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#2928243 01/11/22 02:20 AM
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Previous Thread:

Another year in life of


….. as evidenced by opening up a new thread and talking about dating.

Glutton, I tell you.

Success: everyone has a different definition of success. Marriage isn’t it for me. Success is not having to continue doing it because I’m dating a lovely person. Does success only come to those who enjoy it? Again, you have to define what success is.

Looks playing a factor: I am not classically beautiful. I do not have a classic basic beauty where everyone says “wow, she’s beautiful . I think I realize that within a certain subset of tastes, men are very attracted to me. I have a unique look and you either don’t like it or you love it. And sometimes it gets creepy. And I think the types I attract, I am generally not attracted to. Makes things weird.

Which brings me to the fact I haven’t been physically attracted to anyone in a while. Just so/so. Maybe 2 guys that I dated this year. Others weren’t so unattractive……. But only one or 2 made me like “dayyyuuummm” I was hoping the connection would make them more attractive to me, but the connection never came. But one of them was cute, not classify sexy, but we had a fire chemistry . He’s the one I wish could have worked .

i have the same sentiment as bttfly. All these creepy people . It’s not a matter of having a positive attitude or “nexting” them. It’s just becomes so cringe worthy after a while. I wouldn’t want to be groped or lewdly talked to by 99 men but 1 treats me like a lady.

Hiking guy is Another example. He’s been very forward about his interest in dating me and his attraction to me which he gathered from a little FB profile picture. It’s making me un easy as well. So maybe it’s not OLD. Just men in my age range trying to date? He appears to be in his 50’s. He’s not inappropriate , just very forward.

I am not in a place to feel comfortable around men with romantic interest. Honestly, this has never happened to me and I’m sad it has come here. I’m 41 and should not have to feel I have horny teenage boys after me .

I’m other news. I’m so busy with work, it’s not even funny. Healthcare is collapsing people. We are stretched to the max. I told my boss I was leaving a mere half hour early Wednesday for my 6 week post appointment and after putting in hours above and beyond she asks me “will you be available after if work needs to be done” WTF?!? I eat through my lunch and work late , yet I now a half hour? Blow me. Our case manager manager is out sick again for a while. I am everyone’s point person. If anyone has a question they ask me, and I’m happy to help. Someone needs to vent? They ask me and I listen. I go above and beyond. Even today, I took care of a very hard case that was getting discharged on the weekend. Took care of everything so it goes smoothly. The weekend covering case manager doesn’t know her stuff and she screws it all up trying to blame it on me. The doctor who’s patient it was came to me today and said it was ridiculous and he knew I took care of it and made sure that case manager didn’t bring it to the higher ups because he knew I did everything right. I’m tired. I also volunteered to work Saturday at my other job because I’m so hard up for cash. I have D but she’s ok with me working. I offered to take her to our favorite restaurant afterward ( and it’s cheap so I’m lucky) and she was happy.

Her friends mom took D and her friend for snowboarding lessons this weekend. So out of my child’s comfort zone. But she didn’t hate it! And it was $180 and the mom wouldn’t let me pay her…… she thanked me for all I do for her daughter . It’s too much really. So I’m just going to take them to a water park on Presidents’ Day to pay them back.

And what makes me happy these days. D has a C in biology and is not a C student. I told her this time I am studying with her ( she wouldn’t let me last time and that resulted in a D on her test) science is my jam. So we went to the gym together and after dinner we started studying for Thursday’s test. We had fun doing it and she actually said “wow, mom, that really helped, thank you” we will study tomorrow and she goes to her dads the night before her test and I told her to study with her dad. She said “ I don’t have to, I’ll study alone” I said “you want to study on together in FaceTime? ( just me and her, not her dad ) and she actually said yes! First she not for too long because I barely see my dad. I said we can study before he gets home from work. I have a feeling she’s going to ace this test.

I do believe I’m a catch. I don’t know what’s going wrong. But I don’t think it is on my end. I just attract creeps. I don’t know why being single and raising a child on my own was in the cards for me, but it was. And honestly, the only real pain I feel from all of this is the financial implications. Living in my state. Being Forced out on my own at 18 with nothing, I’ve never been in a good financial position. Even when I did all the right things. I’m just praying it improves when I sell my house and move in a. Few years. It will not be due to combined finances because I’m not living with anyone until my daughter is out of my house. The only person who can make this happen is me. And I’m hoping by 50 I am debt free and financially comfortable with the ability to travel. That’s my true goal

Last edited by job; 01/11/22 02:44 PM. Reason: added link to previous thread
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Also, I think I cannot get covid. My coworker got it that I share a tiny office with and we sit mask free. We share food. She was coughing ALOT on Friday . 8 hours a day with her in the same small lory ventalated room, and nothing. I’m almost curious as to what would happen if I went into a covid room maskless and licked the patient. I still think I wouldn’t get it. This is why I am donating my body to science when I die.

