When we were talking last night she said, so you want the divorce now too? I said yes.
What was her reaction to that? And, how did the conversation go in general?
Most here would not recommend a relationship talk, and keep in mind now that you said that to her she can tell the kids it's something you both want as opposed to her choice. Maybe if you now truly are set on D it doesn't matter as much, but if it came out as a emotional reaction out of your pain with the situation you may regret saying it.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
I know in my heart, this is over. I haven't been able to say that before. To much resentment and hurt I caused during those years and this is the second time in 3 years. She did come back, but I truly believe more because of how she saw it was affecting the kids, who are adults, but also how it affected me. I think when she came back we did improve our relationship a lot, but not to the point where she was still totally content and happy, to much past luggage from past. When we meet on Thursday, I too wanted the divorce and we would work thru it to find a closure and fair settlement and she was much more receptive to me. I want someone who truly wants to be with me, flaws and all and who I can start fresh with and not have the mistakes of my past affect the relationship. Tough days are ahead, but also fresh starts as well.
know in my heart, this is over. I haven't been able to say that before. To much resentment and hurt I caused during those years and this is the second time in 3 years. She did come back, but I truly believe more because of how she saw it was affecting the kids, who are adults, but also how it affected me. I think when she came back we did improve our relationship a lot, but not to the point where she was still totally content and happy, to much past luggage from past. When we meet on Thursday, I too wanted the divorce and we would work thru it to find a closure and fair settlement and she was much more receptive to me. I want someone who truly wants to be with me, flaws and all and who I can start fresh with and not have the mistakes of my past affect the relationship. Tough days are ahead, but also fresh starts as well.
When we were talking last night she said, so you want the divorce now too? I said yes.
What was her reaction to that? And, how did the conversation go in general?
Most here would not recommend a relationship talk, and keep in mind now that you said that to her she can tell the kids it's something you both want as opposed to her choice. Maybe if you now truly are set on D it doesn't matter as much, but if it came out as a emotional reaction out of your pain with the situation you may regret saying it.
Dink, listen to BL. I think you speak to her way too often. Look up Last Resort Technique. And even if you really are at the point of not wanting to save it, then you still shouldn't be talking to her so much.
M(53), W(54),D(19) M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018
Pressure and pursuit rarely works and usually just pushes them out the door even more quickly. Please read the post that job posted. It is pure gold in there. I would also seek out sandi's threads and writings. Her guidance during my sitch really helped me a lot.
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Originally Posted by Bema
ABC 123
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
know in my heart, this is over. I haven't been able to say that before. To much resentment and hurt I caused during those years and this is the second time in 3 years. She did come back, but I truly believe more because of how she saw it was affecting the kids, who are adults, but also how it affected me. I think when she came back we did improve our relationship a lot, but not to the point where she was still totally content and happy, to much past luggage from past. When we meet on Thursday, I too wanted the divorce and we would work thru it to find a closure and fair settlement and she was much more receptive to me. I want someone who truly wants to be with me, flaws and all and who I can start fresh with and not have the mistakes of my past affect the relationship. Tough days are ahead, but also fresh starts as well.
There is a sadness and resignation to this post. I'm sorry things in your sitch have gotten to this point. It does sound like you're starting to accept where things stand. You've done a good job of self-refection and recognize your past failings, which is good. Unfortunately we can't go back and change the past; we can only move forward and act differently for the future. As hard and painful as it is and will be, use the lessons you've learned to improve and make a great life for yourself.
Me:39 Ex-W:37 M:7 T: 9 S:6 D:3 BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20 OM1 affair ends: May '20 W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20 W files for D: Jul20 OM2 confirmed: 9/2020 Divorced: May '21
Friday night we had a big argument. I screwed up again.. After meeting on Thursday and informing her I too was onboard with divorce I had to go to the lake house to get stuff and she said that was ok, as she wouldn’t be there. I had type a closure type letter that I left for her when I went to lake house. It just basically said even in those years I was emotionally unavailable I did still love you, even though you said I couldn’t have if I did what I did. I said that is why I never left.. I said I am telling you this for you to know, and for me to find closure. And it did make me feel better as I finally accepted the end to our marriage and seemed at peace. Friday night she texted me at about 7 am to say thank you for the letter, it was very hard to read and made me cry but I appreciate you being honest and telling me. I reply no problem. I was at the house I am staying at and she was at her mothers who is a block away and I said I do have something here for you if you want to pick it up and she said what is it and I said you will see. She said ok, it better not upset me. I said it shouldn’t . It was a writing I did for her years ago that she really liked. She said she would stop on her way to lake house. She stopped and I was lying down, and she came and said so what do you have, I said it sitting on stove. She went to stove to get it and came back and said why didn’t you tell me that this was what it was. I do want it but I didn’t need to get it tonight. She said it’s like you manipulated me by not telling me what it was, and got pissed. Then of course stuff got heat and we went back and forth until she finally left about a hour later. I did truly want her to have it And too see her again because I did know it truly was the end. We unfortunately rehashed old wounds and she said im done being controlled and manipulated by you and left like I said about a hour later. The very next morning she called me at about 10 am to tell me that her grandma who is going to be 101 in July who just had hip replace surgery three days ago had a major GI bleed and was on the way to the hospital. She said she wanted to apologized for how thing escalated last night and ask if we could return to more of a civil tone like when we meet Thursday. I said yes. She threw out a lot of hurtfull thing at me Friday, which maybe I deserved. She then later that day texted me to give me a update on Her grandma. I was very upset At how things escalated Friday night, and some of hurtful things she said whether warranted or not, And I was just being courteous in my reply. The today my sister called me and said she would come over today to help me with some stuff at the house im staying at to get it ready to sell. When she arrived we were talking a little about what happened the night before with my wife and I. Abou a half hour after my sister arrived she started down and said she wasn't feel very well and thought maybe she need something to eat, so we were going to go get something. When she stop up she started walking towards me by the door and then just stopped, and I said are you ok, and she didn't say anything. So I went up by her and she said something do feel right and she collapsed. I caught her and her eyes were just staring straight ahead and I keep saying her name but she did respond, the suddenly she star blinking and said that was weird. I slowly helped her up and she said ok I might need some fresh air. I'm holding her and we walk a few more feet to front door and I open it and she steps outside, and again say something doesn't feel right and was looking straight ahead with like a blank stare and collapsed again and I caught her and keep yelling her name and she did respond and when I helped her sit down she started blinking her eyes and so ok, thoat was so weird again. She asked for a drink and I got her one, and she said she was feeling a little better and I said I think I need to take to to the ER and we went to have her checked out. At ER the took her back and I waited for her. While I was waiting I sent I message to our family group chat which includes my three kids and their spouses and me and my wife. My wife tried calling me but I didn't answer, then she tried calling me 5 times over the next 2 hours and sent me three text telling me to please call her. I never did but I did keep them all updated thru the group chat. They finally cam out and said the ran test did a car scan, ekg and everything looked normal. The think it had something to do with a new medicine she recently started. I know I should have probably respond to my wife, but the previous night just had me not wanting to. I still haven't return a call or text, but she is aware that my sister is ok from our group message. I truly do know this is over, but after the way things went down the last couple weeks I just didn't want to allow my self to let her try to comfort me at this time ...
