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LH19 #2940969 12/16/22 11:00 PM
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Originally Posted by LH19
You know what would make your W second guess her choices. You throwing an amazing holiday party that she is the only one not attending.
Wise words. I believe most newbies do not see how important actions like this are.

Make wise choices.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Rockon #2941039 12/20/22 05:14 AM
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Ack these holidays tho. The stress and pressure have been getting to me. Today I just let go of everything (all the pressure) for a bit and just got into the wind storm at a cabin. Then connected with a good friend and now have reset somewhat. Spoke to a L and learned some about how things work in my state. Found out for example that during separation , legally, both partners would be expected to contribute evenly to the expenses of the marital home 50:50.

Been GAL, spending time with kids, socializing and hosting without W. W has really been engaging with family a lot more and getting into the Christmas spirit with them and reaching out to me. I’m busy.


M:52 W: 51
T:27 M:25
D26 S24 S21 D20
BD:2022
Rockon #2941045 12/20/22 01:47 PM
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Originally Posted by Rockon
The stress and pressure have been getting to me.
What type of stresses and pressure are you under?
Originally Posted by Rockon
Then connected with a good friend and now have reset somewhat.
Great!
Originally Posted by Rockon
Spoke to a L and learned some about how things work in my state. Found out for example that during separation , legally, both partners would be expected to contribute evenly to the expenses of the marital home 50:50.

So is your W kicking in her share? I bet the answer is no.
Originally Posted by Rockon
W has really been engaging with family a lot more and getting into the Christmas spirit with them and reaching out to me. I’m busy.
What are these reach outs about? What are your responses?

Rock I read your post on Gs thread and I have to say I am a little concerned about your well being. I think it might be good to talk about your fears on the board.

LH19 #2941047 12/20/22 02:18 PM
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RockOn,
Originally Posted by LH19
Rock I read your post on Gs thread and I have to say I am a little concerned about your well being. I think it might be good to talk about your fears on the board.
I share LH's concerns about some of your recent comments. Was going to say something about it too independent of LH but he beat me to it.

Originally Posted by RockOn
Ginger, I have thought several times about checking myself into the ER just this week and getting some attention and a break, also have been tempted to say F it and just go with the flow and see where it takes me.
Originally Posted by RockOn
I also have had times (like Saturday night) when I was trying to make it from one minute to the next - felt like a dagger was somewhere between my diaphragm and heart.
Are you in IC? It's alright if you're not doing well, and certainly come here for support, but if you're in a really dark place you should seek out professional help too.

Last edited by BL42; 12/20/22 02:19 PM.

Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
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Rockon #2941060 12/20/22 08:13 PM
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We need to take care for ourselves first Rock. Please!


WW H(me): 53
W: 48
T: 27 M: 22
S: 18
Piecing since 03/2016
Saw the light in the storm
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Rockon #2941063 12/20/22 08:58 PM
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Hey there Rock, just want to echo everyone else here and give my support. Please keep talking about your pressures and stresses here and with a counselor. We have to externalize that [censored] rather than bottle things up. Keep taking care of yourself.

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Rockon #2941067 12/21/22 12:29 AM
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Thank you everyone. Yes I have been under duress and having stretches of pain, anger, pressure on and temptation but I have been getting through (basically have two friends over 25 years each (one our retired pastor on speed dial) went over to pastors yesterday and have coffee with he and his wife and unloaded - they’re really great for that - seen it all. And then having a lot of joy with family slow these days. Quality time with kids.
Yes I have IC and intensive therapy - tho on a break for the holidays. I do have crisis like I can access if need be.


M:52 W: 51
T:27 M:25
D26 S24 S21 D20
BD:2022
LH19 #2941068 12/21/22 01:22 AM
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LH,

“ What type of stresses and pressure are you under?”

I feel pressure to hold it all together for everyone: kids, historically W
-stay positive, do the right thing, help, give, support - that’s what I feel a lot of the time and with these holidays being different than before I’m in emotional upheaval (it’s getting better I’m having better days) and trying to support everyone else. It has helped just to let go somewhat the last couple days and enjoy life.

Stresses are
-financial,
-kids going through their stuff,
-I’m still struggling with my emotions with regards to W ( I know that’s not news to you).
-S’s care needs
-gearing up for my return to work

“ So is your W kicking in her share? I bet the answer is no.”

Not her share no but she contributes some - much less than me each pay check. I do earn more than her.

“ What are these reach outs about? What are your responses?”

Sometimes she sends me memes and links, talks about the kids, asks me about me sometimes, tells me about her health concerns, asks me for help with stuff or if I want to do something with her.

My responses:
-delayed if at all and to the point. Not responding unless a question or needing a response. Validating when she is sharing something for me to validate. Did help her to get a medical device recommended by her dr. She is on my benefits as well.

I really appreciate your concern.

What am I afraid of? I suppose suffering of others especially untimely death. When I mention suffering I don’t mean discomfort that can lead to learning development and growth but rather tragedy. This is really related to my nervous system injury (ptsd).


M:52 W: 51
T:27 M:25
D26 S24 S21 D20
BD:2022
Rockon #2941076 12/21/22 04:12 AM
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Hi Rock,

I have been reading along not really knowing what to say. Just know that my thoughts are with you and I wish you well during this difficult time.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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Rockon #2941088 12/21/22 04:13 PM
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Ok your thoughts please. I had bought some gifts for W for Christmas before (was a 180 to start early and I got her some good gifts for her birthday that she liked this year. Don’t know what to do about the Christmas gifts for her.

Years previous she basically told me everything she would like for Christmas and she has not done that this year. She did mention that she got me a gift I have been thinking of giving her gift(s) that communicate that I am listening to what she is saying and that I want her to be happy and have a good life. She has said she is all about excitement, adventure and joy. Also at her birthday party when I asked what she hopes for the upcoming year she said “hiking camping and travel” I want to avoid giving gifts or making gestures that add pressure, or serve to manipulate W in any way.

D has told me that she would like to give W some experiences to do together with D and with family

Also I have been giving myself breaks this holiday season and serving some folks in need including some first responders.


M:52 W: 51
T:27 M:25
D26 S24 S21 D20
BD:2022
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