Just make sure you clean your side of the street and be ready if it were to happen....
A WAS will seldom return to the same situation that they are trying to walk away from...
This is such a good point. It's critical you work on improving yourself. People around here say "she gave you the gift of time, use it wisely"
How's the fitness program starting out? Are you eating better, upgrading your wardrobe, reading about attraction? What poor behaviors are working to 180?
Right now time probably feels like it's dragging on as you're upset about and consumed with your situation, but in a year or two you're going to look back and realize how quickly things went. Are you going to feel proud of the changes you made or say to yourself why did I waste this year or not not digging in with consistent action to become a better man?
MAN all you members, BL, Steve, Traveler, Mach: Diamonds !!!
So my fitness program is going and accelerating! My son is impressed and that doesn’t happen easily! He calls BS easily and he is really upset with WW and how she has been treating me but I have his respect and we see eye to eye and talk man to man. I am hanging out with a small select group of quality men I admire and respect. I joined a comprehensive 12 week mens health program (nutrition, fitness, mental health etc).
W was over here once ( I looked good, was dressed sharp and had quiet confident masculine energy going) recently. I noticed her subconsciously look me up and down not say a word but she moaned and I did not comment.
I have been engaging in positive dynamic mixed (men and women) social circles . Learning about attraction and getting used to confidently being friendly and outgoing with women. Their positive attention feels good and I’m being careful not to give inappropriate messages (keeping my man friends in the loop too so I remain wise about temptation.
W has gone out for lunch today with another solid fierce direct dynamic woman (these words all describe who wife was before acting out the WW delusional lifestyle ) who happens to be our Pastor’s wife. Will pay attention (without placing undue emphasis or expectation on outward behaviours or drawing unrealistic conclusions) to potential positive impacts similar to what has been happening since she went out with the other solid friend. If anything, this one might be even more pro marriage though that would be hard to believe knowing the other friend.
For me, I am working on being clear and resolute! Got a ways to go and recognize the marathon before me.
W was over here once ( I looked good, was dressed sharp and had quiet confident masculine energy going) recently. I noticed her subconsciously look me up and down not say a word but she moaned and I did not comment.
I have been engaging in positive dynamic mixed (men and women) social circles . Learning about attraction and getting used to confidently being friendly and outgoing with women. Their positive attention feels good and I’m being careful not to give inappropriate messages (keeping my man friends in the loop too so I remain wise about temptation.
Make no mistake...
You doing that is going to stir up some anger in her...
She's gonna wonder why it had to come to this for you to be different....
Create a little mystery (not in a Scooby-Doo kinda way either).
Don't be so available when you know she is going to be around.
If you are like that and she shows up, suddenly have an appointment that you have to attend.
Let her wonder what you are doing....
Let her question her choices and decisions about you.
Her anger is going to be with herself more than it is with you.
Yet, you will feel the wrath at times.
All that anger HAS to come out at some point before things can change...
Anger is good though. Just make sure that you use your anger as a shield instead of a sword....
The trick is.....
That you are doing that because it's who you want to be. NOT because you want to solely affect her.
A WAS can smell fake like a drug dog can sniff out a Cheech and Chong movie set...
Understand ?
Changes are for YOU and you alone....
And they have to be consistent. IF you change for her, then there is no consistency in them...
This isn't a game, yet it will play like one....
You can't lead when you are constantly looking over your shoulder to see who is following....
Mach thank you - your points are certainly cutting clear and helpful. It seems I need to really examine my intentions, motivations and Achilles points of vulnerabilities.
I joined a comprehensive 12 week mens health program (nutrition, fitness, mental health etc).
Excellent! You're going to feel great about yourself after 12 weeks. Now...you have to make sure you stay dedicated and keep it up. Lots of people lose 20-30lbs post-BD on the "divorce diet" and start working out but then over time they lose the momentum and stop going and it comes back on. The key for you will be working that 12 weeks into 12 months.
Originally Posted by Rockon
My son is impressed and that doesn’t happen easily! He calls BS easily and he is really upset with WW and how she has been treating me but I have his respect and we see eye to eye and talk man to man.
Just be careful not to get into too many details about W with your kids, or bad mouth her. Keep the conversations geared towards you and your relationship with your son.
Originally Posted by Rockon
I am hanging out with a small select group of quality men I admire and respect.
Awesome. Surround yourself with the people who will help you become the person you want to be.
Originally Posted by Rockon
W was over here once ( I looked good, was dressed sharp and had quiet confident masculine energy going) recently. I noticed her subconsciously look me up and down not say a word but she moaned and I did not comment.
Nice job looking good, dressing well, and being confident. Curious why she's over again? It seems to be frequent? Next time maybe switch it up a bit and when she texts to stop by respond "Not today, I'm out with a friend."
Originally Posted by Rockon
I have been engaging in positive dynamic mixed (men and women) social circles . Learning about attraction and getting used to confidently being friendly and outgoing with women. Their positive attention feels good and I’m being careful not to give inappropriate messages (keeping my man friends in the loop too so I remain wise about temptation.
Awesome! Stay social and work on being confident and friendly, but like you said...avoid temptation.
Originally Posted by Rockon
W has gone out for lunch today with another solid fierce direct dynamic woman (these words all describe who wife was before acting out the WW delusional lifestyle ) who happens to be our Pastor’s wife. Will pay attention (without placing undue emphasis or expectation on outward behaviours or drawing unrealistic conclusions) to potential positive impacts similar to what has been happening since she went out with the other solid friend. If anything, this one might be even more pro marriage though that would be hard to believe knowing the other friend.
It's good she's counseling with friends who are pro-marriage. Many WS/WAS cast those friends aside and focus on the ones who will validate their affairs/separation/divorces. I distinctly remember my now-ExW had a brunch meet up on the calendar with a pro-marriage friend and hoping desperately the friend would talk some sense into her. They didn't end up getting together. So...better that she is talking to those folks than not, but be wary she's going to end up doing what her emotions are telling her she wants - don't bank on people talking her out of anything.
Originally Posted by Rockon
For me, I am working on being clear and resolute! Got a ways to go and recognize the marathon before me.
Good attitude. Way to stay positive.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
Hardest thing we will most likely do, but all the new skills will be well worth all the effort for you.
It is a whole new way of thinking, being, as well as interacting with others. Dropping bad traits and picking up new positive ones will make you a completely new person.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