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Originally Posted by KML
And yes, as to the question of success - I consider myself a successful online dater even though I haven't remarried (and don't really want to).

I’d totally agree by most common definitions of success you are one of those who have been successful OLD.

Originally Posted by KML
I dunno - if you went to a crowded nightclub with 100 women in it and you came out with a date, wouldn't you consider that a success?

Oh heck no. If I had to approach 100 women or did approach 100 and got reject by 99, I’m not sure getting a date from #100 would make up for it. To begin with I’d likeky only be attracted or interested in 5 to 10 unless somehow the place was magically filled with the types that interest me. But striking out 99 out of 100 times can’t be he definition of success - not my definition anyhow. And that’s what some stats say about OLD at least for guys. They need to reach out to (approach IRL) 100 woman to get a response - not a date but a response. I e see. Other reports that claim like a third of guys never get a single date and others go in like two or three dates in 90 days.

Originally Posted by Ginger
Healthcare is collapsing people

Did I already say this here? Can’t remember because I’ve repeated it a lot since I heard it. But I did an interview last week for one of my clients with a rep of one of the largest hospital systems in the state who said we are moving towards a healthcare implosion - his exact words. And while some may try to blame this too on Covid (everything used to be blamed on Trump, now it’s blamed on Covid) there are multiple reasons including exactly what Ginger described. They have lost so many staff members due to again multiple reasons including mandates, that the remaining staff are being ran into the ground. I know I commented on the crazy pay being offered to try to bandaid the problem for another day. I find this extremely hard to believe but he commented in this 600 bed facility one day last week there were only 2 respiratory therapists on one shift. For me this all comes down largely to mismanagement at many levels. Not to mention all of the unintended consequences and fallout for the over the top reaction to a virus we’ve been on for nearly two flipping years now. TWO YEARS. Two weeks to flatten the curve somehow turned into two years.

Originally Posted by Ginger
Which brings me to the fact I haven’t been physically attracted to anyone in a while.

I very much relate. I’ve always been picky but it’s even more as I’ve gotten older. I am pretty good about giving someone a chance but more often than not, something prevents a solid connection. For me it’s not always physical though, it’s often personality driven. That’s why I really try to act when I do feel it. But even then it often fades for me rather quickly. I just say this to let you know that you’re not alone.

As to a guy being interested being a turn off, what’s that about? Do you think he’s making it up or faking it? I sometimes wonder… I’m thinking showing my interest and enthusiasm would be a positive but I also could see why she’d think, he really doesn’t know anything about me, why would he want to date me? Is that what you’re thinking? Because I’ve heard you say you want a guy who puts in the effort and wants to make time for you. So this guy is but you are getting creeped out. Other guys have as well but you don’t feel the attraction, which I do get but I also know that for some reason when the guy shows attraction and interest the girl is turned off.

Again I can only really speak for me self but clearly I’ve been single for much of the last 15 years for a reason. If I really wanted to change that I likely would or could. I have to wonder if there is something keeping you from feeling attraction for the guys who say they really like you and want to date you?

Originally Posted by Ginger
….. as evidenced by opening up a new thread and talking about dating. Glutton, I tell you.

And I messaged and begged You to start a new one so I could respond to the 100 women walk into a bar comment. So THANK YOU. But you also have guts and want to do better so you’re doing what it takes including opening yourself up to criticism. That may be glutton but also takes guts.


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Ginger1,
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Glutton for punishment….. as evidenced by opening up a new thread and talking about dating.

Glutton, I tell you.
I'm personally glad you're a glutton because it's interesting insight into the female perspective on dating. I haven't gotten much chance to weigh in to individual comments but here are some general take aways...

First, I'm shocked at how many guys you and other women on here say are creepy. Not that I don't believe you, it's just hard to wrap my head around. I know really good guys who are looking to meet woman and my perception is it's tough but that the scene is more them than the creeps, but maybe I'm just naive.

