Thanks all. I'm sitting on an email response for another two days while I think about how to reply. Mentioning L does seem like escalation, but I guess she is giving me no choice. I like the line: "Write down how to split our assets, and I'll discuss with a L."
Compared to where I was two weeks ago, I certainly feel indifferent. And she can feel it. She's hardly engaged and hasn't escalated anything. And when she complains about something, it's respectful. It's actually quite nice, the way it should be.
To SteveLW's question, I can wait it out for a while. Two weeks ago, no I couldn't. But now, yes. We agreed to sell the house in alignment with kids end of school term. It needs to be 1 year after BD anyhow for a formal divorce.
Try to make your posts about you and not “she” and what she’s thinking or doing. Your on the roller coaster and it’s going to be a up and down ride for awhile.
Thanks all. I'm sitting on an email response for another two days while I think about how to reply. Mentioning L does seem like escalation, but I feel like I have no choice. I like the line: "Write down how to split our assets, and I'll discuss with a L."
Compared to where I was two weeks ago, I certainly feel indifferent. Minimal engagement and no escalations, it's respectful. It's actually quite nice, the way it should be.
To SteveLW's question, I can wait it out for a while. Two weeks ago, no I couldn't. But now, yes. We agreed to sell the house in alignment with kids end of school term. It needs to be 1 year after BD anyhow for a formal divorce.
Good just waiting to collect yourself before responding, but why do you feel the need to mention a L? Seems unnecessary.
Instead of: "Write down how to split our assets, and I'll discuss with a L." Why not: "Write down how you propose splitting our assets, and I'll review it." (then you consult with a L on your own)
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
Good just waiting to collect yourself before responding, but why do you feel the need to mention a L? Seems unnecessary.
Right. It's talking to your attorney before you make an offer or agree to one that prevents you from making bad decisions ("being pushed around"), not announcing that you have an attorney.
yes except for the fact that if she doesn't understand he's going to run it by his lawyer, she will 1) not understand why she can't have an answer the next day and 2) not be a reasonable as she might be if she understands a lawyer is reviewing it.
"Write down how you propose splitting our assets, and I'll review it."
This is your NEW communication style.
Start saying less. Using the fewest words to get the point across has the strongest effect.
Yes. No. I will let you know when I have decided. I can see you are frustrated. I will need time to process what you have said. I am not sure right now. I have not thought about that. I believe it is best if .....
All these new skills will also be valuable when interacting with your children (and anyone else).
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
toughtimes, unfortunately these things have a way of escalating anyway. Especially as you refuse to give into her every demand, this will make her raise the stakes. You are in a good place by having a lawyer already. So many LBSs try to tread these things without one. But her response in that email is part and parcel of what I am talking about. Lots of WASs act like spoiled children. Demanding what they want then throwing a fit when they do not get it. We had one LBH here whose WW was especially like that. After she left and moved in with OM, she show up at the house demanding things she'd abandoned. At one point she even tried to break in to the house. Do not underestimate the lengths LBSs will go to try to get their way. You've already tasted that with her scathing email.
So deferring to your lawyer may feel like escalation. Really all it is you protecting yourself. And there is nothing wrong with that.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
