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kml Offline
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Happy Birthday!!!

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Happy Birthday Andrew!! Hope it’s a great day!!!

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Thanks all.

I worked from home yesterday so was able to make dinner (roast beef, potatoes and gravy, veg, fresh bread and of course cake). I debated the gravy part but had time, lots of drippings from the roast and gravy is something I think I'm pretty good at.

My son got here in decent time and we had a nice visit before we called my daughter at cake time. Her husband accompanied on his harmonica. It was sweet.

We had a nice long chat the three of us. I think that this is perhaps the first time that my kids have chatted in about a year and a half. There was no joint call last Christmas and on my birthday the year before my son was working so it would have been the Christmas before that. I assume that their mother doesn't do the family video chat thing although I have no way of knowing. The way the kids were talking though reinforced that they only do it when I'm around.

It was nice to watch them interact. They obviously care a lot for each other but my son is one of those people who just doesn't reach out and generally isn't receptive to people reaching out to him. He's a lot like his mother that way I think. She used to get very frustrated and angry that her kids never called her, but she never called them either. It was generally me that kept the lines of communication open - a job I'm not doing for her.

My daughter and her husband are doing very well. My son-in-law is just about to start a new job that will reduce his need to travel, his post-navy beard and hair is flourishing. My daughter seems to be enjoying her new job - she had spent quite a few years being a housewife which especially for a Navy wife can be pretty challenging. They'll soon be celebrating their 10th wedding anniversary. Where does the time go.

I'd sent a disc of pictures etc to her a while ago and she had a lot of fun she said going through all the old memories. She didn't care at the time but I think having the pictures from her childhood available to her now is something she likes. She showed us a picture of her and her brother that she found and is going to frame. One of those "first day of school" ones that is super cute.

My son - well - he's struggling and open about it. Still hasn't found another job that he wants and is down because he feels that he'll never be able to do more than the paycheque to paycheque thing which I imagine is a common feeling with people his age. Most of the jobs he's finding are at odd hours or shift work which he wants to avoid because of his very real sleep issues. I think that he had a good time last night and really enjoyed visiting with his sister.

He did say that once he returned the kitten he adopted back to the shelter that his older cat is now eating properly and is not longer as upset. We were both very worried. I think having that issue to deal with on his own even though he called me for my opinion and to discuss the options, was a growing / learning experience for him. At the end, it was his choice to make and he made it and owns both the decision to adopt and the decision to return.

I'm still confident that he'll find his way. He's a smart kid, compassionate with buckets of determination that he'll stand on his own two feet. He's a lot like his mother that way. He's also like her in that she would get incredibly frustrated at times and just withdraw from dealing with issues which then, being the supportive partner, I would fix. I did spend a lot of time cleaning up her messes which I think is a pretty common theme with many of us here.

One thing that has changed with me and I find it not only with my interactions with my son, but also with friends. I no longer have the urges to "fix things" and offer suggestions to people. I listen, validate and be supportive. He knows what his issues are and is working on them. Doesn't need Dad to take over and probably would even resent it. I don't know what the answers are that would work for him either. I found this with my visit with "C" the other day as well. She had a bunch of things she's working through with family, work, ex-husband who is very uncooperative about the divorce, cats who soil the furniture, just life. I did mention that I've had some success with enzymes on cat urine, she's tried that and is just getting a new couch. Seemed to me like she had it as figured out as it could be and so I didn't have anything more to add beyond sympathy for the loss of a couch she liked.

Life and relationships just feel better having let that go. I'm not sure when that change happened in me. Probably a couple of years ago when "S" was around - even though that relationship was toxic and damaging, it did reinforce in me the need to just live my own life and not that of others. I think that others appreciate it to. Someone - I think it was here - once wrote something like "if a person is complaining about their life, they're not asking you to fix it".

Well - lots of left over roast beef and drippings. I'm going to make a stew perhaps for Sunday. There's also about 1/2 a left-over cake made by the artisan baker around the corner that I won't be sharing with anyone laugh so that will be snacking and desert for the next few days. I'm having my regular brunch with my son tomorrow which is always nice.

