Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 6 1 2 3 4 5 6
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,437
Likes: 12
G
Gerda Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,437
Likes: 12
Sorry I haven't had time to respond to these excellent messages, DnJ, BL42, Job, Elbereth. I really really appreciated the time you took to think about my sitch and write to me. It helps a lot! I have so much to do to prep (I mean after work and kids!) that I can't write more now but will soon. Just wanted to thank you for the friendship and say your words mean a lot and help a lot.


I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 4,645
Likes: 472
D
DnJ Online
Member
Online
Member
D
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 4,645
Likes: 472
Hello Gerda

How are you doing? Did the trial go ahead as scheduled?

Hoping all is well.

D


Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,437
Likes: 12
G
Gerda Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,437
Likes: 12
Thank you for checking on me, DnJ, it means a lot! I do need to give you an update, it's just such a long one that I don't have time! The trial is never-ending; we had five days and finally in the last two hours of the fifth day, we started the defendant's side (that's me). We had to add three more days!! That will be in the end of March. So I'm sort of on a respite between the labor pains, but it's also awful since it's always hanging over my head.

And in the meantime I have to pay the lawyer to also answer the motion he filed in between, it's so terrible, expensive, pointless and yet I could be found in contempt anyway.

For five days of trial, H revealed himself to be crazy, lying, foolish, deadbeat, etc. And sometimes I really felt so sorry for him, he is such a wreck and really so confused, he can't understand the most basic things about an order or about the process of issues referred to trial, child support, etc. His L has taken advantage of that, to stretch this out forever and make as much money as possible. In a way his L is the most dark-hearted participant, he is using all of us, and H owes him like 120K and counting, plus whatever he paid him in the past.

But even a crazy, lying, foolish deadbeat has the right to half the equity because I made that desperate move in 2019 and signed that terrible agreement. So all I can really do is keeping walking through this process and waste thousands and thousands of dollars until it's over, and hope the judge gives me a lot of time to refinance so I have the chance to do it. I'll come back when I have time to tell you some of the stories, they are incredible!

Here's a preview:

My L: Mr. H, who pays the mortgage on the property?
H: What do you mean?
My L: (confused as to how that is complex, but used to his shenanigans now) Who pays the bill. Who pays the actual mortgage bill.
H: Well, if you mean physically, Gerda pays the bill. But if you mean ontologically, I pay it.

(Judge squirming in chair.)

Last edited by Gerda; 03/07/23 10:56 PM.

I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 4,645
Likes: 472
D
DnJ Online
Member
Online
Member
D
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 4,645
Likes: 472
Hello Gerda

I had to look up ontologically. Seems H is still utilizing his high priced vocabulary to try to cloud the trail. The poor stenographer.

Hang in there Gerda. Hopefully it’s just a few more days.

D


Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
job Offline
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
I'm with DNJ...hang in there! Your h has completely lost the plot! I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers that this ends very soon. Praying that the judge sides with you and everything will be done and over with.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
job Offline
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
Gerda,

I know that it is Lent and you don't pop in during this time....but I wanted to let you know that we all are thinking of you and your family.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
1 member likes this: DnJ
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 4,645
Likes: 472
D
DnJ Online
Member
Online
Member
D
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 4,645
Likes: 472
Happy Easter Gerda.


Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,437
Likes: 12
G
Gerda Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
G
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,437
Likes: 12
Job and DnJ, that means so much that you are thinking of me and even remembering my yearly lent, Easter, etc, thank you, thank you!

You will not believe this but the trial is still going.

We had five days and the plaintiff's side did not even finish their direct and witnesses until the afternoon of the fourth day. So we had to add three more days a month later. I did not speak a word until the 7th day. So on the 8th day, we added SIX MORE DAYS. Four in June and three in July.

I have to write more about those seven days. It was the most astonishing display of stupidity you have ever seen. But right now I am traveling so no time.

I sent H another offer. It was an amazing offer for him, a loss for me. He wrote back that he would only stop if I gave him an amount that is probably 3.5 times what his actual equity is. I calculated what our place would have to sell for for him to walk away with that amount, and it would have to sell for 2.5 times the appraised value. He doesn't believe the appraisers. So for a few hours we had to listen to his lawyer grilling an appraiser about how he measures things.

I know it's pointless but I will keep trying to get him to settle periodically. The trial is insanely expensive and astonishingly pointless. He is spending tens of thousands of dollars and nothing that he thinks he will get out of trial will actually happen, even in the most perfect scenario for him. He doesn't understand how law works, how alimony is calculated, etc. And now I have seen a lot of his financial docs, though many are missing (e.g., he is clearly hiding all cash from his restaurant and using that to live on) -- and he owes his biz partner biz and personal loans totaling around 400K, plus probably another 50-100K in credit card debt. It's a total repeat of what he did with me!!! And the promissory notes all tie the debt to the outcome of our divorce!!! More on that later.

I rented out my apartment to pay for a trip to go to a friend's wedding in Panama, that's where I am now. It's pretty wonderful and I will tell you a little more about it, DNJ I think you would really love this little trip we took to San Blas, look it up. Mostly I am so happy to be far far away though I get these nightmares constantly about the trial. But I will write more about both things when I get back to give you an update. DnJ, fire up that naiiiimmniiimooooooo bars and tea. Lots of love to you both (and anyone else reading, we all need love!).

Last edited by Gerda; 04/14/23 02:44 PM.

I believe I will see the bounty of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord with courage.
Be stouthearted, and wait for the Lord.
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 4,645
Likes: 472
D
DnJ Online
Member
Online
Member
D
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 4,645
Likes: 472
Hello Gerda

Oh my! The trial now has time schedule into July. H and his L are certainly ensuring they get their say. Grilling an appraiser about how they measure. SMH.

I looked up San Blas. Wow! It’s gorgeous! The internet pictures show such beautiful water and islands. I’m really glad for you. Pretty nice place for your friend’s wedding, and to get away from things for a spell.

Nanaimo bar and tea. Yum! smile

A few more weeks we could even sit outside on my deck. And comfortably. Lol. It’s been above freezing for a few days now. The snow is melting and a touch of spring is in the air.

Lots of love back to you.

D


Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
job Offline
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
Gerda,

I hope that you can enjoy your time away. It's a good way to recharge your battery. Your h and his lawyer are just too much for me to even figure out at this point. The lawyer, I can understand, because he's billing so many hours that your h will not ever get him paid off. As for your h, there is seriously something wrong with him. If he wants a divorce, then he should be ready to move forward. After all, you two have been trying to get things settled for a few years.

Keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Enjoy your time away!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Page 2 of 6 1 2 3 4 5 6

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard