People see what they think is there.

[Dawn70]

That should be FEEL free…….my kingdom for a working edit button!

[bttrfly]

ditto Dawn's post

[DnJ]

Hello Andrew

I’m sorry you are feeling down and in a rut.

…loneliness and a feeling of just drifting are intruding. I've noticed that I'm more sensitive to sound and noise lately too. Generally I have some sort of background music etc going all the time. Lately I've been turning that off. Just too much input.

I understand the too much input. For a long time I couldn’t stand the TV, or radio, or anything really; I just read and thought. Even now, I do rather like the peacefulness of the silence.

Take your time. It’s perfectly ok to be still and see what answers present themselves. You’re processing something, and lots of times our conscious mind doesn’t really know what we’re working on accepting. One day things just feel better.

Keep being you. Responsible, reliable, and all those Boy Scout traits. And let time work it’s magic.

D

[Traveler]

My local friends, I'm not so close to - after all I spend the greater part of my waking life working / commuting like the greater populace. We'll chat when we cross paths on the street - my friend "P" (the "psycho") around the corner is a good listener as are many others, but not people I can reach out to after a rough day at work.

Andrew, it may be worth cultivating a couple of local friendships. Meeting once a week doesn't take up too much time and quickly becomes a friendship close enough to share. We all need a safe place to vent when life hit us with lemons.

[AndrewP]

So I took a chance and reached out to "C". It appears that she's still got a lot on her plate right now and not a lot of available band-width. Ah well - lots more frogs out in the pond and certainly no hurry. We had some friendly back-and-forth and she helped me pick out a new tie that was an excellent choice that really matches my personality. Any hinting on getting together - "we should catch up sometime soon" - got no response. No sense pushing on that. Nice to have her as a friend regardless.

Took my car into the dealer today to get serviced and yep - there was a screw embedded in the tire. I swapped it for a winter tire while they order in a new one for me which I'll get next weekend. It could all be done faster but again, there's really no huge hurry even though it's a bad idea to drive in warm weather on winter tires. It's on the rear though so less wear there.

When I was walking up to the brewery yesterday for my weekly 12, I ran into a neighbour who is very thoroughly plugged in to the local gossip network. He pumped me for information on a developer who has bought some industrial and agricultural properties in the village. Seems that there is inconsistent information going out. What I'd heard matched some of the stories he's heard but there's a lot of inconsistent and just plain weird opinions flying around. We've had a number of developers come through over the years with big plans that go nowhere. I have a bit of an inside track on some of the regulatory and planning issues from a past involvement in local politics and "big city money" often doesn't understand how things work around here.

One thing that came up too was some news on the xW front. Not really news, he was asking me for information which I don't have. It seems that he's been seeing her driving back and forth along the main street that I live on lately which sort of validates the more frequent sightings I've been having. Presumably she's got some sort of reason to pass through here - probably another new job. Don't know, none of my business. 21 more payments to go.

Makes me sad in some ways. She was a well respected, long-time employee of the General Store - probably for nearly 20 years. If we were still together we'd probably be actively planning our retirement now. I'll be working for probably at least another 10 years to recover from the cost of the divorce. In 21 months her income will drop dramatically and she had little in the way of retirement savings in her own name. I got to keep my pensions in the agreement - thank heavens.

Ah well - next load of laundry needs to go out on the line - pity I don't have some delicate lady things to hang out to stir local gossip

[Traveler]

Ah well - next load of laundry needs to go out on the line - pity I don't have some delicate lady things to hang out to stir local gossip crazy

You could always buy a pair to put up JUST to stir local gossip.

Sorry "C" is a no-go for now! Timing is a thing.

[kml]

Lol - I think if you hung out ladies underwear right now, the gossip would be that you’re a cross-dresser!

[BL42]

AndrewP,

So I took a chance and reached out to "C". It appears that she's still got a lot on her plate right now and not a lot of available band-width.

Any hinting on getting together - "we should catch up sometime soon" - got no response. No sense pushing on that. Nice to have her as a friend regardless.

What's that movie? "He's Just Not That Into You" She is not too busy. If she was really into you she'd make time no matter what was going on. I agree w/you no sense in pushing it.

21 more payments to go.

Always love seeing the countdown...not long to go!

In 21 months her income will drop dramatically and she had little in the way of retirement savings in her own name.

Too bad so sad. Her choice. Not your problem anymore!

[Traveler]

One article I read finished with

"Misogyny, both online or otherwise, isn’t anything new. But by grouping women by their attractiveness and personal style and transforming their philosophy into a math problem, incels are making it easier for sexually frustrated men to see women not as human beings with their own sexual frustrations, but as numbers. Which makes it even easier to treat them as such."

Now after reading those articles and seeing what is considered a "Stacy" I need to go find an eye-wash station - and perhaps one of the plant showers ...

I feel you. The incel movement seems icky from what I've seen on VICE and the few proponents I've encountered online--a mix of misogyny, entitlement, and desperation. The people who fall into these movements may have begun only needing a few tweaks to their profile to be less generic and more genuine, but after it's like their attitude is FemaleRepellent.

You have a lot going for you when you choose to date.

[AndrewP]

I only know the few I’ve connected with on social media and I can say they are all much more attractive than they give themselves credit for here. G, Bttrfly, and deja vu are all beautiful women. Andrew is a handsome and I would say distinguished looking gentleman. All very attractive people. 😉

Aww shucks ...

