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The number one goal for a man when courting a woman is to make her feel safe and comfortable.

The number one thing you never want to do is tell a woman she is being irrational.

Sorry D invalidating her feelings is wrong.


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�Happiness equals reality minus expectations�- Magliozzi
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DNJ- I am not understanding why because this guy works for a company he wouldn’t risk his career and life?

How many politicians and public figures have “risked” their career with sexual assault? Professionals with wives, kids good career , houses, everything have absolutely risked it all with sexual assault .

And like I said, my experience was a respected member of the army. He certainly risked alot . We was on trial for rape, and probably would have raped me if others weren’t close by. He would have been risking it all too.

You MUST know sexual assault just doesn’t come from underemployed, undereducated “bad boys”, right ?!?!?

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A piano tuner is likely self-employed. Definitely some poor boundaries there at the very least. A gut feeling is very different from just having emotions about something. A gut feeling is something people often regret ignoring. I’ve told my kids to NEVER ignore or rationalize a feeling that tells them they are potentially in danger. Too many people who have been assaulted say after the fact that they had a feeling something was off but didn’t act on it because they didn’t want to be rude or they decided they were just being paranoid. Women’s intuition is a real thing. We have it for a reason. It’s a survival instinct.

Glad nothing happened Own and it turned out to be just a creepy experience and nothing bad happened. Make sure you are diligent about locking your doors, etc….in case he is a bigger creep than we think.


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Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
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Together 14 years
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Is it rare for a guy to set off your alarm bells? If so, there’s probably not much value in considering how well-calibrated your danger alarm is—I.e., whether he’s socially awkward and doesn’t understand some boundaries or a menace who doesn’t understand any boundaries. The risk is not worth the reward. Plenty of piano tuners and dates who won’t do so. I’ll add that in my experience leading an organization, the people who are described as creepy for minor boundary violations, almost always make a more serious boundary violation later requiring action.

If you have set off someone alarm bells inadvertently, that’s hopefully rare, but if not just learn from it and move on. “How would I feel?” has guided me well. E.g., who likes feeling trapped?



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OwnIt,

Please start a new thread and link both threads together. Thanks!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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D is so far off track with this I don't even know where to start. But I was right in my prediction that the men would start freaking out and trying to tell OWN that she was over-reacting. Honestly, men have zero idea what women have to do to be safe in this world. And no, that's not being paranoid. Heck, I'm pretty NOT paranoid - I come home late at night alone, I don't call to tell anybody I've made it home safe, I only have my keys held like a weapon as I go to my car if I'm in a sketchy neighborhood, I don't carry pepper spray. BUT - telling a woman that her instincts are wrong and she should be nicer is BS. Women have a lifetime of experience telling the difference between a nice guy who is just awkwardly flirting and a creepy guy who might be dangerous. TRUST WOMEN when they tell you this stuff. You have no idea what you are talking about.

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KML, I'm definitely taking your advice on the picture, mentioning the boyfriend, and at a minimum getting pepper spray.

I even wrote an email to my kids telling them where my will/trust are, where my bank accounts are, etc.

Here is my new thread:
Stepping into the arena

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