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Quote
Plans can break down. You cannot plan the future. Only presumptuous fools plan. The wise man steers.

I think I'm going to go with quotes from not at all random books for a while. People seem to take them well out of context but then again, perhaps many people don't read the same books I do.

Prior Thread "A Future Always Happens"
https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2928861#Post2928861


On BD
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BD-9-Mar-16
D-15-Jan-18 Final-19-Apr-18
I am a storyteller. The story may do you no good.
But a story is never for the listener. It is always for the one who tells
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Haha! Welcome to the club on # of posts not by the author. wink

Hope today finds you well, and a less stressful day!

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Steering towards a better future - I like that.

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Originally Posted by kml
Yes. At least one definitely homeless, possibly 2 or all 3. Not kidding.
That makes me sad K. That sounds scary.

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Originally Posted by AndrewP
I'm sorry Ginger - but that is one of the most bizarre false equivalencies that I've encountered. I'm not normally rude and usually I just let things slide by because to be honest, I don't have any interest in negativity. A sweatshirt vs being able to make rent?

Sigh.

I'm sorry that you totally missed Ginger's point. She did not at all appear from what I can tell to be comparing her buying or not buying a sweatshirt to offering to help with housing if that became an issue. Instead she was showing how she and many others teach their children the value of money, the value of having a job and the value of not quitting that job until another one is in place. These things are important to be taught to children using lessons exactly like Ginger just taught her daughter.

Originally Posted by Ginger
And I am thankful to my armchair QB’s over the years on this board quite honestly. I will forever be thankful for the help in a trying situation I wasn’t prepared for.

While I'm using Ginger's quote, this applies to all of the people who don't seem to want to have anyone question or debate things with them. OMG, seriously? If that's the case, you're in the wrong place. This is a help board. It's the entire point to question, debate, suggest. If anyone is doing so dang well and has everything all together they don't need suggestions. But that's often clearly not the case. If you don't want any suggestions or help, don't post your problems. This is not a chit chat club - at least that was never the intent.

Originally Posted by LH19
So if you knew he was too proud and wouldn't take you up on it then why did your offer? I think this is more about your rescuer personality and your desire to be needed. I think you know this and that is why Don & Ginger's comments set you off.

It's long been my observation that people get the most upset and defensive when they sense that what is being said is very close to the truth - often a truth they don't want to see or admit, so instead they attack the messenger.

Originally Posted by KML
I won’t apologize for helping my children, especially when my ex is so unhelpful...
But my kids would be in horrible places, all of them...

It's really sad that you have such little faith in your children succeeding on their own. Why do you so believe they cannot stand on their own two feet and succeed in the world without you doing it for them? I have no doubt your ex is at least some of the things you suggest. However, it's also very possible he's doing more to help by not helping them. It's the old give a man a fish or teach a man to fish adage. Coming to the rescue rather than letting children, especially adult children, fall down and figure it out on their own, is often not helping them. Sometimes saying no, you'll have to do it on your own, or at least making them TRY to do it on their own, helps more than doing and giving. Parents should be a safety net - not step in and do it for them.

Originally Posted by LH19
It boggles my mind how saying one little thing gets so blown out of proportion here.

We seem to be finding ourselves agreeing more and more.


DonH
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Originally Posted by Don
If you don't want any suggestions or help, don't post your problems.
Don, you control what you post, you don't control what others post. Review the "Board Policies" at the top and feel free to report any behavior that doesn't comply. I enjoy reading Andrew's updates, whether they're train logistics, philosophical musings, or giving/offering support. He's made epic mistakes, but jokes about them, and overall the energy he puts out is positiive.

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Originally Posted by Traveler
Originally Posted by Don
If you don't want any suggestions or help, don't post your problems.
Don, you control what you post, you don't control what others post. Review the "Board Policies" at the top and feel free to report any behavior that doesn't comply. I enjoy reading Andrew's updates, whether they're train logistics, philosophical musings, or giving/offering support. He's made epic mistakes, but jokes about them, and overall the energy he puts out is positive.

Um, what in the heck is your point? There's nothing wrong with posting any of those things. Post positive if you'd like, post negative. I don't care - post ANYTHING you see fit to talk about. I'd encourage it. Just after posting don't try to say "How dare you question or judge or criticize or (fill in the blank) my actions or statements" Everyone is free to post - and we are free to respond - THAT's my point. Don't try to shut down the responder if you don't like their response.


DonH
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Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
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Don you don't begin to know my situation with my kids, so your comments have zero validity. Abandoning them when they needed my help out of some misbegotten tough love strategy would have ruined their lives. Instead they are all working hard and making great strides despite their various disabilities. I know absolutely that I have done the right thing by my kids.

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Originally Posted by kml
Don you don't begin to know my situation with my kids, so your comments have zero validity. Abandoning them when they needed my help out of some misbegotten tough love strategy would have ruined their lives. Instead they are all working hard and making great strides despite their various disabilities. I know absolutely that I have done the right thing by my kids.
Lol. For the last time people no one said anything about abandoning their kids.

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Ummm - in my case, not helping them financially when they needed it would have been abandoning them, not helping them "toughen up". Every situation is different. I'm not keeping my kids from being independent - I am helping them be independent. My kids grew up in a very wealthy neighborhood but I made sure they all got jobs when they were 16. The fact that they still need some financial help from me right now is not their fault, but a product of their various physical and mental health problems as I have stated - repeatedly - before. So don't give me BS about coddling them just because I'm helping them.

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