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Originally Posted by Gigi123
Originally Posted by BL42
The boys are away for 8 days in august and im consodering going to italy for 3 nights with a friend.
DO IT!!! That's prefect GAL.
Read up on ScottB's Thread about his solo trips skiing in Colorado and booking flights to Bermuda, Mexico, WV, and Chile. He's living it up and loving life. Nothing makes you happier, more confident, more attractive than living life to its fullest.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
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BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
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I know what you mean! I was more irritated than anxious or nervous when she was dragged along!
But i go for my kids and she goes because H goes.

It’s difficult to say, from what she said it very much sounds like she was under the impression that things are settled, we are divorced, that we just lived together but didnt have a relationship etc. but the lies arent my problem, i know what happened, ive seen the txts and i know the timeline.
The truth is none of that matters, because he continues to lie, to her and even to me.
He asked if he could take the boys to see his family for a couple of hours during my time, i agreed because they havent seen family since last summer!! But it turned out it was a bbq at her parents place. I mean i wouldnt have given up my time with the kids for that. He insists that he is buying on his own, in reality he is buying with her. Just very odd behaviour as far as im concerned.


Your right, i should go, i was planning on working overtime to put some money aside for a holiday for boys and i, but its only 3 nights!!!

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Its booked!!! Going with a friend to lake Garda, cant wait, very excited.

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Originally Posted by Gigi123
Its booked!!! Going with a friend to lake Garda, cant wait, very excited.
Excellent! Sounds incredible.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
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How do you deal with H who doesnt stop txting, i find a quick convo on exchange of kids much more productive than constant txts when we are already aggravated about something. H keep arguing over txt, i try to engage as little as possible, but sometimes it is relevant to the kids and I obviously need to respond somehow. But if i do engage its never ending, boys said this, boys said that.
He wants us to work together, wants to be involved in everything, but he wants to know stuff in real time. I have arranged a meeting with the school for end of summer to discuss s7, so mentioned it to him and suggested that he joins the meeting obviously, he was so unhappy that it didnt let hin know straight away! I mean the meeting is 29 days away and frankly i have a busy life and it really isnt my first thought to let H know.



Today he came round to collect suitcases for the trip with the boys and walked into the garden and started playing with the boys, he sprayed me with the water gun and then again in the face, it was very uncomfortable overall, however the boys were very excited to play, and i was so tired from the long drive to and from the airport i couldnt deal with any more conflict. My friend was here also and she said how uncomfortable and fake it was. He literally took up 40 minutes or so of my time, he also clearly had a drink. I havent quiet experienced anything like this before, however recently i have been finding his messages bordering on abusive and he has been verbally abusive.


I dont really know what advice i need here, i just didnt expect to be here nearly 2.5 years later.

Boys are off to see H mum for a week and im working for 3 days and then off to Italy for 3 nights so im rather excited and looking forward to not receiving txt messages.

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Gigi123,
Originally Posted by Gigi123
How do you deal with H who doesnt stop txting, i find a quick convo on exchange of kids much more productive than constant txts when we are already aggravated about something.
I deal almost exclusively in email. I find that to be less back-and-forth than texts messages, a balance between having to have conversations (which aren't then in writing to reference) and constant text messages. If you don't want to text, simply don't respond. He'll get the idea real quick. You can almost train him to learn not to text you.

Originally Posted by Gigi123
He wants us to work together, wants to be involved in everything, but he wants to know stuff in real time.
Working together on parenting and being involved is fine, but real time is impossible. That's divorce. Just make sure you're sharing critical items in a timely manner, and train him to learn he can't be involved in the the daily/hourly stuff anymore.

Originally Posted by Gigi123
Today he came round to collect suitcases for the trip with the boys and walked into the garden and started playing with the boys, he sprayed me with the water gun and then again in the face, it was very uncomfortable overall
Sounds like you need to set some boundaries. If you don't want him coming around and hanging out - and that's completely fair - clearly state that and then be willing to enforce it in the future.

Originally Posted by Gigi123
however recently i have been finding his messages bordering on abusive and he has been verbally abusive.
What was abusive? Can you give an example?

Originally Posted by Gigi123
im working for 3 days and then off to Italy for 3 nights so im rather excited and looking forward to not receiving txt messages.
Enjoy your trip to Italy! Should be fantastic GAL.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
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Honestly i would prefer not to communicate at all, set the dates at the end of the month for next month in terms of who has the boys and that is all. I deal with medical appts etc and always notify him once its planned, i also plan this on my time as its impossible to coordinate with him. But your right the less i respond the better, he should get the point.

For me working together means that both of us are aware of what happening in a timely manner, thats it. It doesnt mean that as soon as i have booked an appt i need to ring him and discuss with him.

We are moving in the next 2 months to a much smaller house that will be mine and the boys only, i cant imagine he will allow such behaviour, but yesterday i couldnt wait for him to leave.

In terms of abusive messages, its mainly name calling, “you are nuts” “ are you an actual idiot” words along these lines, these are the most recent ones that spring to mind. In the context of cery long txt messages, often telling me what to do.

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Gigi123,
Originally Posted by Gigi123
But your right the less i respond the better, he should get the point.
Yep. You don't even need to say anything to him about it - just take action. No responses to anything that isn't related to kids or finances, and even then short and sweet.

Originally Posted by Gigi123
We are moving in the next 2 months to a much smaller house that will be mine and the boys only, i cant imagine he will allow such behaviour, but yesterday i couldnt wait for him to leave.
You can't control his behavior. You may want to communicate your boundaries/expectations for the new place and then be prepared to enforce them when he challenges/crosses them.

Originally Posted by Gigi123
In terms of abusive messages, its mainly name calling, “you are nuts” “ are you an actual idiot” words along these lines, these are the most recent ones that spring to mind. In the context of cery long txt messages, often telling me what to do.
Completely ignore those type of comments. My guess is if you do they'll fade over time. Practice not responding to anything that isn't a relevant question (children or finances). Sometimes I'll pull out the relevant questions and respond below those in bold (similar to using quotes on this board). Even then practice using as few words as possible to convey the point. "No", "Yes", "OK" are valid responses.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
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Hi all

Life is good! Some updates

Kids are doing well, eldest has been in therapy and that helped immensely, DS2 is going to start shortly, as he said he wants to now.

Im also in therapy and that has helped so much. Im dating, we have been together for 7 months now. He has met the kids a couple of time. We are taking things very slow, as both have kids, but it feels good and meaningful.

Stbxh- is now engaged, continues to lie to her that we are divorced. He has applied for a divorce now, but isnt prepared to sort all of the financials, so im waiting for him to engage with that.
Things are calm when he gets what he wants, he still remains verbally abusive in messages and can be intimidating face to face. But through therapy i cope so much better with all of that.

Its been over 3 years since he left and life has been so full, between work, friends, kids, travelling and now dating, i look forward to having a night to myself every now and then, when the kids are at dads and OH is busy.

Hope everyone is doing well

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