Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
#2935139 06/22/22 01:04 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 5,365
Likes: 134
B
bttrfly Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 5,365
Likes: 134


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

"There's something awfully screwy going on around here!"

Walk along the side of the road with a bag & you're gonna end up with a lot of trash!
bttrfly #2935169 06/22/22 10:16 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 5,365
Likes: 134
B
bttrfly Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 5,365
Likes: 134
i feel like I should have something more to add, but at this point, I really do not. Working, getting ready for the move, clearing away (ok, need to do more), self-care. That's about it.

Very happy that I bought a cedar raised bed, 32x24x48, 20% off. I have plants ready to go in, and composted gifts from the chickens to help fertilize said plants.

Personal goal: stop worrying.

Will let you know how I do with that. Otherwise, bocce anyone?


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

"There's something awfully screwy going on around here!"

Walk along the side of the road with a bag & you're gonna end up with a lot of trash!
bttrfly #2935250 06/23/22 05:50 PM
Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,977
Likes: 29
O
Member
Offline
Member
O
Joined: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,977
Likes: 29
bttrfly, it all makes sense to me. Finally at peace that everyone you love(d) is safely accounted for is such a great thing (because I have two, they often seem to stagger their crises). Getting to the place where you aren't sitting around the clock with fear and angst is so--peaceful. A necessary stage before the industriousness kicks in. What a great place to be!

bttrfly #2935316 06/26/22 03:20 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 5,365
Likes: 134
B
bttrfly Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 5,365
Likes: 134
I should have named this thread GAL, because I feel like I'm back where I was post BD, after our family home was sold and before we actually D'd when I was trying to figure out who I was in the aftermath of the wreckage of my life. There's definitely that sense of, 'now what?' and trying different things, like going to my friends' softball game earlier this week just to get out of the house and do something different... scouting because I'm thinking about joining some local activities to figure out what I like and what I don't like, meet new people, and get out of my house.

Turned down an opportunity to go out last night to the Greek festival - I was not up for it. Of course, if I'd had the tickets to the Nick Lowe concert at the tiny venue I would have been there in a heart beat, even if this old broad needed to nap first. The great thing about seeing artists I love is that most of them are either my age or older, so they want early gigs too, lmao. It's ok, I will see him in August with Elvis Costello wink ... one of my friends, a couple years older than me, says that she's now at the age where her answer is always going to be, "Yes!" whenever someone asks her to do something. She might be on to something!

So ... putting together a raised flower bed. I will spare you the adventures with Dad's drill - losing the phillips-head bit, going to the hardware store for a new one, getting a lesson in the finer points of how the dang thing works ... now the freaking battery runs out halfway through and it's getting hotter than hades on a spring day out there. Eff it all, I am going swimming!!!! Gonna spend the day pool-side with my sister from another mister. Don't know how many days we'll get like this, our season is so short here in my area.

I keep thinking about getting a kayak, but I don't want to put roof racks on the R, because it will screw up the aerodynamics. There's an old pickup truck for sale, like -- really old, like vintage. I'd love to buy it, but I'm not raiding my savings for it. If I found a cheap jeep, I might be tempted to go that route. Til funds are more in line, that will take a back seat.

Honestly, I had a conversation recently with a friend who planted a seed in my brain about how I may want to change the way I approach my work for the next decade, until I officially retire. I'm taking that thought and running with it in all aspects of my life.

But first, need to move and get the liability turned into an asset, square up certain things, and take baby steps towards trying new things. I'm going to keep posting in that vein, to hopefully inspire others to GAL.

When you find yourself here, there's really nothing else you can do for your own peace of mind but GAL GAL GAL and leave your spouse to their own devices. Hard lesson to learn.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

"There's something awfully screwy going on around here!"

Walk along the side of the road with a bag & you're gonna end up with a lot of trash!
bttrfly #2935318 06/26/22 05:36 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 4,179
Likes: 50
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 4,179
Likes: 50
Originally Posted by bttrfly
I keep thinking about getting a kayak, but I don't want to put roof racks on the R, because it will screw up the aerodynamics. There's an old pickup truck for sale, like -- really old, like vintage. I'd love to buy it, but I'm not raiding my savings for it. If I found a cheap jeep, I might be tempted to go that route. Til funds are more in line, that will take a back seat.
I have removable roof racks (Thule) that work well for me. They take about 5 minutes to install and are adjustable so have accommodated a variety of past vehicles.

I loved my old Jeep TJ that had a custom ladder rack for hauling around various boats and things. I don't miss the cost of maintenance and gas for it though. If I ever came into money I'd buy one in a heartbeat for summer driving only. The short wheelbase is scary on slippery roads.


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
bttrfly #2935319 06/26/22 05:47 PM
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,680
Likes: 254
K
kml Offline
Member
Offline
Member
K
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 18,680
Likes: 254
Quote
I keep thinking about getting a kayak, but I don't want to put roof racks on the R, because it will screw up the aerodynamics

My widowed sister has taken up kayaking, and she’s just ordered a foldable kayak! I think the Oru brand. They’re ultra lightweight, fold up to the size of a suitcase. She’s just 5’2” and almost sixty so putting a regular kayak up on a rack and hauling it to the water would be too difficult.

