Brave Little Gerda Passes Through the Door

[Gerda]

A quick and awful update.

Today was the hearing on the motion in front of Judge 2, the regular judge and not the referee from the trial. The referee judge is great, very smart, listens carefully and reviews all the papers really closely, sees H for what he is as far as I can tell. He was going to give me 4 months to refinance without any repeat marketing of the house from H. This was one of the things referred to trial and we have already spent tens of thousands of dollars at trial discussing it.

The regular judge is new to the case and HATES me, I do not know why but it seems that women judges like to show how tough they are on women. The two women judges I had were strangely horrible to me and the referee judge, who is a man is fair and neutral and nothing like that. It's not like it's pleasant with him, but it feels fair. This other woman judge it feels like a scene in the Crucible.

Today she heard the motion about me going to jail for not continuing his advance equity payments. I filed for contempt because he would not get an appraisal or accept mine so that I could buy him out. She rejected that and made me pay his legal fees because it was frivolous. This one he filed for contempt because I finally had to stop paying advances, since I was out of money and it seemed he was just going to expect advances forever but would never actually let me buy him out. So he filed for me to be put in jail for 6 months and that he be allowed to take over our house as a "receiver" -- I guess he got that from Trump, literally! He and his lawyer lied and lied -- e.g., said I had never paid him any advance equity but I have paid him like 80K since this thing started. She refused to discuss me getting child support and found me in contempt and created a judgement against me for his legal fees but did not, as you can see, put me in jail. She kept saying things about how I was just taking fancy trips and controlling everything in our house and refusing to pay him what he is owed. And she threw out the order that I have been waiting for five years to complete, the one that allowed me to buy him out at appraised value. She is letting him market the house again, without an appraisal, to drive up the price for a right of first refusal. I kept asking why I couldn't buy him out at appraised value as we had agreed and she said it was my fault for not following the order to keep paying him. And if I end up buying him out at ROFR, SHE IS MAKING US PAY THE BROKER FEE to ensure that the broker works really hard to get the highest price possible. When I said that it did not seem fair that I would have to pay a broker to buy my own house she told me to shut up. At one point I went in the hall and H was at the far end of the hall, the other side of the building, but it was deadly quiet so I could hear him telling someone about how horrible I am and how happy he was that the judge told me to shut up. My L did the best he could and mitigated her brutality so I think he did as well as he could for me but it was the weirdest display, like one of those on line stories you read about when a narcissist is in court and convinces everyone of the most ridiculous lies.

So I have to live through another 4 months of H trying to sell my house and getting into my business and making our lives H$ll. He seems to prefer to spend all this extra money, in the hundreds of thousands, to pay a broker to market the place instead of just accepting an appraised value and spending so much less. It's so weird! He is going to end up with almost nothing left of his equity but he just wants me to burn in H$ll.

My L said the deal he was getting was actually worse for him than the one I offered him last week but he was just so intent on destroying me that he didn't care.

I was so low afterwards. I waited five years to finally exercise my right to buy him out, and we were actually doing well in trial and then this judge just threw out everything without reading any of my papers, not understanding anything about what has actually been happening or all the money I have had to pay while H literally has had to pay nothing. I spent all this time and money on trial, and she just took over the main issue referred to trial and upended all of it. She is obsessed with getting H the highest possible price for his equity but doesn't care even an iota about child support or my kids' college or of course me.

I tried to spend the afternoon calling various mortgage brokers and trying to get started on applications. My L said that if I can get the money in escrow, he might be able to petition the judge to let me buy him out at an appraised value before the four months are up.

I just hope my story convinces any newbies to get out as fast as you can as far as finances are concerned. You are otherwise gambling on getting a fair judge or on your crazy MLCer not doing his worst. In my case I waited and waited for H to come out of it, devoting myself to patience and restoration. And I don't think that's wrong, I believe in restoration of marriages still. But finances are not a marriage, and that was a grave error. I could have maybe done much better if I settled things quickly without connecting finances to marriage. Instead H got worse and worse and his lawyer more and more aggressive and unethical. I have been unlucky at every turn, and five years later I am still battling just to extricate myself from this insanity. If I get the refinance, I may be okay, but if someone offers more than the appraised value and I can't get that together, I lose the house, even though H will walk away with far less in a third party sale at a higher value than a buy out from me.

Hugs welcome now please.

[DnJ]

Hello Gerda

{{{Hugs}}}

Just wow.

It seems H is fixated on being unreasonable and making things difficult for you.

I hope you can get this all settled and behind you soon. You’ve been at this for such a long time.

Stay strong. Praying for you.

D

[Gerda]

Yes, you are right! Thank you for the hugs!

