My little guy had a meltdown at my friend's house, he usually isn't a big crier but was losing it! My nanny told me that babies can basically really hate new or different settings, so that's a new thing for him, but since I wasn't aware I almost took him to the hospital because I just couldn't soothe him. Also a bit of stranger anxiety mixed in. Oof. But he was happy and smiling as soon as we got home.
I went to a dance lesson tonight. It was an activity exh and I did together - ballroom and salsa dancing etc. It's hard to go alone now to be honest since it was such a treasured couple's activity, but I hate giving up on an amazing hobby just because of him. My dance instructor is really sweet, when he asked how work is going with everything I told him fine, my nanny is absolutely incredible and willing to work long hours but I mentioned sometimes it's tough to get childcare on the weekend since ex has said I can't rely on him as he "doesn't want to be a parent, what do you think 'not wanting to be a parent' means??". Since I don't really want to make drama I just said sometimes i can't rely on G for childcare for work and he was just like.....you've really been through a lot.
Weird how many people say these things.
Exh has now started to come around at least to being agreeable to watch him when I'm running to the hospital on some weekends but has told me before I need backup in case his young, single, childfree, twenty-something friends want to go on a trip or concert. So I think for now full custody is definitely in my future. I took everyone's advice here and found a couple different babysitters to help out so this weekend I'm going to go to a good friend's birthday party.
Oddly enough yesterday I didn't miss exh at all, and today I keep foolishly thinking things will turn around.
The roller-coaster of emotions doesn't stop for a long while. You are doing the right things, however, so your journey will be swifter than many other LBS's. Just keep working on the emotional detachment.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Has anyone dated as a single parent with full custody? How did you do it?
You're still married, right? You probably have feelings of loneliness and rejection and would like the companionship and validation, but you have plenty to process. This site has plenty of stories in which the LBS move on too quickly with someone only to get in a bad situation. Make sure you're healing and working on yourself first.
To answer your specific question...sounds like you have a nanny, and lined up a couple potential baby sitters? Leaning on family and friends is great too, if that's an option.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
Besides sitters and nannies, full-time moms without family near (after a few dates) sometimes have men over after their little ones go to sleep. That's 2-4 hours cost-free. Overnights are probably a long time down the road.
Thank you. You're not wrong, it just feels like the whole thing has dragged on so long that at times I feel ready to push forward.
Yep, I have a nanny, and a few babysitters. I guess I was thinking way ahead if overnights or something came up.
If and when overnights happen I highly suggest hiring someone to stay over to watch your son. I do not suggest having anyone overnight in the same house until you are in a committed relationship. Look up statistics on child abuses when non-father men are introduced into the equation. They ain't good.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Has anyone dated as a single parent with full custody? How did you do it?
You've already gotten some great advice on this but I wanted to add to it. You've got so much going on right now and on top of it you've got a little guy. A little guy who's having a meltdown. Many would say, and I would agree, that he is JOB #1 for you - not dating. A man should be the very last thing added to the equation. Yeah, that stinks. It's not what was planned but this small child didn't plan to be born into all of this either. Things need to stabilize before dating comes into the plans. That will likely take years, not months and certainly not weeks.
As for your ex "not wanting to be a parent" - WTF - I mean what the ever lovin F. That ship has sailed - HE IS A PARENT. That makes things even harder on you. I can't even imagine. Just don't seek the answer as coming from a new guy. Certainly not at this point yet. You'll be okay. You may even be better. You don't need a man to have fun and feel fulfilled. You will be ready to add a man when you are having fun and feeling fulfilled. You'll then know it's time.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
