I'm pretty sure it's the fact that it would give her time with an AP versus her pushing the kids off on you that is bothering you.
It's important to recognize what we are really upset about so we can set our perspective. You can look at is an opportunity for her continue on with the affair.. or an opportunity for YOU to spend more time with you kids. Your children are not pawns... They will remember who fought for them when they are older.
You hit the nail on the head. This has come up before on these boards 3 years ago post BD1 when she did the same thing. If I look at my values, which is wanting maximum kid time, then I shouldn't give a F about her motivations, I get what I want.
But then I've thought about getting back in touch with an old flame who probably would be up for it.
Ummm...you're married. I understand the temptation but you have a whole lot to deal first.
Originally Posted by toughtimes180
Right now I have to focus on sorting out IHS parenting plan. Things are too loose atm.
Yes, get a scheduled sorted so you can plan your GAL.
Originally Posted by toughtimes180
When I frame the trip as getting extra time with kids and D2, it's a win/win.
Not sure you're there yet in reality, but that's a great way to look at it.
Originally Posted by toughtimes180
It will probably have to go to mediation because she so far has refused to be clear on that will look like.
You need to reframe this. It sounds like you're waiting on your W to tell you how it'll go. She does not get to dictate what it looks like. Time to stand up for you and the kids; don't passively wait for W to tell you.
Originally Posted by toughtimes180
I understand the POV here on D2 custody, I'm just torn on the disruption to her and what is best for her, not me. She will effectively be forced to sleep in TWO different houses. I need time to think about it.
Respectfully, I think you're over thinking the D2 issue. My daughter was 1.5 when my wife moved out. It's not ideal. Certainly a two parents / one home situation is better, but that's not possible with divorce. Relative to the situation, she's handled it. You DO NOT want to set the precedent she only sleeps at mommy's house, not daddy's.
Originally Posted by toughtimes180
After the blow up, we are continuing the email conversation on finances
Good!
Originally Posted by toughtimes180
I'm not going to be pushed over any more by her, and while I am willing to negotiate, I'm not willing to give up a large chunk of what I'm legally entitled to just because she feels its fair.
Good. Don't settle for less then what you're entitled to under the law.
Originally Posted by toughtimes180
Originally Posted by Valeska19
I'm pretty sure it's the fact that it would give her time with an AP versus her pushing the kids off on you that is bothering you.
It's important to recognize what we are really upset about so we can set our perspective. You can look at is an opportunity for her continue on with the affair.. or an opportunity for YOU to spend more time with you kids. Your children are not pawns... They will remember who fought for them when they are older.
You hit the nail on the head. This has come up before on these boards 3 years ago post BD1 when she did the same thing. If I look at my values, which is wanting maximum kid time, then I shouldn't give a F about her motivations, I get what I want.
It's a tough pill to swallow. Unfortunately there's nothing you can do. She's going to do what she wants to do. Sorry man. All you can do is release any sense of control, go into zen mode, and enjoy the time with your kids.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
Yeah, I'm down today. She emailed me a scathing 2 page emotional rant about how I'm greedy, don't respect her contribution, and more. Then she's demanding a parenting plan with flexibility. Essentially no negotiation. It's sad, I'm going to have to sit on this knowing we're going to have to go to mediation. I talked to L again, and he made it clear she doesn't understand.
It certainly validates what I've felt during the marriage, no compromise.
Yeah, I'm down today. She emailed me a scathing 2 page emotional rant about how I'm greedy, don't respect her contribution, and more.
J, that's got to be tough to read! I imagine that's how she really feels about you just now. In a couple of days, when both your feelings settle, let her know how much you value her contributions.
Originally Posted by toughtimes180
Then she's demanding a parenting plan with flexibility. Essentially no negotiation. It's sad, I'm going to have to sit on this knowing we're going to have to go to mediation. I talked to L again, and he made it clear she doesn't understand.
Why sad? Her demands are as much hot air as the conversation you had with her. Your respective attorneys, if they're any good, will hammer out a reasonable deal through the mediator.
It's sad that in the conversations there is literally no compromise, not even much detail. It's like she's just bullying to make a point of being right, then leaving it vague for any future manoeuvring. I'm offering different things, but the replies are some twisted guilt trip about what is best for the family. I'm going to think carefully on my response, and will post it here. But if there is no compromise, I'll suggest we must do mediation.
Btw, in Au, mediation generally doesn't involve lawyers, but they may suggest that you consult one beforehand. I already talked to one today.
Your STBXW knows you better than anyone on the planet. She knows what has work in the past to get what she wants from you. Show her that she can’t push you around anymore.
Your STBXW knows you better than anyone on the planet. She knows what has work in the past to get what she wants from you. Show her that she can’t push you around anymore.
F**ing spot on with that point. I'm totally upbeat today, and she's avoiding me like the plague.
I'm totally upbeat today, and she's avoiding me like the plague.
Welcome to the wonderful world of IHS. The good news is years from now you won't even really remember it.
Something to look forward to! LH19, your advice and support is always gold.
Wedding Anniversary in a few days. I'm preparing to be reminded. Can't recall who suggested this, but my line will be: "Oh really, I hadn't really thought about it". And then walk away.