1 member likes this: bttrfly
bttrfly #2935323 06/27/22 02:08 AM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 5,365
Likes: 134
B
bttrfly Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 5,365
Likes: 134
nice! a bit out of my price range, but something to look forward to in the future.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

"There's something awfully screwy going on around here!"

Walk along the side of the road with a bag & you're gonna end up with a lot of trash!
bttrfly #2935334 06/27/22 07:16 PM
Joined: Sep 2020
Posts: 351
Likes: 24
E
Member
Offline
Member
E
Joined: Sep 2020
Posts: 351
Likes: 24
Originally Posted by bttrfly
When you find yourself here, there's really nothing else you can do for your own peace of mind but GAL GAL GAL and leave your spouse to their own devices. Hard lesson to learn.

Amen.
Hard lesson to learn, but extremely necessary if you want to feel at ease again.

Originally Posted by bttrfly
Honestly, I had a conversation recently with a friend who planted a seed in my brain about how I may want to change the way I approach my work for the next decade, until I officially retire. I'm taking that thought and running with it in all aspects of my life.

Curious how that might look like. Feel free to tell us about it.


Me (44) EXH (42)
M:15 T:19, S18, S15 & S15
04/19 - 02/20 ILYB & OW1
12/20 - .... OW2
03/22 - Divorce official / home sold / I let go
Eagle3 #2935341 06/27/22 09:47 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 5,365
Likes: 134
B
bttrfly Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 5,365
Likes: 134
Originally Posted by bttrfly
Honestly, I had a conversation recently with a friend who planted a seed in my brain about how I may want to change the way I approach my work for the next decade, until I officially retire. I'm taking that thought and running with it in all aspects of my life.

Curious how that might look like. Feel free to tell us about it.[/quote]
No idea.

I'm doing the same kind of deep dive I did post-BD:

* I'm looking first at all my assets, both tangible and intangible, and doing my best to maximize them.

* simplify, simplify, simplify

* honest assessment of what kind of a life I want to lead over the next 10, 20, 30+ years, what that would entail, and what that would cost.

It's a process I've just started.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

"There's something awfully screwy going on around here!"

Walk along the side of the road with a bag & you're gonna end up with a lot of trash!
bttrfly #2935366 06/28/22 02:36 PM
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 3,662
Likes: 109
D
DnJ Online
Member
Online
Member
D
Joined: Jan 2018
Posts: 3,662
Likes: 109
Good Morning bttrfly

How is the raised flower bed? Did you get it set up and located where you want it? I chuckled at the chicken’s portion of this endeavour. They will likely gift you more than you need. smile

Adventures with the drill. And tools in general. Oh I hear you. Have at least two batteries and a selection of driver bits and two of each of those as well. And a set of drill bits. Like 1/32 to 1/2 in 1/32 increments. Have good quality, they will last and cost far less in the long run - both in money and stress.

Originally Posted by bttrfly
Personal goal: stop worrying.

A worthy pursuit.

Originally Posted by bttrfly
bocce anyone?

Oh, that’d be fun.

I have two sets of bocce. With a family of six and with parents and/or friends over we had some large (and modified) games. Two large teams, or several teams; that gets plenty on the field and in play at one time. We do/did the same with croquet as well. Two sets there too, twelve folks on the course can get rather funny.

Being a bachelor with his kids moved out, the games don’t get much use. I’ve not gone and played a game by myself. Although I may give it a whirl someday.

Originally Posted by bttrfly
* I'm looking first at all my assets, both tangible and intangible, and doing my best to maximize them.

* simplify, simplify, simplify

* honest assessment of what kind of a life I want to lead over the next 10, 20, 30+ years, what that would entail, and what that would cost.

It's a process I've just started.

Another worthy pursuit, for sure.

I suspect, and I’m pretty sure, that you see life similarly to me. A life you “want” to live includes: one you want to lead, one you can afford to lead, and one you should lead.

In the next 10, 20, 30+ years it is highly unlikely I will ever buy or own a yacht or a Ferrari. Lol. I’m good with that. I’m living a life I can afford. I’ve seen folks work well into their golden years to save up money while dwindling their most precious resource - time.

The “should” part for me:

Life isn’t about counting the days. It’s making the days count.

Kind of neat what wants become when looking through such a lens.

I know you aren’t saving up for a sports car. And financially you did get kicked around during divorce, which does require some time to recover. You are getting things organized and getting your house in order - figurative and literally. You’re doing a fine job too, and your days count; if you don’t mind me saying.

D


Now: Me54 XW51 S25 S23 S21 D20

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

Love the Sinner, Forgive the Sin.
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3

Moderated by  Cadet, job, Virginia 

Link Copied to Clipboard