Here's a somewhat amusing follow up --

Yesterday they proposed a broker who is the one who showed up at the appraisal a few years ago claiming to be "just a friend of H." I knew he had to be a broker, we called the court and he got kicked out. Indeed a friend of H who met him after trying for years to get the listing when I didn't know H was secretly trying to sell the place. After that discovered H had hired his son, a friend of S17 (small world) to work at restaurant in order to loop my S into working there. This proved successful! So they wanted to use this guy and I said no, too much conflict of interest.

I spent the day (after work of course) rallying myself to have hope, courage, etc, and to gear up for the four months, worked on getting the refinance (some forward motion there, hurray!) opened my e-mail to an email from someone introducing herself as the new broker, needed all of my keys and visits, to find out access times, stage my place, etc. Hmmm. It wasn't possible that two women in my city had that unusual name. I went to my son's room and showed him her photo. "Is that your dad's girlfriend?" Yes, S says, why?

Yes, you heard that right.

I guess they thought I wouldn't know? And that my kids would enjoy finding her in our house, rearranging our stuff and selling the place while they lived there? H has no apartment, mostly lives at her place. I guess this was a ploy to get to pocket the broker's fee!

The fun never ends!

It's so crazy that I can laugh about it. At least as long as the crazy judge doesn't say, "SHUT UP, Mrs. H! You'll use her and you'll LIKE IT." But yes, DnJ, I sure hope this is the beginning of the end.

[DnJ]

Good Morning Gerda

His girlfriend?!?

What the…

But first they tried to use H’s friend, again. LOL. Sheesh.

Do push back against such obvious conflicts of interest. And I do hope that the judge listens.

H is so crazy! I also figure his sleazily lawyer is behind a lot of this too. I would suspect his L would arrange, or have a hand in arranging, appraisals, brokers, and such. What the legal dream team they make. haha.

Your H is certainly one of the most tenacious and lost folks I’ve heard of. Keep your wits about you my friend. Walk your path and stay clear of the whackadoodle-ness. It’s likely not contagious, yet you don’t want any of that on you.

D

[job]

OMG! What is wrong with the judges in your area? I suspect that your h's sleazy lawyer is behind a lot of what is going on and has bending the ear of the judges along the way.

I am so sorry that this nightmare continues. I wish I had some ideas to help you out, but you have got the worse situation that I have ever read about.

If they want to come to your house, please have someone there to oversee what they are doing and be sure to film them in action. You just never know when you may need to use the video as evidence.

I am praying for you each and every day. Stay a strong as you can.

[Gerda]

Thank you, DnJ and Job, as ever, for the support -- and the recognition that this is NUTS!

Just as predicted, the Judge has opened the floodgates. H is texting me many times a day with demands, orders, anger, "by court order, you are required to..." "I can only hire GF because no other broker would touch this because of your hostility," "my lawyer asked your lawyer to explain this fictionalized conflict of interest and your lawyer still has yet to respond," etc.

So yesterday he messages that he will be coming with GF to redo my planters and I message back that he can leave the flowers for me to plant because I have been cultivating a lot of baby trees and need to do that strategically. He writes back an endless unreadable message and asserts that I had enough time and he will be coming as planned. Today he and GF rip out all of my plants and put in a bunch of new plants, move everything around and throw out all of my plants. Then messages later that they are going out to get something to eat and will be finishing later, can I ask someone to bring them water for the plants, etc. I ignore. D14 was home sick while I was at work and was in a state of terror and anguish, I was scared to encounter them and have to hear GF asking me about her work as a broker, so I waited to go home and then snuck through the bar next door and bartender made sure coast was clear and I ran inside! I texted H that the children would be home now (it was now after school) so please finish tomorrow. His response? He texted D14 and asked her to bring them a broom!!! She has cut off contact with them and he thought it was a good idea for her to come down and hang out with them while they rip out all my stuff in order to put our house on the market!

Judge is so sick of us she is not even responding to my L about our request that he not be allowed to use the GF he lives with. This means that we would have to pay his GF 6% of the value of my place to buy my own house!!! Then I read the contract GF had made and it listed H as sole owner of the house and said the sale would include all furnishings, e.g., all my stuff. What a freak show!

I came up with idea to have a buyer's agent so I don't have to interact with him and whatever broker he uses, and at least my own advocate would split the commission -- then saw that their contract cuts out any other brokers. And then saw that they were going to price the place at 2.5 times its appraised value. Which is kind of good for me, no one will bid if it's priced too high. But it's also so stupid and such a waste of time.

These are the last four months of S17 being home with me before college, and I have to spend that same exact amount of time dealing with these bozos just to be able to buy my own house.

I am just biding my time, working on the refinances (should have that done in the next week or two) and trying to do my other work and projects and mothering and enjoy life in between the madness and fear attacks. And lots of praying which has really renewed my courage.

This is a rather short summary of much more madness. Stay tuned! But S17 pointed out very wisely that if the judge gave him 120 days, and we don't think he can get more than market value for the place, that it means I will finally be done in 120 days, so I guess that's pretty wise and true. I mean, I won't be divorced! This judge is so dumb she didn't even tie this thing to the divorce decree and we still have to go back for more trial days in June and July. But I'm inching closer.

