meet a guy who thinks I’m sexy at my current weight, than one who meets me first at my ideal weight. But having a boyfriend right now would probably interfere with my regimen. Not really ready to date yet anyway, so rather moot at this point.

Other goals will include continuing to learn Korean, and advancing my drumming skills. Also cleaning and organizing my house and garage better.

Once I feel like I’ve made progress in those areas, later in the year, I think I’ll try dating again. I do feel too young to give up on male companionship in my life. Dating is a lot more complicated for me than it was ten years ago though, so I feel I need to be ready for those challenges.

What are your goals for the new year?

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kml #2941411 01/01/23 08:25 PM
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kml,
Originally Posted by kml
This does present a dilemma - I’d rather meet a guy who thinks I’m sexy at my current weight, than one who meets me first at my ideal weight.
This seems like you're borrowing problems from the future. Lose weight and get more fit for yourself - don't worry about how some potential boyfriend might think or respond to it.

Originally Posted by kml
Not really ready to date yet anyway, so rather moot at this point.
Why aren't you ready to date?

Originally Posted by kml
Dating is a lot more complicated for me than it was ten years ago though, so I feel I need to be ready for those challenges.
Why is it more complicated?


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
kml #2941417 01/01/23 10:01 PM
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1). As for the weight - my ex was a fat-Nazi who thought I was “fat” at 5’6” 118 lbs. Don’t worry, I never took that on - I knew he was ridiculous. But having had boyfriends since who thought I was fabulous even when overweight, I wouldn’t want to date someone when at my goal weight only to find out he was like my ex.

2) As for not ready to date yet - just feeling like I have too many things I still need to attend to right now. I’d like my house to be m better shape (garage too full of stuff from my kids/ CMM, needs a good clean out, and some more decluttering n the house to be houseguest- ready.)

3) As to why dating is more complicated than ten years ago:
- politics - although I’ve always dated liberals anyway, dodging the people who are politically incompatible is a little trickier these days, as they’re more aggressive.
- Covid - having to dodge anti-vaxxed, science deniers, and people who simply aren’t at all careful
- hair color - I’ve been letting my white hair grow in, and although I get frequent compliments on it, some men will just see me as old. In the past, most of the men I ended up dating just happened to be 5-10 ten years younger, but this might be an obstacle. Once it is completely grown out though I plan to dye the tips blue or purple - may look more punk then wink
- sexuality - compared to ten years ago, there’s less chance guys my age are sexually functional. It’s still an important part of a relationship to me.
- retirement. There’s two parts to this. The first is financial - has the guy planned for his retirement, and does he live within his means? The second is timing - I’m not planning to retire for a few more years, but many guys my age have retired or will soon. I wouldn’t be a fit for someone who is retired and wants to spend a lot of time playing, since I still work.
- health - I’d prefer not to go through nursing someone through a terminal illness again in the near future.

Nothing is insurmountable, it’s just that when I was in my 50’s, dating guys in their 40’s to 50’s, most of these things were not issues I had to think about. And since CMM was the first new guy I dated after Crazy Ex BF, I haven’t REALLY done OLD for ten years.

kml #2941442 01/02/23 08:05 PM
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Originally Posted by kml
It’s still an I haven’t REALLY done OLD for ten years.

Hmm - welcome to old age!


Me-70, D37,S36
kml #2941448 01/02/23 10:00 PM
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Yeah - although that's how I met CMM, I met him so quickly (he was the first guy I dated that time around on online dating) I feel like the last time I REALLY did online dating was ten years ago. And so much has changed since then, including my age and hair color.

kml #2941648 01/05/23 08:42 PM
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Lol - just saw an updated meme -
"Not my monkeys, not my circus - but I definitely know the clowns".

Hahahahaha.

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kml #2941652 01/05/23 09:14 PM
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Lol - just saw an updated meme -
"Not my monkeys, not my circus - but I definitely know the clowns".

Hahahahaha.

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kml #2941654 01/05/23 09:16 PM
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love it!


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
kml #2941655 01/05/23 09:22 PM
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saw vacation photos of the kids looking like rock stars. made me very happy


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
kml #2941809 01/08/23 06:11 PM
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I have a confession to make. Something I never thought I would say. I have a newfound respect for, of all things …. BTS!

To me, I used to think of them as just some kind of Korean Backstreet Boys. I didn’t know much about them except that they were huge, and I might have seen a clip of them singing Dynamite on some talk show. Slick but not really my preferred type of pop music.

Then, because I follow some Korean language learning videos, social media started feeding me clips of BTS - interviews, candid videos. And I thought “they remind me of the Beatles in the 60’s”. That same easy camaraderie and humor, their affection for each other is obvious and endearing.

THEN I watched their performance at the Grammy award ceremony last spring - spectacular. Really an amazing performance. (Even more so when you learn that one member had a cast on his arm, so they had to rework the choreography for 6 instead of 7, and two members had tested positive for Covid earlier so they weren’t able to rehearse until the last minute).

Then the other day I listened to an 8 year old song of theirs, Boy in Luv (not to be confused with their recent Boy WITH Luv with Halsey) and THAT song is totally my JAM! It’s like something I would have played in my old pop-punk band. It’s stuck in my head now. It’s a raucous song with a fun video about testosterone-fueled teenage boys with no f-ing idea how to approach the girl they like. So fun.

And as I’ve learned more about the band, they’re surprisingly deep. And they overcame a lot of obstacles early in their career by figuring out how to connect directly with their fan base, building a surprisingly warm and symbiotic relationship with them. They sing songs with messages about mental health and loving yourself, directed to their fans. When BTS donated a million dollars to Black Lives Matter. their fans spontaneously decided to match it and raised another million in 24 hours. Their fan base has now organized charitable works all around the world.

The leader of the group, RM/Kim Namjoon/ 김 남준 is a super smart guy (IQ 148) who has addressed the UN. I now feel apologetic to him and all the boys for being so dismissive of them.

The movie of their concert in Busan (last concert before their two year hiatus to do their mandatory military service) will be in movie theaters in February, and I think I’ll actually go. Who knew?

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