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Ginger1 #2931761 03/23/22 10:06 PM
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Originally Posted by Ginger1
Originally Posted by kml
As for the teeth - this likely has nothing to do with your teeth, but the long Covid… may be the culprit.

I never had Covid.

Ba ha ha ha. Can’t even make this stuff up anymore. SMH. Although you were vaccinated right? I’ll bet it’s the vaccine that loosened one single tooth and left all the rest alone. That’s got to be it! (Yes of course this is sarcasm.) Honestly it’s probably Trumps fault. smile

I had an awesome educactor in paramedic school that often said, don’t go looking for zebras in the horse field. I will tell you, however that I too have been struggling with dental issues, including my bite, some grinding, stress and now one lose tooth is loose and shows bone degeneration on X-ray. I’d agree that stress, clenching and grinding are the most likely culprits. My stress level has been markedly increased for 2 years now. Hmmmmm wonder what kicked up my stress levels starting two years ago - to the month.

Thankfully they can fix that in multiple different ways that no one will ever know. But no, it’s often not cheep and often not covered by insurance.


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
1 member likes this: Core
Ginger1 #2931765 03/23/22 11:32 PM
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Originally Posted by Ginger1
Stress is my baseline
Yes, I like how you worded that. We share the same demon. See you can abolish the stress but the body wants homeostasis and finds a way to get back to baseline.

The dental stuff, I'm sure you or the dentist mentioned this already but aside from stress, there's lots of evidence behind mouth shape causing problems. In short, loose tooth, likely caused by clenching, partially or potentially caused by the shape of your mouth and dental work in the past. If you can spare the arm, leg and kidney for dental implants, the positive effect may crescendo in a positive way overall. Apparently a full mouth of teeth whether its visible or not has a nice effect of making the face more attractive. Ginger, your chance is here to go up a point on the scale and say you did it all for health =D.


H37, W37
D4, S2
ILYBNILWY 9/19
BD 9/19
EA discovered 10/19
Currently in limbo, no D or S process initiated
DonH #2931770 03/24/22 12:20 AM
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Originally Posted by DonH
My stress level has been markedly increased for 2 years now. Hmmmmm wonder what kicked up my stress levels starting two years ago - to the month.
I see what you did there.

Goodness I've been there stress wise since I awakened to reality. I have to thank my Ex for helping me to shatter the illusion. The jolt from the BD sent me seeking truth and I found it. Acres of it. Mountains of it. Now I think youre here too Don...you see how the magicians perform their tricks. They no longer fool you. They try harder and your perception grows stronger seeing "who in the audience was aiding the magicians illusion". They switch tactics and your discernment abilities get ahead. You tell the guy next to you what the magician will do next, and the magician performs exactly like you said he would.

The veil cannot be pulled over the eyes again. Cannot unred pill.

Ending my hijack there.


H37, W37
D4, S2
ILYBNILWY 9/19
BD 9/19
EA discovered 10/19
Currently in limbo, no D or S process initiated
Ginger1 #2931779 03/24/22 11:49 AM
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I certainly don’t think COVID is the cause of everything. I work very closely and I worked with a high population of acutely Ill hospitalized COVID patients. And the long COVID patients. Long covid is real. And it’s mostly prevalent in the first round /strain. The ones who came back from the brink of death or had very extended symptoms. Mostly in the form of chronic lung disease, heart strain, and blood clots. And we did have some post covid psychosis which was those who were on the brink of death and came back. Again, I didn’t have covid, which is quite amazing considering. I do have a super immune system. I haven’t had so much as a sniffle since beginning and before COVID. It’s weird .

Anyways, yeah, Core. It’s definitely affected my bite. Which wasn’t hot in the first place. I don’t have banged up teeth, but I don’t have great teeth, but I can tell you, losing that front tooth would knock me down on the attractiveness scale to zero! Ha! If I had the money, I would do lots of cosmetic dental work. I am going to consider those implants and put it on a care credit. I’m already broke, might as well get broker.

My accountant tried something and my federal refund was huge, but he wasn’t sure it would work. It didn’t. I literally got 655 from federal. He basically told me those who are divorced get screwed with the child tax credit . I got my hopes way up. It was going to solve a lot of problems. Oh well. I’ll just work more and more.

I took D for her babysitting interview. My god, what a relief. Probably the nicest family ever. Living in a million dollar home with the cutest. dog and 7 year old. Mom is super caring and loving and protective but ready to start going out again. Then dad walks in. Oh My God. If you could build me a perfect man, he’s it. Looks, personality, everything. They are really cool people. My D was like “ you guys should hang out” I would ,lol. D did great and it looks like she is hired. Test run soon, they will go out locally one night . They feel good I live close by and I’m a nurse godforbid. D handles herself so well around them. I’m proud. This was a very nice change from what happened Sunday and she came out of that house feeling so comfortable and relieved .

