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#2933615 05/09/22 02:09 PM
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Previous Thread:

Lightening My Load


Putting this definition here for LH who never answered my question of why he always insults people if they don’t agree with him:
“ An ad hominem argument is a personal attack against the source of an argument, rather than against the argument itself. Essentially, this means that ad hominem arguments are used to attack opposing views indirectly, by attacking the individuals or groups that support these views.

Ad hominem arguments can take many forms, from basic name-calling to more complex rhetoric. For example, an ad hominem argument can involve simply insulting a person instead of properly replying to a point that they raised, or it can involve questioning their motives in response to their criticism of the current state of things.”

While people have always offered blunt advice on this board, the bullying and personal attacks are a new thing.

No, I’m not a narcissist. My ex is and I am not the only, nor the first, to identify him as such. His behavior towards our adult children since the divorce confirms it

The main thing I did wrong in my marriage was not to immediately divorce his sorry a$$ when I discovered he slept with an old girlfriend the night before our wedding. The other thing I did wrong during my marriage was completely outside my control - I developed an autoimmune disease that caused me to be tired. (Oh, and don’t forget the infamous complaint I “walk too heavy”).

Other than that I was kind, loving, forgiving, hardworking, sexy, an intellectual and physical companion. Almost every man I have dated since my divorce has asked me what the HE-double hockey sticks was my ex thinking when he divorced me? So I have outside confirmation that who I am in a relationship is pretty darned good.

Spouses that want to cheat don’t necessarily need their wives or husbands to give them an excuse. Cheaters make up their own excuses for their infidelity. And yes, even really good spouses get cheated on.

Last edited by job; 05/09/22 06:45 PM. Reason: added link to previous thread
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Originally Posted by kml
No, I’m not a narcissist. My ex is and I am not the only, nor the first, to identify him as such. His behavior towards our adult children since the divorce confirms it
Well I never "attacked" or called you a narcissist. I simply said that narcissists typically think they are right and everyone else is wrong. Apparently you feel that applies to you.
Originally Posted by kml
The main thing I did wrong in my marriage was not to immediately divorce his sorry a$$ when I discovered he slept with an old girlfriend the night before our wedding.
You wouldn't have your children if that was the case.
Originally Posted by kml
The other thing I did wrong during my marriage was completely outside my control - I developed an autoimmune disease that caused me to be tired. (Oh, and don’t forget the infamous complaint I “walk too heavy”).
Was walking heavy part of the autoimmune disease?
Originally Posted by kml
Other than that I was kind, loving, forgiving, hardworking, sexy, an intellectual and physical companion.
Somebody's feeling pretty good about themselves today lol.
Originally Posted by kml
Almost every man I have dated since my divorce has asked me what the HE-double hockey sticks was my ex thinking when he divorced me? So I have outside confirmation that who I am in a relationship is pretty darned good.
Yeah so I am sure these men had a different view of you then your ex.
Originally Posted by kml
Spouses that want to cheat don’t necessarily need their wives or husbands to give them an excuse. Cheaters make up their own excuses for their infidelity. And yes, even really good spouses get cheated on.
Affairs are typically acts of anger -- he had built up a ton of resentment toward you, and since he's an avoidant, he hadn't given voice to any of it or worked any of it through. I'm not saying that you deserved his resentment, it could be completely irrational, but the point is that it exists. People typically leave relationships for 1 of 2 reasons. Loss of attraction or they do not see a happy future together.


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�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
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Affairs are typically acts of self-indulgence, entitlement and opportunity - not anger.

I’m tired of your trolling LH so I’m going to blink you Mia. Go play on someone else’s thread. Or maybe start your own again.

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Block you

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Originally Posted by kml
While people have always offered blunt advice on this board, the bullying and personal attacks are a new thing.
Originally Posted by kml
LH you can’t seem to disagree with people without insulting them. Why is that?
I've noticed the increasing insults. Steve recently muted LH, too. LH has always been challenged by WAS like Wayfarer or Josh's who may not be wrong to end a toxic relationship, and LBS like May and Steve who saved their marriages in IHS and without waiting for years. (And truly at his best with villainous WAS and LBS who really need to find the strength to leave.) I hope LH is able to sort through whatever's made him grumpier and less empathetic lately! I wish him well.



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K the point I was trying to make probably too jokingly is people don't leave happy healthy relationships. I know mine wasn't happy or healthy and mainly because neither of us had the tools to make it that way. I will stay off your thread.


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Originally Posted by Traveler
Originally Posted by kml
While people have always offered blunt advice on this board, the bullying and personal attacks are a new thing.
Originally Posted by kml
LH you can’t seem to disagree with people without insulting them. Why is that?
I've noticed the increasing insults. Steve recently muted LH, too. LH has always been challenged by WAS like Wayfarer or Josh's who may not be wrong to end a toxic relationship, and LBS like May and Steve who saved their marriages in IHS and without waiting for years. (And truly at his best with villainous WAS and LBS who really need to find the strength to leave.) I hope LH is able to sort through whatever's made him grumpier and less empathetic lately! I wish him well.
Yeah I had issues with Steve when he said "I don't know how a PA isn't a dealbreaker for you LBS" or "Divorce is way easier than reconciling" or "everyone who likes to drink is an alcoholic". Yeah I have issues with you CW when you say "Josh's W deserves to go out and get the sex she deserves" A WW should try to screw the LBS and get the best deal" I still don't think you belong here you probably belong on a WW forum.

Having said that you are probably right I have been grumpier lately and I need to tone it down. It's no excuse but some things said here really tic me off.


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Meme from my sister:
"I personally think Cinderella should have lived a happy life with all her animal friends rather than settle for a man who had her try on a shoe because he didn't recognize her without makeup".

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Originally Posted by kml
Block you

This board is evidently not already in rough enough shape with only a handful of people remaining who post. So by all means let’s block the few that are still here and posting and further hasten the board’s extinction. Brilliant move. Plus it serves to scare those few who do post into worrying they will be blocked next. Maybe we need a new rule that only well padded or “safe” 2X4s are allowed. Or perhaps just ban anything we don’t agree with (and often can’t refute). I may not agree with some of what LH posts but silencing him is sorta like winning the debate by forfeiture. I’d rather silence him with my brilliant retorts. But that’s just me, well me and Elon Musk. smile


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Me 56
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Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
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Originally Posted by Traveler
I've noticed the increasing insults. Steve recently muted LH, too.

Did you also notice the similarity that in both of these instances...multiple vets agreed with him and both of you disregarded/ defended against MOST of the feedback. Even when examples were given.

There was a season on this board when 2x4s were acceptable and honestly from a place of tough love. It doesn't mean there was a lack of empathy... but we are not the "trophy for participation award" squad. We are the "hold your feet to the fire" squad. The 1st most likely got you here. The 2nd - gives you the best chance of getting out of it.


Originally Posted by Traveler
LH has always been challenged by WAS like Wayfarer or Josh's who may not be wrong to end a toxic relationship, and LBS like May and Steve who saved their marriages in IHS and without waiting for years. (And truly at his best with villainous WAS and LBS who really need to find the strength to leave.) I hope LH is able to sort through whatever's made him grumpier and less empathetic lately! I wish him well.

T - We don't know if Josh's relationship is toxic. It's displaying Toxic traits NOW as all marriages do when they are falling apart. Rewriting of history happens on both sides of the fence. Only time will settle the muddy waters of emotions... but sadly most don't last here long enough for us to truly help them.


M(f): 40
D'ed: 8/12

Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.

Love at all costs because you are loved well.
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