I was talking to some of the single moms on my unit today. We are all struggling financially. All of us are trying to find second or third jobs and OT to make ends meet and to make sure our kids are happy. We are all feeling it lately. I literally looked for a 3rd job today.
We are barely surviving on one income in our state trying to raise kids. It’s so sad. We are all working ourselves to the bone.
I couldn’t even imagine what it must be like raising children in a 2 income house old . Or Atleast a part of this country that is remotely affordable
G, I understand the innate need to make our babies happy and comfortable, but can I tell you from a place about 10 years away from yours....they really don't appreciate half of the sacrifices you make. Also, if you make comfort their 'normal', you make it harder than it needs to be for them when they are trying to be responsible for their own wellbeing.
My boys never wanted for anything when they were growing up. To be fair, I knew that they needed to learn money management when they were growing up, but XH typically made up for long work trips away with expensive gifts, travel to exotic destinations and wads of cash. Even with all that largesse, the boys only ever understood how lucky they were in an intellectual sense. They didn't actually feel lucky.
Now unfortunately, as adults they are both battling what comes to those with a sense of entitlement. Since D has done it's financial thing to us as a family, one child struggles with envy of rich kids having more than he does and the other is finding it hard to understand that he has to work hard to get anywhere. I really regret contributing to these issues when they were younger - I look back now and feel that I should have tried harder to give them less and teach them more about hard work and gratitude.
to piggy back off devvo - is little G old enough to get a small part time job, so she can save up for the things she really wants? it's a separate thought, but reading devvo's post reminded me of that great feeling when I had as a kid when I bought something with my own money that I worked and saved up to get.
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
I try very hard not to spoil my daughter and give her everything she wants. She is very aware we are cutting back on take out and going out to eat. I haven’t taken the kid on a vacation in years, but she keeps getting fancy vacations from her dad and I certainly am not even going to try to keep up with that one. I did book an overnight at the water park resort. It’s a few bucks for sure, but I have points on a credit card, and I worked an extra shift. I need a little getaway myself.
True story on the appreciation. I don’t get much at all. I hope one day she looks back and realizes the hard work and effort I went through to raise her as normal as possible as a single parent. Sometimes she gets it I hope.
She has her own debit card. I am so intent on teaching her how to adult and how to manage finances. Thank for they get a semester of financial literacy each each year in high school. It’s so very important .
As far as work. 16 is the age around here. Unless it’s under the table. It’s also tough that going into the summer where all her friends will be 16, she will still be 15. Some places I know do hire u see the table and I would like to try finding a summer job for her that pays cash and will hire her. Right now she earns money with chores, but it’s my money she is earning!
Well, I exercised a boundary today, sort of.
It’s my weekend with D but I picked up a shift today. I told her we could go out to dinner tigger her tonight since I’ve got some extra $$$ for working today. She’s hanging out with her grandmother today. D just called me to say everyone is hanging out at ex SIL’s ( my ex, his wife, grandma) for football tonight . I was invited. D wanted me to go. I told her it’s fine if she goes, but I’m going to politely decline the invite. D chose them over me because it’s a whole family thing with her little cousins, but I understand. At least I save some money. I just really don’t want to hang out with my ex in-laws. And I don’t like football . So I’ll just be hanging out by myself tonight. I lost my dinner date.
Oh well. It’ll be and the dog tonight again. Maybe I’ll get myself some sushi as a treat
Ginger, sorry your D canceled her dinner date. Given all the money you saved taking an extra shift, and your plan was already to treat yourselves, I'd go ahead and treat yourself. After a long shift, I imagine relaxing to a nice meal and a walk or watching your TV will feel good. It may be too late to invite friends over, but consider calling or texting one. (:
Honestly, I was really looking forward to our tonight. And I’m kind of pissed he invited her without asking me if we had plans first. Of course she chose the family get together. And it just ends up making me more sad I never had the family to offer. Oh well. Just not meant for some people.
No friends available . So I’m watching this show on HBO max “my mom, your dad” where adult kids bring their middle aged parents to this house ( bachelor style) to find love. The twist is, the kids are in a house next door ( parents don’t know)and they watch it all on TV and “meddle” in their dates. Totally disturbing in the fact there 18+ kids have to watch their parents get all naughty. But it’s entertaining. And you can tell these kids really want their parents to find love.
I can’t help that most of them are very attractive and one woman would be considered “less attractive “ by societies standards. It’s hard watching the men not want her. That was not a good idea .
Anyways. Work wasn’t bad. Happy Saturday night to me
By the way, for all of those who think it’s great I am where I am with my ex and his wife, well, I still have triggers. Petty triggers.
When we talk about weekends and custody he always says “WE have her “ when he says we in regards to my daughter my heart races and my blood pressure goes up.
When he speaks of they vacation they are taking her on over spring break I get very upset. Heart rate and BP up again. 1) I can’t afford to take her anywhere like sand Diego where they are taking her 2) it’s just the 3 of them on a happy family trip and I’m sure everyone thinks that’s her daughter 3) I hate that I’m still alone and can’t do these things.
So. Some things never go away. This I think will never go away. And yes, you feel it much more when you don’t have a partner of your own . Having your own partner and your own “family” vacations definitely makes it much easier.
Some days I can’t believe it’s 14 years later it never happened for me/us.
