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Originally Posted by Cadet
Originally Posted by Mach1
Originally Posted by bttrfly
oh. my.

you really need adult supervision.

I blame Cadet...

He might be the oldest person ever here....

Unfortunately that is almost true except my hero nurse is 16 months older.


Slacker.... : )

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So, as I sit here, on the remnants of the front porch of this burned out mess.... : )

I am thinking of the rocking chair on the porch.

What that is, what that symbolizes....

The dream of the rocking chair....

Growing older, sitting in the rocking chair on the porch, graying ( or even more gray), holding hands as the sun sets, laughing at our youth, possibly holding a Grandchild....

I have often used the phrase that people get pi$$ed because their rocking chair was stolen off of their porch. It's a symbolism of their future being altered, and changed by Divorce, or in this case....death.

Through divorce, it certainly seems that the missing rocking chair was attributed to a theft. In my case now, the rocking chair is still there, it's just empty..

What does that mean to me now ??

I'm not sure just yet, and maybe I need to spend some time in one, and see what the wind whispers to me....

Today is a Monday, which means 8 weeks. Not that it matters much now, other than my strange, warped way of marking time. It's almost the reverse of how people mark the time with a newborn....

Oh, Cadet is 3,582 and a half weeks !! : )

Kind of the same, just marking the time I've spent away from her. I would assume that it is normal to think along those lines, maybe not.

I DO know that it isn't healthy to stay in that place. It should eventually become a celebration of another fire that I walked through. And a celebration of the life that we DID have together before this. However, not there yet....

I assume that this, like soooooo many other things are just another landmark on my way to my promise to K....

Find a way through this, and find happiness....and popcorn possibly....

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Originally Posted by Mach1
Through divorce, it certainly seems that the missing rocking chair was attributed to a theft. In my case now, the rocking chair is still there, it's just empty..
I just literally experienced it this weekend. I sat on a porch with a couple who have been married for 65 years. She has dementia and can't remember a lot, but he remembers everything. He was reminiscing about the old days and can remember me as a toddler. They lived a blessed life with 3 great kids and now several grandchildren. I think that is eveyone's Disney ending. I know it was mine and I felt my rocking chair was stolen. I realize now it's still their it's just empty and time will tell who sits in it with me in the end.

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My rocking chair wasn't stolen. It was smashed into kindling, had gasoline poured on it and was lit on fire, while on the porch. There it is, smoking rubble for today's trash removal.

There will not be another rocking chair. My parents were married 73 years, together 75. I will not celebrate a 50th wedding anniversary with my love. Heck if I fell in love today I may not even celebrate 25 years with someone.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Originally Posted by bttrfly
My rocking chair wasn't stolen. It was smashed into kindling, had gasoline poured on it and was lit on fire, while on the porch. There it is, smoking rubble for today's trash removal.
Jesus.

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Originally Posted by bttrfly
My rocking chair wasn't stolen. It was smashed into kindling, had gasoline poured on it and was lit on fire, while on the porch. There it is, smoking rubble for today's trash removal.

There will not be another rocking chair. My parents were married 73 years, together 75. I will not celebrate a 50th wedding anniversary with my love. Heck if I fell in love today I may not even celebrate 25 years with someone.


Was your chair making popcorn too ???

I have a fire extinguisher !!

Oh, nevermind....maybe not....


I think as we get older, we realize that is isn't the amount of time spent....

K and I were together right around 13 years...

And we packed 50 years into them...



Originally Posted by LH
I just literally experienced it this weekend. I sat on a porch with a couple who have been married for 65 years. She has dementia and can't remember a lot, but he remembers everything. He was reminiscing about the old days and can remember me as a toddler. They lived a blessed life with 3 great kids and now several grandchildren. I think that is eveyone's Disney ending. I know it was mine and I felt my rocking chair was stolen. I realize now it's still their it's just empty and time will tell who sits in it with me in the end.


That must have been a beautiful moment....

Gives me inspiration...

It might only be for a few of my remaining years....


Yet to have it...

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I haven’t been with anyone for longer than 9 years. Only married 4 of them . The rocking chair was never really there for me. Given my age , Maybe I’ll get a good 20 years. Given my track record, probably not , lol.

Seriously though. What Mach said. He got 50 years into 13. Some will get 5 years into 50.

Quality not quantity , right ? That’s the hope I have left .

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Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by bttrfly
My rocking chair wasn't stolen. It was smashed into kindling, had gasoline poured on it and was lit on fire, while on the porch. There it is, smoking rubble for today's trash removal.
Jesus.
sorry kids, but I tell the truth.

and you know what? it's ok. it really is. i'd rather throw out the trash than live with the illusion or the ticking time bomb. After something that cataclysmic happens, you change. Your viewpoint on these things becomes forever altered.

there were times in the 26 years of my marriage/relationship which were amazing, and for which I have deep gratitude.

What I'm probably most grateful for is today, being alone and out of that relationship.

Doesn't mean there's no hope for the future; simply means I'm not seeking anything so I'll be pleasantly surprised if something happens someday.

But I absolutely don't want today to be someday. I'm already on overload.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Originally Posted by Mach1
Originally Posted by bttrfly
My rocking chair wasn't stolen. It was smashed into kindling, had gasoline poured on it and was lit on fire, while on the porch. There it is, smoking rubble for today's trash removal.

There will not be another rocking chair. My parents were married 73 years, together 75. I will not celebrate a 50th wedding anniversary with my love. Heck if I fell in love today I may not even celebrate 25 years with someone.


Was your chair making popcorn too ???

My former chair couldn't find a way to make popcorn with a roadmap and a flashlight ... that's why he's got a professional to make it for him these days, lmao


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 9,227
Likes: 309
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Originally Posted by bttrfly
Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by bttrfly
My rocking chair wasn't stolen. It was smashed into kindling, had gasoline poured on it and was lit on fire, while on the porch. There it is, smoking rubble for today's trash removal.
Jesus.
sorry kids, but I tell the truth.

and you know what? it's ok. it really is. i'd rather throw out the trash than live with the illusion or the ticking time bomb. After something that cataclysmic happens, you change. Your viewpoint on these things becomes forever altered.

there were times in the 26 years of my marriage/relationship which were amazing, and for which I have deep gratitude.

What I'm probably most grateful for is today, being alone and out of that relationship.

Doesn't mean there's no hope for the future; simply means I'm not seeking anything so I'll be pleasantly surprised if something happens someday.

But I absolutely don't want today to be someday. I'm already on overload.
BF I get it. I just wish you wouldn't give your exh so much power over your life.

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