I find myself dealing with alot of envy lately. I know everyone says “you don’t know what goes on behind closed doors” but not everyone’s lives are messed up behind closed doors. There are actually great lives going on behind closed doors. Nice families, attentive and loving husband and wives. People who love eachother, big families that get together and truly love eachother and aren’t drenched in drama. It exists. It’s real. And I envy it. I was in that house and I just wanted to be the wife so bad. I know it’s the theirs of joy, but I can’t help but feel it. My coworker is 60 something with a huge huge family. She is 1 of 7 and the the youngest and the only girl. She has 3 kids. She talks about her family with such love and joy all the time. I envy their big huge get togethers.
She is the most amazing grandmother and nothing brings her more joy than watching her grandkids while her daughter and husband travel or do something fun. She is close with everyone of her brothers wives. It’s beautiful. It’s absolutely beautiful.

Just keeping it real over here. It’s a rainy Thursday here. The upside is I’m getting a fancy dinner for free tonight !

Ginger1 #2931791 03/24/22 02:57 PM
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Lots of long Covid patients are young, healthy and had mild outpatient cases. My first case was a perfectly healthy 35 year old woman with no risk factors and a mild flu like case - she ended up so disabled she couldn’t work for a year and still isn’t back to baseline two years later. I’m hoping Omicron won’t trigger as much long Covid but it is still to early to tell.

I have faith you’ll get the family you want and deserve one day G.

Ginger1 #2931877 03/26/22 11:52 AM
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I decided to go back on bumble. It’s been over 6 months since I deleted my whole profile. About 5 since I deleted tinder. All I had was hinge where I very rarely get matches because There are so many upgrades you have to pay for to become visible. I probably checked it out once a week.

Anyways, I told myself the right swipes had to be someone I was attracted to, not be potentially attracted to physically. The good thing is, while I have a “type” that I am really physically attracted to, I have a wide range of physical attraction. They don’t have to fit certain attributes. I also made sure they were within a reasonable distance. 19 miles away in NYC, but I won’t match with anyone there. I swiped right on only what I was compatible with. Doesn’t want more kids, some similar hobbies, and again, personal
Preference, k don’t swipe right on Christian conservative. I would date someone who was possibly, but not someone who needs to point that out in a profile.

I have gotten a lot of matches. I matched with 90 percent of my right swipes which is good. Started a few convos. They have been decent so far. One guy and I moved to text and wow. He hasn’t been inappropriate at all. Our convo just flows, he is so easy to talk to. I feel like I am being my authentic self. All the way. I don’t feel any need to filter or catch my words or wonder if they are right. Physically, he does fall into my top preferences of what I am attracted to. And. We also have the same birthday. I am 9 years younger though, lol. He owns his own home, has a good job in a union. 15 year old daughter. I laughed and smiled so much while texting. And I understand the difference from when I was talking with the other guy. For topics that have a lot of discussion we keep saying “when we meet that we will talk about them, but don’t have a date set yet. Hopefully soon, but I’m gone next weekend for a wedding. He’s on the farther end of my radius, but works my way often. I do realize I’m very attracted to a manly man. Blue color tradesmen. Drives me crazy.

Now for my coworkers son. We have been doing some light texting as well. He’s nice, our convo has been good. Am I that attracted? No. But I have to meet him. He does have great parents, so there is that. I do want to meet him.

I think this is the problem with talking to multiple men at the same time. You definitely end up connecting with one more, then it’s hard to connect with the other.

I guess I’m back in the dating game. I am a little more comfortable. Lots of profiles that mention how they aren’t vanilla and “kink a plus” but I just swipe past them. Actually, I made fun of them in my own profile. I mean, that’s fine and all, but when it’s in your introduction, I see where it is on the priority list. And those who don’t have it on their profiles , haven’t broken it out. Wheeeww. I might be more optimistic this time, but I’m sure as heck very cautious.

Maybe the thousandth time is the charms, lol

By the way, listen to the deeper dating podcast. It’s great.

Ginger1 #2931879 03/26/22 01:56 PM
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Ginger1,

Glad you're back at it and with a positive outlook towards dating. Your mindset towards it sounds a lot better in this post than previously and I bet that makes a big difference in the outcome for you.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
I have gotten a lot of matches. I matched with 90 percent of my right swipes which is good.
I get the sense from reading your thread that you've often had a lot of interest and options, but either weren't interested yourself or not perhaps not open to it.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
One guy and I moved to text and wow. He hasn’t been inappropriate at all.
Still surprising to me that this isn't the common, but you and the other women on the board would know better.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
Our convo just flows, he is so easy to talk to. I feel like I am being my authentic self. All the way. I don’t feel any need to filter or catch my words or wonder if they are right. Physically, he does fall into my top preferences of what I am attracted to.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I laughed and smiled so much while texting. And I understand the difference from when I was talking with the other guy. For topics that have a lot of discussion we keep saying “when we meet that we will talk about them, but don’t have a date set yet. Hopefully soon
That's awesome. Hope you can line up schedules soon!

