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Hey Dink,

I can relate to your sitch. I really struggled with detachment. I was obsessed with my ex and analyzed every thing she said, did etc. It was torture for me.

I did end up getting her back eventually after I went pitch black no contact for months on end(she left again 10 months later). I had to delete her phone number, unfriend her on social media, delete every picture I had of her etc. I forced myself to not look her up online. Basically I had to pretend that she had passed away.

Going no contact was truly a life saver. Not knowing what she was doing, or who she was doing it with really helped me. I started lifting weights and took up mountain biking and started to regain my confidence again. I can't stress how important the gym is, I still go 5x a week and I will continue going until I'm physically unable.

I havent spoken to my ex in almost 3 years and my life is so much better than it was when we were together.

Hang in there.

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Hey Thornton, if I may ask what happened in your situation?

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Today I guess I’m looking for comments from people who have a success story, people men or women who have been on this board and have had a long haul but finally are in a good place and reconciled.

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Originally Posted by Dink
Today I guess I’m looking for comments from people who have a success story, people men or women who have been on this board and have had a long haul but finally are in a good place and reconciled.
Dink most of those people are long gone. One of my best friends parents reconciled after 35 years of divorce.

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Dink,

Originally Posted by Dink
Hey Thornton, if I may ask what happened in your situation?

You can read through any poster's situation:
1) Navigate to the user's profile by clicking on their screenname or "View Profile" in the drop down
2) Click on the linked number of "Total Posts"
3) Click on "Threads Created".

Here are the threads created by commenters on your latest thread:
Threads Created by Thornton
Threads Created by BL42
Threads Created by DejaVu6
Threads Created by Traveler
Threads Created by Jq25
Threads Created by LH19
Threads Created by ovrrnbw
Threads Created by Kind18
Threads Created by SteveLW
Threads Created by Ready2Change
Threads Created by JosephS
Threads Created by OnlyBent


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
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Originally Posted by Dink
I guess a success story can be many things. Any one have positive things happen in the Divorce Busting relationships? Any one have movement in reconciliation? Any one have GAL success stories?

Any one have and good things happening in general? Just looking for positive stuff this Easter I guess
May reconciled after a PA and Steve reconciled after an EA. I reconciled with my partner for about 2 years after BD. I went through a pleading stage, a Mr. Fixer stage, and a Talky phase.. before finally finding the strength of "You control you, I control me", validation, and boundaries. Those gave us a second spark. Then the flame blew out and I moved on a year ago.

Yesterday I did an Easter egg hunt with my kids, led a community Easter egg hunt, spent the evening at my BFF's house grilling burgers, then called my GF before bed? Life goes on. My dream of a nuclear family is over; new dreams surfaced. I've decided that would be enough. Look around, look around at how luck we are to be alive today. I still have a lot to smile about.

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Originally Posted by Dink
How she can juggle Two guys talking to and a job and family and whatever else is mind boggling.
Most likely, she is doing more than this. No need for you to "Confirm" or Understand" anything else. Just know the stove is hot. Stop touching it. Every time you touch it, you will get burned.


You are walking down the wrong path. There are two paths. Focus on her, or focus on yourself.

Originally Posted by Dink
Today I guess I’m looking for comments from people who have a success story, people men or women who have been on this board and have had a long haul but finally are in a good place and reconciled.
The weekend was amazing.

You have a big onion to peel. One layer at a time. I am still peeling back layers and I have been divorced for over 10 years.

One of those layers is learning as much as you can about attraction and seduction and the difference between the two. Your wife lost her attraction for you. You can learn new attractive ways to behave. You can drop the unattractive behaviors. You do this not for her, but for yourself. Make a list. refine the list as needed.

For example, most likely you are loosing weight ..the divorce diet. Start hitting the gym and start eating a healthier diet. You will become more physically attractive.

Read this thread:
https://www.divorcebusting.com/foru...ain=62199&Number=2846984#Post2846984

At this point in your R do not share plans with W:
" Make goals and plans then share them with your spouse (intomesee)."


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
Amor Fati
Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
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I could have reconciled a few different times. Some real some fake. It didn’t matter though. I never deserved what happened to me. Let alone my kids, but specifically me. I personally didn’t think she or our marriage was worth the struggle. I honestly don’t know if I ever would have trusted her again. Once I moved on from panic of losing control of my life, I knew it was never going to be ok with her.

I’m happier than I ever have been. I’ve learned so much and grew even more. I wouldn’t change the pain, tears, horrible thoughts for anything. Because I woke up one day and I knew I was going to be ok and get through this. Whether is was by myself or not.

I hope I’m not coming off harsh with my previous posts. My goal isn’t to be rude or sugar coat. My goal is to get people to take back the control of their own life they deserve. Once you do that, drop the rope, you’ll know what to do and you’ll make the correct choices to get there.


Me: 40
EX:37
Together 17 years
Married 16 years
5 kids, 20,18,15,14,11

BD 03/06/20, divorced 12/23/21
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So I had not heard from wife since last Wednesday, and I just got a text this morning from her.

The text reads. Do you want to meet anytime room, or no? I assume she means to go over

Logistics of the divorce. We awhile back discussed who is getting what , how things are being split

up etc, as.

We discussed doing divorce by ourselves, as long as we can agree on things, which for the most

The part when we originally spoke a while back we were pretty close on most stuff. We do not have

Children to worry about, we plan on selling house soon that I am staying at, and I will be going

Back to LakeHouse where she is currently staying, as she most likely will be looking for a

Apartment.

Just putting this out there to get feed back on how to respond or your thoughts on how to proceed?

Last edited by Dink; 04/20/22 03:26 PM.
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Dink if you feel you can handle it without letting your emotions get the best of you then meet with her and try to agree to a settlement. If not then tell her to email you want she wants and you can look it over and get back to her.

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