I feel you. The incel movement seems icky from what I've seen on VICE and the few proponents I've encountered online--a mix of misogyny, entitlement, and desperation. The people who fall into these movements may have begun only needing a few tweaks to their profile to be less generic and more genuine, but after it's like their attitude is FemaleRepellent.

I recently finished reading The Handmaiden's Tale - seemed appropriate given current events. My heavens - chilling.

You have a lot going for you when you choose to date.

Thanks. In my one foray into OLD, I was on for I think about a month and didn't really put much effort into it. I connected with a someone and we ended up having a relationship for some months. It didn't work out for lots of reasons but was overall a positive experience. Perhaps I'm an outlier given that some seem to put a lot of effort and stress into it and are unsatisfied. The woman I dated shortly after was someone I knew IRL and she reached out to me almost immediately after she found out I was available again and asked me out. There have been a couple of others that have made similar hints - or so it seems - that I've not followed up on.

My attitudes have changed perhaps. Then - it seems a lifetime ago now - I was actively interested in looking for a partner. Now, much less so. I do get lonely though but am perhaps still gun-shy after my last experience where the woman came at me quite aggressively and pushed things along towards her own ends.

I'm coming around to the idea that she as well isn't representative of the people out there. There is a great diversity I am sure while at the same time as we've found by sharing our own stories and what we know of our former partners, a lot of commonality.

As I joked with my friend "C" some time ago - "I thought I could get along with anyone - I was wrong" was an important, albeit painful lesson to have learned. It does make me feel though that if I do get back "in the game" that I'll make more informed choices than I did in the past. It's surprising the number of adults that are out there that have challenges with what I feel are basic life skills.

I expect that a significant number of people who are available to date are single for very good reasons. I've encountered a number of those both in real life and in various online communities. There may or may not be a correlation between that "type" of person and the ones who have a burning "need" to partner up. I don't know. My friend 20S certainly dives right in with both feet and leeches on quickly each time. She's a nice kid but of the sort that would not be a match for someone like me. In some ways she's perhaps a lot like "S" in that she will just steam-roll over the wants and needs of the person she is while at the same time feeling like she is being supportive while at the same time aggressively pushing her own agenda.

I do think that the stage of life that someone is in makes a big difference too. My son is - I think - exploring dating himself now at the age of 28. He dated a bit in high school but to my knowledge not since. He's reconnecting with old friends and has also taken up playing pickle-ball locally to expand his social circle. A good thing over-all regardless and undoubtedly a healthy set of choices for him.

At 28 I would think that many available women of his age would have already had a relationship and perhaps children. But a surprising number of people of that age group have never partnered up. Talking to them, the sense of optimism about the future that I had at that age just isn't there that they could "start a family" etc because of concerns about social issues and also more importantly the lack of opportunities and finances. At 28 I was married, had a house and 2 kids. I worked free-lance and was modestly successful at it and with the help of my wife working part-time we made things work out. That life seems unattainable to many young people it seems. My son has a decent job but where I was able to buy this place for roughly the equivalent of 2 years gross income at 26 years old, that is very out of reach for him. And he doesn't see that changing. Given that I have no intentions on being dead and that his mother has (as far as I know) modest means only, even getting a boost up through an inheritance can't be counted on.

I'm glad though that he's getting "out there" - even if my hopes for grandchildren continue to be dim.

But none of that means I know what I am about. The love I had felt binds me to nothing. I go days without seeing a soul. I am free to jump in my car and take off any time during the work day since I can work flex hours. But I have no strength nor inclination to go out most of the time.

I am sure my dilemma is not uncommon. Just a particular variety of dilemma.

I hope you don't mind me copying this over here but it does resonate.

I feel that I'm at an unusual time of life. I have no real responsibilities, no dependents other than my cat and theoretically am free to dash off in pursuit of whatever sort of "happiness" may be had.

Evolution is done with me. Thanks to a little procedure I had done 28 years ago, I will never father another child. My children are launched and are functioning adults

At times I feel like I'm in a rut but then again, it is a situation of my own making and of my own control. I have agency and have chosen to live the way that I do. There is nothing I "need" and little I "want" that I don't already have. I have a comfortable life. People around me who I care about and who care about me.

The typical "MLC" urges that could be open to someone like me, fancy car (I have a Toyata CHR), exotic trips (went to Spain a few years ago and visited lots of museums and art galleries), young hot women (I wouldn't have the financial or emotional stamina) aren't things I have any burning need to continuously chase after.

My favourite author - Terry Pratchett - once wrote about one of his characters being trapped in a hall of mirrors and was told that the only way they could escape was to find "the real one". She looked down at her boots and said "this one". I've always been pretty much comfortable in my own skin and don't need validation from others - even though it's nice when someone says something positive.

Ah well - enough tea-pot philosophy for now I suppose. Should be a good weekend with great weather. I have my typical errands and chores to do although I don't think I'll bother cutting the grass. It's been dry here and at this time of year it doesn't grow as fast as it does in the spring anyway.

I've been "eating down" my pantry recently and need to stock up on some things now. I was very disappointed to find that some things in the pantry had gone past their "best before" dates. And some are coming up to that which is why I will be using some mushroom soup as the base for the sauce for today's chicken and potato casserole.

The garden is growing nicely and I've been able to have fresh lettuce for my sandwiches for the past week. Tomatoes should be getting ripe soon as well so I need to make room in my meal planning for that.

Time to rinse the tea pot and get on with my day.