Originally Posted by Ginger1
He owns his own home, has a good job
Wouldn't this be the standard not the exception at our age? Seems like the the bare minimum LOL. You've mentioned "not living parents" a few times in earlier posts, so I ask.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
Wheeeww. I might be more optimistic this time, but I’m sure as heck very cautious.
Optimistic but cautious. Sounds like the right attitude.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
Maybe the thousandth time is the charms, lol
Reminds me of "My Cousin Vinny" when they're asking him how many times it took to pass the bar exam. "Third time's a charm? Not for me it wasn't." LOL


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
Ginger1 #2931882 03/26/22 03:02 PM
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My mindset was awful and I was generally set up to fail with that mindset. I was like angry at men and that’s not good. I decided to drop that. I’m just going to eliminate the bad stuff the way I can up front. I’m going in as all me and where the chips may fall with that one, they fall.

I do imagine if I swiped right on every male, I would match 85% of the time. I also think guys just swipe right on everyone THEN they weed out, where as I think women weed out before swiping. Quality is definitely best on bumble, but they put alot of our walls up since I’ve last been on. Pisses me off.

I know the standard should be has own home and sees kids regularly. As you know, my area is like 500k for a fixer upper these days in a decent neighborhood and a 3 bedroom rental above 2k. It will make you house poor like me on one income and a child. So I try not to be too judgemental. There are a lot who lost a lot in a divorce and it doesn’t make any sense to become house poor and in t when your parents let you live in their big house for free . I get it. But it doesn’t work too well for dating . I had no problem with M because mom worked at night and she loved me. So I could stay over and I was welcomed .

I learned some more about this guy today. Divorced since 2013. He has full custody of his daughter for the last 3 years. He is willing to talk about it and he said over drinks. We were speaking honestly and he we were talking about “nice guys” and “nice girls” he said he used to be a” nice guy” but he realized they never win because they can be weak, passive, filtered, not confident and wishy washy. He admitted it was him but isn’t anymore.

He just keeps becoming a better match. I hope we get to meet soon. I enjoy chatting with him alot and I haven’t enjoyed chatting with anyone in forever.

I’m going out tonight for a coworkers farewell. I realize going out now stresses me out. I love being social and getting drinks with friends. But the drinking pArt stresses me . I never have a DD, I can always call an Uber, but it’s a real pain in the Butt. I also hate hangovers killing my day. I’m going to keep it to a 2 drink min then club soda with wine for the rest of the night. I only enjoy drinking at home or when I’m staying somewhere. But I’ll have fun and get home at a reasonable hour because I’m just older now and I want to.

I’ve got a weekend away wedding next weekend. I’ll have some fun there. We have a hotel. As long as my wedding date can handle her liquor and I don’t have to take care of her

Ginger1 #2931884 03/26/22 03:54 PM
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Originally Posted by Ginger1
My mindset was awful and I was generally set up to fail with that mindset. I was like angry at men and that’s not good. I decided to drop that. I’m just going to eliminate the bad stuff the way I can up front. I’m going in as all me and where the chips may fall with that one, they fall.
Good approach going all in as you, and glad to see the mindset change...us men aren't all bad!

Originally Posted by Ginger1
I do imagine if I swiped right on every male, I would match 85% of the time. I also think guys just swipe right on everyone THEN they weed out, where as I think women weed out before swiping.
I can only speak for myself, but I've swiped left on probably 80-90% of profiles, so I've done a good bit of wedding out. Perhaps women are even more discerning. I don't see the point in swiping right on everyone when I'm clearly not interested but maybe some men do.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
I know the standard should be has own home and sees kids regularly. As you know, my area is like 500k for a fixer upper these days in a decent neighborhood and a 3 bedroom rental above 2k. It will make you house poor like me on one income and a child. So I try not to be too judgemental.
Fair enough.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
There are a lot who lost a lot in a divorce and it doesn’t make any sense to become house poor and in t when your parents let you live in their big house for free . I get it. But it doesn’t work too well for dating.
I bet!

Originally Posted by Ginger1
I learned some more about this guy today. Divorced since 2013. He has full custody of his daughter for the last 3 years.
Not newly divorced and full custody of his child. Two green flags.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
He just keeps becoming a better match. I hope we get to meet soon. I enjoy chatting with him alot and I haven’t enjoyed chatting with anyone in forever.
Good luck! Hope it clicks in person as it seems to be over the phone.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
Ginger1 #2931885 03/26/22 04:05 PM
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Thanks BL. Only green flags so far. Cautiously optimistic .

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