Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 3 of 12 1 2 3 4 5 11 12
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 352
Likes: 11
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 352
Likes: 11
Originally Posted by BL42
Originally Posted by MLCxH
Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by DnJ
I’d submit our lizard brain psychology works well in our twenties, yet we have no “instincts” on how to survive, or live well, when in our modern time old ages. Hence the mid life problems.
I think this is spot on. 100 years ago you were lucky to make it to 40. Hitting 40 and possibly having another 40 years gets people who are not happy that they need to make a big change.

If this is true, I struggle to understand why the divorce rate was lower 50-100 years ago. Why do people have quarter life crisis in their 20s?

I agree this is because people are struggling with adapting to the modern lifestyle but I feel this has more to do with the fast pace of change in societal norms than longevity
Divorce laws started changing dramatically 50 years ago. California was the first state to introduce no-fault divorce and several other states followed in the 70s. It used to be a lot more difficult to actually get divorced from a legal perspective.

It's also become a lot more socially acceptable, maybe following the laws. Perhaps it's my own biases, but I've been shocked how many people warmly embrace ExW publicly, asking about her new house and OM2, even with those who know exactly what happened in our sitch. I would've thought people would be more judging and offended about what she did to me, our kids, OM1's wife and kids...etc., but it seems like there's a "You do you. Be happy. It's all good" mindset.

Spot on. Changes in societal norms have made divorce more acceptable and easier to get and this has played a larger role than longevity.

Speaking of longevity, it is incorrect to say people generally did not live past 40 a 100 years ago. The life expectancy statistics are skewed by infant mortality. If someone survived the childhood years, they had a much better chance of living longer to 60 or 70 years.

Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 5,370
Likes: 135
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 5,370
Likes: 135
Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by MLCxH
If this is true, I struggle to understand why the divorce rate was lower 50-100 years ago.
That's because 50-100 years ago women still relied on men for survival. If you go back 100 years at look at the divorce rate every time women in the work force increase divorce increased.
Originally Posted by MLCxH
Why do people have quarter life crisis in their 20s?
Not sure what your point is here?

People also had a religious concern around divorce.
People also had a stronger sense of family and community.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

"There's something awfully screwy going on around here!"

Walk along the side of the road with a bag & you're gonna end up with a lot of trash!
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 352
Likes: 11
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 352
Likes: 11
Originally Posted by Mach1
Originally Posted by BL42
Cross posted,, but yeah....^^^
Yes, agree with what you said in your post!

Originally Posted by LH19
Originally Posted by MLCxH
If this is true, I struggle to understand why the divorce rate was lower 50-100 years ago.
That's because 50-100 years ago women still relied on men for survival. If you go back 100 years at look at the divorce rate every time women in the work force increase divorce increased.

That again is an artifact of how society is structured. The concept of marriage itself is a social concept not an evolutionary one.

Originally Posted by MLCxH
Why do people have quarter life crisis in their 20s?
Not sure what your point is here?

Point is that your inference that people are having mid-life crises because they are not evolved mentally to live past 40 on average, is incorrect. Society, more than longevity plays a larger role.


Originally Posted by bttrfly
People also had a religious concern around divorce.
People also had a stronger sense of family and community.

Correct. These are societal norms and not related to longevity.

Joined: May 2019
Posts: 352
Likes: 11
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: May 2019
Posts: 352
Likes: 11
Formatting got messed up in my reply.

Mach - agree with what you said in the cross post

LH - Not sure what your point is here? Point is that your inference that people are having mid-life crises because they are not evolved mentally to live past 40 on average, is incorrect. Society, more than longevity plays a larger role.

BF- Correct. What you mentioned are societal norms and not related to longevity.

Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 4,426
Likes: 59
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 4,426
Likes: 59
Originally Posted by MLCxH
Point is that your inference that people are having mid-life crises because they are not evolved mentally to live past 40 on average, is incorrect. Society, more than longevity plays a larger role.


100 years ago, there wasn't the access to information of what was out there that could lead to the "what ifs" also.

People weren't as widely open to the concept that things could be different. They accepted their lot in life and followed their vows closely due to .......


Originally Posted by bttrfly
People also had a religious concern around divorce.
People also had a stronger sense of family and community.




I'm not sure that life expectancy played a part in those decisions as much as their integrity, honor and their word being "stronger than Oak"....

Most people weren't even aware what the typical life expectancy was. They weren't afforded the same luxury that we have knowing LH....

I would also venture that most people in an unhappy situation would even recognize that there was another way...

Just dig deep, and follow the good book.....


I think that there were things along the way that helped push us, as a society, into more forward thinking, and that the superior gender to us chest thumpers, actually had the right to a happy fulfilled life.

Women's rights started ramping toward mainstream in the 1930's, and if you follow the movement, I would venture that the percentage of Divorce sharply increased around that time...

I'm sure it would take some statistic freak in their Mothers basement to provide some actual numbers....if he would start a thread on Evolutionary Psychology, or some crap like that : )

That might be helpful ....

Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,680
Likes: 254
K
kml Offline
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,680
Likes: 254
Quote
If this is true, I struggle to understand why the divorce rate was lower 50-100 years ago.

All of the above, PLUS the fact that women are less dependent on their husbands today, so those that were trapped in unhappy marriages in the past no longer are.

The bar for divorce is lower, and that's not always a bad thing, even though each of us here thinks it was a bad thing in our case.

I didn't want my divorce, but has it been a bad thing for me? Not really, in retrospect. It was a growth experience, I suspect I am happier now than I would have been if my exH had stayed. I had a 26 year relationship and had a lot more good times in those years than most, and certainly a healthier sex life than many manage to maintain in a long marriage. A 60 year marriage wasn't in the cards for us, but a new and exciting life for me was. Focusing on creating that great new life should be our goal, not complaining about the increase in divorce rates.

Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,443
Likes: 31
C
Member
Offline
Member
C
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,443
Likes: 31
Originally Posted by kml
I didn't want my divorce, but has it been a bad thing for me? Not really, in retrospect. It was a growth experience, I suspect I am happier now than I would have been if my exH had stayed. I had a 26 year relationship and had a lot more good times in those years than most, and certainly a healthier sex life than many manage to maintain in a long marriage. A 60 year marriage wasn't in the cards for us, but a new and exciting life for me was. Focusing on creating that great new life should be our goal, not complaining about the increase in divorce rates.

BINGO- I could have written this.


Me-68, D35,S34
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 8,374
Likes: 137
L
LH19 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 8,374
Likes: 137
Originally Posted by Mach1
I'm sure it would take some statistic freak in their Mothers basement to provide some actual numbers....if he would start a thread on Evolutionary Psychology, or some crap like that : )
You are close to being blocked mother fucher lol.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
1 member likes this: Mach1
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 8,374
Likes: 137
L
LH19 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 8,374
Likes: 137
I also think women put their kids first back in the day. They do not do that anymore.


M:51 W:46
T:22 M:16
S:15 D:11

�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,345
Likes: 79
G
Member
Online
Member
G
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 6,345
Likes: 79
Originally Posted by LH19
I also think women put their kids first back in the day. They do not do that anymore.

That is the most vague strange comment.

What does “first” mean? Where do women put them now?

Considering it’s nearly impossible now to have a household with one income. Women are working full time . Is that considered not putting their kids first?

Page 3 of 12 1 2 3 4 5 11 12

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Link Copied to Clipboard