Glutton for punishment

[BL42]

I don't think your look is unique other then you have amazing eyes.

If you had a friend who looked just like you, you would rave about her gorgeous curly hair or her beautiful eyes, so take a good long look in the mirror, sister.

Do you all somehow know each other in real life? Because if not this seems creepy LOL

It's not online dating it's men just don't generally know how to act. They were in loveless, sexless relationships for years. They will hear reasons for D from their Ws were "you never told me I was beautiful". This sticks in their mind so they use it when trying to date a woman. Honestly I think half the guys you ladies classify as creepy just have no game. My BF hasn't dated in 15 years and I watched him try to pick up a girl this summer and it made me cringe. Not a creep just no game. You hate the coach but he teaches until it becomes natural you should only comment on a girls dress, eyes, etc.

This is what I was getting at. Without a more detailed understanding of "creepy" behaviors you're experiencing it's coming across to me as men who are complimenting you on your looks (men are attracted visually) albeit a bit too much and a bit too strong. I wonder many of these are men who are genuinely attracted to you and might be good guys but don't know how to communicate it in a way that attracts them to you, and perhaps giving it a chance may lead to a deeper connection? Or maybe I'm way off base. Just a thought.

Also, when my ex was telling me he was leaving me , I was 6 months post partum not feeling my most beautiful . He wouldn’t tell me why he was leaving and k had to keep guessing. I said “is it the pregnancy weight?!?” And his response was “no, I still think you are hot” and that Made me feel like he hated who I was as a person.

Ugh. Leaving the mother of your 6 month old. It sounds insane. But then my ExW was having her affair when my daughter was 1yo and barely done nursing. Maybe it was more about him acting like a word that'll get censored out than you and your attractiveness or who you are as a person.

When it just so forward with the constant physical comments like I said, I do get uncomfortable. I get scared to meet the person. And yes! Don, that is what I’m thinking. “He doesn’t even know me, how can he be so into me?!!” Maybe if we had a chance to connect and really talk and get to know eachother I would understand why he would be excited to meet me. I would be excited too! But someone is overly excited without knowing jackshit about me, that makes my hair stand up

These two ideas are definitely take-aways for me, post-D as I enter the dating world. I've seen them mentioned in dating / self-help resources mentioned on the board as well, and Ginger's real world description and experiences seem to line up. Compliment woman, but not about overly physical characteristics or she'll get a creepy vibe, and don't get too into her too fast or she'll wonder why you're so into her without knowing her more deeply as a person.

My geographical location doesn’t help. It’s a very populated one, but when the pool is very big, that doesn’t always help.

Studies show that when there are too many choices it's hard for people to decide.

It's interesting, as people in less populated areas complain about the lack of available options LOL

[kml]

Well, I’m with G on this one - and I don’t have any self esteem issues. When a guy comes on too strong before he even knows anything about me, it can be a turn off. If feels like either they’re in fantasyland or they only want to get laid - but it doesn’t make a woman feel seen. Compliments are fine but they should be in line with an interest in getting to know you.

Bad examples: “you’re so hot”, “I’m in bed thinking about you (before we’ve even met)”

Good examples: “you’re beautiful, I’d like to get to know more about you”. “ That’s interesting that you (work as a nurse, rock climb, play drums, whatever). What is that like?”

Maybe some are just desperate guys who think their “Me horny. You horny?” approach is seductive. But I think most women have pretty good radar for who has a genuine interest in getting to know them versus who is just casting a wide, random net hoping some woman will drop their panties.

Mind you, it’s different once you’re in a relationship. I love it when a guy I’m sleeping with tells me I’m hot. But as an opening salvo - nope.

[Dawn70]

Oh when I read downhill I took it another way.

Yeah, poor choice of words on my part. But I totally see why you read it that way. Following that study, though, Sparky is in the zone. He turned 53 in September. Woo hoo for him!

[DonH]

Do you all somehow know each other in real life? Because if not this seems creepy LOL

Well here’s the back story. See, Ginger and I dated for a while until LH stole her away using his coach tactics. Dawn helped Ginger see into the coach tactics LH was using so she kicked him to the curb but he still is hoping she will change her mind and take him back.

Or maybe we connected on social media. I’ll let you decide which version is really true.

[LH19]

Well here’s the back story. See, Ginger and I dated for a while until LH stole her away using his coach tactics.

This definitely sounds real.

Dawn helped Ginger see into the coach tactics LH was using so she kicked him to the curb.

This doesn't sound real at all.

Or maybe we connected on social media. I’ll let you decide which version is really true.

Or possibly someone post an email address on line and before it was deleted we exchanged numbers. Shhhh. Don't tell Job.

[Dawn70]

I'm "connected" to G and Don outside of these boards, but not LH. I'll let you decide if that supports Don's story or if we are all part of the mafia (which we can't admit to or we'd have to kill you).

[Ginger1]

I sure do get around

[LH19]

This is what I was getting at. Without a more detailed understanding of "creepy" behaviors you're experiencing it's coming across to me as men who are complimenting you on your looks (men are attracted visually) albeit a bit too much and a bit too strong. I wonder many of these are men who are genuinely attracted to you and might be good guys but don't know how to communicate it in a way that attracts them to you, and perhaps giving it a chance may lead to a deeper connection? Or maybe I'm way off base. Just a thought.

Yep. I think you are a perfect example BL. I don't know you in real life but I bet your a great guy. The story you told about the girl you were interested in and posted on her FB is a perfect example. You found out she was single and instead of just making an innocent observation on her FB page like "wow you look like you were having fun at the beach, party, whatever" you said "oh I see your single again". One opens it up for a back and forth conversation and the other is kinda stalkerish. Doesn't mean you are a stalker it just comes off that way.

[LH19]

Good examples: “you’re beautiful, I’d like to get to know more about you”. “ That’s interesting that you (work as a nurse, rock climb, play drums, whatever). What is that like?”

I would dropped the your beautiful and probably the I'd like to get to know you better. That's obvious by asking questions.

[BL42]

Do you all somehow know each other in real life? Because if not this seems creepy LOL

Well here’s the back story. See, Ginger and I dated for a while until LH stole her away using his coach tactics. Dawn helped Ginger see into the coach tactics LH was using so she kicked him to the curb but he still is hoping she will change her mind and take him back.

Or maybe we connected on social media. I’ll let you decide which version is really true.

I really hope it's the former! Haha

This is what I was getting at. Without a more detailed understanding of "creepy" behaviors you're experiencing it's coming across to me as men who are complimenting you on your looks (men are attracted visually) albeit a bit too much and a bit too strong. I wonder many of these are men who are genuinely attracted to you and might be good guys but don't know how to communicate it in a way that attracts them to you, and perhaps giving it a chance may lead to a deeper connection? Or maybe I'm way off base. Just a thought.

Yep. I think you are a perfect example BL. I don't know you in real life but I bet your a great guy. The story you told about the girl you were interested in and posted on her FB is a perfect example. You found out she was single and instead of just making an innocent observation on her FB page like "wow you look like you were having fun at the beach, party, whatever" you said "oh I see your single again". One opens it up for a back and forth conversation and the other is kinda stalkerish. Doesn't mean you are a stalker it just comes off that way.

Thanks for the reminder LH! ...and for pointing out that moment for everyone on here LOL

Admittedly not at all smooth. It's been a decade since I dated and definitely need to exercise the old flirting muscles I guess. And, maybe she's just not that into me regardless. Who knows.