It was an amazing day with a great group and she didn’t show.
Glad you had a great hike with good friends - sounds like a perfect way to boost your spirits.
Yes. It was really so great! And I played hockey the night before too!
Originally Posted by Rockon
She was just speaking with me this afternoon while waiting for one of our really good friends to take her out to lunch.
How was she casually speaking to you? I thought she moved out. Was that a call, stop by...etc.? Remember to get busy and make yourself less available. Don't be her support system as she's leaving you; start moving the other direction.
She had stopped by actually and I was home.
Originally Posted by Rockon
This is a solid loving kind and wise friend who has known and loved us for decades. W and her have had a solid deep friendship but this summer since W Has dramatically changed in her behaviour and attitude, W has been very reluctant to engage in these positive friendships. She even told our D recently that she doesn’t know if she will have any friends left soon.
It's common for the WS/WAS to cut ties with people who disapprove of their actions and connect with those who support them. If your "solid loving kind and wise friend" is pro-marriage and against the affair/divorce, that might explain why your W would pull away from her.
Yes this friend is pro marriage and against affair and divorce 100% One of W’s best longest and most trusted friends. Excellent point!
Originally Posted by Rockon
Anyway, I validated, validated and validated some more. “That sounds like it’s really difficult for you and stressful.”
Sounds like you said the right things. Remember...no pressure, no arguing, no R talk, no logic'ing your way out...etc.
“I recognize that you are really trying to be patient and kind, and I’m just feeling so emotionally overwhelmed that the smallest things are setting me off. I’m sorry that I continue to take that out on you. I want to be better.”
Background from my recent “New here” thread:
W left me this summer saying she needed time and space and voicing a lot of hurt an disappointment in our marriage, acknowledging a lot of shared trauma, and expressing that I paid so much attention to our kids that she felt I didn’t matter to her. I understand she has been involved with OM and don’t know if it has progressed to PA.
I have been working on GAL, 180, just got DR book in the mail this week. Detaching is hard for sure
Our kids (grown) are having a real hard time with W behaviours and attitude.
“I recognize that you are really trying to be patient and kind, and I’m just feeling so emotionally overwhelmed that the smallest things are setting me off. I’m sorry that I continue to take that out on you. I want to be better.”
Not sure how I'd respond to that text - maybe others could craft something - but seems better she sent that to you than nothing.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
It’s a start. There have been glimpses of the old W on occasion. But she does seem so confused, significantly stressed and as my son said today, “delusional”
