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Originally Posted by Ginger1
I decided to not be needless and wantless. I expressed a need, even though k knew the consequence might be a “no”. But it was received very well, understood and appreciated.

I for certain speak fluid sarcasm. Where I struggle is with speaking fluid cryptic. Toss in typos and I really struggle. It sorta sounds like you told hockey guy you want more than FWB? Sorta sounds like he didn’t run. But where does that leave things? And he’s already been clear, multiple times over, he’s not ready for an R. For one he’s still MARRIED.

So just going with the cryptic I think it’s great you stood up for what you really want even though you very much denied it days ago and claimed you only wanted sex. Again your words not ours. But good on you being honest with yourself. I just hope he’s not telling you what you want to hear to keep getting what he wants. Guys will do that ya know. Worse yet even though you’re not forcing anything, he will feel forced and later claim he agreed to R because you forced him to. Guys will do that too.

But I may be way off because I don’t speak fluent cryptic and am not sure what really happened. So maybe you can just spell out what actually happened?


DonH
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I’m not being cryptic, I’m just sharing what I am comfortable with.

For all anyone knows is it was any situation in my life where I wasn’t afraid to express a need. It happens to me in various areas of my life. And I’ve always lived with a fear of expressing my needs and wants and it felt good to do it and not have it knocked down with a baseball bat.

That’s all

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Ginger, family first. Sounds like you are doing a fantastic job as a Mom. Definitely a tough job.
I am volunteering for a soup kitchen for Thanksgiving.. If I cant be with my family here, than I will bring joy to others who deserve far more.
Do what you got to do and want to do. You dont owe anyone an explanation, unless you want to..


Never Forget your past so you dont repeat, and regret it... The grass isnt greener on the other side, its just a different shade, and time will show it..
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Ginger1,
Originally Posted by Ginger1
So, here we are again in the holiday season...I just have no one to be with. D will be with her dad. I do have friends, but no one really knows or asks if I’ll be alone. I think it’s often assumed around the holidays that people have someone .
I hear you on the holidays and being alone / not having set plans. Thanksgiving is only a few days away and the kids with be with ExW and I'm still not sure what I'll do that day. I agree people tend to default to their families / set plans, it'd be nice if offers were extended but understandably not on the top of their minds. I was fortunate to have a Friendsgiving this weekend and will be taking the kids to my sister's family next, but those day-ofs when everyone's tied up with their "normal family" plans are a bit lonely. I may do a looong session at the gym or maybe go for a hike on my own.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
It’s about to be a big time of transition for me, and I have no idea what will come with it.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Well, now, she’s entering adulthood very shortly and will be on her own. And I am going to be making decisions based on what works for ME primarily. It’s a huge life transition. It’s exciting and very scary at the same time. I’m entering this stage alone. What I do and where I go will mainly have to do with my career. And I have no clue what that looks like!
Originally Posted by Ginger1
But it’s in 2.5 years. And I’m absolutely thinking about it now. And yeah, having my kid go to college and not having my sidekick there all the time scares me alot . There will be a hole. But there will be some exciting stuff on the horizons for me.
I'll reiterate what Mach40 most recently but so many others on the thread have mentioned...you're a wonderful mom. Being the primary and putting your daughter first for so long. She's lucky to have you.

But like you mention above...things will change drastically soon so I think you're smart to start thinking about what YOU want and what will make YOU happy going forward. Not that the parenting ever stops, but off at college vs. a baby through high school is a much different level of effort. Make sure you make yourself a priority.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
Girl - if you want to have casual sex with hockey guy or anyone else and THINK YOU CAN HANDLE IT, then go ahead. You’re a grown woman and sex is delightful. I think though that nobody wants to see you get hurt again by getting attached to a guy who is less invested in the relationship than you are.
As for hockey guy...kml summed it up nicely above.


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Ginger1 - Not sure how you put up with dropping your daughter off at your Exs/OWs for so long. That must've caused you so much pain over the years. It still riles me up after a year or two. You must be a saint.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
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This was the first thanksgiving I had with D in 3 years. We stayed at the plaza hotel and went to the macy’s thanksgiving day parade ( my first time, actually) and got really close without waiting because my dad and his wife have their law enforcement badges. The weather was beautiful and it was really cool. We ate at their thanksgiving buffet which was crazy expensive ( all paid for by them) and my daughter ate rolls and prime rib because she eats nothing. Since I have been on my medication, I can barely eat, but I hit up the chilled seafood bar because I wanted my moneys worth. It was a really cool holiday. Last night we watched the hockey game in our room ( frustrating game) the best part was the bathroom and the nice bubble bath I had in the deep tub.

NGL, holidays are still rough. I love what they did for us, but man, I just wish we had that whole big family traditional thanksgiving dinner. We just have no family. We were home by 5 tonight and it was just D and I and she said “ I miss my family” I admittedly burst into tears ( PMS) as well. It’s because I get it. Her family( Cousins , aunt, uncle, grandmother, his wife’s parents) are all hanging out over there playing a game together and she’s not a part of it. And it’s hard for her, I get it. She felt bad and I felt bad, I just explained that I totally I stand and that’s why I got sad. She did ask me if we could try something new for thanksgiving starting next year where it’s her dads, but she will do dinner there and come home for dessert , and switch off each year. I said sure. Whatever makes her happy. I don’t want her to feel like she is missing out and there are certain things I simply cannot give her. And a big gathering with family isn’t one of them. It what it is. But I get it, because I am a 42 year old woman who craves and misses that myself.

