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AnnKay,
Originally Posted by AnnKay
I am also hoping if there is anyone with similar experience with WAS taking money our of joint accounts/savings that they could share some advice on whether there is anything I need to be wary about or particularly consider in this situation.
You should absolutely take action to protect yourself financially.

I'm not familiar with the divorce laws in your country - you should engage with an attorney - but generally you can start splitting off your finances directing any income to an individual account H does not have access to. Also start collecting financial statements (bank, credit cards...etc.) so you have records of the transitions. If H has withdrawn a large amount out of your account and used it on his affair sometimes in a divorce he'll be responsible for paying that back to you.

Again, consult a lawyer about your rights and absolutely take action to protect yourself - think of it as a business deal/negotiation.


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
W files for D: Jul20
OM2 confirmed: 9/2020
Divorced: May '21
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Originally Posted by AnnKay
I just learnt that H just took some money out of our savings without telling me. The amount is not much, but it is just disrespectful. I am giving him the space and time to explain, but I am too disappointed (disgusted) to even bring anything up.

It is really unfortunate that he has to do that as he is earning more than enough, so he should not feel the need to dig in to our savings. I refuse to think further about the whys and potential reasons as whatever it is, what he did was just wrong. I will just manage the situation as it happens. I have my own savings account that he cannot access, and I am opening my own current (checking) account first thing tomorrow. I will then start transferring money from accounts he can access (my money) to my own individual accounts.

I will also have DB coaching tomorrow, so hopefully will get more inputs on my current situation.

Please consult an attorney. AT minimum you will need to document this withdrawal for any future settlement discussion. However, an attorney can guide you on whether a fund freeze order may be necessary. Do not gloss over this. His small withdrawal could be a test for a more substantial withdrawal later. You need to know your rights and you need to protect yourself legally.


M(53), W(54),D(19)
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My exw took out $500 from our account without telling me. When I chatted with her -she had a valid reason however it did break the agreement that we would discuss withdrawls before performing them. What it did show me was that she no longer at a place to have those kind of conversations with me about it. She was at a place where my "well being" was no longer her concern.

Everyone is right about consulting a lawyer. And as hard as it is - you gotta pull your head out of the sand and look at what your H is showing you. I know how painful it is but figuring how you can be in the drivers seat of this versus reacting to his choices is the way to go here. Both roads are painful but the first can at least protect you and your baby.


M(f): 40
D'ed: 8/12

Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.

Love at all costs because you are loved well.
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Originally Posted by AnnKay
I am also hoping if there is anyone with similar experience with WAS taking money our of joint accounts/savings that they could share some advice on whether there is anything I need to be wary about or particularly consider in this situation.
Seek legal advice.

My understanding is either spouse can do whatever they want until one person files for D. At that point, there are legal requirements. Again seek legal advice for clarification.

If I ever open up another joint savings account, it will require both parties to sign to remove assets.


"What is best for my kids is best for me"
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AnnKay, I can’t stress enough that you need to protect yourself immediately.

My WW took $30k on the “advice” of her lawyer out of our savings the day she left. On our enquiry, her lawyer said it was to cover her in case I didn’t meet my child support obligations. Within two days of separation I instigated a child support assessment and started paying it. Since I was immediately meeting my child support obligations, we wrote demanding the stolen money taken for that purpose be returned.

Her lawyer never replied to that letter and the money disappeared. It was gone in a matter of months, into his own pocket. He told her to take the money for “child support”, but he really took it so that he could quickly siphon it away writing BS letters, being adversarial and knowing he’d get paid for it.

Until you file for financial separation your husband can take and spend as much as he wants with no obligation for it to be accounted for. It’s only once you file for financial separation that a line is drawn in the sand (it’s called “discovery” in Australia) and from that point on he is accountable for cash and assets.

I can’t stress this enough - get yourself a lawyer and protect your finances.

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Thank you Kind18, Ready2Change, BL4, SteveLW and Valeska. I think yes, seeking advice from a lawyer will the best immediate course of action. I have made an appointment and will see them Friday.
I have set up my own checking account (and an extra savings account) and I transferred what I have calculated to be my contribution (which is like 85%) from any joint accounts we have. I can back every single penny from transfers I made or from my tax returns or my salary, just in case he gets fussy about this during actual D. In fact, he rarely ever contribute to our accounts at all. Other than that I will consult lawyer when I see them.
I have also organised for my salary to be paid to my individual account. Although my HR still says it might take time until the new account is processed in their system, but at least measures are already in place.

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Originally Posted by Kind18
AnnKay, I can’t stress enough that you need to protect yourself immediately.

My WW took $30k on the “advice” of her lawyer out of our savings the day she left. On our enquiry, her lawyer said it was to cover her in case I didn’t meet my child support obligations. Within two days of separation I instigated a child support assessment and started paying it. Since I was immediately meeting my child support obligations, we wrote demanding the stolen money taken for that purpose be returned.

