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#2934149 05/19/22 09:45 PM
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bttrfly Offline OP
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Last edited by bttrfly; 05/19/22 09:46 PM.

M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

"There's something awfully screwy going on around here!"

Walk along the side of the road with a bag & you're gonna end up with a lot of trash!
bttrfly #2934152 05/19/22 10:36 PM
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I don’t really think you can judge a person by their family. It’s not fair to let the mistakes of the family fall onto the children and have people question marrying into that family.


What you can do is assess for dynamics, and how the person handles their crazy family. I mean, majority of people would be ruled out for potential partners for our children if we judged them on their parents, siblings, etc.

In the perfect world my daughter would have a partner with a big loving family who knows how to resolve conflict. Will that likely happen? Probably not. But I do agree with LH, that I would
Help my daughter navigate the sticky situations and arm them with the tools to handle it

Ginger1 #2934154 05/19/22 11:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Ginger1
I don’t really think you can judge a person by their family. It’s not fair to let the mistakes of the family fall onto the children and have people question marrying into that family.

I agree with this ^^^ but ...

Originally Posted by Ginger1
What you can do is assess for dynamics, and how the person handles their crazy family. I mean, majority of people would be ruled out for potential partners for our children if we judged them on their parents, siblings, etc.

I also agree with this^^^^ BUT! I did that with exh - assessed how he handled the crazy family. He handled his crazy family well until he didn't. There's no guarantee that they won't change is my point.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
In the perfect world my daughter would have a partner with a big loving family who knows how to resolve conflict. Will that likely happen? Probably not. But I do agree with LH, that I would
Help my daughter navigate the sticky situations and arm them with the tools to handle it

This is the best we can hope for ^^^


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

"There's something awfully screwy going on around here!"

Walk along the side of the road with a bag & you're gonna end up with a lot of trash!
bttrfly #2934158 05/20/22 01:12 AM
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DnJ Online
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Hello bttrfly

Glad to hear pup is doing well. And jumped right up on to his love seat. smile

Originally Posted by bttrfly
it's also bizarre to me that someone I loved so deeply for so long and shared so much with is now ... erased is the best word I can come up with to describe it. As I'm decluttering I've happened upon photos of him or us. I feel quite dissociated from those moments. Is that mental illness? Is that self-preservation? Am I bonkers? Seriously, isn't that just completely weird? More than half my life and it seems like it was lived by someone else. Can any of you relate?

You are not bonkers. The apparent absent of feelings is normal, IMO.

Your life has been such a ride for so many years. Lots of life saving activities. It is only recently you can really be you. And my dear friend, you are writing a wonderful new chapter.

Those missing feelings will return. They aren’t quite erased, although that is certainly how it feels and is pretty apt during that time. And those feelings come back “better”.

Those previous chapters, the half of your life felt like it’s lived by someone else; it kind of was. Life’s transition bttrfly. One looks back upon their life, their accomplishments and achievements, their regrets and disappointments. A tally is taken. My advice: Be kind to yourself when counting. We really do much better than we give ourselves credit for.

D


Now: Me54 XW51 S25 S23 S21 D20

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

Love the Sinner, Forgive the Sin.
bttrfly #2934202 05/21/22 03:57 PM
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bttrfly Offline OP
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i might be bonkers ... these kids are pushing for ducks now. DUCKS!!! and I might allow this to happen. Son already has names picked out. Save me.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

"There's something awfully screwy going on around here!"

Walk along the side of the road with a bag & you're gonna end up with a lot of trash!
bttrfly #2934206 05/21/22 05:28 PM
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Lol you’re such a softy for the critters, bttrfly.

bttrfly #2934207 05/21/22 06:03 PM
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I just finished a paper design to scale of the duck run and house (including splash area/pool) and making a materials list with son's gf. I made it clear I'm not paying for this (they are), I'm not responsible for this (they are) and that if she's doing this, the ducks' life span is 5-9 years, so that's a serious commitment.

Yes. I'm a complete softy.

God help us all.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

"There's something awfully screwy going on around here!"

Walk along the side of the road with a bag & you're gonna end up with a lot of trash!
bttrfly #2934209 05/21/22 06:19 PM
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DnJ Online
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smile

How big a flock are they/you thinking of?


Now: Me54 XW51 S25 S23 S21 D20

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

Love the Sinner, Forgive the Sin.
DnJ #2934211 05/21/22 07:12 PM
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bttrfly Offline OP
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Originally Posted by DnJ
smile

How big a flock are they/you thinking of?
two guys. one runner duck and one non-runner. the kids plan to race them against each other to compare waddles. don't ask me. i got nuthin. they're so happy and that makes me happy.

son is the one always telling me not to name things and said as recently as a week ago he never wanted another pet - I'm sure in response to pup's non-curable cancer. Pup's radiation treatment is working, but won't be curative; it will just stave off the inevitable for perhaps another 12-18 months. Now son is naming the ducks. How can I say no?


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D Final 12/23/16

"There's something awfully screwy going on around here!"

Walk along the side of the road with a bag & you're gonna end up with a lot of trash!
bttrfly #2934213 05/21/22 07:27 PM
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Likes: 109
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DnJ Online
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I bet son has come up with some good names. smile

Duck races. Best thing I heard today.


Now: Me54 XW51 S25 S23 S21 D20

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

Love the Sinner, Forgive the Sin.
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