The weather is all over the place here which is usual this time of the year. Colder nights and warmer days means that the maple sap is undoubtedly flowing. There's a local maple syrup festival in a couple of weeks that is finally back on this year a few villages over that I'm really looking forward to attending. Pancakes and sausages in an open air shed, craft show, wandering around the bush a bit, petting zoo. I'll be able to restock on my maple sugar - I use it on my bacon and when making pancakes. I miss having someone to share such things with but have also enjoyed going on my own.


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Glad you had a good birthday visit with the kids. Middle son and I watched a movie “together” last week, even though we are 80 miles apart. We synced it up on our tvs, hit play on the count of three, then texted comments throughout. It was a weird movie so there were plenty of comments! (High Rise). It was fun and we are going to try to do that more.

C still isn’t divorced?? Stay in the friend zone, bud.

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Originally Posted by kml
C still isn’t divorced?? Stay in the friend zone, bud.
It's nice how for at least some of the people that I've had romantic interests in that we have been able to transition it over to friendship. After-all, I wouldn't have been interested in dating them without liking them as people - with one notable exception where I wasn't seeing the actual person that they were.

She's got yet another court date sometime this summer. Her current theory is that he's dragging it out so that he can claim poverty to OW - turned out that there was indeed an OW for a year or so before the split after all. Seems to be a pretty common theme even in my own divorce. They want to run off to their new shiny life but won't do the work to wrap up their past. I did pretty much all the heavy lifting as far as discovery etc went in mine.

I would also doubt that she would entertain a romantic relationship with anyone much less me without that piece of paper in her hands which is perhaps why it went nowhere 3 years ago. I don't know about her STBX but she's still an active member of her faith community I believe and they are a pretty conservative lot.

It's good that we are friends. She's smart, quirky and even when she knew I was dating someone made no bones about the fact that she felt we were still friends and should be able to talk to each other / visit which I certainly agree about. I have friends of all sorts of genders who are people that I won't cut out of my life.

Back to my laundry. Blustery day here in places. $65 for groceries today and it was just some basic vegetables, fruit, eggs etc. Would normally be about $30. I was chatting with "F" at the flower shop today and she thinks that things are going to get a lot worse before too long - I'm not sure she's wrong.


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Weird. The house feels especially empty tonight. Had a nice brunch with my son, came home, did some work for the plant planning out Monday production, did the ironing - usual sort of Sunday thing. Stew for Sunday Supper with the second last piece of birthday cake. I made an effort even though I didn't really feel like it - the time change I suppose.

I dunno - something is just "odd" / "not right" / "absent" / "missing" perhaps. Certainly no positive urge to try to date so the lack of delicate company isn't it. It's bothering me so I thought I'd record my thoughts - that usually helps - but only seems to focus me on what's not here.

Well - time to make my lunch for tomorrow, do up the dishes and then hopefully early to bed. Wish I could put my finger on what's not here. I'm certainly going to check all the doors before bed.


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It’s companionship, I imagine - not necessarily if the feminine kind. I’m fortunate in that my oldest son lives with me.

Movie you might like (don’t know if you get things at the same time on Netflix in Canada) - The Adam Project on Netflix. My son and I watched it today, time travel movie with Ryan Eeynolds, was fun and well done.

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Originally Posted by kml
It’s companionship, I imagine - not necessarily if the feminine kind. I’m fortunate in that my oldest son lives with me.
Not so sure. In the night I had nausea and a pounding heart. I'm suspecting some sort of panic attack. No clue what might have triggered it. I had a few glasses of water and that helped with the nausea. Grounding exercises for the heart which didn't have quite as an immediate effect but after a couple of hours of laying quietly things returned to normal.
I did have one door (of the 6 that come into the house) that was unlocked that I locked. To get to that unlocked door would have required some work but it made me feel a bit better to do that.
Feeling better this morning - there's still just the feeling of something being "off". Most of the time when I get these "hunches" they don't mean anything, but sometimes they do.
Originally Posted by kml
My son and I watched it today, time travel movie with Ryan Eeynolds, was fun and well done.
Weirdly Ryan Reynolds is one thing that still triggers me. I watched Deadpool on the weekend that I knew that my now xW was off with OM. Truly horrible choice - one she suggested knowing I was interested so she got me a copy. It truly was a bizzarro land back then. Probably one of the worst weekends of my life.


