Dear PLC, So good to hear from you. Sorry I’m a little late with the reply but things have been quite busy lately.
Originally Posted by PLC
H is still here. He lives in the other bedroom. Sometimes I see him, mostly I do not. In the last few months, his job location is now about a 35-45 minute drive one way. So many days, I go to work and come home and make dinner and clean up the kitchen before he walks in. When he does walk in, he may or may not say hi and then hole up in the bedroom.
I admire your strength PLC. I don’t think I would be able to still live with my MLC’er after all this time.
How is your D doing?
Any progress with the job?
XXX Eagle
Me(45)EXH(44) M:15 T:18, S19, S16 & S16 04/19-02/20 ILYB & OW1 12/20-08/22 OW2 (+pregnant-his child) 03/22-Divorce official 06/22-08/23 Reconnecting 09/23-possible back with OW2
Eagle, thank you for your kind words. I really just look at each day and not ahead, so making it one day at a time is very helpful. To realize that this has been 3 years is staggering. I will say, I am a lot more disconnected and we are truly roommates. We have conversations that are “fluff” (if you are going to the store, can you please pick this up? I need gas in my car, will you please fill it up?) I have learned from prior instances to not attempt for more than he can give. I am not disappointed with that. I am continuing to plan for MY future without him, I have things I need to have in play before that happens and I am ok with that. D27 is currently working abroad. So we are empty nesters until the holidays. I have things to do on my calendar and am looking forward to them.
My look for employment is ongoing, however, I do not think I will see the wife at the workplace anymore. Her husband,( the other boss )and I have discovered so much that she has done to undermine the business, I can’t even have sympathy like I did before. It is really bad and could have put the business in a bad situation. I know that this all began from her husband dropping the bomb, but she has gone off the rails. She told me before all of this happened that it’s no big deal if you get divorced and she promptly got a boyfriend. She had told me how happy she was and I know now, it was what she wanted me to see so I would not notice the theft. She stole an office chair! An office chair! It was an extra one we used when we needed to look at things together. But we are noticing things missing, so I guess anything goes.
Anyway, one day at a time is my new motto and it serves me well.
This is apparently the best evidence to show that people don't always turn out to be the people they pretend to be. How can that woman still look at herself in the mirror, unbelievable. A very unfortunate situation for your boss. On the other hand, this does mean that you don't have to change jobs if I'm right? If the relationship is still good with your boss, your salary is good and you like working there, you don't have to look for anything else I suspect?
I admire the fact that you were able to distance yourself from your H like that. I guess it shouldn't always be easy if you still see him on a regular basis since he is still living at home. Do you not suffer from an anxious feeling or is he not rude to you? Can you talk to anybody in regards to this topic? Like your daughter, a friend or a family member?
Me(45)EXH(44) M:15 T:18, S19, S16 & S16 04/19-02/20 ILYB & OW1 12/20-08/22 OW2 (+pregnant-his child) 03/22-Divorce official 06/22-08/23 Reconnecting 09/23-possible back with OW2
Funny you ask about my job. My boss and I had the discussion yesterday regarding my work. I have a job as long as I want one. So that is nice to know that it is my decision. For the most part, I really enjoy my job and I am so close to home, I go home for lunch. So I might change jobs based on my needs, not because of someone (you are right, how can she look at herself) ruins a business. Thankfully, he has put a stop to her liquidation of the funds, which has caused incessant texts from her about how he has wronged her, and how dare he stop her from taking money. (It can be a lot during the day). I feel for him, even though he dropped the bomb on her.
My H and I are ok. Anxiety is fleeting. He is not rude by any means to me. Not verbally. He will leave without saying goodbye, but I am used to it and 9 times out of 10 he usually has just stepped out to get dinner, He is usually home daily by 6 and he takes a shower and goes to bed. He leaves before 4 am so i am alone most of the evening. Weekends, he works and I do my own thing with friends or family. I talk my therapists ear off a lot of why and what I am doing, and it is all part of an exit plan. I just have to be day to day, or it becomes very overwhelming.
Nothing has moved forward with my situation. H is still living in another room. I have shown more independence and I have seen slight reactions from him. My anxiety is truly fleeting where in the beginning (almost 4 years ago) I was constantly anxious.
I have to say IC is the best thing that I have ever done for myself. Between mine and H’s situation and the pending divorce between my employers, it can be a lot and honestly, my H is a dream compared to the legal issues facing my bosses.
I see that a lot of people I used to communicate with are no longer on the board. I hope they know that they helped me a lot.
I know going forward, I will totally be ok. I am still making my plans and H really seems to be in his own MLC limbo. Believe me, I am not checking on him, and when it goes for a long while, he checks in with me on his own.
I do not plan on living like this forever, but with extenuating circumstances with my extended family, including elderly parents, this might be the plan a little longer. This just helps me become stronger with what I want.
I am happy to read your update. You sound excellent! Well grounded, organized, strong, and stable.
Your H is most definitely one of the low energy wallower type of MLCers. Still in his room, and still slowly crawling along. So very different than my high energy explosive XW.
Originally Posted by PLC
I know going forward, I will totally be ok.
Absolutely!
Do you have any vacation plans for the summer?
I retired a while back so I basically live a vacation now. Still, I might make a trip out to see my sister and her family this summer. And of course some days (and weekends) here and there to visit my kids.
Loved hearing from you. Take care girl.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
Retired! Good for you. I have heard retirement can be quite busy.
I don’t have any set plans for the Summer, but I am sure it will be fun.
I totally have a low energy wallower H and I truly feel that this is MY house and he just occupies a room.
I want anyone reading this that may be in a long term IHS or just beginning to deal with this weird dynamic that as time marches on, it really does get easier. I have done so much, and grown so much on my own that it is kind of exciting to see what will happen next.