Second, I don't know why you haven't found a long term partner but it sounds like you're a wonderful mother who is making sure her daughter is cared for as a priority and that's a good thing.

Third, it seems like you do have a number of men interested (not just creeps) but for whatever reason you don't seem to be attracted to them or give them a chance.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
Looks playing a factor: I am not classically beautiful. I do not have a classic basic beauty where everyone says “wow, she’s beautiful . I think I realize that within a certain subset of tastes, men are very attracted to me. I have a unique look and you either don’t like it or you love it. And sometimes it gets creepy.
Trying to figure out what you mean here. Also, can you be more specific about "creepy"? Like is it just guys who are overly interested and that turns you off, or is it really lewd and offensive behavior that is extremely inappropriate?

Originally Posted by Ginger1
And I think the types I attract, I am generally not attracted to. Makes things weird.
I could see how this would be challenging.

[quote=Ginger1]Others weren’t so unattractive……. But only one or 2 made me like “dayyyuuummm” I was hoping the connection would make them more attractive to me, but the connection never came.
Does it have to be “dayyyuuummm”? Or is semi-attractive with a connection developing over time OK? If no connection develops, that's one thing...but is that based on the initial looks/vibe or deeper getting to know them?

Originally Posted by Ginger1
Hiking guy is Another example. He’s been very forward about his interest in dating me and his attraction to me which he gathered from a little FB profile picture. It’s making me un easy as well. So maybe it’s not OLD. Just men in my age range trying to date? He appears to be in his 50’s. He’s not inappropriate , just very forward.
I don't know...if he's very interested in dating you is that such a bad thing? Seems like you should give it a chance. Unless you're just not into him. Perhaps if he was a “dayyyuuummm” his showing interest wouldn't be a turn off?

Originally Posted by DonH
I’m thinking showing my interest and enthusiasm would be a positive but I also could see why she’d think, he really doesn’t know anything about me, why would he want to date me? Is that what you’re thinking?
I've seen that referenced in many online resources now too. It seems women question it when a guy seems too interested too soon because it doesn't make sense to them why he's so interested without knowing them well. But I also think sometimes those could be actual good guys who are attracted to the woman and genuinely want to make a connection and then just never get the chance because of the dynamic.

Originally Posted by DonH
Because I’ve heard you say you want a guy who puts in the effort and wants to make time for you. So this guy is but you are getting creeped out.
Right, is he actually doing creepy & inappropriate things or are you creeped out because it seems his interest level is too high?

Originally Posted by DonH
I also know that for some reason when the guy shows attraction and interest the girl is turned off
This is some weird counter-intuitive paradox of dating, but there also seems to be truth in it. The man showing interest turns off the woman for some reason...bizarre.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
science is my jam.
Haha, love that. So great you're helping your daughter with her studies...and that she's appreciating your efforts.

Originally Posted by Ginger1
And I’m hoping by 50 I am debt free and financially comfortable with the ability to travel. That’s my true goal
Great goal! Make it happen!


Me:39 Ex-W:37
M:7 T: 9
S:6 D:3
BD/IHS/Confirm EA/PA: Feb '20
OM1 affair ends: May '20
W/OM2 & moves out: June-July '20
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Hey BL, I’m on my phone so i can’t quite right, but let’s what I can do.

What gets creepy about the men who are physically attracted to me is that they don’t stop mentioning it. I get men are visual creatures. But when we barely have connected on other level and you keep mentioning how attractive I am I just think “I know where this is going !” It gets uncomfortable. Part of it may be my defenses are up from the gross men. Part of it may be that I was not attractive until maybe 17/18. I always relied on my personality which I think is my best feature! Also, when my ex was telling me he was leaving me , I was 6 months post partum not feeling my most beautiful . He wouldn’t tell me why he was leaving and k had to keep guessing. I said “is it the pregnancy weight?!?” And his response was “no, I still think you are hot” and that Made me feel like he hated who I was as a person.