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Dude - when you feel "off" and have nausea and a pounding heart you ought to be seeing a doctor! At the very least you should have a new generation Apple watch or a Kardia mobile device so you can check your heart rhythm when that happens. Nausea can be a presenting symptom of a heart attack. Call your cardiologist.

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So - I ain't dead which is kind of where this thread left off. It is possible that my feelings of impending doom were perhaps cardiac related - they've lightened at least. Some weird dreams of people stealing random stuff from me have been common in the last few days.

One common theme in my dreams in recent years is that I'll "wake up" with someone cuddled up next to me and the force myself to "wake up" more and the bed's empty. Had a few of those this past week too.

I had dinner with one of my best friends earlier in the week and amid the discussions of work, politics, pandemics etc he made the comment that he believes that it's a matter of "when" vs "if" that I'll partner up again. He's known me for well over 20 years and may well be right. I don't know. It may be the fact that it's spring but I am feeling more the urge to date again.

"C" is off to NYC for a week or so visiting family. I'm not getting an "interested" vibe out of her this time around and unlike the last time don't have an urge to chase. It does raise the question of "what do women want" crazy I remember the first time around that it felt like she was very interested but not available and had just put me on a shelf for later as it were. Ah well. She's a person I quite like and a friend so as far as I'm concerned that's a win. From some of the things she's said or joked with me about, I think she has a much clearer idea of the sort of person I am then perhaps she did 3 years ago and visa versa.

Still, I firmly believe that you really can't know a person all that well until their toothbrush is next to yours no matter how long you've known them. Part of the challenge is to weed out those with incompatible dental hygiene I suppose from the limited or distorted information available at the beginning.

---

We've been passing along some fairly significant price increases to customers in the last while. Our costs for lots of things have gone up significantly and we need to pass that along. I just got a notice from one of our suppliers that because they use ammonium nitrate as feed stock and most of the world's supply comes from Russia that they are bumping their prices pretty significantly. It's a product that we just re-pack and doesn't affect any of our plant processes fortunately and we'll just pass the cost increase along. I have roughly 800,000 lbs of it currently in rail cars on the way to the plant so it's probably getting more valuable by the mile.

I was talking later to one of our maintenance mechanics who has a farm and he immediately got on the phone and nailed down this year's fertilizer order.

Work has taken a bit of a twist. We have a major project that needs to be implemented by July 1st that I've been working on but not making nearly enough head-way. So after talking it over, I'm going to drop my usual daily duties and focus in this working mostly from home for the next couple of months.

It's going to be tough to let go which is one of the reasons I'm needing to work off-site. My office looks out over the main yard where I can see the trucks etc going back and forth and there's been more than once that I've stopped what I'm doing, slapped on my hard-hat and gone out to find out what the heck a particular truck happens to be doing. Much harder to do from an hour away wink But since I'm temporarily not making the decisions that are affected by this it's perhaps for the best.

I did have an interesting insight into what the guys think my role is regardless of what it actually is. We were having one of our scales serviced and the servicing guys were suggesting that we look at replacing that particular unit. They seemed confused as to why this guy with a clean shop coat and bow tie happened to be there and the operator assured them that "this is the #2 guy so it's ok". A lot of our customers and suppliers seem to act as if that's the case too where if they can't get an answer or don't like the one they get, my phone rings.

---

In other news my birthday present to myself has arrived! I've been missing wearing a ring so bought myself a new signet ring. I used to wear one that was an anniversary present. The jeweler that I deal with did an outstanding job as always and more than matched my vision. It was expensive but considering that I only have myself and the kids to use my gift budget on, certainly wasn't a stretch on the budget. I did startle the people in the shop though - some of whom I went to high-school with. They called me as I was driving home from work yesterday so I just detoured over to their shop. The fact that I showed up in my usual work attire which is rather up-scale from my usual weekend wear was a bit of a shock to them. I think that it did make more sense to them that I could afford a custom designed ring though.

Ah well - rainy Saturday here. I have some prep work to do for the regular audit at the plant that is coming up plus groceries, flowers, and I really need to get to my dusting. I didn't get it done a couple of weeks ago as I just didn't have time so perhaps time needs to be made.


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I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
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