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As mentioned before, I’ve been binge watching Asian rom coms and dramas for the last few weeks. Six months out from CMMs death, I’m really feeling his absence.

I think what is appealing to me about these shows is that they are filmed from the female gaze, and they usually dwell on the sweet little firsts in a relationship. The first time you hold hands, the first kiss, the first confession of love. It brings back lots of memories of those moments early in a relationship, when you’re feeling that first thrill of liking someone and them liking you back.

So I thought I’d put here, for the guys discussing dating over on LHs thread, the little things that make a woman’s heart go pitter pat when first dating (assuming she’s interested in you and vice versa). Asian rom com tropes:

- hand holding. I’m not talking about fondling a woman’s hand at the dinner table so much as the grabbing her hand while you’re walking along. I have fond memories of the long-distance guy I first dated after my divorce, the first weekend I went to visit him, showing me around his small tourist town. He held my hand as we walked around. I guess it made me feel - special? reciprocated? - that we were walking around his home turf, where EVERY body knew him, with him holding my hand. Nice.

- chilly girlfriend. Seriously guys, if it’s the least bit chilly, take advantage of the opportunity to take your coat or jacket off and put it over her shoulders. It’s like wearing a hug. Makes a woman feel cared for. And if she likes your pheromones, she’s smelling them on that jacket and thinking how good you smell. In my temperate clime there are fewer opportunities but I remember my first boyfriend when I was 15 giving me his plaid button down shirt to wear as a jacket one chilly night (he had a t-shirt underneath). It was a well worn cotton madras plaid shirt and smelled deliciously of his pheromones -I don’t think I ever gave it back.

- face touching. The scenes where a guy wipes something off a girl’s mouth, or an eyelash off her cheek, or pushes her hair back out of her eyes. Sweet.

- that first kiss. Maybe it’s just me, but the guy who put his hand behind my neck or head as he leans in to kiss me - that just gets me.

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I miss hand-holding. That only stopped after I found out about her affair.

Mind you I also miss holding my children's hands too. The cat's all well and fine but after a short while he starts gnawing on my hand ...

From at least this guy's point of view, it's a sign of / announcement of a level of commitment as well. It states "we are together" to all who witness it. Probably true from the woman's point of view too.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
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Yes that was what was so nice about that first post-D boyfriend holding hands with me in his small town. He ran a popular restaurant there and everyone knew him. I’m sure he probably had some ex-lovers there too. So it was a nice feeling that he was “announcing” I was with him.

Sigh. I really liked him. Maybe if his old high school love hadn't shown back up in his life we would still be together. But more likely I would have grown tired of of his Love Avoidant ways and wanted more than he can give. I’m happy I’ve been able to keep him as a friend in my life though. That may be better in the long run.

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We held hands in court as we waited our turn ... and walked out hand in hand ... and kissed at the car ... wtf.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

"There's something awfully screwy going on around here!"

Walk along the side of the road with a bag & you're gonna end up with a lot of trash!
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bttrfly, your ex was the king of Plan B gaslighting.

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Originally Posted by kml
bttrfly, your ex was the king of Plan B gaslighting.
and furious at Plan B when she wouldn't comply.

He's someone who has always followed his feelings, however illogical or irresponsible those became. And, he's someone whose impulse control got less and less as he got deeper into his misery. Horrible FOO Fighter (thanks Own) role models. Had plenty of positive role models to follow as an adult, but for some reason that went south in his existential crisis, and he opted for the FOO Fighter methodology of life.

It can be a mind eff if someone isn't able to get some distance and perspective.

We have plenty of examples, one right here on this Post D board, who imho are far more entitled to that crown than my ex.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

"There's something awfully screwy going on around here!"

Walk along the side of the road with a bag & you're gonna end up with a lot of trash!
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I was just entering tomorrows date in a planner and it dawned on me, tomorrow would have been my 38th wedding anniversary if we had stayed married. (Normally the day passes by without me even remembering it).

And instead of feeling nostalgia or regret, all I felt was a vague sense of “OMG, 38 years would have been WAAYYY to long to be married to him!” Lol. Guess I’m over it.

I’ve also been divorced now half as long as we were together. I’ve lived a lot in that time!

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Originally Posted by kml
I’ve also been divorced now half as long as we were together. I’ve lived a lot in that time!
It's a big milestone. Enough time to compare life with them, compare life without them and be confident in the choices that we made. I noticed you attended Carlos Santana. I hope it was fun! Years ago my company invited him to play at our all-hands meeting. It was wild. When I hear him it feels like I'm listening to both modern music and music from my childhood.



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Santana was fantastic - and his wife Cindy Blackman is an INCREDIBLE drummer. Earth Wind and Fire was great too. And spiritually, it felt like what we all need right now. It was the first night of the tour that has been delayed 2 years by Covid and they were all clearly SO ready to be back onstage!

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KML, you are so dead on with the Asian romcoms! Have you ever seen Secret Garden, Descendants of the Sun, the Heirs, or Guardian, the Lonely Great God?

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