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AndrewP Offline OP
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Answer - Rare laugh eek cry smirk

Prior thread - Plans can break down. You cannot plan the future.
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2929700&page=1


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
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Originally Posted by AndrewP
really liking the ignore user button here

Wait, wait, wait just a minute… we have a working, functional ignore user button but we DON’T have a functioning edit button? That’s just wrong - all kinds of WRONG!

Plus, wouldn’t an ignore user button effectively remove 10% of the posts for every time it is pushed? I mean think about it.


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D
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Don it’s not good for you and I to advertise the ignore user button lol. Just saying.

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All I want to know about this ignore button is how the h3ll I get one in real life.


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014
Marriage #2 12/31/2019
5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships)
6 grandkids
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Originally Posted by Don
Plus, wouldn’t an ignore user button effectively remove 10% of the posts for every time it is pushed? I mean think about it.
The implementation of the ignore button is clever. You don't see the messages, but you can see how many ignored messages there are in your thread, and there's a toggle to temporarily reveal them.

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Originally Posted by Andrew
Also in my first round of dating I wanted to find somebody who I could share my life with in a marital type relationship and had put pressure on myself to "do the work" of finding someone. Being as far out as I am now from my marriage I can see even better that there are lots of other ways to live my life than one that "needs" to have a partner.
Yes. I'm past the notion a new partner needs to complete my nuclear family, share my master bedroom, or even be my forever partner. They do need to add more than they take, on average, or in Gottman lingo offer 3 positive interactions for any negative one. Good luck on your date with C! You've talked about her for a long time. I agree the distance could be a good thing, in the same way dating someone who's busy during the week has slowed me down.

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It’s actually 5 to 1 positive to negative ratio.

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LH19, interesting! I am interested in trying to craft a positive relationship just now. That seems absurdly counter-intuitive. 5 good dates and 1 bad date?! I should keep dating! Heck, anything better than 1:1 is a win. wink

It makes more sense when you consider that Gottman defined a negative interaction as involving the four horsemen: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Anger without those does not count. Some of Ms. Sunshine's comments--crazy as they were--still sting. How could anyone think that of me, let alone someone I'd let into my heart?! It would have taken a lot of positive interactions to overcome those few extremely negative interactions.

The cool thing about his study? It's actionable! Positive interactions: (1) show interest, (2) express affection, (3) show they value, (4) show appreciation, (5) find agreement, (6) show acceptance, or (7) make them laugh.

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No it’s a 5/1 ratio positive to negative ratio before resentment starts to build. That’s why so many long-term relationships end or are bad. Easy in the beginning. No easy long-term.

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Originally Posted by Traveler
The implementation of the ignore button is clever. You don't see the messages, but you can see how many ignored messages there are in your thread, and there's a toggle to temporarily reveal them.
One thing that I learned here some time ago, and it was tough to learn because it goes against what I was raised to think of as common politeness, is that it's ok to block people out of your life. That just because they want to engage with you doesn't mean you are obliged to engage with them. It's called "boundaries" and is something I've implemented in my regular interactions with others.

It originally felt impolite but was quite freeing. And certainly reduced my stress levels. I've found myself with a slightly smaller friend circle losing even close relatives, but those who I have kept are genuine.

Others have blocked me in the past for their own reasons - I've let them go. If they don't want to be part of my life then it would be rude and inappropriate for me to force myself on them. My now xW talked about that as a concern of her's post bomb-day that she knew that if I let someone go that that door was then closed and she didn't want that to happen. She had a vision like many that we would be able to be civil and friendly going forward. Nope. And she doesn't communicate in any fashion with me nor I with her beyond the one sentence statement each month on her monthly payment as to what number it is. I have a bit of curiosity about her life and hope she's thriving but don't intrude. It would be rude to do so. And politeness and manners are important to me.

---

Friday at last! The railway is being true to form and decided to not bring in some of the cars we needed last night. Fortunately the operator on duty was on the ball and made some last minute adjustments getting a car shunted from our storage line on site so I'm only short about 200,000lbs of a product that was already in very short supply. I've got my toilet paper stocked up crazy


On BD
H52, W50
T27, M26
S21, D23
BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
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