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Originally Posted by Stella20
Thanks Andrew,
So do I use the apprasior my L suggested or just get a realtor that H agrees to? As I said, there has been nothing from him or his L since the temp order.
Listen to your lawyer. That's why you have him. We are just people on the internet.

Also, in my area there hasn't been a 6% realtor's fee since the 1980s. In fact, buyers are now paying sellers' realtor's fees here (which are averaging about 4.5%). My point is go on zillow and look at some SF homes in your town. The listings will tell you what the fees are. I used to sell RE so I do have some professional experience in that area.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Still 6% where I am unless you go with one of those discount brokerages that mostly just list your house.

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Hello friends,
Figured its time for a small update.
D is pushed back to August 22. H was here this week to start getting his stuff out of the house. I looked good and was cheery. He offered to do some things aroung the house, which I let him do and thanked him. The cats were all over him, crawling up his leg begging to be picked up, H had a big smile on his face when they did that. A real smile..

I had my lawyer contact his lawyer to tell him he needed to move his stuff out, he was not very happy about that but whatever. He mentioned it, asked why I didn't talk to him about it, just cost money when you get the lawyers involved. I just said, you don't talk to me and tell me what is going on so I figured this is how you wanted me to communicate, I am not your enemy and it doesn't have to be this way.. He just said I know and I know you just like the garage cleaned and organized.
He went down in his man cave and looked around for a bit. All his prized sports collection, his bar, etc, etc...what a waste.
He hugged me before he left, a long tight hug. I just don't get it. I know he still loves me, he knows I love him and the door is open.
He was pleasant, no monster. Just wearing his, everything is fine, mask...

Two or three weeks ago he said to me, again, you will never forgive me, you ruined my reputation, you upset my mother.. total projection. I told him that I could forgive him, but healing starts with him. Almost like he is fighting with himself. Don't know why I even try.. I have been pretty good with no contact and waiting to respond or not responding to his texts.

Work is going good, GALing is ok. I do not like the bar sceen and that is all my girlfriend wants to do. She is retired and married at 66 I don't know where she gets her energy from. She wants to go out every night, I have had to tell her that is not happening. She is constantly picking out men for me, again... not happening.

I am very slowly starting to heal but have a long long long way to go. Don't see how I will ever be okay with all of this, feel like I am living in a fog of my own. I still miss my old H alot and wish I could have my life back. Who knows...right? I don't know, change my mind every day. No signs from him at all that he misses me or our life together. Everyone just says move on he is never coming back. I am still struggling with that, I know he is in crisis and not himself. Will he ever come out??? who knows.. I don't know where I will be or how I will feel then. Still hard to see my life without H. I pray to God every day to heal him.

Staying in our home is proving to be harder than I thought, whilie it gives me comfort to be here, it also keeps all of our memories and hope swirling in me. I don't know if I will stay or not yet, thats a decision for the future, not today.

Can't be all that great in la la land, OW tried hacking into our phone bill while H was out of town for work. He got a email from our phone company giving him a acess code to get into the account from a different computer. He asked if that was me,uhm.. no why would I sign in from a different computer.. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out... But I didn't say what I was thinking, I am sure he would never think she would be trying to check up on him..lol So much trust over there..
Well thats all for now.
Stella

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Hello Stella

It’s wonderful to hear from you. I’m glad work is going well. And I totally get not being in to the bar scene. Especially every night. smile

Oh my, OW hacking the phone bill while H is out of town and away from her. Yep, if they’ll cheat with you, they cheat on you. Trust is super scarce in such a relationship as that.

It’s pretty interesting to see them wearing their everything is fine mask. Yes, there is quite an internal struggle, an almost fighting themselves. Stay out of the line of fire.

Originally Posted by Stella20
Don't know why I even try.. I have been pretty good with no contact and waiting to respond or not responding to his texts.

Good for you.

By the way, we all try. You are doing fine.

Originally Posted by Stella20
I am very slowly starting to heal but have a long long long way to go. Don't see how I will ever be okay with all of this, feel like I am living in a fog of my own. I still miss my old H alot and wish I could have my life back. Who knows...right? I don't know, change my mind every day. No signs from him at all that he misses me or our life together. Everyone just says move on he is never coming back. I am still struggling with that, I know he is in crisis and not himself. Will he ever come out??? who knows.. I don't know where I will be or how I will feel then. Still hard to see my life without H. I pray to God every day to heal him.

The fog does lift. And you will see much clearer. Have faith, you will be ok with all this; and I know and empathize with just how unseen that currently is. (((Hug)))

Everyone says move on he is never coming back. Well, I’m not saying that. So it’s not everyone. What matters is you! And you don’t need to make that major decision today. And honestly shouldn’t until better healed. Change your mind daily, or twelve times a day. Keep moving forward. Focus on you.

Will he ever come out? Best answer I have - give him to God. You didn’t break him, so you can’t fix him. Give him to God.

At the start, it was hard to see my life without J too. We have the gift of time, use it well. Find your path.

Originally Posted by Stella20
Staying in our home is proving to be harder than I thought, whilie it gives me comfort to be here, it also keeps all of our memories and hope swirling in me. I don't know if I will stay or not yet, thats a decision for the future, not today.

Well done.

Do not make major life decision based upon emotions. They are fleeting (another dollar for Ginger) and will change, and then so did your reasoning for that decision. Look to your intellect and reason; and to convictions and values. Although, our belief usually require some tweaking after bomb drop, once organized again, they make excellent headings. Logic and reason are much less influenced by feelings, therefore choices based upon such intellect yield far less regrets.

I live in the martial home. Surrounded by the life of my family and marriage. It is comforting, and the ghosts do not haunt. Memory and hope is not a bad thing; the absence of such would be far worse.

Have a great day and weekend my dear.

D


Feelings are fleeting.
Be better, not bitter.
Love the person, forgive the sin.
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Hi Stella,

I’ve been wondering how you are doing, and I’m glad you are hanging in there and work is going well. D is right, no need to rush any decisions. Be patient with yourself and make the decisions when you have the time/focus to think them through. There is so much emotion right now that it’s okay to be in a fog. And you may need to accept that it might be hard for a while…but don’t let that stop you from moving forward. Just accept it so that you can be easy on yourself. You are dealing with a lot. It’s okay to not feel good about it and find it all confusing.

Hang in there and just keep doing what you are doing. The future will be brighter, even if it’s not the future you imagined.

El


Me 52, H 56
T10 M7, 2nd MR for both
2 Step Sons (19 and 21)
BD: Fall 2020
D finalized: July 2022
XH Married AP soon after D day.



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