Her lawyer never replied to that letter and the money disappeared. It was gone in a matter of months, into his own pocket. He told her to take the money for “child support”, but he really took it so that he could quickly siphon it away writing BS letters, being adversarial and knowing he’d get paid for it.

That sounds awful, Kind18. My H only took a couple of thousand, but the fact that he did not consult or even tell me makes it feel like a million times more. Did you ever get any of the money back or at least have a confirmation of where it went?


Originally Posted by Kind18
Until you file for financial separation your husband can take and spend as much as he wants with no obligation for it to be accounted for. It’s only once you file for financial separation that a line is drawn in the sand (it’s called “discovery” in Australia) and from that point on he is accountable for cash and assets.

I can’t stress this enough - get yourself a lawyer and protect your finances.

Thank you for this. I am guessing at this point similar rules apply the other way around as well, so that if I take any money or move assets around I do not need to account for it?

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Originally Posted by Valeska19
My exw took out $500 from our account without telling me. When I chatted with her -she had a valid reason however it did break the agreement that we would discuss withdrawls before performing them. What it did show me was that she no longer at a place to have those kind of conversations with me about it. She was at a place where my "well being" was no longer her concern.

This is an interesting point, Valeska. Yes, the amount is most probably not the issue and I do not care really what his reasons were, but we did have similar agreement to always consult or at least tell each other about any withdrawals. It just feels like being betrayed all over again, especially as this savings account was for a down payment for our new house. I guess it is good for me to know that like your ex, my H has stopped caring for my wellbeing and my financial future. It makes me feel that it is easier to move forward without him.

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Thank you for this. I am guessing at this point similar rules apply the other way around as well, so that if I take any money or move assets around I do not need to account for it?

1. I’m not a lawyer, so you should ask these questions of a professional.

2. That’s not how it works. Let’s say you take $100k and put it in your own account. And let’s say in six months time one of you files for financial separation. You’ll need to do discovery, which will include declaring all of your assets. You can’t just take money or assets and hide them. The $100k will be part of the asset pool to divide.

3. But let’s say he takes $100k and in six months spends it all on hookers and coke. Then you file for separation, that money is gone and so you’ve just lost it all. Same thing if he goes on a spending spree. Let’s say he spends $100k on a car, and come discovery time that car gets assessed as being worth $40k. The $40k car is part of the asset pool to divide, the 60k he pissed away making a bad decision - gone forever.

4. It’s really important that you talk to your lawyer and take steps to prevent him going on a spending spree or taking and hiding large sums of money.

5. I never saw a cent of the $30k back. Her scumbag lawyer wasted it away to nothing as quickly as he could, essentially taking money out of my children’s future and into his own pocket.

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BUT -----

She is well within her rights to move that money to another account. AS LONG AS SHE DECLARES IT IN DISCOVERY and is not hiding it. This safegards the funds until her atty can appropriately put things in place and she is not suddenly out of $30k. My friend managed a bank and the stories he could tell about one spouse clearing out the account before the other --- the bank can do nothing and often times that money "disappears". In my opinion you did yourself a favor by locking down those funds.

I did not want my D.

I was a hot mess. My family used connections to get me into a kick butt attorney at the front of the line... no waiting 8 weeks. My mother dragged me in and paid the retainer. Deep down I knew it was the right thing to do but I was soooooo beaten down by XH at home. Screaming... yanking me out of bed how this was going to play out and how we would use his "free" atty thru work and it would be amicable... my head was a mess, all while my heart was trying to figure out how things got so broken.

I got my ducks in a row. I was prepared.

I started getting the email that XH was liquidating an acct at the broker. Tech his funds he brought into the M 10yr ago but they were in a joint acct so that made them marital funds.

In the background I met with the attorney. Had all the paperwork drafted for a legal S and to freeze all the accounts. While the account took a 30% hit (((he literally liquidated at the lowest point in the stock market))), I was able to lock down the funds at brokerage and prevented him from moving them to his personal account.

The sh*t hit fan.

XH had no idea I had an atty and did all this until I texted the documents signed by the judge... he just thought I would buy into his fantasy that his attorney would draft our decree and we'd never see a judge.

Then on advice my attorney I removed 50% of the funds from accounts in "his" town that were joint. She just said I needed to keep documentation that I only took 1/2.

Holy Cow... my XH called again and threatened me and said he was going to sue my attorney for the bad advice she gave me... blah, blah, blah

Eventually he settled down. In the end he never made a stink about the money I took which was mine. He never even hired his own atty. I made sure he "got" the liquidated funds from the account he "thought" was his... in the end he never even fought and agreed to my offer which was 40k in my favor.

***Please see an atty. Laws vary everywhere. Even if you did contribute 85% of the funds in the joint account... you still may only be entitled to 50%.

My heart goes out to you!!!! Pregnancy is tough enough. You should not having to be dealing with this too. Girl, get yourself an atty and get everything you are entitled too... bust his fantasy that he has going on in his head.

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