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Originally Posted by bttrfly
All you have to do today is breathe.
And stop projecting into the future.


The first part...

I've been practicing at for years apparently....

The second part...

At first I was thinking ....yea...I'm not...

Yet as I follow my DB rules...

I tried to see what you see....

And I am doing that to some degree...

Trying to perhaps rush the stages of grief, and trying to be overly one way or another.

Ain't gonna lie, there is a part of me that just wants this pain to end, and to feel something 'normal' again. Whatever the F that's gonna be....

Thanks B-lady....for letting me see that...

One step at a time.

Be it forward or backward.....

Just not still....




I'm gonna need more popcorn....

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Mach I am sorry you are struggling man. To go through a major loss twice in 15 years is tough for sure. You know what works and what doesn't. Keep pushing through.

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Originally Posted by LH19
Mach I am sorry you are struggling man. To go through a major loss twice in 15 years is tough for sure. You know what works and what doesn't. Keep pushing through.


Thanks LH...

I have moments where I struggle greatly...

And I have moments where I don't...

I'm typically pretty good....and then something triggers, and all hell breaks loose...

I lost her on a Monday, so Mondays seem to be 'trigger' days for me, although they are getting better.

Where there were tears, now I can almost smile...being thankful that I had her rather than pain that I don't now...


It's funny that you mention two losses in 15 years...

I haven't thought about my Ex and what I went through with her for a long time now. And I still don't.

It's been a long time....and once I forgave her, my old situation held no power over me, same with my Ex.

She hasn't had any power over me for years....

I'm actually thankful for what I went through with her, and have been for a while.

All the roads that I took led me to the life I had with K, and I am extremely grateful of that, and for that...


So to see it as a loss now, I can't say that I do...

If I could somehow let you see my memories, I think you would agree...

Thanks again ....


How are things with you ?

You've been un-characteristically quiet ...

You posted something on DnJ's thread and I thought...

Wow, that was a really well thought out, intelligent post....

Who stole his login ?

: )

Strength and Honor my friend....

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Originally Posted by Mach1
How are things with you ?

You've been un-characteristically quiet ...

You posted something on DnJ's thread and I thought...

Wow, that was a really well thought out, intelligent post....

Who stole his login ?

: )

LOL. I was on vacation.....

I am slowly learning....

To ask questions to.....

Bring them to their own conclusions...

Opposed to forcing LHs will on them.....

Wax on wax off lol..........

Strength in numbers lol.......

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I’m sorry you are struggling as well. You really are coming along though and processing your grief which is a very healthy thing. I think everyone tries to rush their grief at some point with a big loss. I think grief is one of the hardest processes and emotions that exists. No linear to path either. But you do a great job of honoring her and yourself and you just can’t do much better than that.

LH is getting laid now so he is all touchy feely. I am not, so I just let loose. Seriously though, with certain people my filter just comes off…….

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Sorry you're struggling with your loss, Mach1.

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I have to watch myself. I’ve had a 911 call against me on here saying I’m a bully. Just tying a different approach.

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Originally Posted by LH19
LOL. I was on vacation.....

I am slowly learning....

To ask questions to.....

Bring them to their own conclusions...

Opposed to forcing LHs will on them.....

Wax on wax off lol..........

Strength in numbers lol.......

LMAO - I see what you did there. smile


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
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Originally Posted by Ginger1
I’m sorry you are struggling as well. You really are coming along though and processing your grief which is a very healthy thing. I think everyone tries to rush their grief at some point with a big loss. I think grief is one of the hardest processes and emotions that exists. No linear to path either. But you do a great job of honoring her and yourself and you just can’t do much better than that.

Thanks G...

Honoring her has taken on a few different levels as time has passed.

I do feel that the level I am at now (or at least working toward) is where I need to be...

And that is trying to live my life best way I can, and just do the best that I can everyday.

It is, by far, the hardest thing I have faced. It's in my face every minute, that she is gone.

Yet somehow, I manage to get out of bed, feed the Dog and her Kitty every morning and keep moving.

I have thought about what my vows to her meant, even though we never did the 'legal' piece of paper. We said our vows to each other in private, we lived our vows in public, and our vows were evident in the way that we loved each other and lived our lives....

The one that sticks out the most, was that I would live those vows, and love her until the day that "I" died, not when she did...

A story that I had heard years ago always was in the back of my mind when I thought of love, and relationships. And what they meant to me.

An old man used to visit his wife everyday after she had been placed in a nursing home, after being diagnosed with Alzheimer's.

After about a year, the man was sitting outside on a bench waiting for is bus to venture home, and encountered a person that asked him ..

"Why do you visit everyday, when she doesn't even know you are here ?"

And the man looked them and said...

"She might not, but I do"




Some days are harder than others...Some days are better...

Yet, as I've said before, most days I am actually doing fairly well...

So far, today is good...



Originally Posted by Ginger1
LH is getting laid now so he is all touchy feely. I am not, so I just let loose. Seriously though, with certain people my filter just comes off…….

Yea....I don't even want to know anything about that....

: )



Originally Posted by traveler
Sorry you're struggling with your loss, Mach1.

Thank you


Originally Posted by LH
I have to watch myself. I’ve had a 911 call against me on here saying I’m a bully. Just tying a different approach.


New and improved LH ?

Like now with Zero calories ??

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Hi Mach1,

Grief does suck. Loss [censored]. But your loving words about K show that the gifts of your time together were large, and that is something wonderful. And your grief reflects the love you have for her. So, don’t rush it. Hold it, embrace it, and find a place to put it inside of you so that you can move forward with it. Because I don’t think grief ever leaves us, but it does get easier to walk forward with.

Hugs, El


Me 52, H 56
T10 M7, 2nd MR for both
2 Step Sons (19 and 21)
BD: Fall 2020
D finalized: July 2022
XH Married AP soon after D day.



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