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Hi Wolfman,

Been a few months! Long time, no see. I hope you were able to follow-through on the changes you were planning (another try with the therapist, validating vs. proving) with good results.

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I echo what T said Wolfman. I just had a brief blow up with D14 and it was pretty intense so I can see why this has been so incredibly difficult for you. Hopefully things have improved for the two of you. (((HUGS)))

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Wolfman Offline OP
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Hello everyone it’s been a while. A little update. I haven’t seen or spoke to my daughter since October. I reached out to the therapist to start up therapy again. But she has said we need forensics but I don’t have the money for that. So, I said can’t we just try again and I haven’t heard from her in months. I give up. Hopefully one day she will come around.
The baby is almost 10 months now and he is just awesome. I am truly enjoying him. Gf is amazing with him, she is just a little over protective to the point we do argue sometimes about things. But I have learned, it is her first, let her do it this way. I learned a long time ago on here do I want to be right or happy. I choose happy. My son loves his little brother and really enjoys playing with him. It is so nice to see, and what a change from when his mom was poisoning his mind that, that he was not his brother to love being with him.
I have learned that this is my life and just deal with a lot.
The ex still makes waves and problems but I learned that will be how she is probably forever. Just not let her ruin my life or day. More to come it’s great to post again. How is everyone?


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
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Wolfman,

Very sorry to hear about you not seeing or talking to your daughter. As a father that must be incredibly difficult. Do you not have custody at all, or is she over 18?

Glad to hear your baby is doing well. Time certainly does fly, doesn't it.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
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Wolfman -
Why not keep a journal, where you document your attempts to reach her and your feelings of how much you miss her and worry about her? Then when she's older and wonders why you didn't try harder, you can provide her with the proof.

Also, please just keep sending birthday and Xmas presents for her - I hate to make your son the go between, but if you are concerned about your ex hiding the presents from your D, it might be best to send them home with him. An Easter basket of candy would be a good idea too. Even if she doesn't acknowledge it, it will show her you haven't forgotten her.

I'm glad your son is enjoying the baby.

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It’s incredibly hard. I am just slowly getting numb to it. I am not allowed to reach out to her or contact her unless it’s under the directive of the psychologist. So on the holidays I just send a card with my son. I did for Christmas, thanksgiving and valentines. From my understanding I could technically “get in trouble” I doubt a judge would do anything for me sending holiday cards. I also did keep a journal. I haven’t wrote in it in a while. Honesty speaking, I want to erase her from my memory cause it just hurt so much. But like I said, just getting numb to the idea “I don’t have a daughter”. All my friends just keep telling me eventually she will wake up. But when? I am missing so much of my daughters life. Honestly I just try and focus on the people In front of me now. My gf, son and baby.


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
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She’s a child - please don’t give up on her just because it hurts. She will come back at some point and being able to show her you continued to care for her will be essential to healing your relationship.

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I will never give up on my d. I am just giving her the space that she wants. I tried for a long time to force her to be with me. Obviously, that was counter-productive. It will have to be on her time, whenever that is. It just stinks that I am missing out on so much of her life. Also, I looked online and saw that her grades have drastically dropped. Saddens me. When I was involved I made sure to help her and keep her grades up. At least I still have my son and we have a good relationship. His grades are great!! He told me he will be in 4 honors classes next year. I am so proud of him!!!!


M:42 XW:41
T:19 M: 15
D:13 S:10
BD: 8/10/18
Moved out: 8/18
Moved in: 9/18/18
Moved out: 4/22/19
D papers signed 11/4/19
D final 3/18/20
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Really sorry to hear your D hasn’t come around Wolfman. I agree with others. She will one day when she is older and a bit more mature. Just keep being a steady presence in your sons’ lives. You can’t control what she does…just what you do. Keep the door open. Find ways to let her know she is not forgotten. Keep being the best Wolfman you can be. (((HUGS)))

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Hi Wolfman,
Sorry to hear about \your sitch.

I had a thought - I am not sure if it is the right thing for you, but I wanted to share it anyways: Have you considered reaching out to your WAS with a request to help you and your D meet? This will need to be a sincere request and you will likely have to bear insults and meet D on the terms of WAS. Perhaps she can bring D to public place and you can meet her with WAS or a therapist present? Even if it is for one minute to say hello, it will be worth it. In her heart, your WAS knows that your D will benefit from seeing her father so if you can speak without egos in the way, it may strike a chord.

On the flip side whatever WAS says, you cannot get provoked into a negative or defensive reaction. This will require you to keep your mouth shut and listen if something unpleasant is said. It will be very humbling and probably even insulting but it may be a sacrifice that is worth at least getting to see your D. You may also have to ask multiple times till WAS vents and gets less angry before she agrees.

If meeting her is not possible, see if you can at least write your D a letter and send it with a gift to WAS. You can even keep the letter simple letting her know how much you love her. Perhaps send one letter every week. Keep a copy of the letter with you - if WAS does not give it to her, your D can at least see in the future that you tried.

I am not sure if there are any legal complications that stop you from doing this. I am not sure if you are even comfortable reaching out to WAS in this manner. In short, I don't know if this is the right approach. However, what I do know is that when egos are hurt, sometimes it requires one person to swallow their pride and offer a truce to defuse the tension, even if the person doing this is the aggrieved party.

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