I’m off tomorrow and D and I will be Christmas decorating . She will goto dads after dinner and I work Saturday at my second job. I can certainly use this money for Christmas presents and everything falling apart in my house, lol.

The exciting thing is my dad booked the our Christmas present. Going to Tampa and seeing our hickey team play. We will be getting hockey and sunshine in, it will be awesome .

The truth is the holidays just really still hurt inside. I’m not a saint. I still hurt . Not for the same reasons I did in the beginning, but for different ones. But tomorrow is a new day

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Ginger, you are teaching your daughter some darn good things. She is very mature and aware of things.. Not sure the real benefit, except she sees family is important and definitely sees what you are doing is most important.
Not to take away, but both of my daughters came over after their shindig with their Momma, Grandpa and Aunt and Uncles. Ex texted and said " I hate that the family is broken like this" right after getting there for their big dinner, and her boyfriend was there too..
Life throws curve balls, and you have figure out how to knock it out of the park with your daughter. She will be a strong women due to your guidance..


Never Forget your past so you dont repeat, and regret it... The grass isnt greener on the other side, its just a different shade, and time will show it..
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Ginger1,

Originally Posted by Ginger1
This was the first thanksgiving I had with D in 3 years. We stayed at the plaza hotel and went to the macy’s thanksgiving day parade
Plaza Hotel and Macy's Thanksgiving Parade sounds pretty cool! Glad you got to experience it with D!

Originally Posted by Ginger1
NGL, holidays are still rough.
I hear you...

Originally Posted by Ginger1
I just wish we had that whole big family traditional thanksgiving dinner.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
it was just D and I and she said “ I miss my family” I admittedly burst into tears ( PMS) as well.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Her family( Cousins , aunt, uncle, grandmother, his wife’s parents) are all hanging out over there playing a game together and she’s not a part of it. And it’s hard for her, I get it.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I don’t want her to feel like she is missing out and there are certain things I simply cannot give her. And a big gathering with family isn’t one of them.
It's gotta be extra hard knowing not only don't you have the big family, but D does on the other side which has caused you so much pain and she misses it when she's with you. That's tough.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
She felt bad and I felt bad, I just explained that I totally understand and that’s why I got sad.
I wouldn't worry about your reaction. It's legit feelings and emotions. She knows you weren't sad or upset because of her.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
The exciting thing is my dad booked the our Christmas present. Going to Tampa and seeing our hickey team play. We will be getting hockey and sunshine in, it will be awesome .
Sounds fantastic! Certainly something to look forward to.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
The truth is the holidays just really still hurt inside. I’m not a saint. I still hurt . Not for the same reasons I did in the beginning, but for different ones. But tomorrow is a new day
Yeah...I know what you mean. Hang in there.


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Thanksgiving and Christmas are the worst, then New Years and Valentines throw daggers at your heart.
But, we will have body armor soon and these holidays will be just another day on the calendar..


Never Forget your past so you dont repeat, and regret it... The grass isnt greener on the other side, its just a different shade, and time will show it..
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Thank you for the kind words Mach, and you as well, BL. Valentine’s Day is fine for me, New Years is rough, so I usually work New Year’s Day, get my time and a half, and use it as an excuse to go to bed early. Sad, I know. This year it’s on a weekend. I’m not working New Year’s Day, but I did get invited to a party. We shall see if I decide to go .

Interesting weekend. I worked yesterday at my old job. I got to work with people I like and it wasn’t busy. There was this new hospice nurse who was covering and sitting with us . She told her her “story” ( people love to tell me their life story” a week before her 50th birthday this summer, her husband left her for a 32 year old. Together 18 years. He cheated 9 years ago. She gave him another chance. They never had kids. You could tell she’s still going through the “WTF”? I felt for her and shared a small part of my story that showed I understood. I try not to get all about myself when someone is talking about their problems.

I then met my single friend for a drink after work. She’s 60, but young at heart, for sure. She’s been through it all too. The guy she “sees” for years ditched her today. She had a family memeber who works for the jets get tickets to todays game for him. He ditched last minute. So she invited me. We tailgated and had a BLAST. Seats were lower level but covered, so we didn’t get rained on. Jets won. And we went to a bar in the stadium at the half. Long story I will keep short. Every where we go, she knows someone . She ran into her cousins ex BF( this cousins current husband got us the tickets) she asked me to sneak a picture of him, but I wasn’t very sneaky apparently. ( they had been talking at the bar) he was with his boys, who are all law enforcement. One guy saw wheat I did and called me out and we all ended up talking. And this one guy, very cute. Apparently found me very cute as well. He managed to get my number. I do realize, when I do go out, I do meet men. I just don’t go out that much , lol. For work, maybe, but not with single friends. It was actually flattering. Maybe he will ask me out. He did use my number and text me already.

My friend has taste in unavailable men like I do. She also gets really depressed around the holidays too. We are a good support for eachother and just get it

I can’t see myself back on dating apps. They were seriously soul crushing for me. Degrading almost. I’d rather do more activities and meet people organically. The world is open again. Join some clubs for activities that enjoy.

I still talk to hockey guy. We haven’t seen eachother. His schedule has been quite booked solid. He remains interested, but I know it’s only to a point. ( and I’m not talking only sex, but definitely not relationship). I have hard questions I need to ask myself. I think it is important that someone I date is someone that eventually will include me in other areas in his life. I don’t think that’s going to happen here and if it does, it won’t be for a long time.

But I don’t have to make any decisions about anything now. I honestly hope this guy I met will ask me out. I nee

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