We spoke with therapist the other day. She suggested a daily calendar which we have done. And a "sit down" meeting to go over the calendar.
Great idea. Having a regular discussion to look out at the day or week would also facilitate communication and help eliminate confusion. Have you tried a digital calendar on Google or Apple? You each have your own and share out to each other, so you can see both. Makes logistics and scheduling much easier. I use it even for just me and the kids to mark their events in different colors.
Originally Posted by Wolfman
The therapist explained how important communication is. How can she expect me or her to read each others mind.
Hopefully this IC is helping on the communication front - sounds like with examples of the groceries and baby time you two need to get better in this area.
Originally Posted by Wolfman
Other than that things are ok.
No offense, and wishing you all the best, but not sure this is true. You have some major issues to work out.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
No offense, and wishing you all the best, but not sure this is true. You have some major issues to work out.[/quote]
I just meant for the moment things were ok, not overall. LOL not even close.
Originally Posted by bttrfly
did you mention to the therapist that gf made the suggestion that you date someone else? i'd be interested in the therapist's take on that.
I agree with bl - you've got a lot to sort through. i get wanting a break maybe or wanting to celebrate the 10% but don't sweep things under the rug.
I will mention it to the therapist. I am curious myself to see what she will say.
Overall pretty good weekend. Communication is getting better, just very slowly.
Completely different question. Ever once in a while sadness creeps in about my d. I just miss her so much. I can't help but feel how much time I am missing with her. I literally pray for the day I can talk to her and just give her a hug. I guess my question is, is it normal that every once and a while the sadness creeps in. No one knows, nor would I show that emotion to anyone. I just wonder sometimes what she is doing or who her friends are. It just hurts sometimes so bad.
Sometimes when that creeps in I just try and focus on the ones I love and who love me. I just love seeing the baby and my s together. They absolutely love each other. It is such a wonderful feeling. I am so happy my son was not brainwashed by my ex into not having a relationship with his brother.
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
Completely different question. Ever once in a while sadness creeps in about my d. I just miss her so much. I can't help but feel how much time I am missing with her. I literally pray for the day I can talk to her and just give her a hug. I guess my question is, is it normal that every once and a while the sadness creeps in. No one knows, nor would I show that emotion to anyone. I just wonder sometimes what she is doing or who her friends are. It just hurts sometimes so bad.
That must be incredibly difficult. I often have those feelings when I can't see the kids on my off weekends, and that's just a short period of time...not an extended one like you and your D. I think your feelings of sadness there are completely normal and justified. Hang in there.
Originally Posted by Wolfman
Sometimes when that creeps in I just try and focus on the ones I love and who love me. I just love seeing the baby and my s together. They absolutely love each other. It is such a wonderful feeling. I am so happy my son was not brainwashed by my ex into not having a relationship with his brother.
Focusing on the ones you do see is a great approach, but doesn't make missing your D any less valid.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
I have a situation I need advice on. For the last week things have been very good. Yesterday gf's parents came over. He dad helped with a problem I had with one of my bathroom sinks. After we took care of it we had dinner together. At the end of dinner i was talking to her father about a situation at my job. Her dad and i are in the same field so we can relate. The gist of the conversation was about kids and anxiety and kids going late to school. Gf brought up about a situation we had about 2 weeks ago. How my s had a basketball game but eh game was at 5. So, it was my day with my s (he is 12) and i had to pick him up from school then bring him back for his game. Then would of had to drop him off at his school then go back and pick up gf and baby so they could see the game. Side note: from the time i dropped off my son to his game it was 45 minutes before it would start and we didn't want to wait around with the baby before the game and i only live 15 minutes from my sons school. Gf wanted my son to stay after school and just go to either a random after school program or just go and sit in the school library. This way i didn't have to go back and forth. i told her my son doesn't want to stay after school for a program or just go to the library and that I didn't mind picking him up. She was insisting that my s should just stay after anyway and i shouldn't be going back and forth. I said to her he doesn't want to stay after he wants to come home with me. Well it went back and forth for a little while. Finally I made arrangements for my son to go to a friends house who is also on the basketball team and they drove him to the game and then we went. fast forward to last night how she brought that up to her dad how imy son should stay after school and either go to a program or just go to the library. She was hoping to get her support and I guess "use" that against me. Well he disagreed with her. She became very upset that she did not have his support.At one point during the conversation, it went in a little bit of a different direction because she was talking about how if our son ever wanted anything from her she would do it, no matter what he needed. Gf's dad said wait a second, so you can do whatever the baby wants or needs but if i do it for my s then that is wrong? He said isn't that a little contradictory? She tried to argue thats not what she meant, he repeated exactly what she said how it was a little hippocritical how its ok for her to do something but not me. After a while her dad got annoyed and said that was enough and decided to leave. Yet now she was mad at me. She wouldn't talk to me, I went to bed and when she came in started to make a lot of noise on purpose, even took the child monitor and moved it to my side. She has never done that. Then just a little while ago i get this text:
I feel unimportant. I am frustrated with feeling like I'm the only one expected to make sacrifices. i can't think of a time i've asked you to make a sacrifice for me and it was done without a fight. Im realizing this is a losing battle for me and i just have to accept it. In accepting this, im sacrificing my happiness just to keep the peace. i dont want to argue. My hope is that one day you will understand how I feel and take that into consideration.
How do I answer this? Please help
M:42 XW:41 T:19 M: 15 D:13 S:10 BD: 8/10/18 Moved out: 8/18 Moved in: 9/18/18 Moved out: 4/22/19 D papers signed 11/4/19 D final 3/18/20
We can’t tell you how to answer. We only hear one side of the story here. She tells you that you don’t sacrifice for her, you tell us all you do is sacrifice for her.
All I know from what you write here, your wife of the story, is that she does not value your son and she wants you to value her and your child with her above your son. And you already lost your daughter. And I wouldn’t be surprised if it really was due to your GF.
From what YOU write, no matter what you do and how much you sacrifice it’s never enough. So you need to make a decision on what you need to do and what is important to you
Wolfy what I would do is sit down and have a conversation with her about moving forward. Validate her feelings of feeling unimportant. Apologize for not stating upfront that your kids are your number one priority. Ask her if she sees a path forward with you putting your kids and her as top priorities. If she says "yes" ask her what that looks like moving forward. If it's acceptable say great lets work towards that together. If it is not than tell her and counter offer what it will look like to you. Come to a compromise if possible. If you can't compromise or she says "no" to a path forward than ask where what she thinks the next move is for the two of you.
