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Wolfman Offline OP
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Originally Posted by DejaVu6
Really sorry to hear your D hasn’t come around Wolfman. I agree with others. She will one day when she is older and a bit more mature. Just keep being a steady presence in your sons’ lives. You can’t control what she does…just what you do. Keep the door open. Find ways to let her know she is not forgotten. Keep being the best Wolfman you can be. (((HUGS)))

Thank you. It’s hard but I am trying to be the best for my boys.

MLC. I can’t speak to my ex because she is the one who ruined the relationship. Second, I can’t do anything towards my d because my ex fought hard so I couldn’t. I can only speak to her through the therapist. But the therapist stopped it months ago. I reached out to her about starting g therapy again, but she hasn’t responded. I am stuck. So for holidays I send her a card. Technically I could get I. Trouble for that but I want her to know I still love her. I would think it would be hard for a judge to be mad at me for giving my daughter a card on holidays. It really really stinks. Sometimes it hits me that I have d I can’t see or talk to.


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
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Wolfman,

How old is your daughter? If under 18, it sounds like your ExW has full custody? If so, how did that happen?


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
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Originally Posted by Wolfman
MLC. I can’t speak to my ex because she is the one who ruined the relationship.
A reminder--you CAN be kind, humble, and extend an olive branch towards your XW. The "right fight" with your XW and D has finished--she got sole custody. You're done arguing in front of the judge and therapists.

Have you taken up the idea of continuing to write your daughter weekly or monthly so when she's an adult and chooses to resume contact you can show her you never forgot or stopped caring?

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Wolfman Offline OP
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Hey everyone. It’s been a while. My d is 14. Still haven’t seen or spoken to her since October. And of course now in my life, I am having problems with my current gf. She is having a hard time “sharing” me with my s. He is 12. It’s a constant stress for me. She feels like I am putting her 2nd. The thing is I don’t make anyone number 1. I try to make everyone a priority. In doing so, I am completely stressed out. My gf is very immature and does not know how to let go of past hurts. Example, a year and a half ago. Judge order CPS to go to my home and the ex’s home. The day CPS was going to her home, I was supposed to get my s. She kept him there (he had a cold). Now keep in mind CPS came to my house first and spoke with my s in private. And everything was fine. At her house he was forced to lie by his mom, and said some things about my gf. She can’t seem to let it go. And she holds on to that tightly. Bringing it up on occasion, why sometimes she won’t do things for him or go to his basketball games. It has literally got to a point, if I don’t agree with her or do what she wants it becomes and argument. I am reaching my breaking point in this relationship. She actually said to me the other day my opinion doesn’t matter. It was about the baby napping. Her reason was she is home all the time with the baby and she knows what’s best for him. I don’t know what to do anymore. This is no way to live. Stress from the ex. Stress from the current one. Oh and in the last year there is nothing going on in the bedroom. So many of you were so right, there were red flags but I was so broken and it just felt good someone showing interest in me.

Side note the baby is a year old in 2 days.


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
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kml Offline
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Have you been to relationship counseling with gf? If not, I recommend you try to find a good therapist and go with her. Having an outside adult who hopefully can help straighten things out would be good. Even if you don’t stay together it could help you deal with each other in the future.

Her behavior towards your son is childish and immature. At the same time, she doesn’t need you mansplaining what she should do with the baby’s naps when she IS the one home with him all day.

And I do have some sympathy for the mess she found herself in too. She wanted to be that young couple starting out in love, married, experiencing everything together for the first time as a family. What she stepped into instead was a shaky relationship with a guy who has responsibilities to his first family, wasn’t crazy about having another kid, wasn’t sure about the relationship with her. This is not your fault - she just didn’t think this through and the pregnancy took you both by surprise.