As far as interest in me. I like it. It doesn’t turn me off. When it just so forward with the constant physical comments like I said, I do get uncomfortable. I get scared to meet the person. And yes! Don, that is what I’m thinking. “He doesn’t even know me, how can he be so into me?!!” Maybe if we had a chance to connect and really talk and get to know eachother I would understand why he would be excited to meet me. I would be excited too! But someone is overly excited without knowing jackshit about me, that makes my hair stand up

As far as me being physically attracted. I don’t have a type . I dated a lot of guys who weren’t a hard no one the physical side, but definitely not a hell yeah. I figured connection could develop. But when the connection didn’t I couldn’t find them attractive. And chemistry wise, I know fireworks aren’t important. Or a thing really. But chemistry would be nice. Only one guy fit that bill. The chemistry was there. He was short with a dad bod. I do like dad bods. They say “I work out but I can still enjoy beer and wings. Just like me, my body says
“I work out, but I still enjoy beer French fries and ice cream” I totally like a guy who isn’t obsessed with his body, but takes care of it and still enjoys some of the good things in life in moderation.

I hope that my point of view helps men date. I may be a little extra jaded. My geographical location doesn’t help. It’s a very populated one, but when the pool is very big, that doesn’t always help. My age range is a bunch of newly divorced men who are free from one partner they had for the last 15-20 years. They see themselves as being broken out of prison, ready for multiple partners and not to have to commit to any women and just do what they want when they want. It’s been hard for me to be a 28 year old divorcee with a kid. I’ve always been I’m a very different place than people in my age range to date. I actually thought it would be easier, but I’m facing the same challenges!

I think 45 is going to be a game changer for me. Most people don’t want to age, but I can’t wait. It’s going to be the start of something new for me. I already begged my daughter if I can move into her dorm, she said no. ( I don’t get it) so I’ll be starting a whole new phase in my life

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Originally Posted by Ginger1
I have a unique look and you either don’t like it or you love it. And sometimes it gets creepy.
I don't think your look is unique other then you have amazing eyes.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
And I think the types I attract, I am generally not attracted to. Makes things weird.
This is interesting because I truly believe like attracts like.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
But one of them was cute, not classify sexy, but we had a fire chemistry . He’s the one I wish could have worked .
Why didn't it work?
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I have the same sentiment as bttfly. All these creepy people . It’s not a matter of having a positive attitude or “nexting” them. It’s just becomes so cringe worthy after a while. I wouldn’t want to be groped or lewdly talked to by 99 men but 1 treats me like a lady.
I still think Bumble eliminates 90% of the creeps but maybe I am wrong.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Hiking guy is Another example. He’s been very forward about his interest in dating me and his attraction to me which he gathered from a little FB profile picture. It’s making me un easy as well. So maybe it’s not OLD. Just men in my age range trying to date? He appears to be in his 50’s. He’s not inappropriate , just very forward.
It's not online dating it's men just don't generally know how to act. They were in loveless, sexless relationships for years. They will hear reasons for D from their Ws were "you never told me I was beautiful". This sticks in their mind so they use it when trying to date a woman. Honestly I think half the guys you ladies classify as creepy just have no game. My BF hasn't dated in 15 years and I watched him try to pick up a girl this summer and it made me cringe. Not a creep just no game. You hate the coach but he teaches until it becomes natural you should only comment on a girls dress, eyes, etc.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I am not in a place to feel comfortable around men with romantic interest. Honestly, this has never happened to me and I’m sad it has come here. I’m 41 and should not have to feel I have horny teenage boys after me .
So yes coming out of long term marriages as Wayfarer says for both men and women you need to go through a ho phase. Stick to your guns NO MEN NOT DIVORCED AT LEAST TWO YEARS.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Her friends mom took D and her friend for snowboarding lessons this weekend. So out of my child’s comfort zone. But she didn’t hate it! And it was $180 and the mom wouldn’t let me pay her…… she thanked me for all I do for her daughter . It’s too much really. So I’m just going to take them to a water park on Presidents’ Day to pay them back.
That's a great way to reciprocate.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
And what makes me happy these days. D has a C in biology and is not a C student. I told her this time I am studying with her ( she wouldn’t let me last time and that resulted in a D on her test) science is my jam. So we went to the gym together and after dinner we started studying for Thursday’s test. We had fun doing it and she actually said “wow, mom, that really helped, thank you” we will study tomorrow and she goes to her dads the night before her test and I told her to study with her dad. She said “ I don’t have to, I’ll study alone” I said “you want to study on together in FaceTime? ( just me and her, not her dad ) and she actually said yes! First she not for too long because I barely see my dad. I said we can study before he gets home from work. I have a feeling she’s going to ace this test.
Good stuff!
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I do believe I’m a catch. I don’t know what’s going wrong. But I don’t think it is on my end. I just attract creeps.
That certainly is an easy way out. Like Don with OLDing. It's not me it's platform.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
And honestly, the only real pain I feel from all of this is the financial implications.
Hmmmm. I wonder if you are being honest?
Originally Posted by Ginger1
What gets creepy about the men who are physically attracted to me is that they don’t stop mentioning it.
Again he thinks it's what you want to hear.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I get men are visual creatures. But when we barely have connected on other level and you keep mentioning how attractive I am I just think “I know where this is going !” It gets uncomfortable.
Where is it going?
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Part of it may be my defenses are up from the gross men.
Yes!
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Part of it may be that I was not attractive until maybe 17/18. I always relied on my personality which I think is my best feature! Also, when my ex was telling me he was leaving me , I was 6 months post partum not feeling my most beautiful . He wouldn’t tell me why he was leaving and k had to keep guessing. I said “is it the pregnancy weight?!?” And his response was “no, I still think you are hot” and that Made me feel like he hated who I was as a person.
Or he's just a dumbass narcistic fuch
Originally Posted by Ginger1
As far as interest in me. I like it. It doesn’t turn me off. When it just so forward with the constant physical comments like I said, I do get uncomfortable.
Do you tell them it makes you uncomfortable?
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I get scared to meet the person. And yes! Don, that is what I’m thinking. “He doesn’t even know me, how can he be so into me?!!”
He's not he is saying what he thinks you want to hear.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
Maybe if we had a chance to connect and really talk and get to know each other I would understand why he would be excited to meet me. I would be excited too!
Ask him.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
But someone is overly excited without knowing jack [censored] about me, that makes my hair stand up
And it's a scientific fact women are more attracted to a man who's feelings are unclear.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I do like dad bods. They say “I work out but I can still enjoy beer and wings. Just like me, my body says “I work out, but I still enjoy beer French fries and ice cream” I totally like a guy who isn’t obsessed with his body, but takes care of it and still enjoys some of the good things in life in moderation.
I thought a dad bod was pear shaped with man boobs? That's attractive?
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I hope that my point of view helps men date.
It does. So does reading 3% man.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I may be a little extra jaded.
Most def!
Originally Posted by Ginger1
My geographical location doesn’t help. It’s a very populated one, but when the pool is very big, that doesn’t always help.
Studies show that when there are too many choices it's hard for people to decide.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
My age range is a bunch of newly divorced men who are free from one partner they had for the last 15-20 years.
So weed them out. First question. How long have you been divorced. 1 year. Thank you for your interest but I don't date newly divorced men.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
They see themselves as being broken out of prison, ready for multiple partners and not to have to commit to any women and just do what they want when they want.
Yep. It's only temporary. Remember that it's a journey for everyone.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
I think 45 is going to be a game changer for me. Most people don’t want to age, but I can’t wait.
Studies show that people are most unhappy between 40-53 so you have a while to go.
Originally Posted by Ginger1
It’s going to be the start of something new for me. I already begged my daughter if I can move into her dorm, she said no. ( I don’t get it) so I’ll be starting a whole new phase in my life
So you have some time to think about what kind of person you want to attract into your life.

