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Originally Posted by DonH
Again , I find myself asking why not? Because you didn’t hook up? Sounds like you’re interested. Sounds like you may go in a real first date? So what was the harm or what was the downside?
Uuummmm because I got the proverbial "I didn't feel a romantic connection" text last night. Now she is new to dating post D and doesn't yet realize love at first sight doesn't really exist but as I said yesterday, coffee in the middle of the day while at work is non sexy big time.


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^^^^^^see? It’s usually the deal with a coffee meeting. People expect sparks to fly. But at lunch in a Starbucks it just isn’t going to happen.

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Posts like these are what make me so very grateful for Sparky. I was never good at flirting, dating, etc. anyway and it only gets harder post D and as we age. Maybe I'm naive, but I wouldn't generally expect sparks to fly on ANY first date, coffee or otherwise. I wouldn't be turned off of having a 2nd date or an actual first date just because they didn't because to me that first date (whether you call it a date or a meet up or whatever) is just about getting to know someone so sparks may or may not fly. I'm not saying it is impossible, but I'm also not judging the whole deal based on that. But, like I said, I was never good at the whole dating thing anyway, so maybe that is all just me. LOL


Me 52, H53
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Dawn looking back I was the same way in the beginning but instead of sparks I was expecting to be wowed. I would say out of my first 25 dates post D I had one second date. Then I realized like I said yesterday if their is some attraction and decent convo it's worth a second look. I am still waiting to to wowed but I have pretty much expected that probably isn't going to happen so being realistic is the way to go.


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“Don’t chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people – the ones who really belong in your life – will come to you. And stay.” ~LH19
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This falls under my "everyone is different" thing, I think. For me, I'm not even necessarily looking to be wowed, but I'm looking for how easy do we interact. With Sparky, it was undeniable at our very first meeting that we had this ease of communication between us that made it seem as though we had known each other for years. We talked and laughed easily, there were no awkward pauses. So, a 2nd date was absolutely a no brainer.


Me 52, H53
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what is the expectation from a coffee meeting and correct me if i am wrong!
do people expect for chemistry to fly over a Starbucks and find the one by the direction he/she stirs their drink?
i likewise cannot believe that too much about personality can be gained from a 1 hour meeting!

i am saying as i would like at somepoint in the future to get back into dating ladies

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Originally Posted by markw
Do people expect for chemistry to fly over a Starbucks and find the one by the direction he/she stirs their drink?
Yes I think people new to the game with little dating experience.
Originally Posted by markw
i likewise cannot believe that too much about personality can be gained from a 1 hour meeting!
You can't. When OLDing on the first date the first thing I look at is physical attraction (cause I am a man/visual creature). Am I physically attracted to this woman? Was she honest in her profile? If she said athletic/fit. Is she? If she passes that test which I would say 50% exaggerate/lie. How is the convo? Do we have a lot in common? Does she ask about me or only talk about herself? If it all goes well I will ask for a second date in the near future.
Originally Posted by markw
i am saying as i would like at some point in the future to get back into dating ladies
I'd be happy to help you prepare.


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Originally Posted by LH19
If she passes that test which I would say 50% exaggerate/lie.
Hmm. Almost all--90%?--of my first dates have had recent, accurate photos and body descriptions. I wonder why your results are worse in that respect? I do NEXT ladies who only post filtered or unclear photos. When women lie or exaggerate, it tends to be about weight. When men lie or exaggerate, it tends to be about height.

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What dating site are you on that lists the woman's weight?


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I feel the opposite about this - aren’t you glad you didn’t waste a whole evening and expensive date on someone who wasn’t interested in you? Couldn’t you do a lot more coffee dates (and screen a lot more candidates) in a month by coffee dates than you could full evening dates?

I look at it like going to a party:
Contacting online is like seeing someone at a party you think attractive.
Coffee date is like talking with that person at the party.
The first real date is like taking that person you met at the party out in a date.

Honestly, I want someone to be interested in me at a boring coffee date. Lots of people might be attracted in dark lighting with beer goggles on. And no, sparks may not fly on a coffee date - that’s not the point. The point is for two people to assess whether they want to go on a date, and for the woman to determine whether the guy is a creep in a safe neutral place.

And don’t ever feel bad if someone says they don’t feel a romantic connection. I’m thrilled to find out early if I’m not someone’s type so I don’t waste any time. I want to date someone who meets me and thinks “gee, she’s cute and interesting, I want to get to know her better”. And someone I think is interesting enough for me to want to spend a whole evening with.

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