LESSON -- You cannot rationalize with irrational people. The MLCer or Narcissist or whatever he is is will do his absolute worst to sabotage absolutely everything until the last possible moment, no matter how much it is against his own interests. Maybe your MLCer is going through something and will come out of it. BUT CUT ALL FINANCIAL TIES THE SECOND YOU HAVE THE CHANCE! Or you will end up like poor little Gerda AKA Brave Little Gerda AKA Persistent Little Gerda.

[DnJ]

Good Morning Gerda

and the recognition that this is NUTS!

H and his antics aren’t really too demanding upon my powers of observation. Lol.

When I read about H and GF ripping out the plants, I was angry. You politely asked them not to. Even gave reasons why. Nope, they came right over and just did what they wanted. Even asked for water. Sheesh!

Well done not responding to them.

Anyhow, I did give myself a day to calm. (Sort of. ) Like what is going on in your part of the world. How can such utter madness get passed the judge.

S17 pointed out very wisely that if the judge gave him 120 days, and we don't think he can get more than market value for the place, that it means I will finally be done in 120 days, so I guess that's pretty wise and true.

Smart lad you’ve raised there.

These are the last four months of S17 being home with me before college…

Wow. Sure flies by.

How close is the college? Hours or days away?

Nice to see son has the next steps/stage of his life kind of planned out. I’m sure he is excited to embrace it.

LESSON -- You cannot rationalize with irrational people. The MLCer or Narcissist or whatever he is is will do his absolute worst to sabotage absolutely everything until the last possible moment, no matter how much it is against his own interests. Maybe your MLCer is going through something and will come out of it. BUT CUT ALL FINANCIAL TIES THE SECOND YOU HAVE THE CHANCE! Or you will end up like poor little Gerda AKA Brave Little Gerda AKA Persistent Little Gerda.

Very wise words my friend.

For those reading along, listen to Gerda. You cannot rationalize with irrational people. If you need financial protection or security, get it.

Have a great day Gerda.

D

[Elbereth]

My God Gerda. There is nothing I can say that can help…I just wanted to drop a note of support for you. Your H definitely is an awful person. And you win the survival award for tenacity, perseverance, and strength. Sending you hugs.

El

[Gerda]

My God Gerda. There is nothing I can say that can help…I just wanted to drop a note of support for you. Your H definitely is an awful person. And you win the survival award for tenacity, perseverance, and strength. Sending you hugs.

El

But you just said something that can help! Thank you, my friend. I'm lonely in this so it's nice to hear from you.

And of course, DnJ, you have been there as a kind, wise, supportive friend for years now. It was even nice to know you got mad on my behalf.

But today there is more.

I was hanging outside with my neighbor chatting and the bartender from next door came over and said, "Why do you have a camera on top of my camera?"

There was a ring camera attached with a rubber band to the top of his camera, watching my door. I got so scared, weirdly, as if he was watching me right then, but I took a few photos and video of it and then I climbed up and knocked it down and me and my friend whispered until we could get the battery out.

I went to the police and they said if I get footage of him putting it up, I can file for harrassment but that's it.

My past lawyer told me not to file restraining orders because the judge will think I am just doing it to cause trouble, so I didn't.

But now I am scared. I was already scared, honestly. I keep blocking his efforts while trying to have in writing that I am cooperating by saying over and over, there are only 2 out of 70,000 brokers in our state who have a conflict of interest, just have any of the other 69998 contact me, etc. But the GF wrote to my lawyer saying they will need daily access, "we" will be there daily sometimes all day doing repairs and staging, we will be putting all her stuff in storage, etc. So I am tough on one side but then at night I get horrible nightmares and panic attacks. All along I said that I have to buy him out even if I have to sell it two months later because I can't afford to keep it, just to not have to do it with him, I knew he would be like this. So now it's happening, and I can't say what I am scared of, but this is how I was some years back when he lived here or when he kept threatening to come back. Your body keeps the score, as the book says.

I called the domestic violence hotline and they told me I can go in to the office tomorrow and get help to file the order.

My lawyer probably won't like it. But no one in court is helping, they are in fact creating the circumstances allowing him to do this, and I am afraid of what happens next with this guy.

[job]

I am not at all surprised that your h is now putting up cameras. He's trying to see who comes and goes from your residence. The bartender should have taken that camera down because it was sitting on top of his. However, it is good that he told you about it and now that new one has been shut down. That, in my books, is called stalking. You did not give him permission put that there, nor did the bartender. He is really getting desperate to trap you in some sort of compromising situation.

Gerda, please, please be careful. He has completely lost the plot in many ways, but he still continues to be sly like a fox in other ways. Be sure to check around outside to see if there are any other cameras up and also, check inside your home for "listening" devices/bugs. I don't put anything by this man.

Hang in there.