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(((G))) Girl, you ARE beautiful! Stop putting yourself down. If you had a friend who looked just like you, you would rave about her gorgeous curly hair or her beautiful eyes, so take a good long look in the mirror, sister. People who don't think you are attractive clearly aren't seeing very well.

As far as LH's last comment that studies show people are most unhappy between 40 and 53, well, I just have to hang on 1 more year then I'll be out of that slump. I'll be 52 in a few weeks so it is all downhill right? LOL To your point about 45, G, 45 was a great year for me. It is what I call my "record year" (it is a song by Eric Church....google it!). I got divorced in December of 2014 which was the last month of age 44 for me, so I turned 45 in January and life changed a lot for me in 2015. I hope 45 is a record year for you, too, G. wink

Glad you are glutton for punishment, G. Your posts are always interesting. Loved the part about your helping little G with her science. Science is my jam too. wink


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
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Marriage #2 12/31/2019
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For the record Dawn your happiness increases at 53 and doesn't stop until your dead.

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Originally Posted by LH19
For the record Dawn your happiness increases at 53 and doesn't stop until your dead.

That's what I'm saying.....I only have to ride out this slump 1 more year (plus a few weeks, since my 52nd isn't until the end of the month) then I'm golden. I got this! wink


Me 52, H53
Bomb drop 9/29/2014
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Marriage #2 12/31/2019
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Oh when I read downhill I took it another way.

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