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Originally Posted by Wolfman
Hey everyone. It’s been a while. My d is 14. Still haven’t seen or spoken to her since October.
That is tough Wolf and I am sorry to hear.
Originally Posted by Wolfman
And of course now in my life, I am having problems with my current gf. She is having a hard time “sharing” me with my s. He is 12.
Yeah being divorced with young kids is tough. Decisions can not be made lightly.
Originally Posted by Wolfman
It’s a constant stress for me. She feels like I am putting her 2nd. The thing is I don’t make anyone number 1. I try to make everyone a priority. In doing so, I am completely stressed out. My gf is very immature and does not know how to let go of past hurts.
Most of us ended up here because our exs couldn't let go of past hurts.
Originally Posted by Wolfman
Example, a year and a half ago. Judge order CPS to go to my home and the ex’s home. The day CPS was going to her home, I was supposed to get my s. She kept him there (he had a cold). Now keep in mind CPS came to my house first and spoke with my s in private. And everything was fine. At her house he was forced to lie by his mom, and said some things about my gf. She can’t seem to let it go. And she holds on to that tightly. Bringing it up on occasion, why sometimes she won’t do things for him or go to his basketball games.
I feel sorry for your son.
Originally Posted by Wolfman
It has literally got to a point, if I don’t agree with her or do what she wants it becomes and argument. I am reaching my breaking point in this relationship.
Sounds like a lack of respect here. You definitely have things to consider.
Originally Posted by Wolfman
She actually said to me the other day my opinion doesn’t matter. It was about the baby napping. Her reason was she is home all the time with the baby and she knows what’s best for him. I don’t know what to do anymore. This is no way to live. Stress from the ex. Stress from the current one. Oh and in the last year there is nothing going on in the bedroom.
Yikes. Sounds horrible and more baby momma drama in the future.
Originally Posted by Wolfman
So many of you were so right, there were red flags but I was so broken and it just felt good someone showing interest in me.
When you are in the thick of it you tend to ignore the red flags or downgrade them to yellow flags. The problem with that is you can ignore reality but you can't ignore the consequences of ignoring reality.
Originally Posted by Wolfman
Side note the baby is a year old in 2 days.
Happy birthday lil wolfman!

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kml Offline
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Also:

Quote
Oh and in the last year there is nothing going on in the bedroom.

Unless you have had a vasectomy, perhaps this is for the best? You really don't want to make another baby with her, do you?

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Originally Posted by kml
Have you been to relationship counseling with gf? If not, I recommend you try to find a good therapist and go with her. Having an outside adult who hopefully can help straighten things out would be good. Even if you don’t stay together it could help you deal with each other in the future.

Her behavior towards your son is childish and immature.
I am currently looking for a therapist. I actually emailed one yesterday. Haven’t heard back yet. There is a lot of work that needs to be done, on both ends. Second her behavior is very childish and immature. I’m also going to speak with her father. I saw him the other day and we spoke briefly. I almost laughed because he said, I don’t know how you deal with her. But like I said earlier he is the only person she might listen to, besides hopefully the counselor.
Also, how can you say she doesn’t need me mansplaining? I don’t have a voice when it comes to my baby? Granted she is the one with him, I have also done this twice already.

LH thank you for those words. I let my hurt cloud my thinking and judgement. I was in awe because she is young and beautiful. But like a lot of you have said, the flags were there, I just ignored them. I want to make this work. I really do. Like I said I need to work on some things, like trust now. My divorce made me not trust anyone. Also still working on communication. She needs to listen to me once and a while, I don’t mean just take my suggestions or advice into consideration. Have some respect for me. And just try and show me a little love. You know, it’s like, since I am a man, I just have to be tough. I have expressed to her my love language is touch, but all I get when I say anything which is rare, all I care about is $ex and that she is emotionally not there. Ugh so I think I will be back. This place really helps me a lot. Just knowing I can voice my problems and it be a safe space is great. I don’t trust anyone with my problems, meaning someone to talk to.


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
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Posts: 703
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Wolfman Offline OP
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Originally Posted by kml
Also:

Quote
Oh and in the last year there is nothing going on in the bedroom.

Unless you have had a vasectomy, perhaps this is for the best? You really don't want to make another baby with her, do you?

NO!!! Lol


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 9,227
Likes: 309
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Originally Posted by Wolfman
You know, it’s like, since I am a man, I just have to be tough.
What do you mean you have to be tough?

Originally Posted by Wolfman
I have expressed to her my love language is touch, but all I get when I say anything which is rare, all I care about is $ex and that she is emotionally not there.
Did you ask her how you can get her to open up and connect with you on an intimate level?

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